Enya had no where else to go.
Tony offered her a room and said she could stay until they had word from Jane Foster. When Enya respectively declined, he told her then.
She thought of that for a long moment, her lips pressed in a hard line. She was still in the process of thinking when Tony spoke again.
"You know, we really had no reason to call little Janie in the first place. When Thor does visit Earth, he almost always checks in with us first." Tony shrugged once as he brought a crystal glass to his lips. He sighed over dramatically after his sip, licking his lips. "But you know, you can always come back right? Just make sure to keep your... minds eye or however you can see-"
"I will stay."
"What, excuse me?" Tony turned toward Bruce, inclining his drink towards the man. "Did she say something?"
Bruce frowned at his friend and shook his head.
Enya cleared her throat thinking maybe she spoke too soft. "I will take your offer." Tony looked at her and she managed a small, barely there smile.
It was silent for a second, Tony and Bruce staring at her as she stared at them.
Tony set his glass down hard and abruptly turning towards Bruce and leaning his elbows on the counter. "Alright, that sounds amazing." He smiled as he turned toward Enya again. Tony reached a hand out to her over the marble counter as he walked around it.
Enya wasn't sure what Tony wanted as she gently laid her fingers in his palm. Without either one of them gripping the others hand, Enya stood as Tony walked her to the lounge chairs, their hands up in the air.
"Come, come. You seem like a good listener." Tony sat her in a seat and Enya crossed her palms in her lap. Her back was stick straight, shoulders back and feet planted firmly on the floor with her knees pressed together. Enya had her chin held high but tilted her head slightly to the left as if confused.
Some where behind her Bruce gave an exasperated sigh. "It's late. I will be in my room if you need me."
"Always know I can count on you babe!" Tony said as he waved the back of his hand after Bruce.
Afterward, Enya sat and listened as Tony talked for a few hours. He explained to her what's been happening lately in his life. She barely moved at all and soon Stark forgot she was even there as he rambled on about the Mandarin and his fiance soon to be wife. He was living in his tower as of right now, since his home in Miami was destroyed.
After about two hours of non stop talking, Tony looked over at Enya from his reclined position. He met her unwavering gaze, still in the same exact pose.
Enya blinked at him twice before unfolding and refolding her hands the opposite way. "You have an exciting and stressful life metal man. It's very interesting to listen to."
For another long moment Tony just stared at her before smiling and pointing at her with a finger. "I think I'm going to like you."
For forty-seven days Enya stayed with Tony Stark. Everyday she was disappointed to hear that Thor had not visited Earth yet. It had been so long to her, although the others assured her it should be any day. He usually came by every month.
For a while, Enya did nothing but meditate for hours and hours on end. It helped her mind refocus and pick up the scattered pieces of her mind. Enya became more and more sure as each day passed and more memories and knowledge came back that eventually it would all come back. Or most of it anyway.
She just didn't want to wait that long. It was so slow. She could meditate for hours before something came back to her. Things from her older lives.
The winter frost on a jungle planet. The sharp talons of fingers that were not human. A forgotten body from a lost life.
Then more recent things- things that Enya cared more about.
Sparkling walls bathed in golden light. Tall stacks of old books. The shaking shoulders of a figure hunched over. Whispered mutters of blood and teeth.
Like everything about her powers, she knew eventually her omniscience would come back to her. For whatever reason, (rules of the universe, her mind unable to handle the stress, quantum physics) whatever the reason was, Enya could not grasp her memories about her own self. She could access others' minds and information but not her own.
It didn't make sense to her, but in the end she supposed it didn't have to.
Eventually, Stark came up to her once more and talked to her for another some hours. Unlike the first time, this talk was more about science and matter manipulation.
Like before, Enya listened silently with her eyes in an unwavering gaze on Tony Stark's face. For the first time since he began talking, Tony stopped to gaze at her. For what seemed like a long time but in reality was only a few minutes, they stared into each others eyes.
"You look sad."
Enya tilted her head slightly to the left, her new bangs falling somewhat in her face. "How so?"
Tony reached his arm out, half bent and lazily gestured at her face. "You keep everything bottled up. It's kind of creepy actually." Enya said nothing but felt felt her eye twitch. Tony smiled and continued. "You eyes are sad though."
For a long time Enya said nothing and did not move. She had sad eyes? She thought back on the few times she had looked into a mirror, and Enya could not recall such a thing. In that next second the sight of Tony blurred across her eyes. Instead she was gazing at hr own face through his minds eye at that moment.
She saw nothing.
"I don't see what you see."
"Because you don't want to see what I see."
Enya sighed through her nose and closed her eyes softly. Once again, it was silent for a long moment.
Tony sighed then, standing and brushing off the microscopic specks of dust off his pants that he couldn't possibly see.
"You really do make for good company." He waved his hand in the air without looking at her. "I mean, if you like one sided conversations that is. Those so happen to be my favorites."
"I think I'm beginning to understand that."
Tony smiled at her then. "You spend to much time in here alone. You'll go crazy." His eyes went up and down her form once. "No use shutting yourself out until Thor gets here. Tomorrow I want you to come down for breakfast, okay?"
Enya said nothing as she stared at Tony Stark. Eventually he smiled again, giving a silent laugh and leaving. Enya had the strange sense of a parent telling their child to do something.
Enya, for whatever reason, did as Tony wanted the next day. She didn't know why and being truthful to herself, Enya didn't really want to.
She did anyway.
In the end, Enya was glad of this.
At first it was a little awkward. Enya had lost most of her connections to the emotions she had since she died.
She ended up spending most of her days afterward in the lab with Tony and Bruce. Tony off handed made a joke about studying her one night. He wasn't expecting the automatic "okay" that came out of Enya's mouth.
They watched her and scanned her and took blood samples and a million other tests their human minds could think of. For the most part it didn't do them much good. Her blood was inconclusive in all their readings. Her DNA mutated and made no sense to them.
The scientists scanned her as she changed from human skin to fire numerous times. Taking notes, recording data and many other things Enya had little to no interest in.
Two or so weeks after she got there, the tower became a lot more crowded.
SHEILD had fallen from grace, Steve Rogers turned up at their doorstep and not a week after Natasha showed up. She was in the middle of a federal investigation and left often. Steve on the other hand didn't seem to leave much. He'd avoid Enya most of the time which suited her just fine. Eventually Clint showed up and at that point Tony walked around cracking jokes about "Avenger's tower" and how he should build them all a mansion.
Clint's arrival hurt Enya on a physical and mental scale.
Much like when she was assaulted with her memories upon seeing Tony Stark again she was overwhelmed when she met Clint for the first time in this life.
Enya heard someone new had arrived and went down stairs to greet whoever it was. Upon turning the corner of the hallway to the main room, the man in front of her turned her way. He was surrounded by a few other people who greeted him but Enya did not notice them.
Their eyes locked and for a second nothing happened.
An image flew across her gaze. She remembered his eyes being blue much like her own, although Enya was somehow sure she'd never seen it herself.
She wasn't even fully in the room when she collapsed, holding her head with both her hands and kneeling over her knees on the floor.
Enya screamed as her mind exploded in painful pressure.
She'd been asleep. That's how she met Loki; he woke her up. He... used her to take control of those people. Enya helped him too, her conscious unaware of what was going on around her as she'd showed Loki and Clint exactly that they needed.
Enya... remembered being in this man's mind... and it hurt to remember such things.
Eventually she was aware of Tony and Steve pulling her hands away from her head. (Enya was surprised later, surprised that Steve even bothered to help her. He was kind to her even though he did not like her. How interesting.)
She heard the muffled voices of Tony yelling at her, his face going in front of her vision as he held her cheeks between his palms.
"Tell me what is wrong! Enya!"
"What is she doing?"
"She's having a seizure!"
"Hold her down!"
"No! We could hurt her!"
"Look at her! We couldn't hurt her if we wanted to! Hold her down!"
The voices meant little to nothing to Enya and soon she couldn't even make them out as her eyes rolled back in her head and her arms lashed out wildly. Her thrashing caused little dents and cracks in the floor as her strength went out of control. For the most part her energy was manifesting in her muscles instead of outwards.
This was worse then the first time, the pain more intense and sharp in her mind. The men around her didn't know what to do and held her hard in their embrace so she wouldn't hurt herself. Enya was strong but they managed. Tony held her head in his lap firmly while Steve grunted with the effort of holding her arms down to her chest. Clint had run over and pinned her legs down, the veins in his arms bulging at the effort. They didn't know if she was having a seizure, or if Enya was just writhing on the floor in pain. She kicked and screamed for another few seconds before she froze up. Enya gave a horrid cry as her lungs constricted and the air was forced from them.
It seemed like a lifetime later when the pain began to recede and Enya felt her eyes roll back to normal in her skull. Her body still twitched in their grasp but all three let their grip relax. Her skin started to heat up as it healed, warming her again.
Enya lay gasping on the floor, chest heaving with he mouth open as she looked around wildly. She gasped once, her breath shuttering her entire body on the way out. Her mouth opened and closed several times. Steve and Clint rolled her on her side so she could breath better.
It was silent for a long, long few minutes before she spoke.
"You can let me go now." Her voice was not a whisper, although it was very low and husky.
Steve and Clint cautiously let go whereas Tony moved one of his hands to her neck. He rest two fingers under her jaw and silently feeling her pulse. After a minute he leaned back, sitting on his rear in amazement and shock. "How did you recover so fast? You just had a fucking seizure!" Enya looked over her shoulder at him, body still twitching but her breathing was back to normal.
It was at this point that Bruce walked into the room, his face hardening seeing the scene before him.
"What- what happened?" He looked around wildly taking in the scene.
For a second no one spoke. Enya realized her body was shaking and closed her hands in a hard fist as she sat up. She shrugged out of Tony's arms and shook her head. It was then she noticed the little craters on the smooth marble floors of Tony's tower where she had lashed out and hit the floor with her legs or fists. Guilt swept through her body, knowing all three men would likely be bruised tomorrow.
They were lucky she didn't break any of their bones.
"Leave me be." She stood and Bruce walked froward to take hold of her elbow. Enya shook herself away from him softly. She already had control over her energy levels and strength.
"I'm... fine." She raised her hand to her brow, efficiently covering her eyes while rubbing her forehead.
"You shouldn't be fine" Bruce interrupted. "The aftermath of a-"
Enya gave a shuttering gasp and glared at him from under her palm. Bruce said nothing but instead clenched his hands in fists. He opened and closed them several times.
Another moment of silence followed before it was broken by Clint.
Enya sighed once and let her hand fall. She gazed up at Bruce and then at the three men kneeling on the floor. "I was remembering."
For a second Enya saw her face float pass her mind before realizing she was looking through Tony's vision.
Her eyes looked so sad, two deep pools of blue mournful feelings.
She understood what Tony meant now- about her eyes.
Without another word Enya walked past Bruce and retreated quickly back toward the hallway.
Enya spent the next three days after that in her room meditating, trying to make sense of the new chunk of memories she was ambushed with. No one bothered her, probably sensing she needed space. Immediately after her episode she slept for only four hours before waking up. Tony was right, her healing rate was exceptional. She should be drained of all energy right now but Enya barely felt the effects.
At least she got more memories, jumbled as they may be.
Despite knowing more about the details from her past with Loki, even the unpleasant details, Enya found that they did not impact her love for Loki. That was in the past, as well as what had happened with Loki. Falling in love with Loki was her past, although important to her, it did not impact her feelings now and then.
The love and emotion that filled her chest when she thought of his face- that was what mattered now. Not the love she had felt, but the love she felt now.
Enya was not good with emotion but she knew that one thing.
She would not let that love go.
When she did finally come out from her room, no one spoke of what happened. This was something she was glad for. (Although Steve barely looked at her now.)
Enya came more and more out of her shell as the days went by. Loki would have no doubt taken this as an insult, but for lack of a better word Loki had awakened something in her all those months ago.
He taught her how to feel when she thought herself above such things. He loved her, and taught her how to love him in return.
Enya had lost touch in that after she died and spent all that time alone searching for answers she didn't have.
Tony brought it back out in her. He talked and joked with her like she was a normal person; a human. Eventually, Enya found herself smiling and laughing in a way she wasn't even comfortable with in her previous life.
Bruce brought it out in her. He showed her compassion and understanding. When Tony and him would study her, Bruce would thank her every time for "coming down". He'd tell her he understood how hard it was to let other people "prod and gape at you".
Bruce always had a small smile on his face as he said this, his eyes crinkling around the edges.
Although Enya nearly never needed the physical substance to survive she always accepted when Bruce would bring her things.
He'd wordlessly walk down to the lab and hand her a cup a warm tea while he sipped on his own. Once while Bruce was nibbling on some chocolate her offered her some, asking if she'd ever tried some before.
When Enya said no, he smiled kindly at her and held it out. It was small, stupid things but Enya was touched by Bruce's kindness all the same. He seemed obsessed with cooking her meals that she either had never tried or did not remember trying. He claimed Tony never let him cook for him or Pepper, preferring to either order out or have the chiefs do it for him.
Enya didn't understand why; she loved his food.
Clint brought it out in her. Clint looked up to her in a way, although Enya could not understand why exactly. He wouldn't strike her as that type of person. She supposed she could respect that though, he admired her strength and how she did not abuse that strength for her own gain.
Surprisingly, in the end, it was Steve who brought out the deepest feelings within her.
One night, some three and a half weeks after she'd been there, Enya found herself at the table with Natasha, Tony and Steve. Clint was out of town on business for a few days and Bruce had retired for the night.
She couldn't get drunk thanks to her abnormal body but nevertheless Enya sipped on a goblet of wine. Another thing she'd come to realize; Enya loved the taste of fine wine.
Some how or another the discussion of morals were introduced. Natasha argued that in order to a job correctly you had to be emotionally unattached and completely okay with what you had to do.
Somewhere along the lines of that conversation Enya went silent. An image of a mangled body held her attention as she dazed off. Enya saw more then remembered or felt as she lost herself. Enya did not only kill Thanos... she stabbed his dead and vacant body emotionless until it was barely unrecognizable.
What was that Natasha said? Emotionally unattached and completely okay? For the second time ever in her long life Enya prayed for her self once more, asking for forgiveness.
Enya sighed deeply, her eyes unfocused before she realized the three Avengers were staring at her and she came back to her senses.
Tony cocked a brow at her. "Nothing, just wondering why you were sitting there like a zombie."
Enya stared at Tony and Steve blankly for a second before giving a small smile. Natasha leaned her elbow on the table beside her.
"Sorry, I was... praying."
She noticed Steve's brows shot up at that comment and for the first time since he got there, Steve talked to her directly.
Enya stared at him blankly, blinking once. "It's a new development." She responded dryly.
It was Natasha who spoke then. "Why?" Enya looked over at the other woman, slightly confused, before Natasha clarified. "Why recently did you start? Was it just a whim?"
Enya turned her head silently to look down at her glass. Her face was relatively blank as she answered honestly.
"I kill. It is in my nature to kill." She ran her fingertip around the glass, a low hum sounding. "I absorb energy and life." She closed her eyes softly. "Before I died... I killed him. I killed him and lost myself in doing so. I was no longer Enya, no longer the tesseract even, but a monster."
She opened her eyes slightly, gazing down at her wine. "If I do have a soul, then it is for sure damned."
Enya closed her eyes once more and pushed herself away from the table. It was silent as she left the room.
Some time later that night, Enya found herself standing on Tony's large balcony. The wind was strong up here and Enya breathed in deeply and lifted her chin as her dress and hair blew about her. It was late night or early morning depending on how you looked at it, and the sky was so black she felt like it could swallow her whole.
"He deserved it."
Enya glanced over her shoulder calmly, eyes cutting through Steve's form.
Steve stood a good length behind her, his hands in his pockets and brows drawn downwards.
Enya looked forward again, her eyes looking over the city. "Maybe."
Steve walked forward to stand beside her although neither looked at the other. "He was responsible for a lot of death."
"So am I."
Steve sighed and Enya looked over at him. He did not turn toward her and continued to stare forward. "Why are you here?"
He puckered his lips for a moment before answering. "Because my conscious tells me so."
Enya stared at him for a long moment before looking away. Her voice was soft as she spoke. "I don't even know who I pray to. I don't know if there is your God out there."
His jaw clenched tightly but he did not speak. "I have never thought about it." She continued, "But I do not want to be... to be who and what I am. There has to be something out there... it can't just be... me." Enya laughed once without humor. "It can't be just me."
For a second Steve did not speak. "The other infinity gems can not take a living form?"
Enya frowned slightly looking towards the sky. "No. My brothers and sisters can not."
She shrugged one shoulder. "Maybe because I am the strongest. Just plain raw power that gained a conscious. Maybe I was just meant to be alone in a constant cycle of meaningless life and painful deaths."
"Brother's and sisters?"
Enya smiled softly. "When ever a living being comes in contact with an infinity stone, they can gain certain information from it. Visions of the future, thoughts that aren't their own, whispers from the past that fall between the cracks of time... I think we're all conscious in our own way. Maybe one day they will be like me, and I can have a family where I don't have to be alone anymore."
It was a long, long next few minutes before Steve spoke. Enya turned her head to look at him again silently. After five or so minutes he turned his head to look at her. "But you're not alone. Not anymore." She met his gaze blankly and he stared right back at her.
Enya turned her head again towards the skyline. "I know. That's what makes it so hard."
Her voice was agonizingly level as she spoke. "Realizing everyone I love will die while I keep living."
With that, Enya turned and walked back towards the tower. Steve did not move, instead continuing to stare over the city.