Monogamy is a Bitch
After rewatching a few months back I had an idea and this is what it is. I don't own queer as folk but it's a shame all these character belong to Russell T Davies.
Future reference I didn't have no idea how a 7 year old boy would talk so some words may not work in the sentence so excuse me for that.
Summary For this Chapter: A year of misery on his own lets just see how Brian Kinney hid it or did people see through it. Spending time with Gus has brought clarity to his little mind. (sorry to the reference)
All different Point Of Views some may surprise you.
I woke like it was a normal day my arm stretched out for nothing, I stood in the loft there was no trace of him as I looked around I thought I would get used to it by now for the past week all the things that reminded of him had disappeared, my bottom drawer stuck out empty as the day it came.
My routine was get up, showered and dressed go to work looking back at my dark place of a home.
Walked into Kinetic, Cynthia stared up at me and smiled from her place as she stood next to the receptionist.
Everybody seems quiet whenever I walk into work it's like they know Justin is not in Pittsburgh no more because of his absence from Kinetic with every smile that I get from my employee's it's full of sympathy.
When I finished I got back in my car and drove home it was around six when I stumbled in dropped everything from my hands and walked to the fridge.
By taking out a bottle of scotch I leaned up and reached for a glass as I poured some drink in I watched it swirl in the glass before drinking it one go, poured some more I grabbed the glass and walked over to the bed and flopped down.
As soon as my head hit the pillow I had fallen into sleep and was ready to start my day over again.
A month of misery came before he contacted me it was a small letter and attached was a picture of the outside of his apartment.
Just to tell you I'm coping as much as you expect, feels like the earth has stopped, I've still got to get used to the hour time change. I'm in luck with this apartment considering there was none for hire where I wanted it to be and it's a lot better than the other ones I saw before; they were hideous.
So I got to talking to a few contacts; I made one on the plane and we got to talking and her other half's brother just got an agent for his work and I got an interview with the guy straight away. He was interested in my work so much so he decided to take me on. I've looked over the contract that he had and I used Lindsey's old lawyer to overlook it, it states that I don't have to give him commission until I actually host my second art show and he only gets 5% of the earning so it's not too that much than I thought.
I'm on my way up already and I've only been here a few months. I love you and don't let Debbie worry over me because I know she will.
I licked my lip and put the letter on the night stand and sat on my bed, I sat contemplating the amount of content in the letter like he doesn't know what to say maybe because he hasn't got time to call me as he says in the letter. Once the letter came he called a week later.
I picked up the Kinetic phone, I was staying late like many other times before that but this time I'm hoping not to fall asleep on the lounger especially with Ted always finding me all the time.
My heart sank at the voice I haven't heard for the past 3 months "Justin" then it was silent I could still hear him breathing in the background, for all those 5 years, we had nothing to say except the silence that followed showing that speaking was harder than everybody thought.
He called every 2 days just like this phone call.
After a while I started to work less and hung out on my own at the loft or checking Babylon's inventory or basically just staying in at an office every day.
I don't fuck as much as I did before it's easier for me to not go back to fucking everything in sight I struggled with the concept of a one night wonder without any meaning.
Some say it's me Brian Kinney growing up but it's because my partner in crime Michael calls us has followed his own path.
It was month 13 when it changed.
I was in a fucking mood and I normally wouldn't admit it. I had lost a major account to fucking New York, we were no match for them their artwork was magnificent the way it interlinked with each other.
I stormed through the boardroom when the representatives left "what the fuck was that?" I was fuming loosening my tie a slight.
Cynthia ran to catch up with me "Brian you have a phone call" I glared at her and walked off leaving her behind me.
I sat down at my desk and picked it up "Kinney" I growled.
"Brian" his voice always calms me down but I won't admit that.
"Justin" it's silent as it always is but then he sighed and I knew it was going to be a different conversation.
"I've got a proper solo show"
"I know but I was hoping that you'd come?"
"I wouldn't miss it" I said he let out a breath he must have been holding.
There was a knock on the door "come in" Cynthia slowly appeared
"Hang on Justin" I covered the phone with the palm of my hand "Yes" I answered.
"Is there anything I can get you before I leave for the day?" she asked.
"No thanks, about earlier?" he mentioned.
"Its okay you got a lot on your mind, see you tomorrow" she waved and left the room.
I sighed "Justin?"
"Still here" he sighed.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
And then he broke out a sob "no" he sniffled "I miss you"
"I know," I replied hearing the way his voice lowered "me to"
"I though this should be easy me going away but I'm in my apartment and asking myself a million questions," he said "I'm not happy everything I paint has no substance or meaning it's just anger, frustration and I can't take it," he breathed out "I'm scared that when I see you at my show next month I'm going to break down and never let go"
He knew the walls I built up came tumbling apart as I listened the way his lowered voice that broke in between the sentence, it was like he was losing his voice all over again "I won't tell anyone Brian just let it out" In not a long time ago, I cried.
I got a phone call from Brian, I knew that all this time he was hurting and nobody could see it so I convinced him to visit. It didn't take much as I think he felt bad for neglecting Gus for such a long time since we moved and changed the flow of liberty.
All this time Brian has a nagging feeling that ever since we left Pittsburgh and took his son away from him he thinks everybody is leaving him and he will get left behind.
But I know he feels guilty for not being Gus's dad for when he couldn't understand why we had to move.
Gus came running in one day "Daddy's taking me to see Jussin" he giggled and ran back out to finish his phone call, I smiled.
I think everyone knows Gus can say Justin's name properly he just likes the attention that it gives him.
Gus ran out I told him from the phone I laughed when I hear him shouting at Lindsay, I laugh harder as he comes back to the phone.
"Daddy, mummy said it was okay" he says it's silent for a minute "JR spit up" I laughed.
"That's nice Sonny boy"
"Not really" he was talking at full speed "Mumma said you have trouble telling people how you feel, like Jussin"
"Did she now?"
"Yes but its alright I love you, it doesn't mean your indentitive"
"Yeah I know" I laugh again.
"I got to go now so I'll see you soon"
"You better call me tomorrow" Gus demanded.
"Yeah yeah Sonny Boy" I closed my phone and leaned back against my chair.
"Its not right ma he shuts everyone out. Ted says when he comes into work and leaves, during that time he snaps at everyone and the next morning Brian's asleep on the lounger in the office" Michael sat in the diner.
"I know but its Brain's way of dealing with things" Deb reassured her son "he'll snap out of it"
"I don't think he ever will" Michael said he read the newspaper "Ma has Justin talked to you recently?"
"No why?" he held it up and showed the newspaper to his mother "no shit Sunshine's got a show"
Michael stood up "it's perfect" he ran out leaving his paper behind.
Michael burst into Kinetic "Ted Is Brian here?"
"I don't know he wasn't in this morning maybe he's gone to the loft for the morning he usually takes the morning off to do more work" Ted explained.
"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" Gus came running round the corner, he nearly knocked me over as he crushed into my legs, I lifted him up "look at you my big boy"
"Come on Daddy we have ice cream" I carried him into the dining room.
Lindsay and Mel have made a nice home for my son and JR, his room is the 2nd largest and he has his own play room that he has to share with JR but he's happy and that's all that matters.
Who would of thought JR is almost five sometimes I thank god for Justin to name Gus, just looking at him can make me remember the first time I met him under different circumstances as I like to put it, I set Gus down and start to hug Lindsay and say hi to Mel.
Lindsey showed me to the spare room that I'm going to spend my day and hours when Gus is at school this is where I am now sitting on the edge of the bed looking at my laptop to check my emails.
It's nice to see my boy all grown up it feels like as he gets older that he's slipping away from me but the way he looks at me with his eyes I know I see myself in them.
It's the end of the weekend I've done all sorts with Gus between 4 and 7 on weekdays and weekends, I took Gus to the Play park, did some drawing when he couldn't stay up too long for school the next day.
After our day out he gives me the brightest smile and looks up at me "I want to be just like Jussin and draw all the time" it makes me smile.
He hugs me in the middle of snap and gives me a warm smile "don't worry Justin loves you" I smile at him because he can actually say his name.
"Have you always known how to say his name?" I ask.
Gus looked up and nods his head "but it makes me sound cute" I laugh at his logic.
I get Gus packed for the half term that he has before the summer break when they come down to visit for a few weeks Gus dawdled as he waved goodbye.
I get Gus in the car and I try to put his seatbelt on but he makes me leave it so he can do it himself he smacks my hand away as I try to speed the process, we get checked in and Gus falls asleep on the plane ride.
I carefully lift Gus from my lap putting him in my car that was left at the airport he woke up halfway to the loft.
My place is not usually set up for kids but Gus is content in sleeping with me and then by morning he's jumping up and down with energy I groan and get up.
I make him breakfast usually Justin feeds him when he's here, Gus is staying until Sunday before Mel and Lindsay come to collect him.
It's only Friday so I hold off work because normally I don't spend as much time with him as I would like now he lives in Canada.
And I decide to take Gus to the Zoo and then I suppose I'll take him to the diner so Deb can spoil him I give a snide remark here and there and act like nothings wrong just to make sure they don't worry about me as I can tell by the looks that they don't think they don't see.
After we had dinner I put him to bed ready for Saturday.
I stood at the apartment and I looked up.
I look behind me where Gus is sleeping in the rental car. I booked into the hotel and phoned lindz "he's great I'll just go and get him" I cover the phone "Gus" he came bounding in.
I whispered "don't tell Mummy where we are" he nodded he took the phone off of me and I sat opposite him.
"Course Mummy we went to the Zoo… Daddy got me a big Ice Cream… no he took the day off, he's been with me all the time" I turned to my attention to my laptop as Gus is still talking at high speed I wonder how Lindsay knows what he says half the time I sure don't.
Daddy calls me everyday when he's not busy I listen to my mummy's talk about him.
When they look at me I remind them of him it's alright daddy's successible he misses Daddy Justin.
I call my Jussin that because he looks after me sometimes, draws with me and plays with me and he likes to comfort me when I cry just like daddy do.
I pretend to be asleep some nights as I share a bed with Daddy, he sleeps next to me and he cries like when I miss him.
I'm talking to mummy on the phone now "I miss you too mummy…see you soon…bye"
Its Justin time Daddy said so he's dressing me up all nice.
We go to a tall building and it has a big sign I think it says Justin's name I've only just got used to reading.
Daddy picks me up and we go in and he looks around.
I look over and see all the pictures I notice one of Daddy "look Daddy it's you" I point to the picture and he looks at it he walks towards it.
I try and read the sign that's at the end but it's too small for me to read. "What's it say?" I ask he stares at it.
"My heart, my soul and my life" I reach out and pat Daddy's hair at the side of his face he looks at me and we both smile.
I see a man behind him walk forward.
"So you're 'the' Brian Kinney?" he says Daddy turned round.
"In the flesh and who are you?"
"Patrick Blake, Justin's agent" the man said I have a friend named that "I've heard a lot about you Justin like to shut personal things to himself because he knows that he won't be able to get the work done otherwise"
"Does he now I thought that was my job" I look at them.
"Justin will be out shortly" Patrick informed "knowing him he's sitting in a corner in pitch black singing to himself he doesn't realise I know everything," Patrick said
I stare at the painting next to it and it was painted into two colours.
With mostly the colour of bold colours and I realise it's a painting about decisions and which one he can fit into it.
On one side of the painting it has been painted with gloomy and dark colours that represent all different landmarks that he likes in New York whereas the Pittsburgh side of the painting has been painted with Warm colours which also represent familiarity.
There's a clink of glass and my attention is taken by Justin who walks forward and stands on the small stage he's wearing a cheap excuse for a suit his blonde hair is longer than it was, his blue expressive eyes are tired and empty as he stand with one hand in his pocket and the other with a glass of champagne.
He coughs to get everyone's attention "Good evening thank you all for coming well I'm speechless right now. I was 17 when I was just finding out who I was and a few special people helped me through all the ordeals I've been through they also helped me come to New York 2 years ago"
"As a young artist and I am so lucky to stand here in front of you to show off my work thanks to my agent Patrick-"
Patrick interrupts him "no it's all your talent" he praises.
Justin nods looks back at the people "well yeah it is, my art work is excellent" I smile at that he always says that "so I say enjoy the rest of your night… I sure will" he looks at me and smiles which didn't quite reach his eyes.
Gus wriggles out of my arms, I let him go he takes my hand when he's on the floor on his own two feet he looks up at me "come on Daddy"
Justin excuses himself from a woman and starts to walk forward Gus pulls me.
Me and Justin stare at each other, we stop and Gus runs at Justin picking him up "hey Gussy boy" he says his voice is better than it was on the phone "your getting bigger, you must be what 18 by now?"
Gus shakes his head "no I'm seven silly" Justin laughs.
I smile this time and Justin smiles his trademark, he looks me straight in my eyes and breaths in "I'm coming home"
"Just kiss Daddy Justin" Gus looks at me with a little smirk that I know so well mirroring my face perfectly.
I don't need telling twice so I'm kissing him it doesn't matter that we're in eye view all that matters is my two favourite boys are with me no correct that, my two favourite men that entered my life and changed it completely for the better.
Well here you go
Successible = Successful