I realize I'm a bit repitive but once again I would like to thank you all for the lovely rewievs! Especially the once who point out things I do wrong or give me suggestions. It's greatly appreciated. Now on to the next chapter!
Chapter 5 - Why not?
And that was it for a long time. I knew. I knew they loved each other. I knew they would be together eventually. But I had no way to do anything about it, to speed up the process. I wasn't even supposed to know, and I had to make sure Santana didn't find out I did. And so the time went on. And on. I kept waiting for a sign that Santana would start to admit it to herself. But it didn't come. I even prayed for them sometimes. For Santana to find the strength to just admit she loved Brittany.
The only time something happened at all again that school year was when Brittany (accidentally?) revealed to the others that she and Santana were sleeping together. I wasn't there for that phone call but boy was Mercedes babbling about it afterward! They all were. Ofcourse, this was old news too me and I didn't take much notice, though I tried to look appropriately shocked when I was told. That spared me from having to talk about it. From having to tell them about it or gossip, which I didn't want to do. I just sat back listening to their blabbering and I thought to myself that they were quite stupid. I just couldn't understand how they didn't get that Santana and Brittany were in love with each other. It was so obvious to me but none of the others seemed to get it. They really believed it was just a hook-up. But I never said a word to anyone about it. It wasn't really my place, and it wouldn't have helped them either.
We grew apart during sophmore year, Santana and Brittany and me. No, obviously they didn't grow apart, I grew apart with them. We didn't have that many classes together, we no longer had Cheerios together. But mostly I was, let's say "distracted" what with being pregnant and all. But I don't want to talk about that right now though, because this is a story about Santana and Brittany, not me. Also maybe I was feeling a bit resentful that Santana had taken my place as head cheerleader. Whatever the reason, we grew apart and by the end of sophmore year, we barely ever hung out together at all.
When I gave up Beth I knew it was the right thing to do. But that didn't mean it absolutley broke my heart, and it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. So in the beginning of that summer I spent the first couple of weeks holed up at home. I barely left the house. I was back with my mother again, and although I hadn't fully forgiven her yet I allowed her to take care of me. She let me wallow in sadness alone in my room all day. The only time I ever had to come downstairs was when it was dinner time. And even then it was just for ten minutes. I think she just wanted my forgivness so bad she let me do anything. Brittany tried to get me to hang out with them a couple of times but I just said I was busy. I shut everyone out. Mercedes tried, Brittany (and Santana a little by extension) tried and even Puck tried. Eventually they all stopped trying though.
That's why I knew it was something important and picked up that time when Brittany called me for the third time in five minutes on a Thursday a few weeks into summer brake.
"Hey Britt, what's up?" I answered quickly.
"Quinn, Santana's needs to go to the hospital because she fell out of my window and hurt her head and my car's in the shop and she refuses to let me call an ambulance even though she's bleeding and could you please please please come pick us up!" Brittany half-screamed in panic into the phone. In the background I could hear Santana shouting.
"Britt, calm down it's like three drops of blood. I am not gonna call an ambulance cause it is completly unneccesary!"
"That towel is soaked with your blood so don't even say things like that!" Brittany yelled back. "Quinn are you coming?"
"Uh yeah, be right there", I stuttered automatically. I didn't even think about it, I just got in my car and drove. It was still Brittany and Santana after all. I loved them both, no matter how little we hung out these days.
Ten minutes later I pulled up outside of Brittany's house but before I could even get out of the car the front door slammed open and Brittany came out dragging Santana by the hand. Santana had a white towel clamped to the back of her head with her other hand. Brittany hurriedly dragged Santana toward the car and both of them jumped in the back seat. I turned to look at them. Despite Santana trying to look like she was fine she looked rather pale and the towel she held was soaked through in red. Brittany looked almost as pale with worry.
"Ouch!" I said.
Santana smiled a weak smile.
"So I guess it was more than a few drops", she shrugged, correctly assuming I had heard her yelling at Brittany during our phone call.
Without further comment I pulled out and started driving toward the hospital. Except for Brittany constantly asking Santana if she felt okay the drive was silent. Santana was starting to get more and more annoyed with Brittany's questions and finally I felt I needed to say something before she snapped at her.
"Santana, how the hell did you manage to fall out of the window anyways?" I said, watching them in the rearview mirror. Their reaction was not the one I expected. Santana's cheeks turned a little red and she coughed to stall while she tried to come up with an answer. Brittany mostly just looked guilty but she also looked a little bit embarassed and a little bit amused at the same time
"Um..." Santana started and Brittany quickly decided to swoop in and save her.
"We were having a pillow fight and my window was open and I hit her so she tripped while she was standing by it and she just fell out of it."
Brittany's a smooth liar for the most of the time but something about her tone and the way she rambled it out didn't sound right to me. But my instincts told me to let it go so I did. Because it was still Santana and Brittany after all.
"Such a klutz, Santana." I said in a mocking tone instead and as I watched her face in the mirror I thought for a second I saw relief flood her face before it contorted in anger.
We made it to the hospital a few minutes later and Brittany dragged Santana in so fast I could hardly keep up with them. Santana didn't have to wait at all but got to go inside straight away. It probably had something to do with the fact that she had a towel soaked in blood pressed to the back of her head. Brittany and Santana both refused to be seperated when Santana was going in and the doctor had to guilt Brittany into letting go of Santana's hand by saying he couldn't treat her otherwise. Brittany and I were shuffled into a waiting area but before that the doctor stayed behind for a second to talk to us. I think he could see how freaked out Brittany really was because he quickly explained that Santana would be fine, she would only need a few stitches as far as he could see, and she might just have a concussion. After that he shooed us away to the waiting area and went in the room to check on Santana, saying he would come get us as soon as possible.
I immediately sat down in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting area but Britt, whose face was still white, just kept pacing in front of me.
"Britt, you can relax now it's just a concussion and a couple of stitches. She's gonna be fine."
"Yeah, yeah I know."
Brittany took a deep breath before sitting down next to me
"It's just... I couldn't lose her, Quinn. I know she's not seriously hurt now but she could've been. And I don't know what I would do without her."
"You guys really love each other", I chuckled.
"I love her more than anyone on this planet", Brittany said dead serious, while staring into my eyes.
I don't know why I said it really. It was just something about the intensity of Brittany's feelings right then. Plus, I was alone with Brittany, with no Santana around (which was rare), and if I was ever going to ask Brittany about it now would be the time. I had thought about that sometimes actually. Just asking Brittany about it. I already suspected she knew I knew something anyway and I just wanted to talk to someone about it.
"Britt, can I ask you something?"
"Look I know I'm not supposed to know this, but I've seen they way you are with each other, the way she looks at you when she thinks nobody's watching..."
I hesitated but continued.
"I've even seen you kiss. And um... more than that. I mean, I didn't mean to or anything..."
I looked up embarassed to see Brittany's reaction but she just waited for me to finish, completly unfaced.
"And I just don't get why you two aren't together. I mean I know you love each other more than anything so... Why not?" I trailed off not knowing what else to say. I knew it wasn't that easy, but I think I just wanted to get Brittany talking about it at least.
Brittany was chewing the inside of her lip, like she did when she was thinking hard.
"I guess... I've just never thought of it that way. I mean I know I love her, I know she drives me crazy, you know in a good way. I just hadn't really thought about it. I mean she's my best friends. We just like to kiss and stuff I guess. I mean I've enjoyed kissing other guys and other girls too and I haven't been together with them."
"But Brittany come on, you said so yourself, you love her more than anyone. That's the difference. You've hardly ever spent a day apart. I just don't get how you two can't see that you're in love with one another?" I said rather bluntly.
Honestly it was if someone has just flipped a switch on the back of Brittany's head and I could just see this light come on in her head as she heard those words come out of my mouth. After a long pause Brittany finally spoke.
"I don't know Quinn. Because I've never thought of being together with Santana like that. But now that you said it... Maybe. I do love her. And I like being with her. But Quinn even if I did have those feelings for her, she doesn't have them for me. She tells me she's not a lesbian all the time. She tells me it doesn't mean anything."
"Brittany come on, first of all you do have those feelings for her. I know you just do whatever you feel like and don't really analyze why but you do have feelings for her. And secondly I know you're smarter than to believe everything Santana tells you. You know she loves you too, and you know she has the same feelings. She's just scared."
"Yeah okay fine, I know she loves me and she might have those types of feelings for me but you know exactly why it couldn't happen, Quinn", Brittany said sadly.
I did know. Even the first time they kissed I had gotten that bad feeling in my gut once I realized. Santana was too scared. It didn't matter that she loved Brittany, she wouldn't admit it. She was too proud, too worried about her reputation.
"Yeah I know", I agreed. "But I do believe she'll get there eventually."
Brittany's face lit up a little bit again.
"Yeah, I really do."
"I guess we'll see", she said, putting an end to the conversation. I think she needed time to think about what we had talked about.
"Britt?" I said after a few seconds of quiet.
"Quinn, if you're about to tell me not to talk to Santana about this you don't have to. I know her better than anyone and I'm obvously not gonna tell her about this conversation or that you know. I'm not a total idiot."
I couldn't think of anything else to say but:
"Uh, no you're not."
We sat in silence after that and suddenly Brittany reached out and grabbed my hand whitout looking at me. I could feel some of the friendship we'd once had as we sat silently holding hands until the doctor came back.
I inwardly smiled when we left the hospital later that afternoon, after I had practically been forced to drag Brittany out of Santana's hospital room with the promise that I would drive her back first thing in the morning. Santana had given me a genuine smile and thanked me for taking her to the hospital. I was a bit startled, but I had leaned forward and hugged her and while her head was by my ear she had whispered:
"And thanks for taking care of Britt. I'm glad you were here, Quinn."
Next thing I knew though, she had pulled away and pretended she didn't say a thing. The last thing I registered was when I dragged Brittany out of the room and she turned to share a final intense look with Santana. I could only see Santana's face but she looked so peaceful and in love I almost couldn't take it. Still I left the hospital with hope in my chest.
No, there wasn't a difference in the way Santana thought about being open with her feelings (and I would never be able to do anything about that) but I had at least made Brittany start thinking about what her feelings for Santana really were. It was definitely a start.