To everyone who knows me…I. Am. Alive. And I'm sorry for disappearing off the face of the planet for the last almost-year. D; I sorta lost inspiration to write fanfiction for the last however-many months, so yeah. I apologize to all of you! Forgive me. I repent!

And to everyone who doesn't know me… HI! :D Most of you probably won't know me as I dabbled mostly in the Naruto fandom, writing for the Akatsuki to anyone who watched Naruto, but sadly, I started losing interest in Naruto as it wasn't really going anywhere. Which probably also caused me to lose inspiration in fanfiction (but probably not). So because of my boredom in Naruto, I decided to branch out into other animes and stumbled into the lovely world of Durarara! with all its lively and colourful characters. And, as a lot of other people, I fell in love with the Shizaya pairing. :)

So…I have decided to come back into the lovely world of fanfiction by writing a (crack) Shizaya fanfic! :D I hope you all enjoy it! :)

Note: There will be references to Junjou Romantica but to anyone who hasn't watched it, you don't really need to know anything specific about it. :)

-x-

Flat and Pointed

The doors to Shizuo's humble abode banged opened, the doors making a sickening thud sound as it connected rather harshly with the plain, white-colored drywall.

Not that the two males that stumbled in really noticed. Or cared, for that matter.

It was a mad flurry of activity as Shizuo desperately ripped at every piece of clothing covering the lithe body of Izaya Orihara. The black haired male completely ignored the shreds of clothing flying about everywhere, and instead, focused his attention solely on getting those pants off of Shizuo.

"Oh!" Izaya threw his head back and gasped as Shizuo pressed his growing erection into Izaya's own. The bleached locks of older male fanned out and dripped over their faces, covering their flushed expressions and tickling Izaya as they teasingly brushed over his nose.

Shizuo gave a smirk of amusement before navigating their way into his (tiny, small, messy, tiny, cramped, tiny, tiny, tiny) bedroom while latching onto Izaya's neck, sucking and biting languidly before letting his tongue swipe over the abused skin. Once they reached the bed, Shizuo threw them down, allowing his larger body to cover the informant's smaller one. They continued kissing and groping at every possible area before quite suddenly, Izaya shifted underneath Shizuo in the most unpleasing way.

It felt as if Izaya was trying to get away.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shizuo looked up to catch the semi-irritated expression of his arch-nemesis-turned-almost-lover-because-they-never-actually-did-it-yet (Shizuo did have self control, despite popular belief)-but-Shizuo-really-wanted-to-do-it-now-so-what-the-hell-was-that-damn-flea-doing-trying-to-get-away?

Shizuo was obviously not in his right frame of mind at the moment, with Izaya writhing underneath him.

Izaya huffed, "I want to be on top, Shizu-chan!" before shooting an annoyed look at Shizuo as if it should've been obvious.

"What? No!"

"And why not, Shizu-chan?" Izaya shot back, his face flushing even harder, but the blonde was sure it was now from anger and annoyance rather than arousal. "I can bet you all your non-existent money that I'd make you feel amazing if I were on top."

Shizuo glared.

"Shut up." He said simply before reaching down to the zipper on Izaya's pants.

The informant slapped his hands away.

"You'd break me with your monstrous strength, you protozoan!" Izaya insisted sharply. "You'd go all barbaric on me, and I enjoy my spinal cord, thank you very much, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo smirked. "I'll go gentle on you, if that's what's scaring you, flea."

"Romantic," Izaya stated dryly, "but no. It's either I'm on top, or you're not getting any."

"Fuck! Izaya, seriously. You can't do this to me now!" Shizuo felt his eye twitch in unison with his erection and the need to chuck the stupid, cocky bastard out the window almost overpowered his need to take him. Almost.

"I'm serious, Shizu-chan." Izaya glared and pouted.

"You can't be on top," Shizuo growled through gritted teeth. "Your chin's pointy."

"Eh?" Izaya blinked. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Your chin's pointy, my chin's flat, guys with flat chins are always on top." Shizuo stated blankly. "Now let's get on with it." He proceeded to lean down and bite (hard) at Izaya's earlobe.

"Get off me you protozoan!" Izaya said and attempted to wrench the older male's face away from leeching away at his ear. "That's got to be one of the most irrelevant answers I've ever received! Ever!"

Shizuo surfaced with an insane cry. "Fuck— you damn louse! It's true!"

"Oh yeah?" Izaya challenged with a sharp grin. "And where'd you hear that from?"

Shizuo sighed tiredly and ran a large hand down his tanned face. "Junjou Romantica."

"…"

"…"

"…what?" Izaya questioned incredulously. "Junjou Romantica…? What the hell is that?"

"This anime," Shizuo grunted in displeasure. "This gay-as-heck anime."

"…gay-as-heck…" Izaya repeated blankly.

"Literally." Shizuo added as an afterthought, and Izaya nodded numbly. Well, if the informant was planning on having any sort of relationship with this stupid, barbaric protozoan, he guessed it was good to learn some of the blonde's secret fetishes.

Maybe.

"So, this anime taught you that guys with flat chins are on top while guys with pointed chins bottom?" Izaya questioned disbelievingly. While the fact that Shizuo liked 'gay-as-heck' anime was shocking…the informant's been through more surprising things than this. Shizuo, after all, had a sort of gay aura around him (not).

"Well, no," Shizuo admitted, "but the guys with the flat chins are always on top."

"Okay." Izaya said.

"So can we continue?" Shizuo grunted with impatience.

"Not until I see this anime myself, Shizu-chan." Izaya replied with an equal tone. "I doubt all the guys with flat chins are on top in that anime…how many guys did you say were in that anime?"

Shizuo growled and rolled off the black-haired male. "Six, and they're all gay."

"Alright. I'll watch it tomorrow."

Shizuo growled again in anger and grabbed the t-shirt and boxer shorts that were lay out on the floor and began stalking to the door. Izaya watched him with a languid smirk and leaned back against his hands. Before stalking out the bedroom to the bathroom (to take care of the erection that was still miraculously present despite all the less-than-arousing words exchanged in the last five minutes), Shizuo turned around to shoot him a nasty glare.

"You're a fucked up bastard." Shizuo said dryly.

Izaya just gave the blonde a bright smile before waving happily. Shizuo snorted with twitching lips before stomping out.

-x-

The next day, while Shizuo was working, Izaya entertained himself with the Junjou Romantica box-sets residing underneath the blonde's bed.

And as much as he hated to admit it, all the guys with flat chins were on top. All of them. All six of them.

The informant sighed in resignation and he had a feeling his ass would be in a lot of pain later that night.

Sigh.

The End.

-x-

I hope you enjoyed that! :D My first Durarara! fanfic, and it's a crack. Oh, I'm so proud. xD

Review? :)

-OSE