Or Whatever It Is You're Supposed To Say
Summery: Sometimes confessing is the only thing that helps, even if no ones on the other side.
Naruto watched the door close, waiting all of a minute to hear the running water of the shower before rushing to grab discarded items of clothing, not caring if they were his or not. He slipped on his jeans as quickly and quietly was he could, not bothering to button or zip the clothing properly, thus leaving the garment sagging on his hips. The large button-down shirt he grabbed wasn't his, but nonetheless he made sloppy work of the buttons, missing a few and getting a few, but over all covering him to the best of its ability. He reached for a stained hoodie on the floor, resting next to a pair of forgotten khakis and in a swift moment decision, dove for the pockets, emptying the pockets of all cash and plastic before stealing a pair of too big flip-flops from under the bed. Turning to the joint bathroom door he decided that it was safe and slipped out the bedroom under the sound of the shower.
Closing the front door as softly as possible, Naruto took a deep breath, preparing himself before his legs started moving. He sprinted down the street, uncaring about the people out on a Monday afternoon, the slippery leaves on the ground, or the cold weather of fall that chilled his nearly bare feet and thinly covered arms. He roughly knew where he was running to – Fifth Street, across from the computer café – but had no idea why. He didn't know if it was instinct of sorts, or just desperation, but he ran faster along the concrete pavement of the side walk, challenging the cars on the road to a race of speed that he was losing. He ran all of fifteen or twenty minutes before stopping abruptly at the sidewalk corner, looking at the clean white building across the road, wondering how he never had been in there.
Leaning against the light pool, he caught his breath while waiting for the red hand sign to morph into the little green man that Okayed him to continue. It took several minutes. Long, teasing minutes that had Naruto's stomach coiling and knotting in anxiety. With ever passing second his inner voice told him to turn back, to just walk back to that house and accept the fact, but as people gathered around him, he used them as his excuse to stay, telling himself he couldn't turn back with people circling him. Stupid but effective.
After another minute of torture the hand blinked green and the small crowed help Naruto move his feet and successfully crossed the white lines painted on the asphalt. People walked by him as he froze, looking up at the high pointing roof of painted gold that seemingly led to the Heaven that was preached. It was intimidating. Naruto took a deep breath to calm his nerves and slowly started marching up the stairs. He made it to the large double doors. They were painted royal blue, thin silver carved into a beautiful pattern of swirls and twist. Colorful stain glass stood out above the dark color of the door. A light picture of a gold sun cross shown at the top of the door.
Naruto quickly made a grab at the brass handles of the door, not wanting to hesitate. Pulling the heavy doors open Naruto was introduced to a large, dim lit room. Stain glass widows laminated the long rows of old wood pews that lined the carpeted walkway to the raised platform. Naruto walked down the mostly emptied assembly hall until he reached the end of the rows at the platform, looking left then right to see a hallway. He ventured down it, passing a few doors, some labeled and some not, until he reached the end of the hall, seeing the tall wooden boxes he was searching for. He opened the door on the left as he had seen on TV and sat it the on the little wooden chair. He looked to the wicker panel beside him, the other side covered in purple velvet that prevented him from seeing who was on the other side.
He sighed heavily, hands kneeing at his lose pants legs as he thought. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." He recited with closed eyes. He shook his head with a dry chuckle. "Or whatever it is you're supposed to say. Sorry, I never did this before." Naruto looked at the panel but the Father said nothing. "Um, I goggled this before, so I have a bit of an idea of how this works. Uhh…it has been, well, I've never done this before so my last confession was never. My sin..." Naruto fell quiet; he dragged a hand over his face to prolong what he hand to say. "I'm gay – but before you say anything, no you can't fix me. I had a friend who went to a gay camp and he was fuc- messed up when he came home. So, I'm gay, and I lost my virginity today. He was older than me, I'm not sure who he was but he told me he was a teacher so I know he was too old for me. The point is I slept with an older man who I thought I liked right away and when it was over, I didn't like him anymore and I left." He sighed sadly, slumping in his seat and continuing quickly. "It's like, I'm not sad it happened – just sad it happened with him. With someone I didn't want to stay with afterwards." Running a hand through his knotted hair and looking up at the tightly spaced ceiling, he laughed. "I even robbed him. Don't know why, but I felt like he deserved it." Looking at the silent screen, he frowned, shaking his head. "I'm a pretty bad person, huh? You probably had a heart attack or something by listening to me…or no one's in there. Its empty isn't it?" He stood up, adjusting his jeans and shirt properly. "Oh well, I feel better actually. I guess just talking about it helped." He dug his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a few crumpled bills. "Um, I don't know how this really works. If you're in there…well, I'm tipping so don't spend it all in one place." He held the wrinkled money in front of the screen to show the person who may or not have been there before placing it on the chair. "Thank you Father."
The sound of splashing water filled the small room. The splashes were being caused by Sakura's moving legs. She was resting back in an old bare claw tub, filled to the brim with lukewarm water and aroma bubbles.
Naruto sat on the countered sink, staring into the slightly fogged mirror that reflected the tub behind him. The shower curtains were drawn, only giving Naruto the view of Sakura's feet and some calves, and when Sakura would allow it, her face. Just because Naruto was gay didn't mean that Sakura was comfortable letting him see her naked.
"So you really did it?" She asked, her feet sliding up the rim of the tub and curling her toes at the cold air.
Naruto stayed quiet, lifting his legs up onto the sink and crossing them. He absently drew his finger through the moister on the mirror of little stick figures. He nodded. "Yeah."
"So was it any good?"
Naruto drew an X through the taller stick figure before flatting his hand and wiping it through the misty mirror, erasing the little picture he had drawn.
Sakura scoffed, the curtain was hit. "That's not a real answer damn it. Did it feel good or not?"
"It felt good," Naruto smudged his thumb over the mirror. "…but I didn't feel good afterwards."
The curtain drew back quickly showing her puppy eyed face. "You're sad about swiping your V-Card, aren't you?" She rolled in the tub when Naruto didn't answer and held her arm out open. "Come here right now. You need a hug."
"I don't need a hug-"
"You need a hug!"
Naruto drawled out a long, loud sigh before forcing himself off the counter and knelt by the tub where Sakura's arms instantly wrapped around his neck.
"I, Sakura Haruno, hereby reinforce your virginity with my awesome powers of epicness." She pulled him closer and gave a small peck on his forehead.
Naruto broke out of her hold with an eye roll. "I don't think it works that way." He closed the shower curtain, cutting off whatever Sakura was about to say.
He sat on the top of the monkey bars, staring at the dead trees in front of him as music blast loudly in his ear. He could have turned around; could have sat facing the not-yet-frozen duck pound on the other side of the park. But he didn't. Instead he just turned his music up louder, fazing out with the strumming of acoustic guitar.
He hated fall.
Ducks flew over head, their quacks momentarily drowning out the singer's voice that was directly in his ear. As the flock seemingly grows larger and noisier Naruto turned down the little device, deciding he didn't want to shot his eardrums.
"Aren't you too old to be playing on monkey bars?" Asked the young man leaning against the foot of the base. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"Aren't you getting tired of stalking me yet?"
"I'm not stalking you, idiot." Sasuke grumbled beneath him. "I'm just pointing out that your fat-ass shouldn't be sitting on children' play sets."
Sasuke climbed up and sat beside Naruto, but instead, looked out at the small body of water on the other side.
"So what do you think of Itachi?" Sakura asked dropping the magazine she was pretending to read. She was lying on her stomach, elbows propping up her head from her perch on the bed.
Naruto looked at her from the floor before sneering quietly. "I thought you liked Sasuke?"
"Sasuke's a lost cause."
"So you're gonna do his brother?"
Sakura shot up onto her knees and threw her reading at Naruto. It missed. "No you asshole, I'm not going to 'do him'. I was just asking what you think of him."
"He's the brother to the Bastard, so my opinion of Itachi is biased." He told her and threw her magazine back on the bed. "Why the sudden interest in Itachi anyway?"
Sakura moved to the edge of the bed so that her feet touched the floor. "I don't know. Talked to him the other day, seemed nice." She put her hands on Naruto's shoulders, halfheartedly dragging him to sit in between her legs and rest his head on her stomach. "And it's not like I'm doing anything to get back at Sasuke-"
"Get back at him for what?"
"-But Sasuke was just a childhood crush that I have grown out of long ago."
Naruto hummed, not bothering to reply when Sakura started to massage his scalp.
Sitting up Naruto glanced at the unfamiliar alarm clock on the bedside table. It was late at night, or to some early morning. He then looked back down to the man sleeping beside him. He was older then Naruto, by almost ten years or so, with strawberry shoulder length hair, brown eyes, and darker skin. Naruto didn't know his name. He hadn't bothered to ask. All he knew is that when they stumbled into the man's bed, Naruto had found him attractive, and now, he has no idea why he even set his eyes on him.
Naruto carefully got out bed, being sure not to wake his soon-to-be forgotten sleeping partner. Cold air made the hairs on his body stiffen but he ignored it in favor of finding his clothes. There was no rush this time since Naruto doubted that the other man would be waking up soon if he was careful. Once he had all his garment items he carefully made his way to the bathroom a few rooms down, not daring to turn on any lights for help.
Once in the bathroom Naruto carefully closed the door enough so one couldn't see inside, but not enough so that it actually closed and made any noise. He turned on the over sink light and looked at himself in the mirror. It wasn't a pretty sight. Hair knotted in an unexplained way, small bite marks littered his neck and chest, and the sticky leaves of sweat. He grabbed a washcloth from beside the sink a quietly began to give himself a sponge bath, not wanting to use the shower in case it woke Mr. Biter.
Naruto threw the sticky cinnamon wrapper in the trashcan on the street corner, right in front of the church on Fifth Street. It was morning, still early, but Naruto had stopped to grab food on his way there, trying to waste a little bit of time, not knowing if church doors were locked at night or when they open. It's Saturday and most people are at home sleeping in, save for the few unlucky souls still on the way to work. Naruto vaguely wonders if the Fathers of the church ever gets the day off but can't bring himself to care.
He walks the stairs up to the double doors and feels nothing, and its then that Naruto thinks this should be more awkward, but it isn't. He just casually walks through the church, not even having to look until he made it to the confessional box. He opens the door to the same box as last time and the first thing he notices is that his tip left behind from last time is gone, and it makes him laugh under his breath.
"Well, forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been-" Naruto pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. "Four – no! Five days since my last confessional. I have again, slept with an older man that I left in the morning…"
The broom in his palms feels harder than usual and Naruto blushes at the absurd sexual thought that had just past through his mind. He's at work at the moment though, so he quickly gets control of himself. He works at a little family own restaurant. It's not great, very small and dingy but at least he can take pride in the fact that the place is clean because that is his job. It doesn't pay well, just enough for bills, food, and necessities. Not enough for school, though Naruto had already decided that college wasn't for him, no matter how much Sakura disagreed.
It's a little after the lunch rush, but for them the lunch rush is some where between five to seven people eating at the same time. Naruto likes the lunch rush. He mainly kept around for cleaning but his boss is lazy and has a hangover quite often which means she sends Naruto to wait on tables. He doesn't mind getting a few tips, it helps.
Naruto is cleaning off the latest empty table when the bell above the door jingles. He's about to greet the person but when he see's Sasuke there, he stops and scowls instead.
"What do you think you're doing here?" Naruto asked as he walked up to Sasuke who stayed leaning on the framework. He didn't offer Sasuke a menu or ask if he wanted a table or booth because he knew Sasuke better than that. Sasuke doesn't eat at cheap little restaurants like the one Naruto works for. He was raised better than that, or as Naruto likes to put it, brain washed. He scared of the quality of meat and the freshness of vegetables at small shops, and it annoys the hell out of Naruto.
"It's your lunch break," Sasuke informs Naruto even though Naruto's break isn't for another forty minutes. "Get your coat."
Naruto pulled his coat closer to his body as Sasuke's car made another loud jerk. The boy had come from a higher up family but they weren't willing to help pay for a car since it wasn't something they thought Sasuke needed, so Sasuke had to buy a rather old and dangerous 81-Camry. It could have been nice, if Sasuke knew anything about cars, but he didn't. He also had too much pride to take it to a shop or even let Kiba look at it. Instead Sasuke just dealt with the not working heater, unaligned wheels, and whatever else was wrong with the car. Naruto hated it.
"So where are we going?" Naruto asked but again Sasuke didn't answer. It was one of the hundreds of things that annoyed Naruto about Sasuke.
Sitting back Naruto rested against the uncomfortable car seat and huddled closer into him for warmth, deciding to just enjoy the quiet ride as much as he could. They drove for a few minutes before Sasuke pulled up to the empty park. Without a word Sasuke reached for a plastic bag from the back seat and got out of the car, heading for the monkey bars and Naruto followed.
Naruto sat facing the dying trees while Sasuke took his side at the water front, both sharing vending machine snacks that Sasuke had brought.
Naruto's apartment is not big. In fact it's a small studio apartment with a tiny bathroom. But he likes to think of it as comfortable. He's on the top floor and at the end of the hall with only an old man living next to him, so his room tends to be quiet. So it's for this reason that he allows Sakura and Ino over to study before big exams. It may be a little tight but it allows means that help is never too far away.
Naruto sits on the little window counter that separates his kitchen area from his living and bed. Ino is already lying on his bed with several books and Sakura is crammed onto the love seat not that far away. While the two go back and forth asking and answering trivia questions that Naruto couldn't understand. He sits there with a cup of ramen that is becoming cold and watches them. They're smarter than him, that's for sure.
Sometimes Naruto feels left out in his group of friends. Sakura is studying to become a doctor in internal medicine and Ino is practicing in pediatrics. Sasuke in international business. Hinata social science. Shikamaru computer engineering. Hell, even Kiba was getting an degree in animal training.
Naruto swept floors and wiped tables for a living.
He leaned back on the bench and tucked his hands behind his head. He glanced at the wicker screen that was draped with dark velvet. He had still never heard a reply.
"Well then," Naruto had a teasing grin. "You must either be really bored with me or are waiting for more. I'm gonna go for more."
This was Naruto's third visit this week. Every time he had gone he had never heard a single word be uttered from the other side of that velvet. And though he thought he came here looking for wisdom and guidance, the truth was he liked the idea of the room next to him being empty, but liked the idea of the Father accepting silence more. He had confessed so much to that wicker and velvet screen. He had told them the story of his pranks as a child, first crush on a boy, the time Kiba and him had tried a joint, when his uncle died and he was forced to start working, and even the beer he had last night that he was still not old enough to have.
"Just last week I got into another fight with Sasuke. He's such a dick. I don't care what Sakura says, I am not his friend and am most defiantly not his best friends. Never…"
The strobe lights matched the beat of the music, flashing the dark room to vary colors every second. Naruto had a glass bottle in his hand and he held it up above his head to keep it from spilling on the heavy dance floor. He rocked back and fourth with the crowd, finding it easier to dance his way through the maze of people than walk between them. He could feel sticky hot flesh of people he didn't know as they danced and grind close to him.
He made it out of the dance floor and to the bar where he flashed his fake ID and ordered another drink before finishing off the one he already had. He decided to stand leaning against the bar instead of sitting. If he sat, he would drink more, and Naruto felt like remembering tomorrow.
In the laminated darkness a man approached him. He smiled down at Naruto and gave his overly cheesy pickup line which made Naruto smile. He crossed his arms onto the bar and hovered over Naruto. "Are you old enough to be in here?"
"Well, how else would I be?" Naruto shot back taking a swig of his beer. The man smirked at him and Naruto couldn't help but think he had a sexy face, green eyes, framed with dark curly hair and a cute little mole above his lip.
"True, true." The cute mole agreed before ordering a drink and sitting down. Naruto decided to join him. "So, you got a boyfriend?"
"It was actually all the bastard's fault. He always had to push my buttons growing up by being so damn perfect and stuff. It's amazing I hadn't snapped sooner, you know?" Naruto rubbed his chin in false thought. "Okay, well maybe some of those times were my fault – to an extent – but if that jackass knew how to take better care of himself I wouldn't have to step in. He nags me all the time for eating ramen too much but then half the time he eats just a tomato for lunch. He's an addict I think. Same thing for ketchup puts it on everything. Hell, I've seen him just eat it from the little plastic packs before. Now that's gross. And he says me slurping my noodles too loud is nasty. In Japan you're suppose to do that, you know? I'm just sticking to tradition."
Naruto nervously taped his foot under the table. He was dressed somewhat nicely in a buttoned shirt and clean jeans, upon Sakura's request. With them were also Ino and Hinata. They were all currently sitting at a little booth at the restaurant Naruto worked for. It was his break and Sakura had thought that the restaurant would be the perfect place for her to formally introduce her 'math tutor' – also known as the bastard's brother – as her something more than.
Naruto wanted to roll his eyes.
Lunch was going to suck.
Along with the rest of the week.
It felt as if nothing had gone right in the last week. Nothing being only getting one tip in three days, Sasuke not bringing him a free lunch, and the confessionals being locked the last time he stopped by the church. He knew it sounded petty and silly but Naruto really had he urge to just sit in bed and pout like the child he still wished to be. But he couldn't. He needed to work since no one was there to do it instead. He needed to get his own meals since he couldn't rely on others forever. And the hardest face of all might have been that the world doesn't revolve around him and his wants, so the confessionals may not be there just because he chooses it.
The little bell above the door chinks and the girls stopped gossiping to look at the door, where Itachi stood. He saw the table, waved, and slowly made his way to them while Ino teased Sakura about the blush on her cheeks. Itachi sat down across from Naruto, right beside Sakura, and gave the boy a slight nod before slinging his arm around Sakura's shoulder.
"Naruto," Itachi greeted. "It's been awhile."
"Really? I haven't noticed." Naruto said back while playing with the ice in his drink. Sakura shot him a glare and Ino kicked at him from under the table, but Itachi just looked the same.
"Yes, in fact," Itachi wound his bag off his should. He dug inside and brought out a paper bag with Naruto's name on it in Sasuke's hand writing. "Sasuke said to give you this." Itachi handed him the bag. He took a quick glance inside to see their usual lunch and almost smiled.
For the rest of his break Naruto sat silently with Itachi while the girls laughed and talked. The story of Itachi asking Sakura out was told and how Sakura developed her crush. By the end of it, Naruto started to feel better.
Naruto had gotten used to Itachi picking Sakura up for lunch and bringing her to eat at his work place. Naruto was also getting used to being their waiter. So after the fifth day, Naruto was shocked to find Sasuke waiting by the door for him, instead of the newly couple.
"Haven't seen you in awhile." Naruto said as he replaced the menus at the greeting station. "Do you want a table?"
Sasuke stared him down. "Just take your break and let's go." Hands in his pockets, Sasuke began to turn around and leave.
Sasuke stopped. He looked over his shoulder at Naruto and sneered. "And why not?" He asked rudely.
Naruto, not liking Sasuke's tone, gave a small glare and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm working floors right now and in case you can't tell, we do have customers." He nodded to the far wall were an elderly couple were eating slowly. "And I'm the only one here besides the cook so I need to be here."
"And Tsunade? Jiraiya? Where are they?" Sasuke turned back around to glare at Naruto.
Naruto didn't try to hide the roll of his eyes. "Not here, obviously." He saw the old man wave at him and Naruto was already on his way to the table to help. When he went behind the breakfast counter to refill the couples' drinks, Sasuke followed behind, taking a seat at one of the old bar stools.
"Why are they not here?" Irritation was obvious in Sasuke voice but Naruto ignored it. The blond had refilled the glassed and was with the old couple once again. "Well?" Sasuke asked loudly, making Naruto frown. "This is your break hour, so why would they leave?"
"They aren't here because we all figured you weren't going to come today." Naruto told him. "And this is not my break hour, my break isn't for another hour, the only reason I take my lunch now is because you force me to."
"I don't force you." Sasuke growled with building anger. "You take early breaks because you want to."
Naruto crossed his arms. "Don't tell me what I want, Uchiha!" An unattractive sneer crossed his tan face. "Why am I even arguing with you? I have work to do."
Sasuke got up from the stool he was sitting on and with hands in his pockets walked out, slamming the door and mumbling a "Whatever."
Naruto growled, pissed off by the little exchange and slammed the plates he had on the counter. He heard the sound of glass cracking and looked to see that one of the plates had broken.
"God damn Uchiha asshole." He uttered darkly. "This comes out of my pay."
He sat in his little apartment, bundled in a den of blankets. It was winter now, with snow building on the ground and the lake at the park now frozen. Heating is expensive, and Naruto has just barely enough, but he doesn't spend it. Rather, he just buys some covers from good will and puts the money in a bank. He saving now, for a dream place, somewhere warmer, maybe with palm trees. Even though he will change his mind once the snow's melts and go spend that saved money on a big dinner and a movie or game.
Sakura gets mad at him a lot in the winter. Her doctor instincts kick in and she lectures him about getting sick but he's learned to drown that out back in high school. And he really only sees her now when he's at work, and she's more concerned about Itachi than him, so he doesn't get lectured much. He really only goes to work right now seeing as how he hates the cold. He eats his lunches at work, indoors with the cooks instead of Sasuke, who hasn't stopped by once since their fight. He doesn't go out at night because it's twice as cold and he finds the excuse that he can buy his warm home paradise sooner by not going to bars. He's only been to the confessional twice since winter started. He hadn't slept with anyone, a result of not going out anymore, but he fears that if he stops visiting the quiet Father behind the wicker screen will forget about him.
He shivers and he can hear the old man next door coughing from the cold.
Naruto can't wait for his warm dream place with the maybe palm trees.
Itachi tends to leave him large tips. Like, much too large, tips. Like, double the bill, tips. Naruto's confronted on Itachi before, but Sakura had gotten mad at him and told him to just take the money. But he doesn't. He gives it to the homeless man that takes shelter in their ally. Naruto tells him to use it for food and warmth, but the man always reeks of alcohol instead, so Naruto assumes he doesn't listen.
The point of this though is that Naruto is used to getting big tips from Itachi, but he is not used to seeing that tied plastic bag that he can kind of see through and there are the vending machine lunch inside. Naruto is so shocked that he just stares at the bag. He doesn't want to touch it, but he has to, since his tip and the bill are under it, but Naruto fears that if he touches that bag then, well, he doesn't know what will happen. But then again, he doesn't want to find out.
The cook in the back yells at Naruto hurry his damn ass up and clear the table. Naruto ignores Jiraiya laughing at him in the corner and practically pushes the bag off the table. It falls on the old carpeted floor and Naruto grabs his money, shoving it into the front pocket of the blue apron he has to wear, and then proceeds to remove the dirty dishes from the table and into the dirty plastic bin with soap water. When he's done and the dishes are back with the cook, Naruto ventures back to the bag. It's been moved, by Jiraiya, and is sitting at the breakfast bar. He's still weary of it, for all he knows Itachi could have poisoned it.
Not caring about how badly he was humiliating himself, Naruto had grabbed several forks from under the bar and taped the together to create a flimsy pole. He stood back as far as he could and poked at the bag until one of the points from the head fork made a small hole. He forced the pole of forks down quickly to rip the bag open, and though it worked, the pole had come undone in the process. Miniature bags of chips, candy bars, and bottle sodas spilled out, along with a folded slip of notebook paper. Naruto carefully picked up the paper, unfolded it, and recognized Sasuke's hand writing. He scowled at the note, crumpled it into a ball and through it on the ground before taking it another step farther and stomping on it.
"If you want to eat lunch with me so bad, come tell me yourself!" He yelled, hoping that wherever he was, Sasuke would hear him. He picked up the food, deciding he didn't want any of it and would give to the man outside. But just as he was at the back door he heard his boss's shrill voice screaming a mess and her husband full hearty laugh.
It seemed like so long ago but it was only a little over two months. And as Naruto sat there, perched up on the bathroom sick, playing with the fog in the mirror and listening to Sakura's legs moving in the water, he had to questioned if he was happy anymore. In two months he had lost so much. His virginity, to that old teacher whose face had been forgotten. Sakura, it felt like, as almost all her time was spent with Itachi now. His self-respect after waking up with two other people in his bed. And well, he had all but lost Sasuke.
The only thing it felt like he hadn't lost was the confessional with the wicker screen and dark velvet. He still had never gotten an answer from the unknown Father, but Naruto felt that somewhere he couldn't see, when he was in the box, God was listening and that was the most he could ask for. An ear to talk to. An unbiased score that would let him rant on and on without any interruptions.
"Naruto," Sakura's dainty voice called softly from behind the curtain. Naruto made a noise to let her know he was listening, but in reality, his mind was still drifting. "Are you okay?" She asked, pulling back the curtains to look at him. He was drawing in the mirror still, this time of dead trees, a frozen lake, and a set of monkey bars in between them.
"Yeah, Sakura." He drew on little stick figure with duck butt hair sitting on the bars. "I'm just fine."
I seem darker than usual today. Both outside and in. It's effecting his mood a lot, bringing him down with some kind of depression. It's raining outside, hard too, cleaning away the snow from sidewalks. Naruto doesn't have an umbrella, so he dripping wet and cold and he's already starting to sniffle but he can't afford to get sick right now.
He's in the confessional, but he has nothing to say. He can hear the voices of people roaming the hall, echoing off the walls and back to him and he feels like his space is being violated. And for the first time he realizes that he's not alone here, that people work here, Fathers and Sisters, and people come here to pray, for dying love ones and injured friends, and here he is, hogging the box so he can talk about his nothing problems as if he were with his best friend.
He feels selfish, and deviant, and without uttering a single word through his whole visit Naruto stands up and quickly leaves. He walks as fast as he can through the dim halls and he can still hear their voices, the voices of people here for good cause and he wants to run but won't for it will echo to loudly in his own ears. He sees the doors and push them open before sprinting down the steps and into the rain impels down on him and he feels judged. He keeps sprinting as fast as he can, no idea where he's going, and his feet slip every now and on the wet pavement. The sidewalks clear of people and the road free of cars and it dons on Naruto that it's Monday afternoon, the day that he had first gone to confession and developed this selfish life style he had become accustom to and the irony of it makes him just want to yell and scream, and cry until his throat hurts and his eyes are dry.
He stops, looking at the house in front of him, the house were it started with the teacher he couldn't remember and the wallet he had stolen back in fall. And he can see her in the window, the most beautiful woman with amber locks bouncing the sweetest blond child in her lap.
He turns around, slowly walking to his little studio apartment that has no heat and a forming leak and the roof. Oh, the irony, is all he can think.
He doesn't know if its rain or tears streaming down his face.
Seeing him now Naruto doesn't think he's attractive. In fact, he finds him a little gross. And that mole, right above his lip, how did he find that cute? Naruto has to hold down his lunch when he thinks in all those kisses he had probably had that in his mouth and wants mouthwash, now. The dark curly hair he had ran his fingers through all night looked greasy and unclean. Those eyes, they weren't the same green he remembered back at the club, were dull and resembled closer to brown.
How did he ever sleep with this man, is all Naruto can think.
Naruto hadn't planed on seeing this man again, but here he is, yelling and throwing things in the middle of the restaurant, calling Naruto every vile name he can think of and weeping about the fake number Naruto had given him so that they wouldn't meet again. Funny, how it had backfired.
He marches over to Naruto, arms waving in the air and a fist that looks ready to strike but it instead grabs the collar of his shirt. Then he sees it. The pocket knife in the other hand of this hysterical man who feels that Naruto had done wrong. He scared and as if everything that has happened wasn't punishment enough he's now going to die. This guy is going to stab him in the heart or slit his throat, or gouge out his eyes or something.
Then Itachi is there. It was nothing more then a flash as the man was knocked out, lying still on the old carpeted grown. Sakura is at his side asking if he's alright, what happened, should she call the police. When Itachi puts both his hands on Naruto's shoulders, he notices that he's shaking. He's breaking down again and floodgates are open and his knees give out. From the floor, resting against the breakfast bar he spills everything that he's been keeping from them. He spills everything that only that empty confessional has heard.
He starts to feel a little better until Sakura decks him.
It's Wednesday, because if he showed up again on a Monday he would have looked stupid. He walks up the stone stairs that lead to those large blue doors with the silver carvings and gold stain glass. The sun is out today and it feels warmer then it should. He hears a bird chirp and there are people about. It's a new, fresh, better day. He opens those large doors and walks down the same aisle of benches before hanging a left and heading for the box he is oh so familiar with.
He sits down quietly, straightens out the wrinkles in his pants and inhales deeply.
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been nine days since my last confession, and my sin is…I've hurt a lot of people close to me, with my own selfishness." He bits his bottom lip and looks at the wicker screen with that dark velvet and he knows that it's safe. That he can tell this Father anything, because he already has before. "I don't know if that counts a sin or not, but I feel really guilty. I mean, my friends have been worried sick about me and I've just ignored them. And this guy, he really liked me and I just upped and left and didn't think about his feelings what so ever. And…and I want to start living a better life, one which I'm not so self-induced. I want to know what's going on in my friends' lives but lately all I've cared about is who's good enough for me to wake up next to and I forgot Gaara's birthday last month and if things keep going this way I'll forget Sakura's next and I have no-"
"Please child," A voice says, stunning Naruto quiet. "Breathe." His eyes are wide and he stares at the wicker and velvet screen from were that voice had come. "And yes child, you have become selfish, but everyone wants love, and I personally, find no sin in that."
Naruto smiles. It's been how long since he's smiled and it hurts his cheeks but he doesn't want to stop yet. Not ever.
"Tell me my child," The Father says breaking Naruto from his little happy spell. "You had mentioned a handful of people, but what has ever happened to Sasuke?"
Naruto's smile is now a gaping and he stands quickly. "I'm sorry Father but I need to leave."
"That's fine child, but on one condition."
And Naruto could here the laughter in the Father's voice. "The next time you want to tip, please put it in the donation box."
Naruto closes the back door to Itachi's car and thanks the couple for the ride as the drive off. He's at the park and he can see the silhouette of Sasuke with his stupid bird hair, up on the monkey bars, facing the frozen water. It takes Naruto all of five seconds to cross the park and when he gets there, at the bass of the bars, Sasuke is waiting.
Naruto had to dodge the kick aimed for his head.
"Are you fucking insane Naruto!" Sasuke is off the bars. "Huh!" His hands grab onto Naruto's shoulders. "Going to clubs underage! Sleeping with random men you just meet!" Sasuke shakes him. "Do you not know how dangerous that is? Were you even safe?" Sasuke lets him go and Naruto stumbles back a bit. "You're such an idiot." Sasuke mumbles and lifts himself back onto the monkey bars. "What did you fucking want…?" Naruto stayed quiet until Sasuke growled. "What's your fucking answer Naruto?"
"I just wanted somebody who I would still like after I woke up."
The air was thick between them and the tension could be cut with knife. When Naruto was sure that Sasuke had nothing left to say, he decided to leave. But just then, a pale hand was held out for him. Sasuke's hand.
Naruto took the silent gesture and Sasuke helped pull him onto the monkey bars. Naruto sat, shoulder to shoulder, facing the frozen lake which made his back shiver. An arm shot out, wrapping around his back and pulling him closer to warmth. And Naruto got it.
Sasuke was the warmest body he had ever been next to. He looked up at Sasuke, a light blush on that pale face, with mysteriously dark eyes that tried to hide under long lashes which brush upon high cheek bones. The thin lips that were so often emotionless but would smirk or scowled when he was around and so rarely smiled. That feather soft hair that looked so stupid but Sasuke kept it the same no matter how much Naruto would tug on it.
Naruto felt like he was in his warm home paradise.
And when he woke up tomorrow, he would still happy.
Thank You For Reading
Or Whatever It Is You're Supposed To Say