Title: The Kiwi Sitter
Rating: PG (For Language)
Word Count: 753
Pairing: None...I think.
Topic: T & B Anon Prompt. Deanoning this. Because I had too much fun with it.
Type: Total crack, One shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Tiger and Bunny. Tiger and Bunny belongs to its respective owners.
VTM: Another fic, but this time I was stretching my comedy muscles with this piece. The prompt being: Yuri's secret hobby is breeding kiwis (the bird, not the fruit lol). He has a little kiwi farm in his basement next to his Lunatic dungeon and he gives them names and knits them little scarves and blankets.
Bonus: Someone finds out about it and calls Yuri out on his "silly hobby", only for him to defend his kiwis with righteous anger.
...This is what I got. Enjoy the show!
"Um...What...? What the hell are those?" Kotetsu asked as he gave a confused blink. He wasn't sure if the judge put something strange in his tea, because what he was seeing made absolutely no sense.
Yuri sat upon a big plush chair, surrounded by strange little creatures. They looked like they were some kind of birds, though Kotetsu couldn't see anything like wings on them. They just had brown feathery, almost spiky looking fuzz , a head on a longish neck, and big pair of legs.
"They are my friends... " Yuri said with a slight hint of annoyance. "My only friends." He said the last part more quietly, but Kotetsu still caught it.
The crusher of justice took another sip of his tea and then gave a small sigh. "You really need to get out more."
"You know, I could always take back my offer of lowering your fines..." Yuri said thoughtfully.
"Right, right, I'll be leaving that alone then. But what are they?" Kotetsu said as he noticed one of the birds approaching his chair. He pulled his legs up and sat himself pretzel style. While part of him was sure that this all had to be of some kind of strange hallucinogen that was put in the tea he was offered, the hero still didn't want to take the chance that he could be wrong.
In fact most of this visit seemed to be just one strange trip he was having. Kind of like being drunk with Antonio, except without the cloudiness, the crying, the chest hair braiding, and any of the fun. Here he was sitting in the judge's basement, which had "interesting" decor. A mix of modern art meets classical art, much of the color scheme matched Yuri's bad ties, and suspiciously familiar blue flames lighting torches. This left Kotetsu to wonder how many safety laws Yuri was breaking with those torches. That hypocritical bastard.
The hero was then pulled out of his own thoughts when he felt a tugging on his shoelaces. Looking down he saw the wingless bird nipping and pecking at his shoes.
"They are kiwis, beautiful birds." Yuri said with a small smile on his face. "That one's name is Sir Edmon Charles Fuzzums Worth the Fourth."
Kotetsu just stared at Yuri with a look that was a mix of disbelief and his mind shorting out. He then blinked and shook his head. "Is it too late to pull out of this "request" of yours?"
"Yes, it is." Yuri set his tea down on what Kotetsu thought was a strange, grotesque sculpture with little carvings on the sides of it that kind of looked like Lunatic slaying criminals and dominating someone that looked a little like Mr. Legend, but as it turned out it was just an ugly ass coffee table. "You see, mother and myself will be going on vacation. Poor woman needs it for her health and I was told I need to get more sun."
Kotetsu bit back the "Damn right about that" comment that was on the tip of his tongue.
"So, I need someone to look after my little babies while I'm away." Yuri explained while he lovingly pet a kiwi that was seated on his lap.
"I'm not sure I'm all that good with animals..."
"They are not just "animals"...they are my friends." Yuri said with a tone of finality. "You do this for me, I'll lower your outstanding fines. Which I'm sure would be a relief for you, would it not? From what I have read you have a child that you support, don't you?"
"Huh? You've been keeping tabs on me?" Kotetsu couldn't help but feel oddly violated. Yuri suddenly soared up Kotetsu's mental "creepy list". But Yuri did have a good point, his fines were getting really hard to balance with his other responsibilities. "Fine, I'll do it..."
"Good, now I have a list here of all the things that you need to know." Yuri set the kiwi on the floor and got up from his chair. The two then spent the next hour touring Yuri's basement, Yuri really seemed to be really enjoying talking about how to take care of "his little friends".
"Sweaters...You make them sweaters?" Kotetsu could feel his eye twitch slightly as Yuri showed them off. "They don't even have any arms!"
"THEY'RE STILL PEOPLE TOO!" Yuri shouted.
"Why are you shouting!" Kotetsu cried as he shrank away from Yuri's sudden outburst. This was going to a looooooong couple of weeks.