A/N: So, this is a story I've been dreaming up for a while now… Finally posting it! There's gonna be a proper plot and hot ninja sex! Awesome, right? If there's any pairings people really wanna see please lemme know in da reviews or something (yaoi, yuri, straight, whatever) and I promise to do my best for you! This will focus mainly on the Akatsuki but Gaara, Naruto, Sasuke, Lee and a bunch of other characters have some important shiz going down later on too… Hope you guys like it! Also! I got my first ever review recently! Thanks! Pleeeeeeeaaase gimme more! Your love is the reason I whore out my perverted brain for free like this… Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"It's been a whole month and he still hasn't fallen in love with me, un!"

"For the love of Jashin, shut the fuck up about that redhead prick! Why the fuck is everyone around here gay? Fuck, it pisses me off."

"Akatsuki Academy is sort of famous for that…" Deidara grinned and leaned over their lunch table. "Still in denial, huh, Hidan-chan?"

The zealot froze, blushing a little as the artist gently stroked the side of his face. The blonde moved his hand lower; pressing lightly against the older male's neck so the palm mouth could lick and nibble his friend's sweet spot. Hidan bit his lip to hold back any noises of pleasure as the blonde watched him grow redder. Deidara grinned; he was going to leave a mark for sure.

The religious potty mouth snapped out of it, swatting Deidara's arm away.

"Fuck off, Deidara! And quit eye-fucking me!" Hidan rubbed off the saliva on his neck. "That's Jashin-damn gross."

Deidara laughed, relaxing back into his chair. "Don't lie; you liked it, un."

As the white haired man opened his mouth to retort the bell went and Deidara paled.

"Haha!" Hidan pointed and laughed, standing from their lunch table. "I don't know why you even go to this Advanced Ninja Academy if you pussy out whenever you fucking think about hand-to-hand combat. Let's go watch you get the shit kicked out of you. You slept with someone to get accepted in didn't you, fucking whore."

Deidara glared, following the zealot out of the hall. "I'm an amazing ninja, un! You can be a great ninja and not like taijutsu. Besides, I'm not that bad, un!"

"Then why the fuck are you shaking?" Hidan scoffed.

"Shut up, un." Deidara pouted.

"Yes, please do shut up, Hidan."

Both men stared as the sexy puppet master Sasori spoke up. He'd been walking behind them, apparently.

"T-the fuck are you doing here?" Hidan stuttered.

"I'm headed towards the same class as you." Sasori reminded him. "By the way, Deidara…"

The blonde's eye widened and he went a little pink in the cheeks. He's talking to me, un!

Damn he's adorable, Sasori thought to himself with a soft smile.

"I'm not a big fan of taijutsu either." The redhead placed a hand gently on the younger man's shoulder reassuringly as he passed the two. "Still, we're definitely great shinobi so don't worry about it."

And with that Sasori strode off, catching up to his friend Kakuzu.

Deidara felt like his heart was ready to burst.

"Who the fuck is that?" Hidan murmured.

"The guy I've been going on about since we started here a few weeks ago, un!" Deidara felt all glowy inside. "He's so nice!"

"No, not that fucker," Hidan pointed to the sewn-up man walking next to him. "Him."

"Kakuzu, un?" Deidara narrowed his eyes, a sly smile creeping over his face.

"Hm. Well, now he's not bad I guess… N-not in a gay way or anything, just… He looks tough."

"Hidan, un?"

"What?"

"You didn't swear, un." Deidara frowned still smiling. He playfully poked his friend in the side. "You like him don't you!"

"How the fuck can I? Never met the guy!"

"Language, Hidan!" Asuma's voice hollered as he swatted the Jashinist over the head. They were walking in different directions and neither stopped.

"Sorry, sensei!" Hidan shouted over his shoulder.

"Fuck!" He grunted, rubbing his head. "I swear one of these days I'm gonna fucking murder that shit-head teacher."

"Pfft, like you could, un."

"Shut up, I fucking could!"

Gai-sensei, after a beautiful speech about youth and the joys of taijutsu, as well as a ridiculously long run which everybody reluctantly participated in, finally announced the first sparring contestants.

"Ok, this… is the ultimate battle of the lesson… And it shall be between…"

His colossal eyebrows pulled together as the sensei glared hard at his class. Hidan, sitting behind Deidara, started pointing at the oblivious blonde. His wild gestures caught Gai's attention.

"You," he pointed at a terrified Deidara, "Have been volunteered by the white-haired kid behind you."

Hidan cackled evilly.

"What's your name, Blondie?" The green-clad man asked.

Deidara stood up slowly, "I'm Deidara."

Kotetsu wolf-whistled at him, making some of the teens laugh.

The blonde pouted and searched the huddle of classmates for the man, accidentally catching the sympathetic eye of Sasori. Deidara quickly looked away, feeling a blush bloom on his cheeks.

"And you, with the red hair." Gai pointed at Sasori, whose eyes went wide.

Hidan was crying with laughter now.

The unwilling pair walked slowly to the sparring grounds, Deidara's feet dragging.

"Begin!" Gai shouted in triumph when they reached the centre.

Deidara glanced at Sasori shyly, hating the whole situation.

Sasori smiled wryly at him. "Do your best."

"Thanks, un."

Deidara screamed in his head. How could I do my best now? This guy is so sweet!

The pair bowed to each other and took up defensive stances, waiting for the other to make the first move.

"Don't be a fucking pussy, Deidara! Beat the shit outta him!" Hidan yelled.

And with that the whole class started jeering them on. Gai shrugged, blaming youth for their colourful tongues.

Sasori, figuring the blonde wasn't going to make a move anytime soon, ran forwards. Why did he feel so reluctant? He didn't even know this kid. It should be no problem to take him down; Sasori had experience on his side. Besides the blonde looked soft…

Very soft…

Especially his lips… and skin… and hair…

The redhead frowned, the hell was wrong with him?

Sasori still couldn't bring himself to fight full force. He tried to make it look believable, though. He feigned to right and then kicked out at the blonde's left leg. Deidara jumped, quite high, turned a flip in the air and brought his leg down. Sasori's eyes widened as he jumped back just in time- there was a crater in the ground where he would have been a second ago. This kid was strong after all.

Deidara grinned as he found his resolve: if he beat Sasori up he's got an excuse to talk to him more; apologize and insist on treating the redhead's wounds… And maybe then Sasori would be impressed with his fighting spirit and kind heart! Yes! It was perfect!

Hidan whooped, "Go Blondie!"

The class joined in, yelling random encouragement for whichever ninja they felt like.

Sasori was really being pushed.

Both shinobi were breathing hard under the sun. It had been a long fight. The puppet master watched with large brown eyes as Deidara straightened out of his fighting stance to quickly pull off his shirt. Hidan wolf-whistled this time and Deidara held up a middle finger in his general direction- he was keeping his determined blue eyes locked on Sasori, dropping the sweaty top to his side.

The redhead felt his pants get quite tight all of a sudden, watching Deidara breath hard; his perfectly toned and tanned body glistening... and those sky-blue eyes focusing on him. Deidara wasn't just hot and sexy, he was beautiful. Sasori licked his lips.

Deidara took one more deep breath, missing the lustful stare he'd been receiving from Sasori. He hadn't inflicted any serious damage yet, but he had landed a few minor blows. The blonde wasn't easing up. He'd thrown combination after combination at the puppet master and all Sasori could do was block and dodge, but he was getting tired… and so was Deidara by the looks of things. Still, he wasn't giving up.

The bomber ran at Sasori again, starting with a fly-kick. The puppet master gritted his teeth- he was up against a large rock so how could he dodge? The redhead managed to skid out of the way, watching from behind his raised fists as Deidara turned a graceful somersault in mid-air and used the rock as a spring board. He was now flying through the air towards Sasori, arm pulled back, ready to fight.

The redhead jumped back and caught the fist Deidara threw. He used the blonde's momentum against him and tossed his slender, gorgeous body to the ground. Sasori took the opportunity to pin him down, sitting on the bomber's stomach with his knees holding Deidara's arms down by his sides. Sasori raised a fist, about to strike him across the jaw when he caught sight of Deidara's big, frightened blue eyes. The redhead frowned and pulled his fist back further. The boy beneath him flinched, squeezing his eyes shut and angling that flawless face away from the impending blow.

Sasori sighed and raised his arm higher, above his head.

"We've sparred enough now, sensei."

Deidara snapped his eyes open in disbelief, watching the gorgeous man sitting atop him refrain from hitting him.

Gai cleared his throat. "Umm, oh would you look at that; you've already fought for longer than five minutes. Ok, so, next pair!"

Sasori sighed and eased himself off the blonde. He smiled down at Deidara and offered him a hand.

"Are you ok?"

Deidara swallowed and grinned back, nodding once whilst taking the hand and allowing himself to be heaved out of the dirt. Sasori frowned and ran a finger over the stitching on Deidara's chest curiously, sending tingles through the blonde.

He laughed nervously, "I'm really weird, un; I've got three extra mouths."

Sasori's eyes widened. "What?"

Deidara, fearing the puppet master's disgust at his repulsive body, started walking off of the training grounds to join the rest of the class. Sasori followed, picking up the blonde's shirt and handing it to him.

"Thanks, un."

He sat down, glaring at Hidan who was making kissy-faces at him. Deidara prayed Sasori didn't see. The two sat where Sasori had been seated before the match; beside a stunning woman with blue hair and cold eyes, and a ginger man with multiple piercings. The two nodded at Sasori.

"Konan, Pein," Sasori introduced.

"I'm Deidara, un." He smiled shyly at them.

Pein nodded at Deidara and looked back at the new fight. Konan paid him more attention.

"So, Dei-chan…" She smirked at Sasori's reaction to the fast nickname. He looked a bit… weary? And his brown eyes narrowed in an envious manner. "Do you mind if I play with your hair?"

The blonde smiled at her, "Sure, un. I like having people play with my hair."

She ran her fingers through the silky, golden strands. "It's really pretty and smooth… Like silk."

"Thank you, un."

The woman petted the blonde's head gently; stroking his long blonde mane like you would a cat's fur.

"So, what were you saying about those mouths?" Sasori asked softly.

Deidara smiled sheepishly and held out his hands, face up. Two small, pink tongues poked out of the grinning mouths on his palms.

Sasori stared for a moment.

"That's the other one, un." He closed the palm-mouths and pointed at his chest. Under his top, Sasori knew there was the stitching.

"I see…"

There was a silence as the two turned to watch the fight. It was between two chuunin and it looked kind of pathetic in comparison to their battle- even if Deidara had dominated it somehow, until the end, and neither was particularly good at taijutsu.

"Do you think I'm a freak, un?" Deidara asked quietly, his heart hammering in his chest.

Pein, Konan and Deidara glanced at Sasori for his reaction. The redhead was only aware of Deidara. He shook his head.

"Of course not." He promised. "I'm not that shallow."

Deidara smiled, relief flooding through him. "One more thing… why didn't you hit me, un?"

Sasori shrugged and looked away, blushing a little. "I just couldn't."

"Why?" Deidara pressed.

Sasori shrugged again and then grinned. "You didn't say "un.""

Deidara blushed but didn't say anything.

"So, Deidara…" Konan began plaiting his ponytail. "Are you gay, straight, bisexual…? What?"

The blonde stiffened, as did Sasori. Sure that question had been on his mind too, but to come out and just ask like that…!

"I'm just asking for my friend's sake." She explained, still plaiting. "Sasori's normally quite… mean, cynical, dark, kind of evil and messed up, lonely, quiet, rather cruel, impatient, blunt… and he would have hit anybody else in that situation. Hard. Repeatedly."

Pein chuckled at her side. "She's got a point; I thought you'd punch him at least five times."

"We placed bets," a huge shark-like man added, seated at Konan's left.

Deidara glanced to the side of him, noticing Sasori was glaring at Konan with ferocity enough to make the blue man sat next to her shuffle away slightly in fear.

"C'mon Sasori, we know you're a nice guy deep down, it's just that you rarely show it." She smiled an angelic smile and went back to questioning Deidara. "So…?"

Sasori sighed. "You don't have to answer, Deidara, really. Konan, that wa-"

"I'm gay." Deidara said simply.

The redhead's eyes widened.

"And if Sasori has a thing for me… that's up to us, not you Konan." Deidara sat up straighter and glanced back at her with a grin. "Don't plait my hair. I look awful in plaits, un."

She frowned, "No, you look adorable."

"He always looks adorable." Sasori murmured.

Deidara blushed, a victorious joy spreading through his body. "Thank you, un."

There was a silence as the class watched the chuunin kick each other's pathetic butts.

Deidara glanced to the side and caught Sasori gazing him.

"It's rude to stare, un," He teased.

"Sorry." The redhead said softly, a light blush spreading over his cheeks.

Deidara laughed, "It's ok if it's you, I guess."

Sasori smiled. "Un." He added for the blonde.

"Un." Deidara agreed, grinning.

"Oh, stop flirting and go out you two!" Konan turned her free hand to sheets of paper and fanned her face. "You're too sweet. It's making my eyes water."

She sniffed dramatically and the ginger man smacked the back of her head, "Leave them alone, Konan."

The woman frowned at him. "Don't hit me."

"Don't embarrass people and interfere."

"But I love interfering! And I'm good at it…"

"No."

"But-"

"No, or I'll use paper-shredder-no-jutsu."

Deidara giggled and the pierced man smirked, "I do have to agree with you though. He's cute in plaits."

Konan lifted a hand to her mouth, "But… You're looking for a boyfriend and Sasori's looking for a boyfriend and you both think Dei-chan's cute and-"

"Shut up, Konan." Both men ordered.

"It's not like that, Sasori," Pein looked seriously at his friend. "I'm not really into blondes."

Deidara huffed and flicked his hair at the disinterested man. "You're missing out, un."

With that said the blonde smiled at Sasori and stood. In truth he had been going to sit with Hidan and brag about how well everything was going, but the bell went as soon as he'd taken a step away from his new friends. Feeling very awesome and psychic the bomber kept walking, sensing the eyes on his back.

Today was going well.

They all filed into the changing rooms, Hidan bitching to Deidara the entire time.

"You left me alone with that Kakuzu guy right next to me! It was fucking awkward!"

"Why, un?" Deidara raised his eyebrows.

"It just was, ok? Fuck…" The zealot blushed.

"I bet the sexual tension was so thick in the air you could've sliced it with you scythe, un."

"Shut the fuck up!" Hidan hissed, pulling his fresh clothes out of the locker and tossing Deidara his clothes, towel and shampoo.

"Here's your herbal Essences, you fucking queer."

"At least when I fancy a guy it's not some giant, sewn up tentacle monster, un." The blonde mimed puking and then pointed an accusing finger at his best friend. "Hentai!"

Hidan grinned, a light blush on his face. "Hentai is fucking hot, bitch."

"Eeeeewww!" Deidara laughed, "I knew you were freaky but, really, un?"

"You're," Hidan poked the smaller man's chest. "Calling me fucking freaky, Little Miss four mouths?"

Deidara poked three of his tongues out, "All the better to eat you with, my dear, un!"

Hidan mimed throwing up this time and followed the others to the showers.

Deidara grinned; he was an evil genius when it came to flirting.

He stood under the shower head on the opposite side of the room from Sasori and started washing himself innocently like everybody else. The redhead struggled not to all out stare as the boy opposite him arched upwards to treat his hair to the girly shampoo. Deidara grinned, feeling the eyes on him -and hoping one pair belonged to Sasori. He flexed his nicely toned muscles under that perfect skin and let the foam wash over him. He grabbed his soap and made a show of lathering his hands in suds and then stretching and rubbing his body.

The puppet master groaned, desperately trying to keep his eyes off the blonde. He refused to get a hard on in the showers and be humiliated. Still, Sasori couldn't help but glance up one last time. He was rewarded by a perfect view of the blonde accidentally dropping his soap and bending over to recapture the slippery block. Sasori felt a nosebleed coming on at the display of Deidara's gorgeous ass.

"I'd tap that," murmured a brunette not too far from Sasori, eyeing Deidara with a grin.

"Hell yeah! He looks tight, not to mention damn hot." His friends agreed, also checking out the bomber. Sasori saw red. He desperately wanted to stride over to Deidara, kiss him, throw a towel over him and take him away from these perverted losers. Instead he settled for a death glare at his own soap. He finished washing, knotting a towel around his waist and storming out of the shower stalls.

Hidan relayed the whole thing to Deidara, acting as the blonde's eyes since he had his back –and perfectly shaped ass- facing Sasori. His blue eyes glittered; this was going well.

Phase two; Hidan walked back into the changing rooms first and started getting dried and dressed near Sasori. The redhead didn't pay any attention to the man until Deidara emerged from the stalls, looking like a god with his beautiful, bronze body dripping wet, long blonde hair falling down his back and framing that pretty, slightly flushed face. Only a towel was covering him, an even that small damp cloth wasn't doing a very good job. It wasn't even tied, Sasori realised with a clenching feeling in his lower gut; Deidara was just holding it up! What if he accidentally-

No, Sasori stopped fantasizing and glared at his clothes. He needed to get dressed and just leave.

"Oi, bitch, I got your fuckin' shoes over here."

Deidara glanced over at Hidan, pretended to notice Sasori was right next to his friend for the first time and blushed when the redhead looked up.

Damn he was hot! The blush hadn't been fake.

The puppet master was only wearing a pair of jeans! And he was still glistening wet, his pale body looked toned and strong, and there was something about wet hair that turned Deidara on… It was just sexy somehow. Especially Sasori's; it was thick and red and wavy…

Deidara tried not to stare as he walked over to his friend and started to dry himself off, stretching a leg over a bench and rubbing it dry; ankle to thigh. Sasori glanced over quickly; did the blonde shave his legs? He suppressed a moan; why was Deidara so goddamn sexy? There was no doubt in Sasori's mind that the bomber was the god of all ukes.

"I thought I already told you it's rude to stare, un," Deidara teased.

The redhead blushed and murmured an apology.

The blonde shook his head, "Its fine, like I said; as long as it's you, un."

Sasori felt his eyes widen at the younger man's words, hope sprouting in his chest.

He pulled a black sleeveless hoodie on and quickly rubbed his hair dry on a towel.

Deidara focused on the final stage of his plan, his pretty blue eyes staring hard at the lockers as he wiggled into tight black jeans and pulled a loose white top over his head. The shirt had large slits along the back, stylishly showing off the artist's smooth, tanned skin. Sasori grinned as the blonde, in a very blonde moment, had accidentally slid his arm through one of the slits rather than the arm hole. The blonde blushed a little, and struggled in a flustered manner.

Sasori stepped forwards, gently placing a hand on the younger male's shoulder again.

Deidara whooped in his head; just as planned!

"Here," he offered, taking Deidara's hand and helping him ease it through the right hole.

"Thanks, un." Deidara blushed more when he realised Sasori was still holding his hand. That made him happy; knowing the redhead wasn't put off by the hand-mouths.

"What are you doing right now?" Sasori asked casually.

"Uh… Holding hands with you, un…?"

Sasori rolled his eyes but squeezed the blonde's hand lovingly, "I meant, now as in now that class is over for the day."

"Oh!" The blonde grinned up at his crush, "Sorry, un. Yeah, I was just gonna… I don't know actually… Sleep? Draw?"

Hidan sighed loudly, "No, you stupid fucker, you're going to get ready for my fucking party! It's the first one I've had since we fuckin' started here and you're gonna be there or else Jashin will smite you down!"

Deidara shrugged, enraging the boy further. "Fear him you gay, heathen prick!"

Sasori twitched, suddenly feeling very protective of Deidara and angry at his friend's cussing.

Deidara, completely tuning out the sworn insults, nodded. "Oh yeah, sorry Hidan I forgot, un! Hey, do you wanna go? Hidan's house is huge and he does throw awesome parties, un."

Sasori smiled, "Sure."

The blonde beamed at him, his angelic smile making the scorpion's heart pound hard in his chest.

"It's a date, un!"