(Disclaimer for the whole story: anything recognisable is owned by all rightful authors, publicists, musicians etc. The only thing I own is the plot and any made-up characters.)
This is a DRABBLE fic, which means regular updates (sometimes more than once a day), each chapter being 200 or so words long.
"…Coming up we've got singles from Rihanna, David Guetta, and the one everyone is talking about, Edward Masen! Who will be on the show in just a little bit, discussing his new US tour…"
Compose – Text Message – To: Alice Cullen: 2 DAYS! 2 DAYS! E.M IN 2 DAYS!
From Alice Cullen: I need you to apologise to Jasper for me, because in 2 days I'm going to orgasm like a pregnant women by simply looking at another man.
From Bella Swan: Have I mentioned that you're a rampant whore recently?
From Alice Cullen: A nun would become a rampant whore in front of Mr. Masen.
"So, Isabella, what can I do for you today?" The over-weight nurse, dressed in blue scrubs that fits tightly over her bulges, intimidates the shit out of me, simply because of the personal information I am about to pass on.
"I would like to start 'The Pill', please…"
"Okay. I'm going to ask you some questions, so I'll start with the easy ones. Are you currently in a sexual relationship?"
"Is that likely to change anytime soon?"
"Not that I know of…" What does she want me to do? Check my diary?
"So is this more to help control periods instead?"
"Yeah, I'm going on a long holiday, I'm being a bridesmaid – all of these, plus more, during the summer, and I don't want to have the worry about getting a period during those few months."
She notes all my answers down on the computer. "Okay. Have you used any other means of contraception before?"
"Apart from condoms, um, no." I'm so interesting it's on the borderline of unreal.
"Right, well from what you said, I'll set you up with the three months plan; take the pill every day for three months, you have a seven day break – your period will arrive in that week – then start the next three months. Make sure to take it at the same time every day – give or take an hour."
Three months without Aunt Flow? That shit sounds incredible.
The nurse took my blood pressure, and whilst doing that, told me about the complications of taking The Pill, and what I should do if I am to miss a day. Before sending me off with the information to give to the pharmacist, she added one more piece of information.
"Just so you know it takes a week before kicking in, so if you end up in a sexual position, it won't cover you."
I haven't slept with anyone for six months. I think I can last seven days.
Sorry Bella, but I have a feeling you won't…