A/N: So here are fragments of Ygraine's life and the time after she died.
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Merlin... but I want to!
'Are you okay?' A warm voice asked her and a hand was placed on her shoulder. Ygraine looked behind her and smiled when she saw that it was Gaius.
Another teardrop ran over her cheek. 'I'm sorry that you have to see me like this Gaius. I... I... It's just all my fault.'
Gaius sighed and sat down next to his queen. She placed her head against his chest and he held her close to him. 'Ygraine.' She looked up at him with her watery eyes. 'It's not your fault, never say that. You have done everything to get pregnant. Uther should not blame you and you should also not blame yourself.'
She grabbed Gaius at his shoulders and hope was seen in her eyes. 'Is there nothing that you can do with your magic? I would give anything for a child, please Gaius!'
He closed his eyes. 'I'm not powerful enough. I'm sorry, give it some time.'
'If only we have enough time.' She sighed and placed herself against his chest again.
'Uther are you sure we should do this. I have bad feeling about this, about her.' The witch Nimueh scared her, but Uther didn't listen to her words. He was desperate for an heir.
'It's our last hope to get a child. You know how important it is to get an heir.'
'Can't we do it another way? There should be something else we could do!'
'You know that there is no other way.' He pulled her towards him and hugged her. 'Ygraine, please.'
'Why not make Morgana your heir?' He had told her that he was Morgana's father. She had forced him to tell and after a lot of thinking at her side she had accepted it, but that didn't mean that she was happy about it.
He shook his head. 'No Ygraine, I want a child from you.' He then looked away from her. 'And nobody can know that I'm Morgana's father.'
'Nobody has to know.' She tried to look in her lover's eyes.
'Don't you want to have a child with me?' She heard the sadness in his voice.
She gasped. 'Of course, I want that more then anything!'
He finally looked in her eyes. 'Then please Ygraine.'
She know he was desperate for an heir. The only thing she ever wanted was to see him be happy. 'Okay then.'
The sun was shining bright and Ygraine started dozing off while sitting in front of the castle. Her hand laid on top of her pregnant belly and a smile spread across her face. He kicked and she loved it. It was a sign that her little boy was fine. She was certain that it was a boy and not a girl, even when all the other women said it was impossible to know something like that. She didn't know how she knew it, but she just knew.
She couldn't wait to finally see him and hold him in her arms. She didn't have to wait long knowing that she had only one month to go until he would be born into the world of the living, a wonderful thought.
She already knew what his name was going to be, Arthur Pendragon. She was offended when Uther first told her that they should also think about a girl's name, so she let him decide the name, not that it did matter, because it was going to be a boy. She grinned, she was stubborn.
She slowly opened her eyes when she realised that she otherwise would be late for her appointment with Gaius and slowly got up.
It was when she walked through the hallways that she saw a brown haired woman wandering through the castle. It was clear that the woman was lost and the queen walked towards her. 'Hello, can I help you with something?'
The brunette turned around in surprise and looked a bit scared at the queen. 'Ehmm... Hello, I'm searching for Gaius, but I can't find his chambers.'
Ygraine smiled at the woman. 'I'm going to him now so why don't you just follow me.'
'Thank you... and congratulations.' The woman smiled at Ygraine's pregnant belly. 'My name is Hunith.'
'Thank you Hunith.' She placed her hand on her pregnant belly and saw that the other woman did the same thing. She grinned with understanding knowing what that behavior meant. 'I'm Ygraine.' She wanted people to like her not because she was queen, but as a person, so sometimes with new people she didn't tell them she was a queen.
But Hunith knew who the queen was.' Ygraine... but... my lady, forgive me.' She made a small bow for the other woman.
'Oh, please don't. Just call me Ygraine. You don't come from Camelot?'
'No, my l... Ygraine. I come from a small town in Essetir named Ealdor.'
Ygraine frowned. 'Essetir... how do you know Gaius?'
She saw that Hunith froze for a moment. 'Ehmm... we have known each other for a long time.'
The queen stopped when they reached the chamber's of their friend and knocked on the door. Gaius sat down in front of his desk reading a medical book. 'Good morning my lady.' He said not looking up to see that he also had another guest.
The two women looked at each other and they laughed. 'But Gaius why don't you welcome your guest?'
He looked confused up and his eyes started shining at the sight of Hunith. 'Hunith, what are you doing here?' He gave her a warm hug.
'I want to tell you something.' Gaius lifted his brow. 'I'm pregnant!' Hunith said with a smile, but Ygraine saw that besides happiness their was also sadness in the woman's eyes and this confused her. Why was the woman not completely happy about her pregnancy?
Gaius started grinning and hugged his friend again. 'Congratulations.' Then he took a quick look at the queen and whispered quickly to Hunith. 'He?'
She lowered her head and nodded. 'Yes.'
This made the queen curious, but she decided it was the best to not ask further seeing the reaction of the other two. 'Gaius shall I come back later so the two of you can catch up, before you look if my little boy is fine.'
Gaius nodded, but on Hunith's face appeared confusion. 'Boy? How do you know it's going to be a boy.'
'I just know.' She said while smiling. 'Don't you have a feeling what it's going to be?'
Hunith blinked. 'hmm... I also think a boy, but you never can be sure.'
'But I'm sure about it. How far are you?'
'Two months.' Hunith smiled and placed her hand on her belly.
The queen decided that it was time to go and said her goodbyes to her new friend and walked away.
She knew that something was wrong when her little one had left her body to finally meet the world. She could feel her strength leave her body. She looked up by the sound of her little one crying in the arms of her husband. The sight of the two of them made her heart jump a little.
Uther spoke with a loving voice. 'You were right my love, it is a boy. Our little Arthur.'
A smile appeared on her face and Uther brought her her child, not noticing that something was wrong with his wife. With her last strength she placed her right hand on top of Arthur's head. 'Beautiful... goodbye my son, enjoy the world you will live in, my little Arthur.' It were the last words she would ever say.
Tears started flowing down when she saw the the concern in the eyes of her husband when he finally realised that something was terribly wrong and she smiled at him, but her last thoughts were for her son, his beautiful blue eyes that stared at her. The only person she would ever give her life for. Darkness filled the room around her and she felt her pain leave her.
But she was not at peace. She saw the pain that Uther felt after he lost her. She felt as if everything he did in his wrath was her fault, she was the cause of it, her death made him a murderer. His wrath against innocent man, woman and children. He murdered them, killed them without any mercy.
And he dragged her son in it with him. If she could she would cry by the thought that her little boy would become a murderer of the innocent like her husband. If only she could stop both of them, if only she would not have died.
Then he was there, the person that would help her little boy, change him, guide him onto the right path of live. Yes, the black haired boy was the person that would change Arthur and the kingdom.
He was a warlock and a mighty one, but she knew that she could trust him. He didn't had the same darkness as the witch Nimueh, he felt warm and caring. No living person thanked him for what he did for them, but she did, she did thank him for everything he did for her son, but her words could also not reach him.
Magic caused her dead, but also allowed her to finally meet the boy she brought into the world of the living. She could finally speak to him, tell him how much she cared for him. Her little boy, her son.
But her time with him was to short. She couldn't tell him the things she wanted to tell him, but she knew that she should be happy with the time that was given to them.
Then she had to leave when her words were still unfinished. She feared that her son would do something stupid and she was right. The witch had tricked her son in trying to kill his own father, her lover.
It was the black haired boy that again had saved to two men she loved most in the world. Saved her son from doing something he could only regret later on.
Her husband's time in the world of the living was near its end. She waited for him when he finally left his body and she guided him to the other side. The place she didn't want to go to yet.
He begged her to come with him, but she refused. She wanted to watch over her boy a little while longer and stayed in the world of the living, the world she didn't belong in.
It was after he left that she realised it. She was starting to forget, her childhood was already gone and her dates with Uther were becoming like shadows to her mind.
The next man that died was her brother, her own brother that tried to kill her little boy.
She never has felt so angry as she felt when she saw him in front of her. His eyes wide with fear and sadness. She knew she could never forgive the man in front of her and he also knew that. At least he finally felt regret for his actions, seeing how his sister still watched over the boy she died for.
He left the world of the living afraid of the rage of his own little sister.
She was so beautiful and Ygraine couldn't help it but sigh. Her little boy was marrying the woman he loved with his whole heart. Both her were hands placed on the cheek of his son and now daughter while they agreed to the strong bond that was about to be placed on them, she knew that they couldn't feel her hands, but it let her mind be at a bit more peace.
Hopefully it wouldn't be long before they would give her a grandchild.
The afterlife was calling her, she wasn't allowed to stay in the world of the living. By time her memories of the past were slowly fading away. The time she had left was not long anymore and she knew it.
Her last day in the world of the living was finally there. She would say her last goodbyes to her son.
There he was her mighty son standing on the castle walls looking upon the people in his lands, in Albion, he was the man she dreamed he would become. Next to him his trusted friend and warlock. Yes she also had to thank the black haired man for everything he had done for her child.
She came towards towards her son and laid her hands upon his cheeks. His hair was becoming gray and lines were spread across his face. She looked into his blue eyes and smiled, because they hadn't changed at all since she saw them the when he was born in the world. 'It's time for me to go my son, have a good live and remember that I will always love you.' He didn't react, he couldn't react, he had not heard a word she had said, but it was fine.
She moved towards the warlock and also placed her hands on his cheeks. 'Thank you for everything that you have done for my son.'
He turned his head around and looked straight into the eyes of the queen. 'And thank you for letting him be born into this world.' She stared at him in shock for a moment when she realised he had spoken to her, but then she smiled at him. She already had a feeling he could see her since a short time. He was powerful and she knew he would always protect her child.
'Merlin, what are you talking about?' Her confused son asked his friend.
She placed one finger on her lips and he smiled. 'Nothing Arthur, nothing.'
Ygraine turned around, it was her time to leave the world of the living and she smiled. She felt that someone grabbed her hand and she looked up, Uther. He was there to guide her to the place she belonged. She gave him a quick kiss and took one last look at her son, before leaving the world of the living behind her. She was finally at peace.
A/N: so the end of my story, I hope you enjoyed it. It came to my mind when I thought about what Ygraine's feelings should have been about everything that had happened.
I should also say that Huntih couldn't be pregnant yet, because the Great Purge hasn't been yet, so Balinor didn't had to flee yet, but I thought I would have been nice to let them meet.