Title: Neuralysis for Naturals

Author: Jedi Buttercup

Disclaimer: The words are mine; the worlds are not.

Summary: HP/MIB III. His entire image is crafted on leaving no lasting memory with anyone he 'encounters'.. 200 words.

Notes: Spoilers for Men in Black III and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Complete crack: I have no excuse.

Funny thing, time. It doesn't always behave as one might expect.

In one strand, Gilderoy Lockhart answers Dumbledore's invitation to teach at Hogwarts with a smile, and immediately stocks up on peacock feather quills.

Pause. Rewind. Watch a butterfly named Jay flap his wings.

Not literal wings, of course. Jay ain't actually a butterfly, a fairy, or anything else Kay might mutter under his breath when Jay relays the differences he notices in their agent roster to Oh.

In this strand, Dumbledore's owl misses Gilderoy Lockhart by a few hours. His potential professor has caught a long-distance portkey to New York, following a promising lead on another novel's worth of fascinating memories. Gilderoy doesn't anticipate any trouble acquiring them; he's been informed the current owners are Muggles. He heads for a building marked Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority, daydreaming about the notoriety he'll receive for 'Tea-Time with Talaxians'.

Dumbledore frowns when the owl returns empty-clawed, and reluctantly crosses Gilderoy Lockhart off his list.

The Americans, as is their wont, behave in a rather more contrary fashion. Two days later, Agent Gee walks back out of the ventilation building, wearing black dress robes, a strange new silvery wand, and a smile.