I have just had to walk home from school in the rain. I was late coming out of school because some of the new seniors wouldn't let me get into my locker. There were three of them, and I probably could have had a fight with them but I really didn't need to get into any trouble. Not when I don't have any friends. Not here, at school anyway. So I had to wait until they got bored of calling me names like "fucking pussy," and "little freaky bitch."
I didn't get angry at them though. I tried to stop listening to them and just thought about the memory of being in bed with Sam and how that felt. It really did feel nice. But then I remembered that I had got an erection and I didn't want to get one in front of those seniors. They would have probably called me "boner boy" and tried to punch it or kick it.
So instead I thought of being in the tunnel and Sam's smile until they left. When they did leave I put my work books in my locker. Then I had to go outside but the bus had already left and I had to walk home. I didn't have a hood on my sweater though, so my hair was plastered to my face. I had a shower when I got home though, and that was warm.
I've been meaning to tell you about me trying to "participate." But there really hasn't been much to "participate" in. If there were a book club I would try and "participate" in that. And until spring in a few months there isn't a lot on anyway. I was thinking of trying out for the football team. I was thinking about which position I'd play, but I'm not sure which one I'd suit really. Maybe a wide receiver. I can run quite fast. That made me think about running track. But I don't know what distance I'd do.
In chemistry lab I was paired with Susan to work out pH values of different solutions of acid and alkaline. I suppose that was "participating" as we had to work in pairs. But then Susan just talked to her friends and I heard one of the boys call me a "fucking freak" again. He still used that tone that made it sound like fact though.
Since Susan grew breasts she's been letting boys touch them a lot. And there was even a rumour that you could go outside behind the buildings and into the bushes and pay her some money and depending on how much you gave her she'd give people blowjobs or handjobs. I wonder how much it would cost to have sex.
But I ignored Susan's friend and I thought that he probably has never been with a girl as brilliant as Sam and that made me happier because Sam really is beautiful.
In truth, being at school is still hard for me. It is mostly because all my friends, Sam, Patrick, Mary Elizabeth, aren't here anymore. And this is why I wish I was older. Because then I could be with Sam at Penn state and we could kiss whenever we wanted. And I would be with my brother and I could always watch the home football games.
But I'm not telling you about me trying to "participate." Neat the end of chemistry lab Susan came back to me so she could copy my results. I didn't say no. As she was writing them down she pushed a folded bit of paper onto my book, and hurried off. I picked it up and looked at it. Susan had written me a note, which I will copy into this letter, so you can read it.
You asked me months ago if I still missed Michael, and the answer is yes. All those times we were together. He was my best friend, and you fucking missed him so what the fuck made you think I wouldn't fucking miss him too. You're fucked up.
I didn't really expect that much swearing. Or the name calling. But I guess I am used to it. I have my answer now though, even though I was high when I asked her the question before. And I don't have much more to tell you. Apart from that I wrote Patrick a letter yesterday.
I'm waiting for his reply now.
A/N: I've seen the Perks film now, and I'm determined to do this fic. I've got 8 letters drafted out, so I'll try and get those coming out maybe 2 a week. One on Sunday, another on... Wednesday? Leave a review telling me which days you'd like me to upload. Also, I've stopped writing the dates because I'm English and I don't know how the American school year works. But you can leave a review telling me to put them back, and just accept some of them might be wrong! As usual, thanks for reviewing, following and favouriting. I only recently realised I have the most reviewed Perks fic, so thanks! 3 (I'll try and make the letters longer, but sometimes it's hard being inside Charlie's head.)