Chapter 45: Goodbye
The world felt so empty now, so useless and stupid. There was no meaning for anything anymore, no meaning to walk, no reason to talk, no reason to laugh or to cry, there was no reason to breathe or even care if everything around you was on fire. There was just no reason to any of it anymore. I looked around the hospital lobby at all the people packed into it. Rachel was crying in Finn's arms as his tears slid down his cheeks into her hair. Mr. Schue was silently crying in the corner, sitting with the rest of the glee club holding Ms. Pillsbury's hand. Mercedes and Quinn were holding each other and Santana was crying on Brittney's shoulder.
It was silent besides the crying and Brittney's random comment about Kurt being up in heaven making the angel's fabulous unicorns just like him. I had to look up when she asked Santana if she thought Kurt was styling Jesus up in heaven. Puck had punched a hole in the wall and then stormed out. No one went after him, everyone was just crying and processing. Me, I just sat there, dead inside.
Suddenly the hospital doors opened and Burt walked out with Carol crying in his arms. Finn let go of Rachel but still kept his arm around her. It was his turn to say his goodbyes.
"Blaine," Burt said in a broken voice. I looked up and saw that he was holding Kurt's composition notebook. I blinked as I looked at the book. I remembered back to earlier this evening, when I was standing on Rachel's porch looking at the books contents. I swallowed and looked down at my hands which were still stained with Kurt's blood from the cut on his cheek.
I didn't want to look at the blood but I couldn't look at Burt. Because that journal in his hands told everything, I was just as responsible for killing his son as Sebastian. If not more, I couldn't look at any of the sad eyes in the room so I looked down at the floor.
"Blaine," Carol said in a soft voice n waved me over. I looked up at her silently begging her not to make me do this but she just met my gaze with sad tear filled eyes. After looking into her face I knew I had to do this, I owed them that much. I somehow found the strength to rise from my chair and walked over to them. I didn't know what to say and "sorry" just seemed pathetic. So I stood there looking at my feet. But then I felt them both wrap me in their arms and hug me tight. I was so surprised I just stood there for a moment. "I'm so sorry son," Burt said before kissing the top of my head. "I'm sooo sooo sorry," Burt said in a broken voice before sobbing into my hair. I had never seen Burt Hummel cry and now that I felt his tears on my hair I couldn't stop my own tears from flowing out of my eyes. "I should never have tried to keep the two of you apart. I'm so sorry Blaine, please forgive me," Burt sobbed and I nodded against his and Carol's shoulders.
"Do you want to go see him next sweetie?" Carol asked and again I nodded. Burt hugged me tighter for a moment before letting me go. I looked at the both of them then at the door. I wasn't sure I could do this; I couldn't see him like that again.
"Blaine," Burt said and I looked back at him only to see him holding the book out to me. "He wanted you to have it," he said and I blinked. "He wrote you a little something on the last page," he said as he handed it over. I looked at it in confusion but then looked up at him and nodded before hugging it close to me.
"Thank you," I said before turning and walking through the doors. This was only my second time in this part of the hospital. Kurt had been brought to the emergency room after the ambulance arrived and took him from my arms. The last time I was here was when Kurt was brought in while he was having is seizure all those months ago. But while that time I had hope, this time I was hopeless.
The doctors did everything they could to revive him as we all waited in anticipation. But almost an hour ago Doctor Norbert came into the lobby and pulled Burt aside. He shook his head sadly and that was all I needed to know. Then it was time for each one of us to say our goodbyes.
I stopped in front of the door, terrified to go in. There would be no beeping from the machines, no sound tubes and wires, no air… just Kurt, lying there but not there. I touched the metal handle with a shaky hand. Then suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Nikki there looking at me with red puffy eyes. I turned and hugged her tightly as she cried and kissed my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart," she said and I just shook my head as I held her tight. "I should have helped you get him out of there," she cried and I shook my head harder this time.
"Don't be sorry," I said and she continued to cry a little harder. "I can't see him like this Nikki, I can't." I whimpered and she pulled back and took my face in her hands.
"I know it's hard Hun," she said, "But you need to say goodbye for both of you," she said and wiped the tears off my cheeks. "If you don't go into that room, you'll hate yourself for the rest of your life," she said and I knew she was right. I nodded and she let go of my face. I'll be right here in the hall if you need me. You're not alone," she said and I let out another sob before forcing myself to nod. She gave me a small smile through her tears and then looked at the door behind me.
I turned to face the brown wood once more and slowly lifted my hand to the handle. I hesitated for a second and took a deep breath before twisting the nob and walking inside.
Silence, that's all I could hear, nothing but the sound of my own shaky breath, I looked over at the bed where he lay. His eyes were closed and his face was stitched. He was covered from the mid chest down with a white sheet. I knew this was the sheet they were going to cover his head with when we all were done saying our good byes. I forced myself to take a step toward the bed and then another until I was right next to him. I bit my lip to try and stop the sobs but my whole body shook with them. I reached out and touched his hand, it was cold.
"Hi," I whispered but silence was the only thing that followed. "Hi baby," I said as I fought the sobs. I looked at the opposite wall as I tried to get myself together. When I felt like I could look again I looked back down into his angel face. "They um, they found Sebastian, the police took him away." I said before I felt foolish for talking about such things at such a time. "I'm sorry, I don't want the last words I say to you to be about him," I apologized and smoothed my thumb on the side of his hand. I let out a shaky breath as I realized what I just said; these will be the last words I ever say to him, ever. The thought hit me like a truck and the sobs broke free. I shook my head as I looked down at him. "Kurt come back," I said, my voice broke on the last word and I shook his hand. "Come back!" I begged and still he didn't move. "Kurt," I whispered in absolute defeat as I threw my arms around him and held him tightly as I cried into his hair. "I can't live without you Kurt! I can't do it, please don't leave me!" I begged but I knew it was useless, he had already gone. "Please, I love you," I whispered before kissing his hair and letting my nose linger there to collect the scent of Kurt. The smell of death hadn't taken him yet and I wanted to remember this scent forever so that I could refer to it in my dreams. I stayed there so long I fell asleep lying on top of Kurt floating in the smell of him. Next thing I knew I was being pulled away from him and dragged out of the room. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
I waited in the lobby for about an hour waiting for someone to let me in to see him again. I held my head in my hands as I tried not to think of that white sheet covering Kurt's head. Burt was back there, I didn't know why but I figured it was kind of sweet to have the parents back there as they wrapped up the body. But it was also kind of cruel. Everyone else had said their goodbyes and went home to await the date of the funeral. But I wasn't going to leave until they kicked me out. I was thinking these thoughts when Burt came through the doors. He had tears in his eyes and his face was all red. "Blaine!" He said and I looked up, Burt sounded happy? "He's back!" he said with a breath of relief before running back through the doors. I sat there, just staring at the spot he had just been standing in. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't even process this. My broken heart leaped back to life and my mind whirled with pure joy and amazement and a whole bunch of other things I didn't understand.
Doctor Norbert came out with a huge smile on his face. "Mr. Anderson, he's asking for you." He said and I looked up at him.
"But- But how?" I asked in amazement and he smiled.
"We took him off life support, he was gone, but I don't know… something must have brought him back. He's still in pain but, he's got a pulse." He said and I felt the tears of joy well up. "Would you like to go see him?" he asked but it was too late I was already through the doors and at Kurt's. I looked in the room to see Burt and Carol laughing through their tears with Kurt. My heart skipped a beat when his eyes met mine.
"Blaine," Kurt sighed and I let out a sob as I smiled and ran into the room before throwing my arms around him in the tightest hug ever.
"Kurt," I breathed into his hair before pulling back and kissing him like I'd never kiss him again. Because I knew now that life was short and I wasn't going to waste a single moment of the time God has given back to me. "I love you so much!" I cried into his hair as he cried on my shoulder.
"I love you too," he said and I held him closer.
Now two years later I'm finishing this story on my laptop getting it already to ship to my publisher. Six months after that night at the hospital Kurt was going to therapy regularly and accepting his eating disorder. He still struggles with it but he's much better. We had moved to New York after high school and I have discovered my passion for writing. One day while staring at an empty notepad I told Kurt that I didn't know what to write. He took my hand and looked me straight in the eye.
"Tell my story," he said and I looked up at him.
"Are you sure?" I asked and he nodded. He wanted to get his story out there so that others who had self-doubt or felt they were alone and helpless would know that they aren't truly alone and their reasons for doing what they do are not stupid or sick like other's might tell them.
Human's feel and sometimes feeling can choke you like the rope that strangled him at the hands of an evil and spiteful villain. And to show the world that there are people like Sebastian Smythe who will do anything to destroy the lives of others just to get what they want and sometimes they'll succeed. But love goes on and when you have love, you never loose.
I hit the enter button on the laptop to save the final chapter. I was proud of Kurt for everything he's overcome. He was doing so well and he was my biggest inspiration. I decided to add that at the end.
A small whimpering noise caused me to pause my writing, I closed the laptop softly and looked over at the other side of the room. Kurt was pulling at his tee shirt as he slept in his bed. He was having a nightmare again; he had those sometimes. I got up and walked over to him.
"Kurt," I whispered and he jumped as he awoke. He had tears in his eyes as he looked up at me.
"I can't breathe!" he gasped and I stroked his hair and held him against my chest.
"It's not real, it's just a dream," I said in a soothing voice as I stroked his hair.
"It feels so real, he's there, he's always there," Kurt cried and I shook my head.
"He's locked up in prison, he can't hurt you. I'll never let anyone hurt you again," I said and Kurt nodded against my chest.
"Sing to me," he asked and I nodded before lying us both back onto the pillows and held him tight.
"Try to sleep," I whispered and he clung tighter to my hand. "I'll be right here," I promised. "Always," he nodded and turned his head to give me a soft kiss before turning all the way so that I was looking into his eyes as I began to sing and stroke his hair.
"You're my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You're everything I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You're my Mona Lisa
You're my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes..." I wiped the tears from Kurt's cheeks as he closed his eyes. I continued to sing softly in the dark just listening to his breathing and falling in love with every breath.
"The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our feel of tears
Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...
You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes
And there are lines upon my face
From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace
For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won't say goodbye
'Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...
You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And The passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes"
Kurt smiled as he slept and I kissed his forehead and thanked God for my angel laying here with me.
So there it is the end of Perfect… I can't believe it. Please PLEASE PLEASE review on this final chapter and tell me what you think of this and/or the whole story. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. N I want to thank you for being so patient with me and giving great feedback and all your support. You guys are the best Look forward to more stories by me, I'll be posting soon. I can't wait to see you guys again. Once again I can't thank you enough. I hope you enjoyed it. Signing off for now – lotrelmo1992 3
Ps: the song Blaine sings in the end is Joshua Kadison - Beautiful In My Eyes. I love this song and it worked perfectly for the final moment.