Thanks for all your reviews, favourites, and follows! And thank you for reading and allowing me to do something I love. Just thank you for being amazing people and leaving such great comments about the story. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you! I cannot say it enough! Now enough of me and onto Mia… Enjoy!
I woke up sweating almost suffocating underneath layers upon layers of clothing and blankets. I unwrapped the blankets off my body and just lay in my bed looking at the ceiling. I grabbed my phone and I noticed a hundred missed calls (literally). I also noticed it was past noon. My mom immediately walked into the room and sat beside me. She began to stroke my hair and tears streamed down her face. Tears of relief.
"Hey Mom" I said
"Hey baby" she sniffed
"What's up?" I smiled
"Ah, you know. I had quite a rough night. My daughter hasn't been taking her meds" she leaned in and kissed my forehead. I hoped she would never figure out that I stopped popping pills for almost a month now. I wanted to see how I would do without them and I was doing great until all this drama in my life. I think it's time to pretend I'm sicker than I am so I don't have to get scolded by my mother. I am most certainly not in the mood for it.
"Mommy I'm really tired" I yawned and rolled onto my side with my back towards her.
"Okay, well I brought you some food that Mr. Norton prepared for you" she kissed the top of my head and left the room. I got out of bed and locked my door. I immediately checked my missed calls which were mostly from Ethan but Lily's name also showed up. I hit her number in order to call her but I got a panicked Ethan instead.
"Mia!?" he asked "how are you?" This was bad, should I just hang up? No, that wasn't very mature since I called him. Maybe I can turn this situation around.
"Yeah" I cleared my throat "I'm fine"
"What the hell happened last night?!" he asked
"Look I just called to apologize for what I said to you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." Okay I kind of meant some of it but I was done. I never wanted to talk to Ethan ever again and I wanted to end on good terms. I just could not have myself reacting like this ever again. I needed to eliminate the cause of my episode.
"What are you talking about?" he sounded confused
"You know at the restaurant. I shouldn't have said what I said to you. Also the guy bringing out my jacket and purse was a waiter" I paused "I was out with my Mom and Lily for the evening" I wanted him to feel bad for hooking up with Sara. He should feel bad because we have this weird thing going on right now and I wouldn't do anything deliberate with another person to hurt him or find comfort like he did to me.
"Oh" he said
I wasn't about it to let him think I didn't see what happened between him and that witch. "Yeah and I saw you with her" I couldn't even bring myself to say her wretched name.
"Who? Cassie?" he asked
"Yeah Cassie!" I said sarcastically "I have to go my Mom will be checking in on me anytime soon."
"Mia please, tell me what's going on? I'm really confused" he begged
"Look do us both a favor and lose this number. Or better yet I'll just change my number. Do not try to contact me in anyway." I started to weep just slightly. I knew it would be cruel to just not tell why Ethan why I was never going to speak to him again so in a moment's courage I blurted it all out. "I can't just be friends with you Ethan. You and I both know I like you a lot more than you like me so I'm done Ethan, whatever this was" I inhaled "it just isn't anymore. Do you understand me?" I asked.
"Mia" he breathed. I loved the way he said my name just then like he struggled with what I had just told him. It showed me he cared but I knew he didn't care enough, this was the best option for the both of us. We needed to move on even though it hurt. I began to remember the way he looked at me before he found out our siblings were dating. I missed him and I haven't even hung up the phone. I wanted so terribly to give us both some glimmer of hope but I didn't want it to be false. He didn't say anything after that. I wiped my tears and broke the silence.
"Okay I guess that's it then. Have a nice life Ethan" I didn't give him a chance to say anything because I didn't want him to say anything else. I didn't want him to change my mind. I hung up on him. I stared at my phone for what felt like forever. I walked over to my bed and sat still staring at it. I switched it on and called Lily. I told her I needed her and she was there in minutes, no questions.
"Mia" she hugged me.
"Lily, stop" I needed to tell her everything before my head exploded. I explained everything from start to finish and Lily sat there laughing.
"I don't know Mimi, maybe you're in too deep but there's a simple solution here" she smiled
"Nothing's ever simple" I said
"Yeah to you it isn't because you complicate things Mia. Sometimes you blow certain things out of portion" she said. Is she being serious? She my best friend, she's supposed to take my side on this!
"Yes add salt to the wound Lils, nice" I said rolling my eyes
"No you're not listening Mimi and that's you're problem" she stood up "here's some tough lovin' for ya" she stood in front of me "all you do is think about yourself, I mean come on Mia, did you actually see Ethan kiss this witch with your own eyes?" she looked at my expecting an answer. I shook my head and looked at the floor. She's right; I just jumped to a conclusion and created a problem. Realization came tumbling down on me. Ethan dislikes Sara and he would never, I mean never even consider hooking up with her. Even if he was upset. I relived Ethan's change in body language at the dinner.
"Oh my god, I'm a dramatic idiot!" I said, my palms to my forehead. I stood up and started to pace in my room. I never gave Ethan a chance to explain because I was so worried about me getting hurt. I didn't even bother to think that Ethan was also hurting. Granted I didn't know Ethan that well but he does not seem like the type to use someone to make himself feel better. I'm such a stupid stupid inconsiderate girl.
"That you are sometimes" Lily said and I shot her a look that could kill "but I love you for it" she smiled.
"What the hell am I going to do now? I told him not to contact me"
"Simple again" she said
"What? How? Tell me!"
"Calm down eager beaver." She laughed, "You never said you couldn't contact him" she arched her right brow.
"Lily you're a genius and I love you so much" I kissed her forehead and grabbed my coat. I called Ethan but he didn't answer and I didn't blame him. I threw my phone on my bed in a moment of frustration and I made my way down the stairs and nearly ran into Darren.
"Darren!" I whispered
"Miss. Grey?" he asked loudly
"SSHHHHHHHH!" I whisper-yelled. I grabbed his blazer and pushed him towards the door.
"What's going on?" he asked
"I need you to take me somewhere but you cannot tell my parents, please!" I begged. I knew my mom would freak if she knew I left my room after nearly having another of my episodes.
"I don't think that's a good idea… uh considering your condition" he said. He knew, he knew about me. Shit, I couldn't look at him anymore. I walked right by him and grabbed the keys to my car and walked out of the door but this time I didn't try to hide the fact that I was leaving. "Miss. Grey, I cannot let you do this" he said.
"Take me or restrain me, either way I'll find a way off the estate." I looked him dead in the eye for the last statement "you think you know me now but you don't. You have no idea what I'm capable of"
"Oh I don't doubt it" he said.
"Are you mocking me?" I asked
"Never Miss. Grey" he responded
"Then get into the car or pack your bags" I said. I didn't know if I had the authority to fire him but he was my security guard I should get a say in who is protecting me.
"Shall we then?" he said through his teeth.
We got into the car and we went to several places starting out with the apartment Ethan shared with his sister and Ana. He wasn't there. Where else could he be? I was beginning to get annoyed. But I knew what I had to do, all of this is happening because of me. I was the one who was unreasonable and now I'm paying the price.
An idea came to me and I went with it. I told Darren where to take me and he drove. I told him to take the long route so we could pass by the first place I met Ethan, near the park. I remembered he said he would go there to think. I kept my eye out for him but he wasn't there. Darren drove me to my last hope of finding Ethan, the beach. The place where he surprised me and thanked me for being a good friend. The place where I thought we could possibly have a shot at making each other happy.
I ran to the spot he had surprised me but all I found where fragments of that night. I looked around for him and he was no where to be found. I knew at some point we would bump into each other but I didn't want that to be our first encounter after we fought. I want us to make things right and I knew the longer I waited the harder it would be for the both of us. I sank down to my knees and watched the tide roll in. I heard people around me laughing and they were pointing at me. I was confused as to why people would be laughing but it made me uncomfortable enough to get up and move to a log on the edge of the beach. Darren joined me. I looked up at him and shrugged my shoulders.
"Want to tell me what's been going on Mia?" he asked
"Honestly, no" I laughed
"Okay" he said
There was a moment of silence between us and since I didn't want to talk about me I could ask him his opinion on a hypothetical scenario. "Can I ask you a personal question?" I looked at him. He nodded. "Do you believe in just knowing" I tried to think of a better way to put it "have you ever felt like you knew someone was right for you?" I shook my head "I'm not explaining it properly, forget it"
"No, I know what you mean" he said "and I whole heartedly believe in just knowing that someone could be the one"
"Oh I know" he smiled
"How so?" I asked
"I don't think it's something you can explain in words" He winked "it's something you feel in your heart"
"I'm scared I might have screwed things up with Ethan. With him, I feel like I know." I struggled for the proper words "like when we met it was perfect, almost like fate." I looked at him "I feel like I've known him longer than I have. He makes me feel something I've never felt about anyone but my family. I'm still not explaining it properly" I smiled.
"That's okay, you're not supposed to be able to explain it" he said.
"I'm sorry for what I said earlier today, it was wrong of me to threaten to fire you" I started to laugh "but to be fair I knew I don't have the authority to fire you"
"It's alright, let's just forget about it" he said
"No it really isn't. I was being an ass and I'm allowing you to punish me" I stood up. "Maybe paint ball? Water balloons?"
He started to laugh at me "I think you've punished yourself enough" he said pointing at my clothes
"OH MY GOD" I attempted to cover my pajamas, which I forgot to change out of. "Kill me"
"Stop" Darren said "you're Mia Grey, you don't follow fashion trends you set them" He was right. I removed my hands from my body and marched right towards the car.
"Let's go!" I shouted as I looked back at him. Darren wasn't following me but I was power walking towards the car and I wasn't looking ahead. I walked straight into someone and we both tripped over each other. He swung me with his arms so I would fall on top of him.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry." I rushed "I wasn't looking where I was walking, are you okay?" He didn't respond. I opened my eyes to find none other than Ethan beneath me.
I immediately got off of him and we stared at each other for what felt like forever. I looked for Darren but he always seems to disappear at the worst of times. I look back for Ethan but he was gone. I look around for him as I get up and I almost thought I imagined crashing into him until I saw him from a distance. I called for him but he walked faster. I started to run and then he ran. I ran faster and tackled him from behind and we ended up in the same position as we were before. I held his arms down with all my strength as I straddled him.
"STOP IT!" I yelled he was squirming underneath me but I could tell he wasn't using all his strength and that gave me hope. "Will you please just listen to me for 5 minutes and then if you decide we'll never see each other again, I promise" he stopped moving but still no response.
"Ethan, I" I stopped "I don't want to hold you down while I'm talking to you. Do you mind if we go somewhere a little more private?" I asked. Still no response but he didn't look angry. So I rolled off of him and lay beside him and took a deep breath. He didn't get up or try to leave so I sat up and crossed my legs in his direction.
"Look Ethan, I really don't know where to start" I said as I nervously peeled the skin from my cuticles "I'm really very sorry. I truly am and I don't think even the word sorry is enough to explain how terrible I feel for what happened last night and this morning… or afternoon rather" still no response.
"I have no reason to be upset with you, I don't and I know that now. You've made it very clear that you're not looking for a relationship and I was being selfish. I was only looking out for myself and I didn't stop to think about how that would affect you" I looked at him but he wasn't looking at me. I could tell he was listening though and that was enough for me.
"Remember when we had lunch after Ana 'hooked' us up?" I laughed because we had such an awkward time that night "you told me how you honestly felt about me" I forgot the point I was trying to make "um, well in a way last night and today was my way of telling you how I felt" I shrugged my shoulders "It wasn't right, I know that. But I guess I should explain my insane episode last night before I begin apologizing for anything" I wait for a response and his lips were sealed. I took and deep breath and began.
"Last night at Ben's I saw you with Sara" this caught his attention because now he was looking straight at me. His face was stern, tired, and sad. I felt responsible because I know he's going through so much and I'm adding on more pressure. I haven't been a very good friend. I broke eye contact and looked down at my hands.
"I saw you holding her hand and you two were cozying up next to each other and then" I stopped.
"And then what?" he finally spoke and it took me by surprise, I looked at him.
"And then I saw you two leaning into each other like you were going to kiss her" I took a deep breath "and that was when I jumped to conclusions" he looked shocked as if he couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth. I shrugged my shoulders and looked away.
"Me and Sara? KISSING?!" he laughed as if what I was saying was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "Yeah you really did jump to conclusions" he sat up.
"Yep" I said.
"So explain the whole being drenched and carried to your car" he asked "I literally haven't slept all night Mia because I was worried about your well being and then that phone call" This is the moment I was dreading the most, the part he would ask me about me. My heart rate sped and my breaths were quicker. He took notice and said, "We don't have to talk about it".
"No we really do" I said because he had a right to know what happened and if we're going to be in a friendship or any sort of relationship he needed to know.
"No really" he said, "I don't want to know at least not right now. We can talk about it some more when you're ready"
"Don't be nice to me, I don't deserve it" I said.
"Oh look it here miss bossypants, don't think I get to decide who I'm nice to?" he stood up.
"Why would you be nice to someone who has treated you like crap? You shouldn't let assholes like me into your life."
"You're not an asshole Mia" he said "you just misunderstood something"
"Yeah I am! I'm an asshole for calling you out at the restaurant. I'm an asshole for making you think I was with another guy. I'm definitely an asshole for worrying you about me which I completely don't get because you should hate my guts right now."
"But you were right. I'm lying to everyone and most importantly I'm lying to myself," he said. "I've been hiding for too long, from my family, from myself, and" he took my hand "from you" he looked at me with his big green eyes and I melted. "Last night I found Sara at Ben's party yes but… I leaned into her to tell her to stay away from both of us because I was serious about you… about us." He paused "I told her I knew what she's been up to and that I'm not in favor of her actions. I am praying that my rejection showed her there is no hope for a relationship between her and I anymore. Last night I was going to find you and well I hadn't thought that far ahead but I was going to properly ask you out on a date" He took both my hands "being with you is like magic. I don't even know how to explain the things you do to me Mia"
"Stop" I said as I stood up on my feet "please." Ethan followed.
"Why are you trying to fight this?" he leaned into me.
"No, you can't" he pushed him away.
"Why?" he asked
"I want us to be friends" I said "you know I like you. I told you that today"
"What?" he looked confused "I don't understand"
"I need to tell you about me, about my past before we continue our relationship." I said "I won't allow you to fall for me before knowing what you're getting yourself into"
"There's nothing in this world that could keep me from loving you Mia"
I laughed "yeah right" I whispered. "We'll see" I said loudly.
"I'm sorry Mia" he said
"Why are you apologizing?"
"I sent you mixed signals, I confused you and now I'm paying the price"
"I'll forgive you if you will forgive me"
"Deal. We've forgiven each other" he said, "so now what do we do?"
"A hug would be nice" I said
"Couldn't stay away from this beautiful body now could you? And now you want to feel me up huh?" he laughed
"Oh yeah just like you're going to feel all this up" I shook my hips as I ran my hands across my body.
He sharply inhaled and bit his index finger as if it pained him. I opened my arms and wrapped them around his neck. I buried my face in his neck and he did the same.
"I don't want to let go" he said
"Then don't" I said and he pulled me in closer. I brought my arms down so I could wrapped my arms around his waist and we stood there rocking back and forth with our eyes closed just taking in the moment. I wish I could live in this moment forever but at some point I knew we had to let go. I withdrew my arms first but Ethan didn't let go. I chuckled.
"Taking it all in huh?" I said
He inhaled my scent and whispered, "yes" as he nuzzled his nose into my hair.
"We have to get out of here Ethan, people are staring"
"Not at us" I leaned back "at me" I laughed
"This is because you're in your PJs?" he asked "cause I think you look sexy" he arched both of his eyebrows.
"You do?" I blushed
"I do" he smiled "I like the messy, no makeup, sex hair thing you've got going on today and I'd like to see more of it"
I laughed out loud "let's not get ahead of ourselves" I pushed him playfully.
"I'm trying to give you a compliment Mia" he said
"Yeah with a dash of "I'd like to sleep with you, see you in your nightgown and sex hair"" I rolled my eyes.
"I haven't thought that far ahead" he frowned "I was just trying to explain that I would love to fall asleep next to you and find you to be the first thing I see in the bright and early morning. You are the perfect vision Mia, I want to wake up next to you thinking it must be a dream but once I'm conscious I want to be fully aware that I would be the luckiest man to be in your presence." He weakly smiled
I took a deep breath in because that was a lot of swallow "wow" I responded as I shook my head and blinked repetitively. I looked up at him "who are you?" I asked "my god"
"Mia, I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of denying myself the happiness I deserve" he moved a piece of hair behind my ear "I don't want to pay the price for what someone else did to me and I sure as hell won't let it affect our relationship from this point and on"
This was the moment I realized we were both hurt in our pasts and we were struggling to experience the unknown that the future had held before us. I wanted to erase all the pain we had both felt before we had met each other but I knew didn't have that power. But I could make a better future for both of us. Our eyes locked and I hugged him so tight. I didn't want to rush our relationship at all because I loved that we're friends who care deeply for each other. I knew I would love him with my whole heart one day and I would give myself to him completely and he would do the same. But I wouldn't dare hurt him in anyway because if I wanted him to be part of my future he needed to know about my past and present. But I pushed that thought away from my mind. I let go of him but reached for his hand pushed the sleeve back and kissed it softly.
"Thank you" I said "thank you for allowing me to see the real you"
"You're the one I should be thanking. Without you, I wouldn't have seen how unhappy I was before I met you" he cupped my face in his hands "thank you for allowing me to be myself around you"
"I wouldn't want it any other way Ethan" and I grabbed his hands and caressed them across my cheeks.
I didn't let go of his hand as we walked along the beach until it got dark. He bought us ice cream because in my hast to find him I forgot my wallet. We laughed about my ridiculous choice in pajama's which composed of Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana (what?! They're so comfortable!). He said he knew it was a big deal for me to come out looking for him dressed in the world's worst outfit, especially for me since I am a fashionista. I explained that when I went looking for him I didn't think about myself, I thought only about him and making sure I could make things right between us. He said he was going nuts because he didn't know how to respond to my call. I had a feeling that this relationship between us would work. We were both mature and willing to make things work and that is something I've never had with a partner. The time came when we had to say goodbye to each other for the day. I could tell he didn't want to leave and neither did I.
"Let's end on a high note" I say to him
"This was one of the best days of my life" he said.
"Mine too" I hugged him and he buried his face in my hair. I laughed, "We're being so cheesy"
"I like cheese" he laughed.
"Me too, now run along before I get another chance to tackle you" I pushed him playfully. I turned around and covered my eyes "hurry up! This time I won't be so nice and let you go"
"Oh" he grabbed my waist from behind "that sounds tempting"
"Get out of here!" I laughed as I pushed him
He grunted as he kissed my forehead and then vanished.
I made my way home as soon I could because I wanted to see if Ethan had messaged me. I snuck past my parents and Mr. Norton to my bedroom. I looked for my phone and found it wrapped in my blanket on my bed. There were multiple messages from Ethan.
"Mia, I know it has only been mere seconds since we last saw each other but I miss you already"
"I want to see you again, when can I see you?"
"Meet me tonight Mia, please?"
"Are we still on for the surprise? You've been putting this surprise off and it's been driving me crazy just like I'm crazy about you"
"I guess it's late and you've gone to sleep. I hope you have sweet dreams, Mia. Goodnight beautiful."
I immediately curled into bed and hugged my phone with an expanded feeling in my chest. It was as if my heart grew and my rib could not cage it. I heard my door open and I felt hopeful that it would be Ethan but it was my mother.
"Mia Grey, you are in big trouble missy" she was livid.
"Don't you dare interrupt me when I am speaking to you!" she yelled and I shut my mouth. "Just what were you thinking leaving the house in your condition young lady?!" She looked at me and I was about to answer but she began yelling at me again "I mean what was going through your head Mia when you thought it would be okay to leave the house after you've just had an episode?" she paused to take a breath and calm herself down. "Mia baby, what's going on? Why have you stopped taking your medication?" she said calmly.
"I thought I was better, I mean" I started to cry. Today was such an emotional day and I needed to release the stress I felt. "I don't know" I shrugged my shoulders
"Baby, I know" she put her arms around me "I know. I'm sorry"
"I'm not crazy, I haven't had an episode for months even close to a year" I sniffed
"It's not your fault honey, you know that. It's not your fault," she said firmly.
"I was doing fine without my meds" I said "I haven't been taking them for a whole month"
"But baby you know that's not healthy. You need to take your medication in order to keep the balance"
"I know" I said "I just wish it wasn't like this, I wish I wasn't like this"
"Mia, you are not ordinary and you're like no one else" she held my face in her hands "you are extraordinary and never wish to be anything but"
"I love you mommy" I hugged her tightly.
"Love you baby" she said wiping my tears "now get some rest and we can discuss this at a different time"
"Goodnight Mom" I said
"Night baby" she said as she turned the light off and left my room.
I read Ethan's messages again but I didn't want to text him back because I was afraid I would wake him or stay up all night talking to him. I clutched my phone and I fell asleep with it in my arms with tears of happiness flowing out of my eyes.
So… let me know what you think! What do you think Mia's episode was about? And do you like what happened between Ethan and Mia? Also I'm very curious to hear what you guys think about how I'm writing for Lily. Do we like her or hate her? Maybe a bit of both?
Also I've got a special guest appearing in the next chapter! Who do you think it is!? Let me know!
Thanks again for reading, until next time.