You Get Me Through
Well, it's been a while since I've written anything, but this is my new project! I've actually finished the entire thing, so no need to worry about it not being completed. If you're familiar with my Sean/Holden work from Valentine's Day, I suppose this is sort of in the same vein. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy taking this journey with me!
He put on a good show. His whole life really, could be argued as being nothing but a show. On the court, in front of his dad and on behalf of him, to the point where Teddy stopped trying to figure out where he ended and this creation of his began. He had created a world of his own where he could exist comfortably. But it wasn't until that one night when he had realized that it was all an illusion. He wasn't who he had thought he was.
Ian was like a voice in his head, leading him through the darkness. He had stumbled a lot, and he'd pushed him away at every turn. He didn't want this for himself. He couldn't want it, because what would it mean? No friends, a dad who hated him, and a whole lot of self-loathing. What kind of life was that? So he was going to push it away and he was going to fight it until he could look a girl in the eyes and feel what he felt when he looked at Ian.
But he couldn't. He would never be able to love a girl, not the way she should be loved. So there was the turning point, the fork in the road, and the breath before the dive. When he kissed Ian in that shack, he felt like he'd never seen color before. Ian's hand fisted in his shirt, his eyes studying Teddy's, wanting answers that Teddy was finally able to give.
And so they carried on and Teddy was happy, but he knew it wasn't enough for Ian. Being together in secret wasn't something anyone should be forced to do, and Teddy was surprised Ian was sticking around. He certainly deserved better. And as they stayed up late making out and then talking for hours, he knew that he couldn't keep things like this. He felt like there was this beast caged in his chest, tearing away at him, and he had to let it out. The blackmail just catalyzed what he was gradually working up the nerve to do.
Which brought them to that night on the beach. Silver's endless kind words, his friends and their questioning but ultimately accepting looks, holding Ian's hand for the first time in public. It was all so surreal, and sitting there with Ian as he joked with his friends made his heart hammer in his chest, because there's no way this could be real. There was no way he could be this happy.
And hours later, he realized he couldn't. Finding out that Ian was behind it all, that the one person he had trusted more than anyone had manipulated him to come out; it broke him. Leaving Ian there on that driveway, Teddy put on a brave face, but the moment he got home, he fell to pieces. He wouldn't eat anything all weekend, wouldn't go to school on Monday and would proceed to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.
What was he supposed to do now? Ian had shattered him into a million pieces. He should talk to Silver. Really, she would know what to do, because she always knew what to do with his life. But he had never felt this broken before. He had never felt like he was living a lie within a lie, trapped in the truth now with no one to hold onto. No one could understand like Ian.
It took all of his strength, but finally Teddy managed to get out of bed at ten in the morning on Tuesday, get dressed, and make his way to school for his afternoon classes. He would take a day at a time, but right now it was just a lot of tape keeping him from breaking back into shattered glass on the floor.