CONFUSION AND DANCING III: INTO OZ
Dramatis Persona (a very helpful cast of weirdoes), by Fiyero Tigelaar, Swankified Prince (Commentary by Elphaba Thropp)
Fiyero Tigelaar: (Important people first, right?) Fiyero is ME! I am sometimes called "Fiyero the Wonderful" or "Fiyero the Totally Sexy" or "Fiyero the So-Amazing-It's-Blinding" or "Fiyero the so-totally-awesome-that-we're-afraid-that-the-human-race-might-die-out-'cause-of-all-the-awesomeness."
Elphaba: You do mean 'Fiyero the So-Stupid-it's-stopped-being-funny-years-ago,' right?
Fiyero: No, that is NOT what I meant!
Elphaba Thropp: Elphaba (called Fae by me and only me) is the most beautiful woman in the world. Any world! She is a totally hot shade of green-
Fiyero: Yes my sweet?
Elphaba: Shut it.
Peter Charles: Peter is from this strange world called Earth that no one's ever heard of. He is in love with Taylor Yen (see below). He is very good at playing the violin. Also, he died but then when he died he said he met this BIG LION and Summer was like, "OMG, you met ASLAN." And he was like, "I guess, but he said I had to come back and help my friends." So now he's alive again! Peter has Jedi Powers, whatever that means.
Elphaba: it means you can feel living things and use that power to move thing with your mind, to see the future, and to influence the weak minded.
Meg Zhong: Meg is an Earth girl who also has the Force (Jedi Powers)! I would like to point out Fae and I have this Force thing too. Meg is dating Lane Oberman (See below) and is best friend with Taylor Yen ( also see below)! and Brandi Winsome (SEE! BELOW!). And Daisy Munroe (BELOW!). She takes dance class with Summer Jacobson (BELOW BELOW BELOW!) on Earth. Meg usually is the main recorder of our many adventures.
Brandi Winsome: Brandi can kill you with her brain. Seriously. She's done it before. (She can be scary sometimes…)
Elphaba: No she's not.
Fiyero: Yes she is.
Elphaba: No. She's not.
Fiyero: To me she is.
Brandi was in love with this guy named Brad but then he died, so sad. She is friends with Taylor Yen (SEE. BELOW.) and Meg Zhong (look up!) and Daisy Munroe (BELOW BELOW!), and used to take dance classes from Miss Britt and Miss Steph back on Earth. She likes to write, and once and a while, even writes something about our merry misadventures! She, too, has the Jedi Force thing! (Everyone has it, get used to it.)
Taylor Yen: Taylor doesn't like me. It's so weird, I mean, WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE? Taylor is from Earth and takes dance classes from Summer (BE! LOW!), and is IN LOVE with Peter Charles (Aboooovvveeee!), and is friends with Meg and Brandi and Daisy (Above! Above! Below! Isn't that weird?). Guess what? She has the Force. Yeah. You get it.
Daisy Munroe: Daisy is friend with Taylor and Brandi and Meg. Her boyfriend is AJ (see BEEELOOOOW!) And she likes to read and write.
Lane Oberman: From Earth. Has the Force. Is in love with Meg (ABOVE). Yep. If Meg were writing this, she'd probably say he has dreamy blue eyes and tousled dark brown hair. But I'm not Meg so I'm not saying any of that.
Oh… wait. Oops.
Summer Jacobson: Summer is a dance teacher from Earth. She is MADLY in love with Carl Jacobson, her husband. (I say MADLY because we've walked in on them only 525,600 times! Seriously. A lot!)
Elphaba: It was not 525,600 times!
Maureen: OR THE WAY THAT SHE DIIIIEEEEEEDDDD!
Fiyero: It so was.
Elphaba: It wasn't 525,600, though! That's like once for every minute!
Maureen: HOW DO YOU MEASURE, MEASURE A YEAR?
Fiyero: okay, maybe not exactly that many times, but it was A LOT! A LOT!
Maureen: IN DAYLIGHTS, IN SUNSETS, IN MIDNIGHTS, IN CUPS OF COFFEE?
Elphaba: Well, yes, it's no wonder she's pregnant.
Maureen: HOW ABOUT LO-OO-OOO-OVE? HOW ABOUT LO-OO-OOO-OVE?
Yeah. Summer also has the Force and is pregnant with her and Carl's first kid.
Carl Jacobson: He's Summer husband and is from Earth and has the Force and is the father of Summer's kid and all. He is VERY tall. Very, very tall. I once hear Taylor and Meg talking about him:
Meg: What do you think about Carl?
Taylor: He's SO TALL!
Meg: Yeah, but do you think he's hott?
Meg: KINDA? What does that mean, KINDA? KINDA as in, like, Luke Skywalker or KINDA as in Kevin Jonas? I mean, KINDA? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Taylor: I don't know! What do you think he's hott?
Meg: Eh. Kinda.
AJ Morris: He is fifteen years old and his Daisy's boyfriend. He has the Force too. And he does highland step dancing or whatever.
Maureen Johnson: She looks just like Elphaba! Only not green! And not as hot! But she has the Force! And is from Earth! And I don't know why everything ends with an exclamation thingie! Aaahhh!
Elphaba: You are so weird sometimes.
In case you missed the latest installment of Confusion and Dancing… and the first one too: by Meg Zhong (With unhelpful commentary by Fiyero Tigelaar and helpful commentary by Brandi Winsome, Taylor Yen, Daisy Munroe, and Peter Charles)
Peter: This is the story of how I died….
Once Upon a Time… Me (Meg), Taylor, Brandi, Summer and our crushes/boyfriend/significant others WHEN THE CRUISE SHIP STARTED SINKING! (Side note, our crushes/boyfriends/significant others are Lane, Michael, Brad, and Carl… at this time)
Fiyero: Talk about us!
Brandi: She will, shut up for a second.
So everyone got into life boats and we ended up on a deserted island- MADE OF DESSERT! It was awesome! The sand was made of sprinkles and the grass was licorice whips! Meanwhile, in Oz, Fiyero and Galinda were goofing off while Elphaba was trying to learn a teleportation spell and so it backfired (or misfired, really) and they ended up on the island too! With Mark Cohen! From RENT!
There were other people from the cruise ship with us too. Like our friend Renee and her boyfriend Ryan; and Rain and Liz Sutton; and Joe Solomon!
Then we found this awesome beach villa to live in and everything was hunky-dory
Fiyero: Oooh! I like that phrase! Hunky-dory! It's fun to say! Hunky-dory!
AS I WAS SAYING, everything was great until these weird pirates turn Rain and Joe evil! And then they kidnapped all the girls but we escaped by fighting them through dance! Then they kidnapped all the boys. And we learned that Renee was really the daughter of Joe Solomon and Abby Cameron! I KNOW!
Brandi: It was amazing!
Taylor: I know right? Our friend turned out to be-
Meg: Super Spy Royalty!
After that we met Amelia Earhart who had crash-landed on the deserted dessert island years and years ago, but it turned out that the island had magical properties so no one ever aged there! Then we all went to rescue the boy who were being held hostage by JACK SPARROW! SO there was this big battle and Jack Sparrow got turned into a butterfly! YES! A BUTTERFLY!
Fiyero: We totally could have rescued ourselves if you'd given us enough time!
Taylor: But you weren't even there!
Brandi: Yeah! The pirates threw you over broad so you went and watched Glee!
Daisy: I wasn't there, so… yeah.
So then Amelia fixed her airplane and we were going to fly home but THEN Renee and Ryan and Joe and Rain and Liz and Hank (the island's dancing fencer-
Fiyero: THIS DOES NOT MEAN DANCING WHILE PUTTING UP FENCES. But that would be cool.
Yeah. Then they all jumped off the airplane! And Galinda said some sort of spell and she and Mark disappeared and were replaced by Maureen Johnson! Next Amelia's airplane hit a storm and we landed on the roof of the Millennium Falcon!
Taylor: it was AWESOME.
So it turns out that Han Solo, Leia Organa, and Luke Skywalker were on their way to this Star Destroyer called The Jedi's Angel that was captained by Anakin Skywalker who was once Darth Vader but then Luke turned him back to the light side and restored his hot-Hayden-Christenson-ness! And then Brandi's dance teachers (Miss Britt and Miss Steph) FELL FROM THE SKY! THEN we learned that everyone had the Force! So Luke and Anakin wanted to teach us all to be Jedis but Anakin thought he could FEEL Padme in the Force like if she was alive! AND had the Force! BUT THEN Elphaba accidentally used magic to *POOF* Michael away! (We still don't know where he went!) And when she tried to bring him back she brought PETER CHARLES instead! SO we went to find her and she was on Kashyyyk with all the Wookies. Then we went to Naboo to train as Jedis and… hide, kinda, because everyone could feel this GREAT EVIL out there in the Force and we needed to learn how to fight. But before we went Steph and Britt decided to stay and teach the storm troopers how to dance. AND our friend Daisy showed up! AND AJ!
BUT THEN LUKE SKYWALKER FELL IN LOVE WITH AMELIA EARHART!
So we all were learning to be Jedi on Naboo when Summer and Carl got into this big fight which was weird because they never fought! But then Carl fell and hit his head and got amnesia! Summer fell apart after that so everyone was trying to fix Carl's head and help Summer not be so down and depressed AND THEN CARL DISAPPEARED! He ran off with his light saber and that didn't help anything! If fact it made Summer worse!
Brandi: Oh my gosh. I love this part!
Daisy: but everything BAD happens here!
Brandi: Yeah, but I like the plot twist, it was so… random.
Then Summer disappeared and a ransom note appeared in her place!
Taylor: I still have no clue how they kidnapped her! I mean, she was asleep in our room!
Brandi: I know! We'd pushed all the beds together too!
Taylor: She disappeared from in between Meg and I! Seriously!
Meg: I KNOW!
Daisy: So weird.
Yeah, so we organized a rescue mission and stormed this secret palace that no one had ever heard of on Naboo and Carl had turned Sith! But what was worse was that his Master was DARTH LIZARD!
Brandi: Who is Lizzie!
Taylor: Yeah, from Earth!
Meg: She hates us!
So yeah! This girl from Earth (who doesn't like us) was a Sith! Who'd turned our dance teacher's husband to the dark side and was now trying to kill us! SO then we fought this BIG BATTLE and saved Carl from the dark side but Darth Lizard escaped. But in the battle Brad Winters, who was Brandi's boyfriend, sacrificed himself so we all could escape! YEAH! HE DIED! SO DID PETER!
Daisy: It was sad.
Taylor: So sad.
Brandi: good thing I wasn't in love with him anymore.
Oh yeah. And, it turns out that, the reason they kidnapped Summer was not just to lure us to save her so they could kill us, it was ALSO because she was/is pregnant!
Meg: I KNOW! IT'S AWESOME!
Brandi: IT'S SO EXCITING!
Daisy: You guys!
So we KNEW we had to catch her. Lizzie, not Summer. Summer was with us the whole time. Well, except when she was captured.
But first we had to go to Luke and Amelia's wedding! So Luke Skywalker and Amelia Earhart (Now Amelia Skywalker!) got married. BUT THEN, Peter appeared again! Because he DIED but then he meet Aslan and Aslan told him that he needed to come back and help us! And Luke and Anakin and Padme and Leia and Han decided that it would be best if we went to catch Darth Lizard so they took us to what everyone thought was Earth. Because that's where Lizzie went.
But it wasn't Earth. And that's were our story starts.
So…? What do you think? Intriguing? Review worthy? Just press that little button down there… Right there… yeah, that one! Elphaba?
Elphaba: Jedi Annie Scrambler does not own Wicked, RENT, the Gallagher Girls, Star Wars, or The Chronicles of Narnia.
JAS: Thank you! All who review get punch!
Summer: What's in the punch?
Elphaba: Lemons and melons and pears.
Summer: Oh my!