Disclaimer: I own nothing
The kiss quick and neither of them lingers, breaking apart almost instantly. Gwen separated herself, realising in the moment their hands were entwined.
"This is so wrong"
She said shakily, avoiding his eyes
"I know…I'm sorry"
He stuttered although a part of him was fairly certain she had kissed him.
"I know you have a boyfriend…I shouldn't have said that stuff"
Gwen's looked at him surprised
"What? I don't have a boyfriend….I mean yes I did but not since a couple of hours ago"
She threw her head into her hands, trying to gather her thoughts. Arthurs stared at her, winded
"So, you don't have a boyfriend?"
He moved himself further away from her on the couch, feeling as though she'd stung him
'You don't have a boyfriend….and yet this is still wrong?"
Gwen looked at him
"You're offended? Would you have rather I'd kissed you while still having a boyfriend?"
"I would have rather you to kiss me and not suddenly decide it was a mistake"
Gwen's eyes fluttered closed and she smiled sadly
"We can't Arthur….Lance only walked out the door a few hours go. We were together for a while…I did love him. What could you have expected? It's wrong for me to have even entered this apartment. Also regardless of Lance, I'm still your sister's nurse. So yes this is wrong. On so many levels this is wrong"
Arthur realised what she was trying to say and sighed
"All that doesn't matter Gwen; you can't sit here and not say you don't feel it"
Gwen stood up and made her way to the kitchen bench were her hand bag was.
"It doesn't matter what I feel. Nothing can happen, Arthur"
And just like that she disappeared from the apartment.
Six Months Later
"Really Gwen? Red?"
Gwen placed her hands on her hips and tipped her head to the side. Her brother's tone conveyed it all, her new longueroom was disgusting. She chuckled to herself and Elyan smiled as he lent down and opened up another box.
Moving day had quickly turned into moving week and Gwen worried that if she didn't get her act together she'd be sleeping amongst boxes for the rest of the year. Her brother had been a god send, but a reminder that Gwen was starting to lose touch with her friends. Her eyes were heavy; another sign that she was working too hard and Gwen was starting to avoid her reflection.
"At least the door's lock and you're in a relatively safe neighbourhood"
She nodded at her brother's attempt to find the silver lining and she began to stack her DVD's into the bookshelf
"I need to sell some of these"
She muttered to herself
"I don't even watch them, they just take up space"
Elyan nodded and plugged in the cd player he'd just pulled out of his own box
"Hey where are you cd's?"
Gwen turned and shrugged
"I can't remember what box I would have put them in, if they weren't with the player"
Elyan rolled his eyes and switched the radio on
"You have crap taste in music, you we are probably safer with this option"
Gwen laughed softly and turned back to him, ads filled the silence
"I've got say…this apartment might be embarrassing and I know you are working yourself to the ground but I actually haven't see you this happy in a while"
Gwen raised her eyebrows in disbelief
"You can't be serious. I'm broke, single…practically friendless…"
Elyan twisted his lip
"You'll be back on your feet now that you are here. I mean this place is so much cheaper and closer to work. Leaving Lance was rough, but it's done you good….you have to focus on the positives"
"Well it's kind of hard when your room looks like the pits of hell"
"I ran into Arthur the other day. He was asking about you"
Gwen froze and wished Elyan would pack up and moves himself.
"Well tell him I say hello"
"I'm not the post"
Elayn replied pointedly
"You should just tell him yourself"
Arthur bit into his bread roll, trying to ignore how stale it tasted. He glanced up and tried to smile at Morgana and Merlin, who sat across the table. They had smiles that Arthur guess was similar to his own; fake and forced. They were supposed to be celebrating his first week in his new job. The transition from budding Politian to British army desk jockey was more arduous then he had anticipated but it had finally settled down. Merlin had been chastising him, trying to convince him that he was down playing his success too much and that they needed to celebrate. Arthur couldn't see the point, in his eyes and the media's he was just a massive failure. He had relented though and now he found himself at a mid-ranged restaurant pretending to be happy.
Merlin dropped his smile
"You are miserable, aren't you?"
Arthur chuckled, unable to help himself
"Yeah, a little bit"
Morgana frowned and picked up her own bread roll
"We have so much to be happy for. I'm free from Albion and you're free from a job you despised….."
She trailed off, not knowing what else to add. From where she was sitting, life was finally looking a little bit hopeful. Arthur simply shrugged and began picking at the roll
"Is this about Gwen?"
Merlin said with a groan. He was beginning to tire of Arthur's obsession with the nurse. Arthur had only managed to catch glimpses of Gwen; she seemed pretty intent on avoiding him. Why Arthur still care or was still consumed by her was a mystery to Merlin. Merlin had been sure that whatever Arthur had felt was just basic attraction but Arthur seemed to be carrying on like it was the greatest love of his life.
Arthur sighed, dropping the bread roll again. It fell apart as it hit the table. He sighed again and scraped the remainder of the roll into his napkin and squished it in his palm before discarding it on the table. Morgana grabbed it and pulled it towards her on the table
"Stop playing with your food and start talking"
Arthur just sighed and shrugged again.
Morgana stared at her reflection, still not use to the face that flashed in front of her. During the whole of her treatment both during the long term hospital stay and her time at Albion she avoided mirrors. Hell, she had been avoiding mirrors since she was seventeen. Now she forced herself to see who she had become. She didn't hate who stared back her, she just couldn't believe how far she'd come. There were still scars of her old life all over her body, most of the damage irreversible. Merlin was trying to encourage her to wear them with pride, that they were evidence of where she had come from and what she had survived. Morgana wasn't quite there to buy into Merlin's optimism just yet.
Morgana flicked off her bathroom light, her very small apartment looking even more isolating in the darkness. She tried to shake off the feeling, but the night had been disappointing. She knew that life on the 'outside' was going to be different but when she sat in her room at Albion she often believed that once she was set up she'd be happy. She was wondering what had made her believe that delusion. Real life was boring. She chuckled as she thought that, but she believes it to be true. Arthur was feeling listless and like an underachiever…Merlin was Merlin….and well she didn't really have any other friends.
She wondered if anything would make her feel like she was flying again; like she was untouchable and fearless. She quickly doubted it; nothing on this earth would make her the way morgause did. Morgana let out a breath and quickly turned on all the lights. Panting she grabbed her phone. These were the nights she had been warned about, when the temptation was strong and she could feel herself breaking.
The line rang twice before someone answered
A sleepy voice filled her ear and she could feel herself starting to calm, but it wasn't enough.
"I know who it is"
"I need you"
"I'm already out the door"
Gwen found Morgana crying on her bed room floor. It looks as if she had tried to make it to the bed but simply slid down the wall, exhausted.
She cried and fell to her knees, pulling Morgana into her arms
"I don't know what happened, I was fine but tonight…"
Gwen nodded, sadly this was expected. Morgana may have ticked all the boxes to be discharged but adjusting to regular life was just another hard hurdle.
"Have you taken your medication?"
Morgana nodded into her chest
"Tonight feels different"
"Everything is ok Morgana. You are a strong woman and this is normal. You have to realise how far you have come"
A third voice entered the apartment and Morgana shivered
"I called everyone"
"I needed my brother too"
Gwen nodded, cringing at the thought of seeing him.
"What's going on here?"
Gwen looked up to find Arthur in the door way. He was dressed in his pyjamas and was the picture of worry. She threw him a watery smile and shrugged.
"Morgana is just having a moment"
Arthur threw himself to his needs and began working soft circles into his sisters back. Arthur's eyes met Gwen's and she struggled to look away.
"How come you are here?"
He asked, no accusation in his tone; just curiosity
"I called her, I need her"
Morgana answered for her and Gwen simply nodded in agreement. She downcast her eyes, focusing back on Morgana.
"Morgana….do you want to go to bed"
Morgana nodded and unattached herself from Gwen. Arthur stood up and gave his sister space and Morgana staggered to her bed. Gwen pulled her blankets back and once Morgana lay down, she pulled then back up. Arthur brushed a soft kiss on Morgana's forehead and then he and Gwen left the room.
Gwen stood in the longue, unsure what to do with herself. She wanted to stay with Morgana but didn't want to overstep herself with Arthur. He had more right to stay then she did. The stood in silence, facing each other and suddenly Gwen couldn't supress the memories. They didn't have a lot, but that didn't matter. It wasn't almost as if his lips had burnt her skin that day and he couldn't seem to heal the wound.
Arthur shifted his weight and pulled his arms behind his back. He had been desperate to see her all these months and felt he had so much to say. She now stood in front of him and he couldn't think of anything.
"I thought she tried again"
He didn't have to clarify, Gwen knew what he meant. Frantic calls in the middle of the night only ever meant one thing when it came to Morgana. Gwen shook her head, disagreeing.
"She wouldn't, life is just sometimes overwhelming"
Arthur rubbed his eyes, exhausted
"Maybe she should move in with me"
Gwen laughed and placed her hand on his shoulder
"Arthur if you had thought that was a good idea, wouldn't she already be living with you?"
Arthur smiled and placed his hands over hers
"I guess your right…it's just all scary"
"Well, you are going to have to expect more nights like this"
He nodded and she pulled her hand out from under his, trying to break the intimate moment.
"Do you want me to stay with her?"
"I'm happy too"
"We could both stay…."
Gwen placed her hands on her hips, squaring her body to his
"I'm not suggesting anything perverted. I just mean, I'm worried and I don't want to leave. You're worried and you don't want to leave…so why should either of us leave?"
Gwen twisted her lip, knowing the familiar feeling that she was going to regret all this. That she should rush out as soon as she can because this was all dangerous. Her thoughts were broken as Arthur called out from the kitchenette, asking if she wanted a cup of tea.
It was three am and Gwen raised her palm out as a warning. Arthur at least had the sense to look bashful.
"You can't blame me for asking. You high tail out of my apartment claiming that the scars were still fresh from the break up and now we sit here, months on and I can't ask about Lance"
Gwen lent back on the couch, knowing he had a point
"I haven't seen or heard from him since that night. I'm still finding things he owns with the move and everything…"
She suddenly looked thoughtful
"I don't even know where to forward his stuff…his mum I guess?"
Arthur felt uncomfortable and that the familiarity. Of course Gwen would know his mother; they had been dating for a while. Still, no matter how he justified it he still couldn't supress the prickles of jealously he felt.
Gwen shifted under his gaze and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She was definitely dancing in dangerous territory with Arthur, but could help but let herself enjoy the moment. Everything in their lives had changed since they had last really seen each other. They in many ways were different people sitting on Morgana's couch, then what they had been when they had sat on Arthurs'. Yet somehow she felt like nothing had changed between them and the charge between them was all still real.
"If I kissed you right know, would you let me?"
Gwen was as surprised by the questions as she should have been. Arthur had always been relatively forward with her, their time apart clearly hadn't changed that.
"But that doesn't mean you should"
Arthur's smile quickly dropped and he edged himself closer to her
"Why not Gwen, what are you so scared of?"
Morgana's voiced called from her bedroom and Gwen stood up quickly
"I'm scared of nothing Arthur"
She gestured to the darkened bedroom
"But you know why exactly why not"
A/N I think I took a risk bring it forward in time like I did, but I think it work Thanks for the review guys and thanks for the support xx