AN / A random oneshot. I love writing oblivious Natsu.
It started with yet another guild brawl (since, after all, that's where most things did begin in Fairy Tail).
"Face it, Natsu! I'm more of a man than you'll ever be!"
Natsu simply glared in turn. "Yeah right, iron head."
Halting with his attacks momentarily, Gajeel landed on a table and straightened up, folding his arms as he cocked an eyebrow with a smug grin. "Oh yeah, do you even know how to become a man?"
Natsu paused in sending yet another fire ball to collide with the older man - something many of the guild members caught in the cross-fire sighed in relief at - and blinked in stunned silence, staring at Gajeel with a vacant expression. "…Huh?"
Figures. Gajeel snorted. "And you think you're on par with me. At least I've slept with a woman-"
On the other side of the Guild, Levy flushed and promptly began choking on her drink much to Jet and Droy's panic (and slight suspicion).
"-so in terms of manliness, I'm ahead of you there, dork."
Glaring even more intensely, Natsu pointed a finger and yelled brashly, "You're the one who's ahead of yourself! I'll have you know I've slept with Lucy plenty of times!"
Instantly, the entire Guild went silent.
"You… have?" Gajeel asked, eyes bulging with shock. The idiot had got laid? And more times than him?
"Of course." Natsu said, folding arms over his chest in triumphant. "I sleep with her all the time!"
Erza spluttered incoherently whilst Gray tried to get rid of the disgusting images trying to infiltrate his mind. So far, no success.
"Several times a week in fact!"
Mirajane finally fainted from over-excitement, causing many of the male members in the guild hall to rush to her rescue.
"I'm more of a man than you!" Natsu shouted, grinning ear to ear with hands placed on his hips.
Cana burst into voracious laughter, unable to contain it any longer. Meanwhile, Gajeel stared on at the younger dragon slayer, eyes bug-eyed and lips parted in silent shock. The pink haired dolt got satisfied more times than him – even though he was the older here and supposedly the more badass.
The iron dragon slayer quickly walked off muttering to himself, intending on sitting down somewhere to sulk for a bit.
Meanwhile, left by himself, Natsu finally noticed the many pairs of eyes on him.
Cana smirked. "Did you at least use protection?"
Natsu blinked. "Protection?"
Everybody's mouths dropped open. Mirajane who had finally come around, fainted once again, images of babies floating throughout her head.
"N-N-Natsu!" Lisanna yelled, staring at him in horror.
"What?" he asked, frowning in confusion. Why were they all glaring at him suddenly?
"Protection is manly!" Elfman roared. He went ignored (as always).
Erza glared angrily at the younger boy, unsheathing a sword and pointing it his way. Natsu swallowed nervously as the tip of the blade hovered over his collar bone. "If Lucy gets pregnant, I'll kill you-"
"Shouldn't they get married if their having a child?" Wendy asked innocently, oblivious to the murderous atmosphere.
Erza paused for a moment in consideration before nodding. "Very well, you two can marry… then I'll kill you."
Natsu processed this for a moment. "Lucy's pregnant?"
"Well if you didn't use protection then probably!" Lisanna yelled, slapping him around the head. "Geez, Natsu."
Natsu stood silent for a moment, taking this in. Then, without a word, he turned and ran out of the Guild.
"So… Lucy's pregnant?" Wendy asked after a moment of silence.
"Dibs on Godmother." Erza stated.
"Babies..." Juvia whispered, face red.
"No way I'm being Godfather of any child of Natsu's!" Gray cried.
"I can't believe you said that out loud!" Levy wailed at Gajeel, arms flailing.
"What? It's not like I said names!" Gajeel protested, folding his arms with an unconcerned frown.
It wasn't long before names of the kid were being argued over and another brawl started all over again…
She shut the door.
"Hey Lucy! Open the door!"
With a grumble, Lucy begrudgingly opened her door once again to the eager looking Natsu on her doorstep. "You're not sleeping in my bed again-"
"Will you marry me?"
Brining out a ring, Natsu kneeled down and took her hand, staring up at her with earnest eyes. "Please?"
The blonde stared at him in horror, face glowing red and heart thumping wildly inside her chest. "W-W-What are you saying? Do you even know what you're asking?"
"Of course." He replied, expression serious. "I never really imagined getting married so young but…."
"I think any child we have should grow up in a stable family."
"C-Child?" Lucy shrieked.
Natsu continued to nod as if oblivious to her panicked reaction. "And don't worry, I'll help with feeding it and erm… stuff."
"I'm only seventeen Natsu!" she yelled, using both hands to shove the fire mage away from her. "I'm not ready to have kids!"
"B-But Erza's already said she's being Godmother!"
"What?" Lucy shouted, voice gaining more octaves as the conversation went on. "Why the hell are people acting as if I'm already pregnant?"
"But aren't you?"
He stared at her. "But… We didn't use protection…"
Lucy's face was now practically flaming. From anger, frustration or embarrasment, she couldn't decide. Probably all three.
"Natsu..." she gritted out through clenched teeth, hands formed into fists at her side. "In order to get pregnant you need to do certain… things." A pause. "And I haven't done anything near that to risk getting pregnant."
He frowned, as if disappointed. "Oh… I was kinda excited at having a kid, I could teach him a bunch of cool moves."
Slapping a hand on her face, Lucy sighed in exasperation at his antics.
"I know!" He grinned suddenly, stepping forward and invading her personal space. "Let's get you pregnant!"
A few minutes later, the entire town watched as the Dragon Slayer flew threw the early evening sky, Lucy's yell of 'Lucy Kick!' echoing throughout the streets.
Just another normal day for Fairy Tail huh?