It hurt Cesare like hell.
It really did.
He watched the wreck of a man that could barely be recognized as his brother rant about a world of wonders.
The state Juan's mind was in was also painful to think about. He was mad, completely by then, and the drugs just made it worse. At least the drugs calmed him, made it…not easier to talk to him, but not too much harder.
It just hurt, remembering the few good times they had together. Like when they were little and they would playfight. Or after Lucrezia was born and together they took as good care of her as they could.
But Cesare was always more obviously taken with Lucrezia, he obviously loved her more than Juan.
Was that why Juan became Juan? Because of Cesare?
That thought pained him too much to think about it anymore. Cesare couldn't have another thing weighing on his conscience, he didn't need one. He still felt the painful deaths of the French soldiers, that hurt him. He killed people who had nothing to do with Ursula's death simply because he was mad. He also had Ursula's death on his mind, always on his mind. If he hadn't killed her husband, if he had contained his desire for her she would still be alive. Giovanni Sforza didn't hurt very much. Anyone who so much as touched Lucrezia were under surveillance. And if they hurt her…well, Cesare was always ready for that.
The sad thing is that he was ready. He wanted to hurt someone. All the deaths he was involved in had hurt him repeatedly, and yet he wanted more and more. He loved watching life fade from people's eyes. He almost wondered if Micholetto was rubbing off on him too much.
But how could he kill his own brother? It would hurt their father too, and Cesare didn't want that. But Juan was dangerous. Juan was very dangerous. He openly hated Vannozza, he tried to kill Lucrezia's baby, he raped a virgin, and all in one night.
Cesare hated to imagine what the next few days would have brought.
So he needed to stop it.
That's how he ended up on a bridge in the middle of the night with an assassin and a man so lost he saw a world where he and his brother worked together.
Juan was in pain, Cesare knew that, but somehow it made it worse when he said it. It made it worse when Cesare admitted he was in pain.
But the thing that crushed it all was the hug.
When Juan embraced Cesare, Cesare barely felt it. He saw Micholetto tense, and he felt himself tensing. He wasn't used to it at all.
But he had to do it.
Juan was in pain. Cesare was helping him. Lucrezia wanted Juan dead. Cesare was helping her. Their father was blinded and thought Juan was helping. In the long run, Cesare was helping him. And he was helping Giovanni. That was really who he was doing it for. He wanted Lucrezia's son to live, live longer than the ill-fated Juan Borgia and have a better life too.
And he was doing it for himself, of course. What kind of man kills only for other people? Only Micholetto.
Cesare wanted the papal army, he wanted it more than he could say. To be free of a Cardinal's duties was everything he needed.
So he found it in himself to grab his dagger. And with shaking hands, he managed to stab Juan.
It felt surprisingly good.
So he did it again.
He wanted to do it again and again, but Micholetto stopped him.
And together they ended the life of Juan Borgia.
A/N: Please review!