Well, here it is, the very last part of Barista Confessions. When I first started this story, I never dreamed that it would be the most popular thing I've ever written for the fandom, or that it would wind up being a novel length story, coming in over 73,000 words (for comparison purposes, that's only about 3000 words less than Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone!). At the time I'm posting, BC has over 460 followers, and I really just can't believe it.
In addition, I was recently able to meet several of my readers and friends at a charity event with Max Adler in Los Angeles (squeeeee!), and I have to say, actually hearing people tell me in person that my writing has touched them instead of just reading it on a computer screen is the most surreal, wonderful thing I've ever experienced. I can't think of a better place to be in, personally, as I bring this story to a close.
As Kurt approached the Lima Bean, the door opened and two middle-school aged girls came out, talking and laughing. Kurt recognized them as regular customers, so he smiled and gave a little wave as he passed them. The blond girl on the left (Jamie, Kurt recalled from inking her name on many a paper cup) blushed and waved back, and Kurt heard both girls giggle wildly once they were behind him. Kurt grinned. The girls were very young, and he was very gay, but it was still nice to feel like the cute guy every now and then. And tonight, even he had to admit that he was looking good. Kurt's hair was perfectly styled, and his outfit - bright blue skinny jeans with a tight black boat necked shirt and a multicolored scarf - showed off his trim figure most flatteringly. His confidence was buoyed even further by a certain letter he had received in the mail that day, one that would change his entire life from this moment forward.
Kurt heard music and a familiar voice singing as he got closer, walking in the door to find Rachel Berry belting out Memory from Cats her usual dramatic style, her brown eyes glittering with moisture. He smirked a little at her obvious choice, but it was good natured. Although Kurt had spent very little time with his former classmates this summer, he had agreed to meet up with them for one last get together before many of them would go their separate ways. They had decided on the Lima Bean's karaoke night, held the second Thurdsay of each month, and Kurt had agreeably asked for the evening off. He caught sight of Tina waving at him and lifted his hand in response, tilting his head towards the counter to indicate that he would be getting a drink before joining them. Upon his arrival at the counter, he came upon Santana, who was saying something to a rather annoyed looking Sebastian behind the counter.
"I need another mocha," Kurt heard her say. "And this time, try not to make it taste like ass. I know that's ambrosia to you, but I'd rather not get to experience what the inside of your mouth tastes like on a daily basis."
"You got it," said Sebastian tightly. He scrawled on a cup and passed it over to Angela.
Santana flung her debit card on the counter, where it slid across and fell on the floor. "Oops," she said, unsmiling.
Sebastian glared at Santana, but said nothing. He picked up her card, swiped it and handed it back. Instead of moving down to the drink pickup area, Santana lingered. "Is there something else you need?" asked Sebastian, as politely as he could manage. Kurt could tell he was dying to shoot back something insulting to her, but there was no way he could do so while on the clock.
"Just wanted to tell you how much good it does my heart, to see you having to wait on people in that sad little uniform," Santana said. "What happened? Did Daddy make some bad investments? Or are you saving up for a much needed round of AZT?"
"Knock it off, Santana," said Kurt. She whipped around, obviously startled and unaware that he had been standing behind her for some time. "Hi Sebastian," he said brightly. "Can I get a medium cappuccino?"
The annoyed expression faded from Sebastian's face, and was replaced by a warm smile. "With your usual dash of cinnamon?" he asked Kurt.
"Of course, said Kurt, smiling back.
"Oh my God," said Santana, ignoring the call from Angela that her drink was ready to go. "Don't tell me you guys are friends now. I know you have to work together, but really, Kurt? It wasn't too long ago you'd be joining me, putting Bucky Beaver Teeth over here in his place."
"We are, actually," said Kurt. He saw Sebastian's eyes brighten a little, and continued. "Good friends." He paused, rolling his eyes as Santana made gagging noises. "But even if we weren't, it wouldn't matter. I'm not going to let anyone I know talk to the people I work with that way, no matter who it is.
"My, my," said Santana. "Someone finally found their testosterone. I never thought I'd see the day. Where was it, under your doily collection?"
"Hey!" said Sebastian, frowning. "Don't talk to him like that."
"Or what?" Santana said, challengingly.
"Stop it," said Kurt, taking Santana's arm and pulling her away from the counter. "Go get your mocha and sit back down with Brittany."
"And I say again," Santana drawled, narrowing her eyes at Kurt. "Or what?"
"Or I'm leaving," Kurt said. "But not before I make sure that all our friends know that I left before even saying hello because you were being a bitch. And not before I tell my boss on the way out that he should kick you out for being verbally abusive to his employees." Kurt folded his arms and gave a slight toss of his head, sniffing.
Santana looked at Kurt for a long minute. "Fine," she said finally. "Whatevs. My drink is getting cold." She brushed past Kurt and made her way down to the other end of the counter.
Kurt went back to the counter. "So," he said. "About that cappuccino..."
"Coming right up, sir," Sebastian said playfully, his mood improving greatly the moment he and Kurt were alone. Well, as alone as one could be in a crowded coffee house, at any rate. He wrote Kurt's order and name on a cup and passed it over to Angela. Drinks were only free to Lima Bean employees while working a shift, So Kurt dug out his debit card and handed it to Sebastian. Looking around quickly to make sure the coast was clear, Sebastian took the hand holding out the card, tangling their fingers together around it. Taking note of the surge in his pants and chest, he smiled softly. "Anything else I can get for you?" he asked, pitching his voice low and a little rough.
Kurt closed his eyes briefly at the tingling warmth that raced from his hand to the rest of his body. Although they had talked on the phone daily and worked together twice in the interim, the two boys had yet to find another opportunity to be intimate together privately since Sebastian's first day back a week ago. The closest they'd gotten was a brief, fumbling makeout session in the storage room a couple of days ago, which had been interrupted by Greg coming in to find out why it was taking so long for Kurt to return with a another bag of espresso roast beans. Kurt and Sebastian had managed not to get caught in the act of kissing itself, but it was likely that their flushed cheeks and rapid breathing had given them away to their boss. In all honesty, neither boy really cared about keeping their relationship a secret anymore; it was more a matter of not being able to define what it was that they had together, and not particularly wanting to deal with the judgment that they'd face from their families, friends and co-workers if they brought things out into the open. So they tried to play things as close to the vest as they could, and steal moments to touch each other discreetly as often as possible. "As a matter of fact," said Kurt, finally answering Sebastian's question, "There is. You wouldn't happen to have three hours of complete privacy on the menu, would you?" He gave Sebastian's hand a squeeze, his own voice low and breathy.
Sebastian smiled broadly. "Unfortunately, we're fresh out right now," he said. "But I hear we might be getting some in on Sunday." Sebastian's mom had mentioned that she had finally talked her mother into going out that weekend, to do a little shopping in Columbus. Stephen Smythe had responded that he had plans to go into the office and catch up on some work anyway, so he would drop them off at the mall and return a few hours later to pick them up when he was done. This would leave Sebastian's house empty for hours, and he hoped that at least one or two of them would coincide with some of Kurt's free time. Since their last time together, Sebastian had craved the closeness of Kurt's body on a near constant basis. He'd always been horny for Kurt after a few days apart, but this was different. He found himself dreaming of whispering endearments into Kurt's ear, their bodies warm and entangled under the covers of a soft bed. Sebastian had been waking up in the mornings to find his second pillow held in his arms, his frame almost spooned around it. It was kind of pathetic, but since he was really the only one who knew about it, Sebastian didn't let it bother him much.
"Really?" asked Kurt. "That's...that's really good news. I'll be here Sunday morning, but as it happens, I have the whole afternoon off."
"Medium skinny cap with cinnamon for Kurt," called out Angela.
Both boys started a little, then laughed. Sebastian released Kurt's hand and swiped his card. As soon as it was handed back, Kurt stashed it away in his wallet. "I'll talk to you before I leave," Kurt promised. Unable to resist one last contact, he took Sebastian's hand and squeezed it. They only stood there for a moment, hands clasped, but it was apparently long enough. The sound of someone clearing their throat rather loudly came from behind Kurt, and he spun around, dropping Sebastian's hand abruptly. His wide eyes widened further when he found himself face to face with none other than Blaine. Oh shit.
Blaine was still staring at the spot on the counter where Sebastian and Kurt's hands had rested. He looked back up at Kurt, confused. "What's going on?" he asked. "Were you two just holding hands?"
Kurt's mind was blank. He hadn't had any contact with Blaine since their breakup, and he was thrown enough by his ex-boyfriend's sudden appearance right in front of him, let alone having him catch Kurt and Sebastian in an indiscreet moment. "Uhhh..." Kurt said, turning desperately to Sebastian for any kind of help.
Unfortunately, Sebastian was just as at a loss as Kurt was. But seeing the panic in Kurt's eyes, he tried his best to come up with something. "Of course not," he scoffed, hoping it sounded halfway believable. "We were just...shaking hands."
Blaine's thick eyebrows shot up nearly into his neatly gelled hairline. "Why would you be shaking hands?" he asked, not sounding angry or disbelieving, but honestly puzzled.
Sebastian nearly groaned, figuring he'd just backed them into yet another corner. He wished that Kurt would tell Blaine it was really none of his fucking business anymore how or why Sebastian touched him, but then again that would probably lead to even more questions. Sebastian also wished, for about the tenth time that night, that he'd called in sick that evening after Kurt had told him about the New Directions reunion. Having a shop full of people who actively disliked him and didn't mind acting like it wasn't much fun, but the suckiest part was not being able to snark back without risking losing his job. And he definitely didn't want that to happen. He was only a few weeks from paying off his parents, but Sebastian had already talked to Greg about staying on, just with more limited hours once he went back to Dalton for his senior year. After observing the ins and outs of how Greg ran the Lima Bean, Sebastian was seriously thinking about keeping a major in Business in mind when he started scouting colleges in the Fall.
Unbeknownst to Sebastian, he had in fact provided the perfect excuse. Kurt did indeed have some good news. Hoping to celebrate with a lot more than just a handshake, Kurt had been meaning to save it until he and Sebastian could be alone together. Oh well, he thought. Best laid plans, and all that. Kurt turned back to Blaine and smiled. "Sebastian was just congratulating me," he said.
Sebastian had no idea what the hell Kurt was going on about, but he was smart enough to play along. "And well-deserved congratulations, too," he said, trying to keep things nice and vague.
"Congratulations on what?" asked Blaine. Sebastian shot him an irritated look, and he seemed to remember himself, flushing a little. "If you don't mind me asking, of course."
"Not at all," said Kurt. He moved to the side, so he could talk to Blaine, but have Sebastian in his line of sight as well. "I just got some wonderful news today," he said. "I've been accepted to the Parsons School for Design in New York City. I missed the deadline for the Fall semester, but I can start at the beginning of the Spring one, in January." He grinned hugely, his eyes darting from Blaine to Sebastian and then back again.
Sebastian nearly jumped over the counter to hug Kurt, but managed to fake a milder, friendly interest. He knew that Kurt had applied to Parsons, along with a few other design schools all over the country. Shortly after he and Kurt had begun sleeping together, Sebastian had noticed a stack of fashion sketches on Kurt's desk while collecting his clothes from the bedroom floor one day. When he'd asked about them, Kurt had said that he felt like maybe not getting into NYADA was a sign, some sort of indication from the universe that maybe he was meant to have a career in something other than the performing arts. His skills and talent when it came to fashion were as good if not better than those at performing, and there was the added bonus that maybe design wouldn't be as much of an uphill climb for Kurt as the entertainment industry. His looks and personality would fit easily into a fashion house, whereas on stage he was definitely more likely to be a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Sebastian didn't know a lot about fashion, but the sketches looked amazing to him (he couldn't draw a straight line without a ruler), and there was no doubt Kurt had a unique and creative eye when it came to choosing his own wardrobe. Sebastian was overjoyed to hear that Kurt had gotten into his top choice school, and it was hard to keep the excitement out of his voice. "Like I said, Kurt," he said, "Congratulations. Really, I don't know anyone who deserves it more."
"Thanks," said Kurt, his eyes shining with the promise of a proper celebration later, when they didn't have to watch their words and actions. "I'm really looking forward to it. It's almost like it was meant to be." Like us, Kurt thought. I thought my future would be Blaine and NYADA, but instead it's you and Parsons. Two things I never even imagined could make me just as happy. Maybe even happier.
Blaine looked somewhat shocked. "You're going to New York after all?" he asked.
"Looks like it," said Kurt. "I'll keep working here up until the holidays at least. I can save up some money, which will be helpful since city living is so expensive. Of course, if I wind up having to get a job, I'm sure there's at least a few coffee houses in the Big Apple that need a barista." He turned and winked quickly at Sebastian, then turned back to Blaine, who still looked floored. Kurt frowned. "What's the matter, Blaine?" he asked. "Are you honestly that surprised that I'm not going to be a Lima Loser after all?"
Blaine started. "No!" he said. "I just...I never thought about you doing anything but performing. That was always the plan."
Kurt shot a sideways look at Sebastian, the warm bubble he now recognized as love rising up into his throat. He swallowed. "Plans change," he said simply, with a small, gentle smile.
"I guess so," said Blaine. He heaved a deep sigh, seeming to come to some kind of internal decision. "Congratulations, Kurt," said Blaine. "I hope this all works out for you. Really, I hope it makes you happy." To both Kurt and Sebastian's surprise, he sounded completely sincere. Was it possible that the breakup had been just as good for Blaine as it had been for Kurt, allowing him to grow and mature in a way he wouldn't have if Kurt hadn't had the strength to end things? The way he held out his own hand for Kurt to shake, it looked like it.
Kurt shook Blaine's hand, a warm curl of nostalgia running through him. This was the boy he had fallen in love with so long ago, positive and unthreatened by Kurt's successes. Because now, they didn't have the power to hurt Blaine, or leave him behind. Kurt didn't have romantic feelings for Blaine anymore, and true, there was still the lingering sting of betrayal underneath it all somewhere. But perhaps in the future, he and Blaine could be friends. Maybe even better friends than they'd ever been boyfriends. Kurt brought his other hand up, clasping Blaine's hand between both of his own. A song lyric popped into his head, and he let himself sing it, quietly.
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this
Blaine smiled and brought his other hand up too. He sang the response lyric back.
I hope it brings you bliss
Their voices came together in harmony, though because of a competing karaoke song, the two of them and Sebastian were the only ones who could hear it.
I really hope you get it
And you won't live to regret it…
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy
Kurt and Blaine continued to smile at each other, just a hint of tears sheening both of their eyes. Finally, Kurt gave Blaine's hands a final squeeze, and released them, backing up a few steps towards the counter. Blaine nodded at Kurt, then gave Sebastian a long, apprising look. Seemingly satisfied, he shrugged. "See you up there," he said, gesturing to the grouping of current and former New Directions members sitting on the couches and chairs around the karaoke machine. Then he walked away, grabbing Sam when he got there and pointing to the song book. Kurt shook his head a little, and turned around to look at Sebastian. At this point his cappuccino had probably cooled off a lot, and he was just about to ask Sebastian to zap it in the microphonerowave for him when he stopped. Sebastian was looking at him with an inscrutable expression, his lips pressed together in a tight line. "Is everything okay?" Kurt asked. "I'm sorry I didn't mention Parsons to you; I just wanted to wait until we had more privacy. I would have told you on Sunday if that hadn't just happened."
Sebastian wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling. It wasn't anything he'd ever felt before, and it had started right around the time Kurt had brought both of his hands to cup Blaine's, gazing into the other boy's eyes as they sang to each other. It was like anger and hurt and worry all rolled into one, and he didn't know why he would feel any of those things. The moment between Kurt and Blaine had obviously been one of closure, so why was he so bothered by it? Why did he feel like leaping over the counter and ripping their hands apart? Like Kurt's voice in harmony with Blaine's was so wrong, when it belonged lifted in song only beside his own? Suddenly it hit him. I'm jealous, he realized. This is what jealousy feels like, I guess. I know Kurt doesn't want to be with Blaine, but I still don't want Blaine and him touching each other like that. Or singing to each other. It's totally irrational, but I just don't like it, not one bit. He looked at Kurt, only able to think in that moment about how much he wished he could hold hands publicly with him tonight, to take a turn at the karaoke machine and show Blaine Anderson what a true serenade really was. Sebastian forced a smile, not wanting Kurt to think he was mad at him. "It's fine," he said. "I'm just a little stressed, I think, from someone almost catching us again." He glanced up at the karaoke machine. "Speaking of which, you should probably get out there. It's going to look suspicious if you agreed to meet up with everyone, but spend the whole night back here at the counter with me."
Kurt followed his gaze and gave a little sigh. "I suppose you're right," he said. "I'll be back after the crowd thins out a bit, so we can talk about details for Sunday. Okay?"
"Absolutely," said Sebastian. "Go on, pick out something fun to sing." Just no more duets. I don't think I can handle another one of those tonight, not if you're part of it and I'm not.
Kurt went to the front of the room, looking back at Sebastian a couple of times along the way. As soon as he sat down next to Tina, Sebastian scrubbed a hand over his face. But soon more customers approached the counter, and he was too busy to do much more than occasionally catch sight of Kurt, and make sure he seemed to be having a good time. Which he did, definitely. He was talking and laughing with everyone, including Santana, and it looked like for the moment everyone was getting along great. Sebastian wondered what it would be like if he and Kurt were openly together. Would he too have taken the night off, so he could sit next to Kurt, holding his hand? Or give him a soft kiss when he returned from his turn at the karaoke machine? Would Kurt's friends put up with his presence, if they knew how Sebastian felt about him? And while we're on the subject, how exactly do you feel about Kurt?
Since last week, Sebastian had asked himself the same question what seemed like a thousand times. He had never been the type of person who needed to indulge in self-analysis. His wants and needs were usually unmistakable; eat, sleep, fuck, win...all simple and clear cut. But his feelings for Kurt were different, so complex and murky when compared to what he'd experienced before. There were many different facets to Kurt, so it probably made sense that Sebastian would feel an assortment of different emotions when it came to him. But most overwhelming was a deep affection and need for proximity unlike anything he'd even known before.
Sebastian's musings were interrupted by a series of loud hoots and whistles, and he looked up to see that Santana had taken the stage. As much as he disliked her, he had to give a bit of grudging respect. If there was anyone in New Directions he had the most in common with, it was Santana. Both confident, sarcastic, and good looking, unashamed of their sexuality and each possessing one hell of a set of pipes. If it wasn't for the polarity in their ethnicity, they could practically be considered two peas in a pod. But as Santana started to speak, her entire face and body language softened, and Sebastian discovered they had something else in common as well.
"I'm sending this song out to my girl, Brittany," Santana said. Her blond girlfriend smiled sweetly, with a glow that Sebastian could see from the back of the room. "I am going to miss you so much when I leave. But you're going to have a great senior year, just like I'm going to have a great freshman one. But I'll still think about you every single day, and count the hours until we can be together again. I love you so much, Britt. And if anyone ever wondered why, I think this song says it all."
Lookin' out on the morning rain
I used to feel so uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you
Life was so unkind
But you're the key to my peace of mind
What Sebastian also shared with Santana were feelings for another person; that one special someone who could make you so happy and content, when you were with them the urge to be nasty or mean disappeared. When he was with Kurt, it made him want to be a better person, the type that someone as amazing as Kurt would want to spend time with. Santana's song was a visual and aural representation of how he felt inside every time he was with Kurt, whether they were naked and sweaty in bed, or just sharing a muffin over their ten minute break in The Bean. Santana said she loved Brittany, so did that mean that he loved Kurt? It was hard for him to tell, since he had never loved anyone romantically before. He tried the thought out in his head, to see how it felt. I think I'm in love with Kurt. A warm, shimmery wave of emotion passed through him, so he tried again. I'm in love with Kurt. The same thing happened, but a little stronger. Sebastian took a deep breath. I love Kurt, he thought, and the wave became a pulse that made his knees a little weak. He gripped the counter tightly, looking at where Kurt sat listening to Santana finish her song, the dim light of the coffee house throwing shadows and highlights onto the sharper planes of his face. Sebastian had never seen anything more beautiful, nor anything he had ever wanted more in his entire eighteen years of life, and in that moment he knew the truth. "I love Kurt Hummel," he said quietly to himself, and it felt so good to say out loud, he did it again. "I love him."
"About time one of you realized it," came a deadpan female voice behind him. Sebastian whipped around, only to see Angela standing there, her eyes sparkling with mirth that Sebastian had never seen in all the shifts he had ever worked with her.
"What?" Sebastian said. He felt his palms start to sweat, and started trying to think of how to cover his admission up with something believable.
"Oh please," Angela said. "I can practically see the wheels turning in your head. Don't bother. It's not like everyone here doesn't already know that you and Kurt are crazy in love with each other."
"You do?" asked Sebastian. How could they, when Sebastian had just figured it out himself? And when he certainly wasn't at all sure if Kurt returned the sentiment? Sebastian was starting to feel like he was having some kind of out of body experience.
"Duh," said Angela. "It's totally obvious." Greg came out of his office, and Angela waved him over wildly. Sebastian stared, having never seen her so animated before.
"What is it?" asked Greg.
"It finally happened," said Angela, nodding at Sebastian.
Greg took one look at Sebastian's dumbstruck face, and grinned. "This one was the first to admit it?" he asked, starting to laugh. "The odds were on Kurt."
"I know," said Angela, with an atypically girlish giggle. "That's where my money was. What's today, the twentieth? We'll have to see who won."
"Won what?" asked Sebastian, feeling more clueless than ever.
"The pool," said Greg. When Sebastian just gaped at him in disbelief, he continued. "We all put one together over a month ago. Who would say it first, when, if it would be to each other, etcetera."
"You guys had a pool to guess when Kurt or I would say 'I love you'?" asked Sebastian. "Are you serious?"
"Totally," said Angela. "Some lucky member of the Lima Bean team is about to win a couple of hundred dollars."
Sebastian was gobsmacked. The eventuality that he would come to love Kurt was so inevitable, his co-workers had put money on it? And they were just as sure that Kurt would fall in love with him too? It was insane. How in the world could he and Kurt be the last ones to know?
Greg patted him on the shoulder. "I think it's about time for your break," he said, still smiling from ear to ear. "Now that you've told us, don't you think there's another one of your co-workers who might want to know?" He turned Sebastian towards the other end of the shop, where Kurt was applauding Santana as she came off the stage. She went over to Brittany and laid a passionate kiss on her, and Sebastian's heart clenched to see the slightly sad, wistful expression that came over Kurt's face as he watched.
"Holy shit," he breathed out. Kurt was disappointed, because he wanted that for himself. With him. It was like Sebastian had had blinders on, and someone had finally ripped them off. Kurt loved him. It was so obvious, he couldn't believe he'd never guessed. God, what an idiot he was. He started to smile, and then laughed out loud. "It is most definitely time for my break," he said, pulling off his apron. He walked past Angela and Greg, who both clapped excitedly as he went by. He snorted with laughter; he really liked the people he worked with, but they were apparently even weirder than he'd thought.
Sebastian went around the edge of the crowd, trying to stay out of Kurt's sight as he made his way to the song book and flipped to the "S" section. Finding exactly the song he was looking for easily, he punched in his selection and hit the pause button on the karaoke machine, before stepping up to the microphone. He tapped it, and the thunking noise got everyone's attention. Kurt, who had been talking to Finn, turned around, and a gorgeous smile lit his face when he saw Sebastian standing there. Artie started to boo, but stopped when Kurt applied a stinging slap to his shoulder. Kurt sent a warning glare around to the rest of the group, and his eyes promising the same to anyone else who made an attempt to heckle Sebastian.
"Hi," Sebastian said into the the microphone. He spotted Greg and Angela making cheering gestures from behind the counter, and just managed to avoid rolling his eyes. "I'm Sebastian Smythe. A lot of you know me as the guy who makes your coffee. Some of you know me as one of the Warblers, and others, as a giant pain-in-the-ass troublemaker." He paused while a ripple of surprised laughter erupted from several of Kurt's friends. "But tonight, I want to sing a song to someone who knows me a little differently. Who knows me in a way that no one else ever has, and maybe in a way that no one else ever will." Sebastian could see some of the New Directions checking to see where he was looking, a few of them automatically skipping over to Blaine before realizing his eyes were on the opposite side of their group. He saw more than one mouth drop open when they realized he was looking directly at a frozen, red-faced Kurt. Sebastian smiled. "This is for you, Kurt." He turned to press the pause button again on the karaoke machine, and a simple piano line began to play. Raising an eyebrow at Kurt, who was still standing as if rooted to the floor, he began to sing.
I'm not the kind of boy you bring to mother
I'm not the kind of boy you kiss in public
My manners leave a lot to be desired
At least I'm not a liar
And I'm not about the subtle innuendo
More likely to throw rocks up at your window
I'll walk on eggshells so you won't hear
The crazy words I'm saying when you get near me
I'd rather disappear than be faking it
Kurt's legs seemed to fail him. He felt someone grab his arm and guide him backwards to sit on a chair. Was this actually happening? It seemed like it must be a dream. A really, totally awesome one. He hoped he remembered it when he woke up. Kurt listened to Sebastian continue on, a huge shit-eating grin on his face and green eyes that were practically twinkling with delighted teasing as he hit the chorus.
You like me
Yeah I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words
You like me
There I said it
Don't need a dictionary
'Cause I can spell
Kurt slowly started to come out of his daze, listening to the words. Then he began to laugh, covering his mouth. There couldn't be a more typically Sebastian way express to Kurt how he felt about him, than with lyrics that pointed out that Kurt most obviously felt the same way. It was an adorably perfect song choice.
My foot was in my mouth the day I met you
All my friends, they said I'd never get you
But they don't know it when they see it
They need glasses to believe it
They don't understand
So be it
What can I say
Sebastian sang the chorus again, hoping that Kurt understood that the words were as much about himself as they were about Kurt. He loved Kurt, but it was more than that. He liked him, liked almost every little thing about him, from the way he could make a leaf shape on a latte with foamed milk, to the way all the hollows and angles of his body seemed to fit perfectly against Sebastian's. He took the microphone off the stand, and began walking towards Kurt as he sang the bridge.
'Cause I can tell
By the way you turn me on to your favorite band
By the way you pour me coffee when I'm too tired to stand
The way you lift me up when I'm fading
Breathe me in when I'm suffocating
Don't say that it's just because you can
Finally reaching Kurt, Sebastian knelt down so they could be at eye level. He took Kurt's trembling hand with his free one, and started intently into his aquamarine eyes for the next part.
And don't be stupid thinking I've misjudged you
I know enough to know when someone trusts you
Why fight it now
It isn't gonna hurt you
Kurt felt joyful tears come to his eyes, and smiled through them. He could see that Sebastian meant every word he was singing. He wasn't going to fight his feelings for Kurt anymore, and Kurt would no longer have to hide his own. He could tell Sebastian that he loved him as he fell to pieces under his skilled hands, or even just to say goodbye at the end of a phone call. He could love Sebastian, and unless he was mistaken, Sebastian was going to love him back. Kurt thought his heart might burst from all he was trying to contain within it; happiness, relief, and of course, overwhelming love. Sebastian got up off his knees, pulling Kurt off the sofa and swinging him around in a wide circle.
You like me
And I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words
You like me
There I said it
Don't need a dictionary
'Cause I can spell
You like me
Yeah I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words
How you stumble...
Sebastian, more than ready to use his mouth for something besides singing, dropped the microphone and cupped Kurt's cheeks in his hands. He guided their faces together, not even hearing the applause and catcalls that broke out when he kissed Kurt. Still, in the back of his mind he realized he was in a public place, so he kept it as PG-rated as possible. They parted after a few sweet seconds. Sebastian took Kurt's hands in his own, noting that now they were both shaking a little. "I've changed my mind about something," Sebastian said.
"Really?" said Kurt. "What's that?"
"I've decided maybe I can do the boyfriend thing after all," Sebastian answered. A beatific smile bloomed on Kurt's face. "There's only one problem, though."
"Oh?" asked Kurt, his smile not faltering a whit.
"I'd have to find someone who could put up with me," Sebastian said. "I'm quite a handful, as you know. I don't know if a lot of boys would be up to the challenge."
"Well, you don't need a lot of boys," said Kurt. "I mean, if you're planning on doing this boyfriend thing right, you really only need one."
"This is true," said Sebastian. He pretended to scan the room. "Let's see," he said looking back at Kurt. "One guy, who's not afraid of a challenge. Bonus points if can sing, is incredible in bed, and can sew a Marc Jacobs knockoff shirt in a couple of hours. And he needs to be able to make a great cup of coffee. I'm very particular about that. Sound like anyone you might know?"
"I might have just the guy," said Kurt. "And the best part is, he already loves you."
Sebastian's breath caught in his chest. He was so moved, he couldn't say anything for a thirty seconds. His playful facade fell away. "Is it you?" he asked, so quietly Kurt could barely hear him over the din of conversation voices all around them.
Kurt was surprised to see Sebastian's confidence drop. Was he still unsure that Kurt was on the same page as him? Of course, this was all new for Sebastian, so it made sense that maybe he needed to hear the words as plainly and clearly as possible. "It is," he confirmed. "I love you, Sebastian."
Sebastian's heart soared. "I think you're perfect for the job, then," he said. "Coincidentally, I love you too." And that's when Sebastian realized that there was something that felt even better than Kurt telling him that he loved him. Getting to say it right back to Kurt was, without a doubt, the best.
If you haven't heard Natasha Bedingfield's Stumble (the song Sebastian sings to Kurt), I'd suggest a quick trip to YouTube to have a listen. It is the most Sebastian-y song I've ever heard - not just the lyrics, but the delivery is just perfect for him, IMO.
I'm very sad to see this story end, but endings usually lead to the beginning of better and more exciting things, at least in my experience. As for where I go next, I am taking an extended break from fanfiction to write my first original story, which I'm planning on being novel-length as well. It will be a romance with a male/male pairing, and I'll initially be publishing it chapter by chapter on FictionPress under the pseudonym Laurin Kelly. When it's done, my plans are to take it down and self-publish it as an e-book. It's possible that I may write a drabble or one shot here or there, if the muse needs a temporary distraction; but for the most part I'm going to be dedicating all of my creative energy to seeing if I can make an original story at least as good as some of the better fanfics I've written. So wish me luck, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to need it!