I do not own anything. The characters all belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is my first fanfic so I hope you like!
It was one of those nights where you just can't stop yourself from tossing and turning; like you just can't put your brain on pause? You can't shut your head up long enough for sleep and ease of conscience to take over and relive you of this agony. He can't possibly still be interested, it would never work. But, then again, tonight there was no way that something isn't there between us; I couldn't be the only one feeling these sparks. But why on earth would he still be interested in me like that? WE ARE JUST FRIENDS and I have put him through hell recently. But if he isn't then why are all the signs there? It is hard to say what there really is. What he really considers me. I can only hope that he feels the same way as me. With these thoughts running circles in mind, constantly chasing each other around, one after the other, after the other, exhaustion finally won over and I fell into a deep sleep. A sleep tainted with the horror that is the indecision of my future and the past of Edward, but also gifted with the thoughts and reflections and happenings of tonight. Both the good and the bad, but can one really complain when there is a bright side, a silver lining to their dream cloud? Because between the images of my horrid fears of never being able to escape my past relationship with Edward, images and snatches of Jake and my conversations floated through them. Sweet images of him; his voice, his laughter, his smile, everything about him that drove me crazy, all of those reasons that I was unexplainably drawn to him. I can't really explain how I feel about this situation, about him. Why I was instantly drawn to him all of a sudden after years of knowing him, and maybe that makes me weird; a freak or maybe it's just a desperate attempt at hoping to find what I used to have with him; a connection with someone; a feeling of belonging. I could spend all day reflecting on these feelings as I woke up. But, alas, with my alarm blaring in my ear, it is time for me to get ready for the day.
As I got up, I realized, I missed Jake. Our talk last night hadn't all been good. After the usual "how are you" and "I missed you" it became "What the hell were you thinking?" I didn't care that he had yelled at me. It had taken a few weeks after my return for him to even agree to meet with me. And once he had walked out from the woods and started talking, I just couldn't take my eyes away from him. I didn't want to fight; I didn't want to argue I just wanted to be with him. He was upset that I had raced off to Italy to save Edward, as he should be. Unfortunately, he didn't quite grasp what I was trying to say. I tried to tell him that it was over with Edward, I didn't love him anymore. It was Jake and only Jake now. But before I could get the words out, a howl had ripped through the air and Jake was forced to leave.
I was glad this was my senior year of high school. I couldn't imagine having to go through ANOTHER year in the same classes as Edward. As much as I still care for him as a friend, I no longer feel that pull for him. It's been transferred, or maybe even all together replaced with the one I feel for Jake. After Edward had left me, Jake was there, he repaired my damaged heart. Now it beat only for him; if only he would listen to me when I tried to tell him. I sighed at my internal monologue as I got ready for school. I settled on a pair of ripped jeans and a black long sleeved T-shirt. My stomach growled as I walked down the stairs. I checked my phone and realized I had time to make myself a small bowl of cereal before I left. Charlie had already left for work leaving, as usual, his dirty breakfast dishes in the sink. I suppose I will have to do them when I get home from class. I didn't have work that evening so I mentally made a list of groceries to pick up on my way home, and planned on making Charlie something good for dinner. He was still beyond pissed at me for leaving without notice, though he still didn't know the truth of where I had gone.
School passed by without incident. It was a slightly sunny today, to my relief, so the Cullen's were not there. I went to the store and bought what I needed to make dinner for Charlie. As I pulled into the driveway, my heart skipped a few beats. There, sitting on my porch steps, sat Jake. I still can't get over how much he has changed from the kid I knew last year. As I got out of my truck, he stood up and bounded over to me. He reached me in no time at all and started to take the grocery bags out of my hands. "Sorry about the interruption last night, Bells" he said looking down. I could tell he actually felt bad, and that made me excited. Maybe he will listen to me. I know he has always been in love with me. I just hope that those feelings are still there after I left for Italy. "S'okay" I shrugged and headed towards the door. "Can we finish our talk now?" I asked looking over my shoulder. "I was hopin' we could" he replied and gave me a stunning smile. Not the full Jake smile that I loved, but I would take what I could get.
He followed me inside and set the bags on the counter. I started going through them so I wouldn't have to look at him. "Look, Bells, I'm still pissed that you went after him, but as much as I hate to say it, I think I understand." I looked up at him astonished. He didn't let me speak but just continued "I know you love him, and I know that if you had needed me, I wouldn't hesitate to do anything to save you, I get it. I'm sorry Bells," "Stop" I interrupted him. "Just stop." He looked up at me, was that hope that I saw in his eyes? "Look, Jake, I need to tell you something." I started putting the food from the bags up in their places to give myself something to do. I noticed he moved and leaned up against the counter. I snuck a look over at him, and he was staring at me intently. "Bella?" he asked, prodding me to continue. I slammed down the box on spaghetti noodles in my hand and turned towards him. "Jake, I went after Edward because it wasn't right for him to die that way. And yes, I do care about him, and about his family. That's why I went after him. But this past year has taught me something." I took two steps towards him and he straightened up. We were less than a foot apart and he was towering over me, but I couldn't lose my nerve now. "I don't love Edward anymore, at all. In fact, the though t of being with him repulses me now" Whatever Jake had been expecting, this was not it, he looked completely taken aback. I used this to my advantage and continued "I love you Jake, I think that I always have, I just never wanted to admit it. When he broke my heart, I found that I didn't even feel that pain when I was with you. When I left for Italy that night, it felt like my heart was ripped out when you begged me to stay, tens times stronger than when he left me. In Italy, all I could think was how bad I wanted to hurry what I had to do along so I could get back to you. Then, when I came back and you wouldn't take my calls, I was lost, I cried myself to sleep every night until you called and said you wanted to talk. Jake, I don't think I can live without you. I understand if you can't take me after everything that I have put you through, but please let me be a part of your life. Even as a friend, I just can't bear to lose you." I had to take a deep breath after that. As I was ranting, I had watched the expressions on his face change from shocked, to amused, to confused, and finally to this unreadable Jake before me. I waited for him to say something, anything. I started to bit my lower lip in nervousness.
Now that I had said what I needed, I didn't really know what else to do. I picked up the box of noodles I had slammed on the counter and finished putting my groceries up. Jake just sat there with that unreadable expression; I wish I knew what he was thinking. Finally, after what seemed like decades, he busted out laughing. I looked at him, mouth open. I regained my composure and yelled "I spill my heart out and you laugh? Jacob Black this is so not funny!" He attempted to stop laughing. "Sorry Bells. Here I come to your house, expecting to say goodbye to the love of my life, only to find out that she finally admits her true feelings to me? Excuse me for being happy!" he started laughing again. "Really?" I asked. He stopped laughing completely now and looked at me. In a quick stride he walked up to me, turned me around to face him, backed me up into the counter, and kissed me. "I've always loved you Bells, and I always will" he murmured against my lips. My knees felt like jelly. If it weren't for his weight pressing me to the counter, I probably would have fallen. It was intense; I had never had a kiss like this. Jake gasped and fell to his knees. When he looked up at me, I knew what had just happened. I was in total shock.
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