"It takes a lot for me to trust someone enough to confide in them, and that's why I have walls built up. Every time I let them down I get burned, then realize why I had them up in the first place and what a mistake it was to ever let them down. The old me was too guarded to ever be exposed to betrayal, or hurt. Just when I think I'm healed another wound opens and I once again become vulnerable. Which is what got me to lose my virginity to my boyfriend Alex after only dating for 2 months - vulnerability. He made me feel special, beautiful, confident - always has, since the moment we met. In either case something clicked, it has brought us closer than ever. But if I was to let anybody else see me vulnerable that's an invitation to being hurt or feeling pain so I smile through it all on the outside, hold back tears, and I appear ok, which is what I want people to think. But on the inside I want to lose all the drama, and pain, and once again feel free of it all, drama, betrayal, death, family tragedy. Most everybody I've ever trusted me has hurt or taken advantage of me in some way. But it's not like that with Alex, I only trust him." As I finish writing another passage in my daily journal a teardrop fell on the page, and I quickly wiped my eyes, take a deep breath, and shut my journal, reached across the bed and open the top dresser drawer, pulling out a little wooden lock box, and use the shiny key that I keep on a chain always on my neck and open it, place my fuzzy blue journal inside, locked it back up, put my necklace back on, and neatly place it back in my mahogany dresser that her dad made for her 15th birthday. Set my light up pen on top of her dresser, and plopped back into my wonderland of silk sheets. I awoke to the morning sun peeking through the barely sheer lime green curtains and the sound of my phone chiming, I have a new text. It reads "Morning Beautiful. I miss u. I want to get a gr8 start off 2 our summer and hang out with you :). " My face lit up. I reply with " Come over now. Nobody's home." as I sent it I bit my lip.