Choked to death.
\Hit by train.
Bludgeoned to death.
The options played over and over in my head. So many ways to kill. I could feel death creeping up at me. Willing me to do its bidding to bring yet another lost hopeless soul back into death's embrace. The bloodlust so strong I can just imagine myself with the victory of my kill in each scenario. A smile crept up on my face slowly as I thought of my favorite ways to end my next victim.
Free fall to death.
Knife through the back.
Arrow through the eye.
Axe lodged into his head.
One minute. One minute was all I needed to end the life of one person. Given the time and possibilities are endless. Grotesque as they may be, nothing can compare to life back at home.
Blood curdling screams were the soundtrack of my life. The last hopeless cries of the dead resounding in the air we breathe, as if they no longer physically suffer, but are forever tormented. They are left here, their screams, to remind me of who I am and what I did. They are cursed and bound to me and not another second of my life will I be granted peace.
I hear them. More real than if someone came up to me and shouted at me. These screams were harmful to me. In more ways than one, because unlike the people I hunt now the owners of these screams were people I knew and cherished. To each cry I could match a name, face, and family.
To say I was a monster was an understatement, but a person can only do so much when they aren't their own. Regardless of my desire to stop her the bloodlust took control. The first to go was my mother. Even though I hated her for what she did to us I didn't want her to die. I couldn't. I willed her to stop, but she was too strong the other part of me.
I used to be an actual person before the Capitol came and interfered. They said I was too valuable to waste my life in favor of the districts. They took me and changed me against my will. They made her the evil blood thirsty woman that stole my body.
The rational part of me tried to fight at first, but I could feel my self slipping away. All the memories that I've ever had disappeared tainted with blood and tears.
In place of the love and compassion I had towards these memories I only felt empty and the other woman's desire to kill took over the last amount of space I thought was mine.
I had hoped to be a contender in the fight of my own free will, but seeing as though the Capitol had something to do with it. They made sure that the odds will never be in my favor. I lost. I lost my family, my friends, my life, and my love. Soon I will lose my memories and along with them my will to live. Then when the last pathetic thread of the person I once was vanishes I will be gone too. Then I could be with them.
Within the last two years everyone I had known died either from my own hand or from my actions. I try hard to remember their faces, but the memories become too painful. I hide them not daring to bring them up until I think I can handle them again, but when I try to remember them all I see is myself staring right back up at me covered in blood and smirking as if to test if I will do anything, but I won't. I'm too much of a coward. I turn away into my corner and cry, but of course no tears come out, because I'm not allowed to feel sad when the other part of me is laughing happily at my pain.
At night I'm plagued with nightmares and nothing I can do will help them go away. I can feel the other part of me reveling in her "victories" she sleeps soundly at night. I however will not be granted the peace of sleep. Instead I lay awake humming to my self trying hard to remember the feel of two strong arms wrapped around me.
"I will always love you." He whispered in my ear.
"I know" was all I said back. I closed my eyes trying so hard to bring his face back to me once again. I couldn't find anything, but before I let exhaustion take over I saw a pair of blue eyes staring right back at me. I blinked once and they were gone.
I am Katniss Everdeen. I am nineteen years old. I was the victor of the 74th Hunger Games. I rebelled against the capitol as the Mockingjay. I was punished and turned into a killing machine. My body is not my own. I am in love with Peeta Mellark. He is my next target.