Chapter 32

'I know what we should do tonight Jan, we go out and get so pissed that we don't remember a thing that's happened today.' Rachel says to Janet as she wipes her eyes with tissue. 'As great of an idea that is Rach I don't think I can, with the girls being at home. Elise is worried about me enough as it is. Plus I think Gill wants to talk to me.' Rachel looks in the mirror. 'What does she want to talk to you about?' Janet shrugs and shakes her head. 'I haven't a clue, it could be about Ade. Geoff mentioned me and Andy, Gill didn't know. I think she wants to know why I'm not with him anymore.' Rachel walks over to Janet. 'Are you going to tell her, you know everything that happened between you and him?' She looks at Janet who is blowing her nose. 'I don't know, I don't want to but I know I should. I think if I talk to her about it, it may make me feel better and he will finally leave me alone.' Janet looks at Rachel; her eyes begin to well up again. 'I thought Andy had left you alone?' She is now confused. 'Andy has, I'm talking about Ade. He keeps on showing up in my dreams Rach; he is standing there it is happening all over again...' tears are rolling down her face '...every night something new happens. Last night I was in the bath and he pushed me under water, I was drowning and he just walked away as if nothing had happened...' Rachel's face drops '...I know none of it is real but I'm scared. Parts of the dream have actually happened to me, I think it's a way of saying that I'm lucky that I got away.'
'Oh Jan, you have no reason to be scared. You got away from him, you are free from him, and he can't do it to you anymore.'
Janet nods. 'I know Rach, being with Geoff has made it all worse, I had a dream about him as well. You were in it as well; he's a bastard, that's all I can say.' They both turn around and sigh. 'I know you don't want to go out tonight but I think we should, you obviously need it.' Janet smiles and nods. 'I guess you are right.' She walks into the toilet and gets more tissue to wipe her face. She walks back out and smiles, she opens the door and they both walk out.
Janet walks ahead of Rachel, as Rachel is walking she beings to think to herself. 'This is my friend, something else must be wrong, it can't just be Ade or Geoff or Andy, there must be something else, I've tried to ignore the signs but she's just getting worse, I'm afraid that I'm losing her, I'm worried about bringing it up. I just want my old friend back. She says she's fine but I don't believe her, I know that sounds awful but I've seen her better, I've seen her when she's happy. There isn't anything I can do though; she won't want to talk about it...' Janet quickly turns around. 'Are you alright Rach?' Rachel looks up at her. 'Yeah, I'm fine. Why?' Janet laughs. 'You are just unusually quiet.'
They both walk into the office. Mitch is standing in Gill's office. Andy, Kevin and Pete are sitting at their desks. Kevin and Pete start to laugh. 'Grow up.' Rachel shouts at them, she was angry. Janet sits at her desk and puts her head down. Andy looks towards her, his face still looks like he cares about her. Of course he knows everything that had happened in the interview, he feels sorry for her having to go through that. Mitch walks out of Gill's office; he walks over to Janet and crouches down beside her. He whispers in her ear 'Gill wants to talk to you. I hope you are alright; I'm not going to talk about it. I will make sure the others won't talk about it.' He smiles at her sweetly; she returns the smile with an unconvincing smile. She gets up from her seat and knocks on Gill's door. 'Janet come in.' She opens the door and closes it behind her. 'How are you?' Gill is still looking at her computer and typing. 'I'm doing okay thank you.' Janet knew Gill could tell that she wasn't okay, she could tell from the sarcastic tone of her voice. 'Can you please now tell me what is wrong, what happened between you and Ade?' Gill removes her glasses; she looked straight into Janet's eyes, the pain flashed right across them. Tears stared to form in the corner of her eyes; she starts to look for words to say. 'Do you remember that day I came in and I had a bruise below my eye?' Gill nods her head; she could see where this was going. 'Well, I told you that I walked into a door...' she begins to whimper '...well I...I...I wasn't exactly telling you truth, I didn't tell anyone the truth until a few weeks ago.' Gill's eyes begin to water like Janet's; she didn't want this to happen. 'Ade always had a problem, if things didn't go his way he would take it out on the person he thought was closest to him. I was his...his...' She begins to speak through her teeth, the pain was evident. '...human punching bag.'
'Janet I am so sorry.'
Gill is full on crying. 'If I had known I would have done everything in my power to help you.' Janet swallows and shakes her head. 'You didn't know. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to get involved. It was my problem.' Gill passes Janet a tissue, she takes one for herself. 'Did he ever, you know, to the girls?' She looks at Janet concerned. 'God no, he loved those girls. He would never want to hurt them.' Gill let out a cry. 'He loved you too but he still hurt you. I saw the bruises, the cuts and the scars. I never said anything when I should have done. I'm sorry.' Janet shakes her head frantically. 'Don't be, don't be sorry. You've done nothing wrong. I should have done something before it got too bad. I just lived with it. He didn't love me; he would tell me that he did. He would do things that you would do if you love someone, he just didn't love me. I know that for a fact.' Gill looks heartbroken, knowing this about one of her oldest friends. 'Is that why you got with Andy?' Janet nods her head. 'I just wanted someone to love me properly. I ruined that with him, I've broken his heart and there is no way I can fix any of this. I'm just in a situation where I am powerless and stuck, but I will be alright.' Janet begins to compose herself. 'I better go, I said I would see the girls before they go to bed, they want to talk to me about everything that happened today.' She stands up. 'Thanks Gill. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it before.' She sorts her clothes out and walks back into the office.
'Are you alright?' Rachel asks Janet as she sits down. Janet nods.
'I will be fine.'