A/N: So, I finally gave into my curiosity and watched Thor. And was blown away.
This idea started plaguing me as soon as the movie was over and I raced to to see if someone had already written it. To my surprise and disappointment, there was only one crossover between Thor and Glee and while I love "I was thinking of a son" by wild wolf free17, it's just not enough of the awesome hawtness that is Loki, Thor, Kurt and Blaine all mixed together. So this formed.
Even though this one doesn't have Blaine, the sequel will have him, and it will also star the other Avengers.
Sorry for the cliffhanger but I felt it was a good place to stop for now. Hopefully I'll have more for you after my two weeks in New York City! :)
BTW, for those who know I'm often inspired by music, this time there was no particular song(s), just my "Mixed" playlist.
When a tornado warning comes out of nowhere, Kurt does what everyone else in the class does. They don't orderly evacuate to the basement of the school like they've been taught. Then again, neither do they rush to the windows to see the tornado.
No, they panic.
The screaming is echoed by other classes throughout the school so loudly that they don't even hear the tornado warning shut down for a good minute. When they notice this, all the students are glancing at each other, silently asking: what just happened? The teacher peeks over his desk fearfully.
"Is it over?" his whisper sounds in the class room.
Kurt turns to the window for the first time since the tornado warning went off. "I think so Mr. Willis. It's safe to come out," he bit sarcastically, recovering more quickly that his class mates. Then again, he also recovered from slushies and dumpster dives more quickly than anyone else he knew.
He glanced at the clock on the wall behind Mr. Willis' desk. It would ring in thirty seconds. He started to pack his things, prompting some of his classmates to do the same. Mr. Willis looked at them incredulously and jumped when the bell rang. "N-no homework for tomorrow. Remember to study for the test next week."
Chatter was starting to return to the students and exclaims of "I can't believe it!" and "Oh my God, what was that?" and "If this was a joke, I'm going to boil the culprit's balls in boiling oil… while they're still attached!" The last one came from a particularly vicious Cheerio, Emily Shirley, who looked like a particularly innocent angel.
Making his way to his locker, a new apprehension started to settle within Kurt. He lived on the edge of Lima with his dad, barely within the city limits, and the tornado warning system was limited to the city limits. If the warning had been so short, it was logical to believe it had grazed Lima somewhere round the edges… He just hoped his dad was okay. He'd had a day off… and knowing his dad, hadn't moved anywhere from home.
Thanking God he didn't believe in he didn't have Glee or Cheerios that afternoon, Kurt made his way through the parking lot to his baby (one of the things he could be proud of without being called a fag). Waving goodbye to Mercedes who looked slightly pale, like the rest of the students, he slid into his car and started the annoying five-mile-ride home. Normally he would take any other road but today he was in a hurry and took the 75. 75 was always busy, running from southern Florida all the way up to Canada, Kurt had checked. It went through Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio and Michigan and the road continued on in Canada though Kurt never bothered to know more. Expect that 75 went through Atlanta where he wanted to visit one day.
The ride had never felt as long as it did that day but when he drove up the driveway he felt like he could breathe again: the house was at least still there.
"Dad?" he called as he shut the door behind him, letting his book bag fall to the floor. "Dad? You here?"
"Kiddo?" answered a voice from the basement where Burt kept his inventions and prototypes.
Heaving a sigh of relief, Kurt went down the stairs. "Everything's fine dad… there was just a scare with a tornado today not fifteen minutes ago. Since the alarm was so brief I feared something had happened here."
"I didn't hear anything," shrugged Burt as he looked up from the motor he was building. "Then again, I've been blasting Mellencamp since lunch."
"And M.A.I. didn't say anything?" enquired Kurt with an arched eyebrow.
"I turned the blasted thing off," grunted Burt as he once again concentrated on the motor in front of him.
Kurt sighed but smiled. Burt didn't know what to think of the newest member of their household, M.A.I. (My Artificial Intelligence), which Kurt had programmed from scratch. It was a lot like Tony Stark's J.A.R.V.I.S. from what Kurt had heard, except that it wasn't divided between their houses (since they only had one, unlike Tony Stark who had freaking towers everywhere). Kurt was particularly proud of it and continuously tuned it.
"Well, then I better go turn it back on so it can fuss over the tornado warning. Do you want something to eat?" asked Kurt over his shoulder as he walked the stairs.
"No thanks, I'm fine for a while longer," Burt answered absentmindedly and reached for a screwdriver.
Kurt barely kept from rolling his eyes. Whenever his dad said he was fine for a while longer, he was coming up with something that could revolutionize the humanity's current culture, if only he bothered to show someone what he'd come up with. Their attic was full of stuff that looked like it was from a futuristic sci-fi movie such as hover boards, help-robots (with a meager A.I., nothing compared to M.A.I.), answering key chains and laser guns. Kurt's inventions were all stored on his massive storage computer and his intranet. He left the physical inventing for his dad and concentrated on software and other abstract things. It was hard being a couple of genius inventors in the middle-of-nowhere, Ohio and not letting anyone know unless they wanted the same kind of life like Tony Stark. Burt was content to run his auto shop and Kurt's dreams were in performing, even if he'd continue inventing in his leisure.
"My Artificial Intelligence, online, mu oh-two, delta two-six, upsilon two-oh-ten," Kurt droned as he went to the kitchen, awakening M.A.I. He started to prepare a light snack (apple slices and baby carrots along with orange juice (No added Sugar! proclaimed the carton)) as Mai complained about Burt turning it off. Apparently it was also going through what had happened during it's brief offline.
"Master Kurt, there is an injured man on your property, in the field behind the woods. He appeared there during the storm," Mai informed Kurt as he'd just sat down to eat.
"Was he injured in the storm?" asked Kurt.
"I don't know Master Kurt. There is no sign of the man anywhere before the storm."
Swallowing, Kurt replied: "I'll go take a look. Don't inform where I am unless he asks and even then don't mention the man."
"Understood Master Kurt."
"Could you have D.D. and Med.A.I. (Duty Droid and Medical Artificial Intelligence) on call when I come back? If the man really is injured, Med.A.I. should be ready to treat him and if he's not, D.D. will be needed to make some food for him. A guest room should also be aired for our mystery man," Kurt drank the rest of his juice and put the dishes to the dishwasher. He grabbed his keys and summoned his own hover board and the closest guest hover board. Jumping on, Kurt directed them out of the door and through the woods.
The field had been in his dad's family for a couple of centuries, since moving to America, really. Not that it had really been sowed since before the Second World War. That was when the Hummels became ingenious engineers. That was the reason Kurt's great-grandfather hadn't served on the front lines of the War, because he'd been doing some engineering 'back home'. He'd also met Captain America and had spoken of the man with great fondness according to the stories Kurt's grandpa had told him before dying of heart failure at the age of eighty seven four years ago. Then, when great-grandpa had been sent to the frontlines, he'd been killed within the fortnight… after fixing a truck that had gotten ten injured soldiers to safety. Kurt's grandpa had been thirteen at the time.
Great-grandpa and grandpa had both kept a small fruit tree orchard in one corner of the field, most of the time for relaxation but sometimes the fruits were used as test subjects… and not a word more about that. Anyway, the orchard was one of Kurt's favorite places on the property as it reminded him of his grandpa, and now… it was half destroyed.
Hovering closer, Kurt caught sight of something gold. Or, well, what would have been golden had it not been mostly gray with dirt. It was hair. Long, golden hair of a big, bronze skinned man who was laying face first in dirt. He was dressed in some kind of tunic and breeches and had a pair of odd, medieval boots. Some kind of giant hammer was lodged in a stone not twenty feet of the man.
Ignoring the hammer for the moment, Kurt rushed to the man's side. "Ohkay, don't be dead, we don't need the police or worse, feds, swarming our home, trying to solve a murder…" he muttered as he knelt by the man, not paying attention to his pants. Checking for the pulse, Kurt closed his eyes in relief when he found it. Using what little muscle he'd gained from Cheerios, he turned the man over and was rewarded by fluttering eyes. The man opened them for a few seconds, revealing breathtaking baby blue eyes, before seemingly succumbing to unconsciousness again. "Hey, don't go to sleep," Kurt snapped and lightly slapped the man's face. "You could have concussion for all we know. You don't want to fall into a coma because I'm not equipped to deal with it and then I'll have to take you to the hospital." The eyes opened again. "There's a good boy, now stay awake."
Kurt got the man to the hover board with a little help from the man himself and continued talking as it seemed to help the man stay conscious. Hastening the journey, Kurt alternated between praising the man for staying awake and snapping at him when he closed his eyes for longer than a second. Remotely opening the backdoors he flew them in, up the stairs and to the closest guest room where D.D. and Med.A.I. were waiting. Getting off his hover board, Kurt barked orders to the droids and rolled the man off the guest hover board to the king sized bed. Medai checked for the concussion and when it found no sign of it, Kurt smiled. "It's okay big guy, it's safe to sleep now. We'll take care of you."
The man gave a slight, nearly unnoticeable nod and finally let himself go, relaxing the instant his eyes were shut. Kurt left Medai to tend to the man's numerous injuries and Dee-Dee to clean up the man. He, on the other hand, went back to the field to assess the damage and inspect the hammer. Just in case he took his a headset with him so that Mai could inform him if the man woke up again.
The landing site, as that was what it was, was actually in a better shape than Kurt had expected. Sure some trees were damaged but they were young and none of the trees his great-grandpa had planted were damaged. More damage had been done to the ground itself where two different sized craters were, side by side. The dirt formed two round bowls, the one in which Kurt had found the man was wider but the one with the hammer was deeper, showing how much it weighted. Out of idle curiosity Kurt tried to lift it but wasn't surprised when it wouldn't budge. He would need H.D.D. (Heavy Duty Droid) to come here and at least fill up the crater where he found the man. The man would probably want his hammer back so Kurt decided not to fill up that crater.
"Mai, send Aitch-Dee-Dee here with a mattock and a shovel. We need to fill up this crater," Kurt told his mike and surveyed the rest of the field. Nothing else was out of order, maybe a little windswept but not out of order.
A few minutes later H.D.D. arrived, equipped with the mattock and shovel Kurt told him to. Kurt explained what he wanted the droid to do and left it to it's task. Returning home sounded good to Kurt. Sun was setting and the last two and a half hours had been an emotional rollercoaster, first with the tornado warning (which was apparently a man arriving in his back yard), then the worry for his father (completely funded as the man had arrived just half a mile from their house), then the worry for the man (who arrived by a fucking TORNADO) and the damage done to his orchard. A slightly hysterical giggle escaped him and he decided to take the slow scenic route back home, aka. walking, to calm down and process everything.
When he arrived he was a lot calmer and asked Mai to do an identity search on the man upstairs. He wasn't surprised when none was found.
Around half seven Burt came up from the basement for a quick dinner, telling Kurt about the device he was building. It was a matter transporter, not to be used on humans, mind you, that would work much like phones did: with the right number combination you could send one thing, such a glass, from one place to another. At the moment it was too big to be of any real use as it transported very small items. Within a few weeks, Burt was sure, he could cut down the size in half and quadruple the amount of mass that could be transported. He asked Kurt to take a look at the coding when he had the time and Kurt promised to start working on it.
After Burt had skipped back to the basement Kurt heated a portion of tomato soup and brought it up to the man. He woke the man up gently and fed the half asleep man three quarters of the soup before the man returned to sleep. He asked Medai the man's condition and the answer was that the man had some superficial wounds, a sprained ankle and couple of pulled muscles and he was exhausted. He was in a lot better shape than Kurt had expected him to be but that just supported Kurt's theory. The man wasn't human. Or if he was, he was either medically enhanced (like Captain America) or a mutant (like the X-men) or he'd had an accident and been that way enhanced/cursed (like Dr. Banner, his grandma Julie's ex-coworker who'd been caught in a gamma-radiation bomb and was cursed with the Hulk taking over his body when he was angry enough).
Shaking his head, Kurt went to do his homework and once again thanked the God he didn't believe in that it was Friday and there wouldn't be school tomorrow.
On Saturday morning Kurt woke up at seven am as Mai told him the temperature, weather, significant happenings in the world, what would be for breakfast and that his father had fallen asleep in the basement. The man hadn't woken up during the night but he had healed at an incredible rate.
Dressing more for comfort than show, Kurt put on dark gray pleated pants, sea green button-up, dark green waist coat and a pocket watch. Black socks went with the attire too but he left shoes off, knowing Dee-Dee had vacuumed the evening before. He ate breakfast and watched some cartoons (just because) before going to wake his dad (Buggs Bunny was on next and for some reason Burt got annoyed if he missed the Saturday episode…). As his dad lumbered up to the kitchen, half asleep, Kurt gathered a large breakfast for the sleeping man upstairs and went to wake him up.
Opening the door, carefully balancing the tray on one hand, Kurt peeked into the room. The man was still sleeping. He closed the door behind him softly and padded over to the bed where he put the tray on the nightstand.
"Hey, big guy, you gotta wake up again," Kurt cooed and shook his shoulder a little. "Breakfast's ready."
At the word breakfast the man's baby blue eyes snapped open and he sprung to sit up.
"Hey, hey, calm down, you're still probably tired," Kurt said sternly and laid a hand on the man's shoulder. The man watched wearily as Kurt puffed a couple of pillows and put them behind his back for further support before gently but determinedly pushed him back to rest on them. When he was satisfied that the man was resting, he drew a chair closer to the bed and sat. "So, can you tell me your name, stranger?"
"Thor, son of Odin," the man answered without hesitation as Kurt put the breakfast tray on his lap.
"I'm Kurt Hummel, son of Burt Hummel," answered Kurt with a smile. "I found you yesterday in the field behind our back yard. Do you have any idea how you ended up there?"
"My father sent me there through the Bifrost," answered Thor and took a nibble of the sausage, deeming it appropriate and taking a much bigger bite. "Can you tell me which realm this is?"
"Bifrost? Realm?" asked Kurt in return, not understanding what the man was talking about.
"Yes, realm, like Vanaheim, Jotunheim… Asgard…" Thro tried to explain with his mouth full of eggs.
"Asgard? Like in Norse mythology with Odin and Loki and Freya and Thor?" Kurt arched his eyebrows. "In those terms this would be Midgard, I think, because we don't have the dead or demons or frost giants or elves or valkyries or gods here, just plain humans."
"Midgard," Thor repeated slowly. "Father sent me to Midgard. Why in his name would he send me to Midgard? Here there is not even a frost giant to fight," he complained and took as sip of the orange juice. His eyes bugged and turned to look at it. "What is this drink?"
Kurt's eyebrows rose higher. "Orange juice. That's tomato juice," he pointed to the red drink, "that's coffee," he pointed to the steaming black drink, "usually drunk with sugar and milk, and that's tea," he pointed to the steaming, brown drink, "also usually drunk with sugar and milk. I hope you're familiar with water and milk. I didn't know what you liked nor how you liked them so I brought a bit of everything, like with the food. I hope I don't have to explain them to you."
"No, most of them are familiar to me but this," Thor pointed to toast, "this," he pointed to the pancakes, "and this," he pointed to the cereal.
"That's toast, a kind of bread that is usually toasted until a nice golden color and eaten with jam, any kind of jam really. Those are pancakes, a kind of waffle eaten with either butter or some kind of syrup. Personally I prefer the combination of butter and maple syrup but because it has so many calories, I only eat it on special occasion. And that is cereal. A kind of… small, dry and sugary bread eaten with milk. There are many kind of cereal but we only have some Kellogg's. They're made of corn," Kurt tried to explain in terms that were common enough.
"You Midgardians have strange foods," Thor simply said and continued eating. When he was done with the orange juice, he flung the glass away carelessly.
"Hey!" cried Kurt. "Why'd you do that for? That is one of my mother's glasses!"
Thor blinked at him. "In Asgard that means "bring me more"."
"Well, in Midgard we ask nicely, with please in the end, and don't throw the glass or plate where we want it," Kurt explained slowly, as I talking to a child.
"Bring me more, please," Thor asked promptly.
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Try more like, "Could you bring me more orange juice, please?" and throw in a charming smile while you're at it. You'll get a lot better service that way. Note the polite "could" and please"."
"Could you bring me more orange juice, please," Thor repeated word for word.
"You should also give the glass when asking," Kurt sighed as he got up and took the glass from the end of the bed. "And please be careful with the dishes, they were my mother's," he said over his shoulder as he closed the door, leaving a bewildered Thor behind.
When he returned, Thor was eating the cereal, having cleaned up the bacon, sausages, fried tomatoes and mushrooms and the scrambled, boiled and fried eggs. The tomato juice glass had been tasted and put aside, obviously not to Thor's liking.
"Here's you orange juice," Kurt said and gave Thor the glass. He raised an eyebrow when he didn't say anything. "Now you thank me for bringing it to you."
"Thank you son of Burt," Thor said dutifully with his mouth full.
"We ALSO don't speak with our mouths full; it makes you hard to understand. And call me Kurt. No one calls anyone "son of" or "daughter of". That's why we have family names, mine is Hummel. If you're not comfortable with calling me Kurt, call me Hummel," said Kurt.
"Very well Kurt," answered Thor after swallowing and before shoveling more cereal in.
"So… you're Thor, the Norse god of thunder, wielder of Mjölnir," Kurt finally broke the silence after a few minutes.
"Yes, that is right," nodded Thor.
"Why are you on Earth?" Kurt asked with a frown.
"I believe my father is punishing me for starting a war with Jotunheim," answered Thor, halfway the sentence remembering what Kurt had said of speaking with his mouth full. "He said something about learning humility."
"So you start a war and get a time out," summarized Kurt, arching an eyebrow.
Thor took a look at it and laughed. "You look like my brother Loki like that."
"Really," Kurt said sarcastically, "and here I was hoping I looked like you."
"Of course," nodded Thor, not catching the sarcasm. "Everyone wishes they looked like me."
Now Kurt laughed. "I can see why you were sent here to learn humility."
Thor blinked at him in confusion, continuing to eat.
"Are you married? What about Loki?" Kurt continued asking questions. Thor shook his head furiously. "Really? In all the legends you were married to Sif and Loki was married to Sigyn."
Thor frowned and swallowed. "Sif is like a sister to me, she's my comrade-in-arms. And she's scary when she's angry with me, I don't think I'd like to marry her. And Loki doesn't get along with anyone but family. I think it has to do with his pranks… I don't know why no one likes him, he gives the best advice and lends a sensitive ear when I want to vent."
Loki sounded exactly like in the legends… a manipulative prankster. Thor sounded like he loved his brother to pieces. Kurt just hoped that love would last until the end.
"I wish I had any siblings," Kurt said wistfully. An older brother who'd have good looking guy friends over. An older sister who would talk about boys with him. A younger brother he could annoy. A younger sister he could teach the world of fashion. He'd take any of them.
"Why don't you?" asked Thor and Kurt's smile slipped off his face.
"My birth was complicated and lasted the better part of two days. In the end there were complications and my mother couldn't bear any more children. And she died eight years ago. My father hasn't remarried though he's dating this woman, Carole, who has a son my age. His dad died in a war." Kurt spoke haltingly, eyes down cast.
"Oh… I'm sorry for your loss my friend," Thor said and laid a hand on Kurt's shoulder.
Kurt gave him a brief smile which looked more like a grimace of pain. "It's okay, it was a long time ago. Finn didn't even know his dad and I have a lot of good memories of mom. And at least I still have dad. I can't imagine my life without him and his crazy inventions. He's working on a teleporter, you know. He built those hover boards which helped me get you here yesterday."
"And will you be an inventor like your father?" asked Thor curiously.
Kurt shook his head and smiled. "I'm not one for mechanical innovation, software is much more up my street. But what I want is to be a performer on Broadway," seeing Thor's confused look, he elaborated, "it's a theater district in New York City where I want to go after finishing high school. It's literally the city of my dreams. People are much more accepting of people like me there."
"People like you?" voiced Thor.
"I'm gay," shrugged Kurt.
"What is wrong with being happy?"
"I meant homosexual, meaning I like other boys," Kurt explained.
"I don't see the problem," blinked Thor. "In Asgard it is quite common for everyone to bed anyone, even those of different races. Marriage between same sexes are also quite common as long as they are not the heirs of their houses."
"Really?" asked Kurt with shining eyes and a soft smile. "I hope I can marry my prince Charming one day."
"Who is this Prince Charming you are talking about?"
"It's an idiom, meaning the man that will love me for all my faults. Unfortunately, they seem to avoid Lima at all cost and I'm doomed to stay here for another two years, being bullied for my sexual orientation." Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled wryly. "The closest I've come so far is sir Manners who has the humanity to at least rein in some of the bullying."
"Who are bullying you my fair friend?" asked Thor who's right hand was clutching at something that wasn't there.
"It's nothing much, just some jerks at school. And I've learned to cope with it. Now I even have friends so it's not so bad anymore. I have always someone to sit with at lunch. And since I joined the Cheerios and started wearing the uniform, even the slushies have become rare. Though that is simply because Coach Sylvester would castrate them if one of the Cheerios' uniforms was ruined by a Neanderthal."
"And your teachers… Do they know what is going on?"
Kurt snorted. "Most of them just look the other way when they encounter it in the hallways. Some I've even seen encourage it and do it themselves. Of course, because they've been teachers for over ten years, the school can't even fire them. If it could, Mrs. Wilson would have been fired years ago."
Thor seemed to consider something as he munched on his toast.
"Are you going to drink your coffee?" asked Kurt, nodding to the no longer steaming liquid and took it when Thor shook his head.
After a moment Thor spoke. "When you next go to this school, I shall come with you and protect your honor," he stated firmly and started on the pancakes.
"Yeah, thanks but no thanks," Kurt huffed and sipped his still-warm-but-not-steaming coffee. "If I suddenly have something of a bodyguard who isn't there the next week, I'll probably take an unplanned trip down the stairs. Thank you for the offer though, it's more than anyone else but my dad has offered me. And I don't think it would be a good idea for you to go bashing skulls in my school. If you're really from Asgard, which, by the way, looks very possible, you don't have any recognizable identification anywhere in the system. At the best they'd send you to Mexico as an illegal immigrant where you'd be taken to jail for manslaughter. At the worst, they discover who and what you are and lock you up for experimenting. You might get the mutants to defend you but that is only if you hadn't killed anyone. And going by your muscle build, it wouldn't even be a problem for you. So, no, you won't be coming with me to school on Monday."
"But if they are hurting you for being different someone should do something about it," Thor said, slightly confused as to why Kurt wouldn't let him defend him.
"People are doing stuff about it," answered Kurt. "The problem here is that the people here are very backwater. They cling to their prejudices and small minded attitudes and don't watch the Trevor Project or documentaries about bullying. The biggest problem, I think, is that they are afraid of being different because then the town would turn on them. But if everyone was different then they wouldn't have to worry about being different. This is one of the reasons I want to go to New York, no one is afraid to be different there."
Thor was very put out. "Very well… I hope you reach your dream my fair friend."
Kurt was about to answer when Mai interrupted him. "Master Kurt," the disembodied voice said, startling Thor and making him look around wildly, looking for the source of the voice. "Miss Jones is calling."
"Patch her through," Kurt sighed. He knew this was coming.
"Hey boo," Mercedes' disembodied voice said.
"Hey girl, what's up? We still up for shopping today?" asked Kurt, ignoring Thor who was still looking around wildly.
"Of course, and Brittany and Santana are too, I just called Santana and Britt's mom. I just wanted to make sure you're still up for it after yesterday's scare. I know you live on the edge of the town and the reports say that it was near your house."
"Yeah, I'm up to it. The damage was mostly to the field behind our backyard. By the way, would you mind if my cousin Thor came with us? He showed up yesterday out of the blue and will be leaving soon again and I'd like to spend as much time with him as I can while he's here. Phone calls really aren't the same thing as talking face to face."
"It's fine with me but are you sure he can keep up with us? You know we can shop for hours without a break…"
"Yeah, he's good. And he can carry our bags, he's got some serious muscle. But you are contributing to feeding him, I just watched him eat a full English breakfast, some oatmeal and porridge, toast, cereal, pancakes and now he's devouring a fruit salad. He's eyeing the yoghurt too," Kurt chuckled and Thor looked at him questioningly. "No, go ahead and eat it, there's more in the fridge." Thor's brows furrowed at the strange word but then he shrugged and continued eating.
Mercedes whistled. "Boo, you sure you're not mistaking fat for muscles?"
"Nope," answered Kurt and shook his head even though Mercedes couldn't see him. "Thor has a tiny waist when compared to his shoulders. And his biceps are almost as big as my head. And his hands… well, they're right shovels and you know what they say about big hands…"
"Boo, are you perving on your cousin?" snickered Mercedes.
"Thor's my second cousin once removed but it's easier to call him my cousin," Kurt lied. But then again, he couldn't exactly tell her Thor was the Norse god of thunder. "He's also twenty-two."
Mercedes laughed. "Whatever you say white boy. I'll see you at eleven, bye," she said and hung up.
"Call ended," Mai announced.
"What was that?" asked Thor between mouthfuls.
"Well, Mai is an A.I., Artificial Intelligence, that I programmed. It was the one that told me Mercedes was calling. Mercedes is my best friend. And calling… umm… well, humans have this thing called a telephone and they can talk to each other across long distances as if they were talking face to face. Hopefully we can get you back to Asgard soon or you have a lot of learning to do," Kurt rubbed his temples. "We have about two hours before we have to leave to the mall so we can go see that hammer of yours before we go."
"Hammer? Is Mjölnir here?" asked Thor with wide eyes.
"I think so. There was a hammer not twenty feet from where you were. After I got you here I went back to survey the damage done to the field and tried to lift the hammer." He shrugged. "It didn't move. It might be something like with the legend of King Arthur's first sword that only he could draw from the stone. Or maybe you can only lift it again when you've learned humility. Both sound like valid possibilities."
"Father would do something like that," Thor sulked and put the now empty tray on the bedside table. "Well my fair friend, let us go get Mjölnir back and then we can go meet with your friends." He looked around the room. "Does thee know where my garments are?"
"I had Dee-Dee wash them so they'd be in the closet," answered Kurt as he retrieved Thor's tunic and breeches and his dad's clean socks and new dark brown shoes. "I also had it make some adjustments to them to make them look more normal. You also can't use your boots, no one has used animal skin boots since 19th century. My dad had some shoes in you size so… I hope you don't mind."
"Why would I mind your generosity? Is that another strange Midgard thing?" asked Thor as he put on the blue tunic.
"No, some just don't want to use someone else's shoes. Dad hasn't used these yet, don't worry," Kurt said, tearing his eyes away from the dressing Thor and indicated to the shoes.
Thor turned the socks around in his hands when they were the only things left (before shoes). "How does one wear these?"
"You put them on your feet," answered Kurt humorously. "They stop you from getting blisters to your feet for wearing new shoes."
"What are blisters?" asked Thor as he tried to put on the sock. When Kurt saw he was pulling it up the wrong way, he laughed and twisted the sock around and showed Thor how socks were pulled up.
"Umm… Mai, define blister," Kurt finally admitted defeat.
"A blister is a small pocket of fluid within the upper layers of the skin, typically caused by forceful rubbing, burning, freezing, chemical exposure or infection. Most blisters are filled with a clear fluid called serum or plasma. However, blisters can be filled with blood or with pus if infected," came Mai's professional answer.
"They're really sore if touched," Kurt scrunched his nose. "One of the reasons I only have twenty pairs of fitting shoes at the moment, I hate breaking in new shoes because I always get blisters. Thank Goodness my feet don't grow anymore."
"How old are you, exactly, my friend?" enquired Thor as he was putting on the hoes.
"I'll be seventeen in a month," answered Kurt proudly. "I can't wait. I know nothing important happens when you turn seventeen, you can drive when you're sixteen, vote when you're eighteen and drink alcohol when you're twenty-one but still… in so many novels the protagonist is seventeen in the beginning… Gone with the wind as a good example. What about you? How old are you?"
"A couple millennia," shrugged Thor. "After a few centuries years stop meaning so much. But since Midgard's time moves so much slower than Asgard's, here I'd be around thousand and two-hundred."
"That's a long time," Kurt whistled.
"Not for us gods," Thor commented as he stared at the shoe lashes. "What does one do with these?" he held them up to Kurt who snorted and tied his shoes.
"Do you want to walk or do you want to take the hover boards?" asked Kurt as they made their way down stairs.
"I would prefer to walk," nodded Thor. "I like the way this ground feels. As old as Asgard but much wilder, like it hasn't been restricted and molded as much as the ground in Asgard."
"Huh… I have no idea why that could be but the fact that the country we're in, the United States of America, is only a couple centuries old. Before that this was a land governed by the Indians who worshipped the nature much more than the Western civilization," mused Kurt and led Thor to their back yard.
They walked in silence, Thor taking in the sights unique to Midgard (blue sky and yellow sun, the many life forms that were showing themselves…) and Kurt thinking of a way to make Thor quickly adapt to earth. When they got to the field (after jumping over a small stream. There had been a bridge once but it had been destroyed a few winters back) Kurt pointed to the half destroyed orchard and the crater beside it. The crater that had held Thor yesterday afternoon had been filled out as Kurt had ordered H.D.D. to do. You could barely tell there had been a crater to begin with.
Carefully Thor slid down to the middle of the crater and grasped the handle of the massive hammer. Trying to lift it like before his father sent him to Midgard, it didn't budge. When he added some strength behind the wrench it shuddered but didn't lift. Adding his other hand to the attempt Thor gritted his teeth as it only shuddered more violently and inched a little off the stone but never actually got free. Frowning, Thor put his all to the next wrench but when it didn't move any more than it already had, he fell to his knees and released a shout of betrayed agony. The hammer had been his faithful companion since receiving it when he reached his maturity. And now it was refusing to lift.
Kurt quietly watched Thor's increasing attempts to lift Mjölnir fail and when Thor released his agonized howl, Kurt slid beside him. Putting his hand around Thor's shoulder and letting the nearly catatonic man lean on him in his time of need, Kurt offered his silent support. "I'm sure you can lift it as soon as you learn some humility," he said quietly. "It's how the fairy tales always end: when the hero has learned the lesson, the curse will lift. My favorite fairy tale is like that, the Beauty and the Beast. Would you like to hear it?"
When Thor didn't react in any way, Kurt told him of the beautiful but arrogant prince who got cursed to the shape of a beast until someone learned to love him despite his beastly outer appearance or he would die when the rose withered away. He told of the centuries that passed and of the village that was established near the castle and of the beautiful and kind but stubborn inventor's daughter that grew there. He told Thor about how the daughter had taken her father's place as the beast's prisoner when the inventor had trespassed on the beast's grounds. He told Thor of the subtle love that sneaked into their hearts as the girl taught the beast to be kind and gentle and that outer appearance didn't matter as much as what one did. He told how the beast had let the girl go and how the girl's jealous suitor had rallied the villagers against the beast and had attacked the beast's castle. He told about how the beast and the jealous suitor had fought, the beast avoiding hurting the man he thought the girl loved and how the suitor had mortally wounded the beast just as the girl and her father had reached the castle. He told how the girl's declaration of love to the dying beast countered the curse and cured the once again beautiful prince and how they lived happily ever after.
Halfway through the story awareness had returned to Thor who listened to the story with fascination. Asgard didn't have stories such as this one. They had stories of war and victory and saving beautiful women from the hands of the evil jotun. They rarely had anything to teach you but that you had to be prepared to sacrifice things if you wanted results. Thor thought he might prefer Midgardian tales to the ones in Asgard but didn't say anything.
He understood what Kurt was trying to say. He was like the beast, cursed until he either learned humility or until his mortal body died. He wondered if it was normal for young men to be in the position Kurt was setting himself into, the role of the inventor's daughter, or if there normally was a young woman comforting the heartbroken hero. He thought no woman could have done what Kurt had done for him. Kurt kept his hope alive, that one day might have learned enough humility to return to Asgard, once again the wielder of the mighty Mjölnir. And all this by telling him a simple story. He thought he might even prefer Kurt to some young lady who wouldn't get their clothes dirty to comfort him, even if the said young lady would have breasts.
Thor turned to look at Kurt, really look at him. He had very pretty eyes, the color of Asgardian sky when the second sun was rising. The skin on Kurt's face and hands was pale, much like parchment in moon light. His lips weren't particularly full but the shade was one he had only seen in his mother's pale pink roses. The high cheekbones and sharp jaw reminded Thor of his brother but only in a good way, as if every mocking shade had not been transferred. And Kurt's hair! He remembered yesterday it had been in a funny coif but now it was naturally in slight waves, the sunlight shading it auburn. Kurt was so short, sitting next to Thor and his ear barely reached Thor's shoulder. Suddenly realizing how small and… fragile Kurt was compared to him, never mind his apparent intelligence and inner strength, how breakable. And he was being bullied in a place of learning where he should be concentrating on learning and not avoiding physical harm done to him by the other students.
The sudden wave of protectiveness he felt for this small mortal caught him off guard. It wasn't an emotion he was used to. Everyone he knew could protect themselves. The Warriors Three… Sif… Loki… his parents… the palace guards… the warriors invited to the feasts… But Kurt looked like he couldn't even lift Thor's practice sword. And he didn't even have magic to protect him like Loki did, even if Thor normally scoffed at the idea of magic.
"Thank you," he finally said in an uncharacteristically quiet voice and a small smile. "You are a very good friend. I do not know what might have happened had you not been here to draw my attention away from my current situation."
"You probably would have stared at Mjölnir until you passed out from either sleep deprivation or thirst," offered Kurt humorously. "Or until someone forced you away."
Thor nodded his head. "Very much possible." He paused and looked to the sky where the sun was shining much higher than when they came here. "I hope this has not made us late to the meeting with your friends."
Kurt took out his pocket watch. "No, but we need to leave pretty soon if you're up to it." He looked uncertainly at Thor.
"Of course," Thor nodded firmly. This was just a minor setback. With Kurt's guidance he could learn humility. And he wanted to learn more about Midgard. On the way there (to the field from the house) he had seen at least fifty different life forms in the plants and insects and animals (not including humans in this… and Kurt was a whole new species in himself…). The whole of Asgard could boast maybe five hundred different plants and fifty different insects, twenty kinds of birds, fifteen lizards (and snakes), twenty five different fish and forty mammals (including the Aesir). This kind of diversity was unheard of in any other realm. Jotunheim couldn't boast even of fifty different life forms on it's surface, including the different bacteria (he'd heard Loki talk about it… his brother was so clever…). Niflheim and Hel only had one breed and that was the dead (if you didn't count their ruler, half goddess, half giantess, and even then it would only be three).
Kurt stood up and dusted himself. "In that case I better tell you about my friends. First is Mercedes. She's very proud and fierce…" Kurt continued to tell Thor of his friends as they walked to the house, commenting on Mercedes' growing taste in clothing, Santana's libertine ways and Brittany's naivety. He told Thor not to believe anything Brittany said expect when someone confirmed it and he old Thor to deny whatever ridiculous thing Brittany could ask him (anything raging from "Are you a movie star?" to "Are you the Norse god of Thunder?" Thor had protested the last one, saying he wouldn't lie but when Kurt said it would anger Santana to encourage Brittany's fantasies (even if it would be true) he accepted his fate with a sigh). He told Thor how either Brittany or Santana (or both) would likely proposition to him to which he laughed and answered he'd been fighting propositions left and right since he'd reached the Asgardian equivalent of Earth's fourteen years of age.
The drive to the mall was spent Kurt explaining Thor such things as car ("No, my father didn't invent this though great-grandfather had a hand in the original T-Ford…"), mall ("It's a place where many shops sell their wares. Usually there are at least a couple hundred stores and a food court…" "Food court? Why does food have a court? What is the king?" "McDonalds…" *sigh*), money ("One has to pay for the things they want. Sometimes it's a book or a service such as a massage or food or a fashionable shirt…") and fashion ("It's the different styles people wear. For example, at the moment I'm dressed in a very old-fashioned way because nearly no one else wears waist coats and pocket watches and this kind of cravats anymore. You, on the other hand, are dressed in a medieval fashion because men don't wear tunics or breeches, haven't worn for centuries to tell the truth. Then there is fashion which means that many people wear or do the same thing. It is never bad to be fashionable but it is bad to become part of the mass…"). Thor didn't understand much of what Kurt was talking about but he got the gist of it. If you wanted something nice (a new belt) or useful (new shoes to replace ones that were too worn to be used in public, Kurt's words) or even completely useless (cheap and ugly hairpins made in China that were crimes against fashion, once again Kurt's words) you had to pay with something called "dollars". Something that Thor had none.
Arriving to this mysterious "mall" which Thor imagined as a market place, was something of a shock to the Asgardian. People were milling about their business, coming in and out of the doors, packing and unpacking their cars, arriving and leaving the "parking lot". Kurt found an empty space somewhere in the middle of the cars and got both himself and Thor out of the car, leading the nearly overwhelmed man to the doors of the mall where three girls stood waiting.
"Hey Hummel, who's the hunk?" asked Santana as a greeting and flicked her hair over her shoulder.
"This is my cousin Thor. He dropped by yester day. He's staying with us for a while since it's a long journey from Farwell, New Mexico," Kurt lied through his teeth. "Thor, I told you about Mercedes, Santana and Brittany."
"Yes, the pleasure is all mine, Lady Mercedes," Thor said with a smile and kissed the back of Mercedes' hand, "Lady Santana," he kissed the back of Santana's hand, "and Lady Brittany," he kissed the back of Brittany's hand. All three promptly blushed.
"Does he think I'm a princess or something?" Brittany whispered loudly to Santana.
"No, he's just being a gentleman like my aunt has taught him to," answered Kurt for the flustered Santana. "It's like all men treated all women a few centuries ago."
"Oh," said a disappointed Brittany. "I wouldn't have minded if he thought I was a princess. Is he a prince then? Because, no one else kisses anyone's hand."
Thor opened his mouth to agree, that he was the prince of Asgard, but in time he remembered to always deny whatever question Brittany asked him. So he laughed. "No, I'm no prince. My mother was just very conservative and taught me to greet women like this. Old habits die hard or so I've been told."
"Yes, good, now if you're done charming my friends, may we commence this shopping expedition?" asked Kurt sarcastically behind Thor.
Thor nodded. "Oh yes, I believe my cousin is right and you came here for shopping. Where shall we go first?" he asked and turned to look at Kurt, much like a lost puppy.
"Since most of your stuff was lost on the flight, I believe we should get you something else to wear," Kurt sounded determined, looking at Thor critically.
"What are you talking about?" asked Mercedes with a grin, also looking Thor over. "More men should dress like that… maybe add a belt and with a little larger neckline but I'm not complaining about those breeches."
"To the fabric store then," smiled Kurt and offered his arms to Mercedes and Brittany. Both took them and Mercedes took Thor's arm while Santana took the other.
The strange quintet earned some stares as they marched arm-in-arm to the fabric store where the girls and Kurt started comparing different fabrics against Thor's skin, hair and eye color, ignoring his vocal protests at being probed and prodded. When a sales assistant came over to ask if they needed help, Kurt charged her with making note of all the fabrics they agreed to. The poor girl got the surprise of her life when they talked about the color, thread count, materials, stretching and feel like they were the professionals and not her. Though soon she caught on and started giving he own suggestions. After the first one Kurt looked at her critically before nodding and countering her suggestion with the fact that the materials she suggested couldn't be washed at the same time.
They ended up with four tunic fabrics (with enough material for two tunics each) and two trousers fabrics (enough for only one trousers per fabric) for Thor, a skirt fabric for Santana, a summer dress fabric for Mercedes, hair ribbons for Brittany and new ribbon materials for Kurt before they got too hungry and left to find the food court.
Feeding Thor became a group effort when the man just wouldn't fill up and Santana had fun suggesting ridiculous foods, all of which Thor ate. In the end he ate three times more than everyone else put together.
"Wow Kurt, you weren't kidding when you said he could eat," Mercedes whistled. "He could probably out eat my hungry uncle Joey and that's saying something."
"Shall we now return to shopping?" Thor asked pleasantly. "This far we've only looked at fabrics."
"Oh, Kurt, I like him," Santana cooed. "Straight back to business. Now that's my kind of man," she said while giving him the bedroom eyes.
"Down Satan, no molesting my cousin," Kurt said and rolled his eyes. He got up and the others followed his example, Thor taking the bags without prompting. "Let's start at Macy's."
Shopping was a humbling experience for Thor who believed himself to be in excellent shape, even without his powers and strength doubling belt. But seeing his new friend run from store to store, going through the racks with a fine tooth comb, trying on the clothes and then haggling with the clerks when he found some fault in their product was exhausting, even when he sat by the fitting rooms most of the time they were in a store, sometimes commenting on Kurt, Brittany, Santana or Mercedes' outfit. Even if he was unofficially the official bag boy, the transits between stores were less exhausting than the time spent in them. Sometimes he got some pitying looks from other patrons of the stores, assuming he was someone's boyfriend or older brother who had been forced to endure a day of shopping. And sometimes some other man shared his resting place and commented on some other mortal's clothes when asked and good naturedly rolled his eyes and smiled at Thor when one of his own companions asked him a question.
By the end of the day his hands were full of bags from different stores that had been thrust to him sometime during the day. When they were ready to leave, Thor and Kurt stopped by Mercedes and Santana's cars first to drop off their shopping to the trunks of their cars before making their way to Kurt's car with the last bags. Thor hoped the exhausting experience was over but didn't dare voice his hope in fear that Kurt still had some steam in him.
"I hope not every Saturday is like that," he said and relaxed to the passenger seat of Kurt's car.
"Oh, no, only one every third month when it is time to choose a new season wardrobe," answered Kurt. "You just happened to arrive for spring shopping. In three months it's going to be summer shopping and in six months fall shopping and in nine months winter shopping. Simple."
Thor closed his eyes and almost felt like crying and he hadn't cried in a thousand Midgard years.
"Tomorrow I'll make you those tunics and breeches and you can watch movies to understand the Earth culture better. I think you'll even like Braveheart. But since you seemed to like my story this morning I'll make sure there are at least a few Disney movies in the mix," Kurt chatted, not really saying anything important but keeping the car from falling into silence.
When they drove up the drive way, they caught a sight of black cars in the yard and men in suits hurrying around. A lit path led through the woods towards the field – and Mjölnir.