Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
At first, when I meet Alice, I'm a little upset because I can tell right away something is wrong with her. I know Edward can tell something is off with me, but he doesn't know what. Rather than make a scene in front of anyone, we'll talk about it later. It's our thing. Once I remember this, I calm myself down and allow myself some down time to enjoy this little party.
The thing is … my first introduction to her, she barely noticed me at all. This is not necessarily a bad thing, I've watched her walking carefully around, not venturing far off before she finds Edward again. He reassures her with a gentle pat and kind words that she'll not even hear. I can't help thinking that she's blind and deaf and just … why would he do this? Does he want her because he sees me as a cripple and is trying to prove something, that he has the ability to care for me despite my handicap or that he can take care of us both?
I am trying to enjoy myself. Rose and Emmett went to seemingly great lengths with Edward to throw this celebration. There are a few survivors here I've met over the years in support groups from cancer and limb loss, people who have become my friends that I've met because we have had to endure similar afflictions. A few people I've grown close to through my pain, through theirs. There were times that their trials were the only thing that held me together … knowing that I wasn't alone in my grief for my health, for my leg … that what I was feeling was within the scope of 'normal'. It's great to see them, and this celebration, although for me, feels like it's for them, too.
But part of me can't get over this whole Alice business. I'm becoming increasingly more irritated trying to figure out why he would do this. So I'm watching him interact with Alice rather intently. I wonder what I must look like while I watch him, I'm feeling rather angry—I must look it. I don't want to be angry. I don't.
It's the quiet that snaps me out of this awful attitude. I'm choosing this, and for what? It's the quiet that I see across the room, crouched down with a giant head in his lap. Edward's shoulders are hunched and burdened with my … anger. It's not fair. I watch him and I can tell that he didn't bring Alice here to meet me for the first time because of anything other than … he loves her. He wants me to give her a chance and also love her.
My heart is both ashamed and elated, because as much as I first found what was 'wrong' with her before, I didn't even pause to look at what was right. How much I can tell she makes him happy. I can see, now that the fog has lifted, that he has a bond with her … probably much like mine and Jasper's.
As silly as it is, I feel like … if he can truly love her, be patient with her, guide her … and she, in return, can make him as happy as she clearly does, well, maybe I'm enough for him, too. Despite that I've known his love for me, have felt reassured of that very love time and time again, seeing him with Alice helps me realize that he's with me because I make him happy. There's no pity for either of us, only acceptance and love.
I feel rotten and happy all at once. We don't need to talk about her, I just need to make a little more room in my heart.
When Edward looks up and his eyes find mine, I can tell right away he knows I've figured it out. He'll probably chastise me later for not coming to him sooner. He'll probably tell me that I would have saved myself time working myself up over nothing, but now ... he visibly relaxes. He comes to me, Alice right on his heels.
When he reaches me, pressing his body close to mine, I wrap my arms around his neck and seal us close. He's the suction, I'm the cup. We cannot be closer and be polite in front of company.
"I'm sorry." I tell him.
"It's okay." He tells me.
A/N: Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me.
Funny true story that happened to me this morning. On my way to work, I had to go in on my day off for a meeting, I was in line waiting to get on the freeway. To get onto the freeway you have to get into one of two lines and wait for your light to turn green before you go. Well, there is this one man who stands with the same dirty broken sign, every day during rush hour on the side of the road nearest the left lane. I get into the right, because I never have cash on me to give him and that makes me feel bad. Today I couldn't get over, so I'd have to pass him. I had loaded up Ro's 'the bitter, the sweet', and had to sort of hold it up with my left hand to avoid the glare from the sun and still read. (Bad I know … don't judge … the line was going so slow I wasn't going to hit anyone …) And when I passed this man, I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had started to crack up and then wave at me. I think he thought I was taking his picture with my phone! BAH! Course, if anyone read the chapter she just posted today … well, I guess I'd blush less taking his picture than anyone knowing what I was reading! HAHAHAHAHA
Another true story, I just told my husband the above story and he reminded me I could get fined for being on my phone while driving … $500.00! sigh