Disclaimer: I only own Pat and Agrippa.

NOTES: One act is one story, one scene is one chapter. When an act is done there will be another chapter showing outtakes. Also, this is in my human AU.

Cast for this act:












Act I, Scene I


Enter Agrippa, Pat, a cobbler(random Kong 2), and a carpenter(random Kong 1).

Agrippa: Hence! Home, you idle creatures get you home!

Is this a holiday? What, know you not,

Being mechanical, you ought not walk

Upon a laboring day without the sign

Of your profession?—Speak, what trade art thou?

Random Kong 1(carpenter): Why, sir, a carpenter.

Pat: Where is thy leather apron and thy rule?

What dost thou with thy best apparel on?

—You, sir, what trade are you?

Random Kong 2(cobbler): Truly, sir, in respect of a fine workman, I am but, as you would say, a cobbler.

Pat: But what trade art thou? Answer me directly.

RK2: A trade, sir, that I hope I may use with a safe conscience, which is, indeed, sir, a mender of bad soles.

Pat: What trade, thou knave? Thou naughty knave, what trade?

RK2: Nay, I beseech you, sir, be not out with me. Yet, if you be out, sir, I can mend you.

Pat: What mean'st thou by that? "Mend" me, thou saucy fellow?

RK2: Why, sir, cobble you.

Agrippa: Thou art a cobbler, art thou?

RK2: Truly, sir, all that I live by is with the awl. I meddle with no tradesman's matters nor women's matters, but withal I am indeed, sir, a surgeon to old shoes. When they are in great danger, I recover them. As proper men as ever trod upon neat's leather have gone upon my handiwork.

Agrippa: But wherefore art not in thy shop today?

Why dost thou lead these men about the streets?

RK2: Truly, sir, to wear out their shoes to get myself into more work. But indeed, sir, we make holiday to see DK and to rejoice in his triumph.

Pat: Wherefore rejoice? What conquest brings he home?

What tributaries follow him to Rome

To grace in captive bonds his chariot wheels?

You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things,

O you hard hearts, you cruèl men of Rome,

Knew you not Pompey? Many a time and oft

Have you climbed up to walls and battlements,

To towers and windows, yea, to chimney tops,

Your infants in your arms, and there have sat

The livelong day with patient expectation

To see great Pompey pass the streets of Rome.

And when you saw his chariot but appear,

Have you not made an universal shout

That Tiber trembled underneath her banks

To hear the replication of your sounds

Made in her concave shores?

And do you now put on your best attire?

And do you now cull out a holiday?

And do you now strew flowers in his way

That comes in triumph over Pompey's blood?

Be gone!

Run to your houses, fall upon your knees,

Pray to the gods to intermit the plague

That needs must light on this ingratitude.

Agrippa: Go, go, good countrymen, and for this fault,

Assemble all the poor men of your sort,

Draw them to Tiber banks, and weep your tears

Into the channel till the lowest stream

Do kiss the most exalted shores of all.

Exit all but Agrippa and Pat.

Agrippa: See whether their basest metal be not moved.

They vanish tongue-tied in their guiltiness.

Go you down that way towards the Capitol.

This way will I. Disrobe the images

If you do find them decked with ceremonies.

Pat: May we do so?

You know it is the feast of Lupercal.

Agrippa: It is no matter. Let no images

Be hung with DK's trophies. I'll about

And drive away the vulgar from the streets.

So do you too, where you perceive them thick.

These growing feathers plucked from DK's wing

Will make him fly an ordinary pitch,

Who else would soar above the view of men

And keep us all in servile fearfulness.

The go seperate ways.