Question: Is anyone here by any chance a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? Just this past week, I became a Brony myself. I can easily see why that show is so much more popular with men ages 16-35 than it is with its intended audience of very young girls. Anyway, that's my excuse for this update being somewhat overdue. This past week, I watched all 52 episodes of MLP: FiM on Netflix. I'm even thinking of beginning a MLP: FiM fanfic. I just hope I can balance that fanfic with this one, as well as my impending return to college all at once.
(Cut to: the Ball Room. It is much the same as before. The married couples are all dancing together and all the children are still paired up. Liane is now having a drink with the holographic recreation of Chris Kirkpatrick.)
Kirkpatrick (in the middle of a monologue): So, anyways, after the group split up, we all went our own ways. Lance and JC did fairly well on their own. Joey managed to lose about one hundred pounds when he was on that dancing show. But I suppose Justin was the one that really made it big, primarily in New York.
Liane: Fascinating (she sips her cocktail).
Kirkpatrick: Indeed. But I think he's becoming a little too attached to his guest appearances on Saturday Night Live. If you ask me, it won't be long before he's even more dependent on them than Alec Baldwin.
Liane (shrugging): That could be the case (She sets down her glass and looks over at Cartman. At this point in time, Cartman and Red are maneuvering smoothly across the dance floor).
Red (as they dance): Where'd you learn to dance like this, Eric?
Cartman: I taught myself, Rebecca.
Red (amazed): Really?
Cartman: Yes, in fact, I've taught myself a number of skills.
Red: Like what?
Cartman: Well, off the top of my head, swimming, wrestling, carpentry, smuggling, hacking, photography-
Red (cutting in): Wait, hacking? What do you mean by that?
Cartman: Oh, nothing. Nothing, really (Red gives him a suspicious look. He pinches his shirt collar nervously). Well, I did learn how to hack into the school's mainframe and keep an eye on my grades.
Red: Wow. That must be difficult.
Cartman: It is, believe me. But it has its benefits, such as keeping my academics in line. I also help a few other people out with their grades this way.
Red: In what way?
Cartman: I assume you go a 99 on your last math exam?
Red (surprised): Actually, I did get that grade. How did you know?
Cartman: I found the entire class's results, and I modified the curve a little. I gave you a 15-point bonus. Your original score was an 84.
Red: Why did you do that?
Cartman: It's simple; we gingers gotta look out for each other.
Red: What about Kyle? He's the same type of 'ginger' as me, yet you and he don't get along very well.
Cartman: That's different. We're guys; we just rip on each other for various reasons.
Red: I suppose that makes sense (They continue dancing in silence. Soon, Cartman notices Liane and the holographic recreation of Chris Kirkpatrick getting up and exiting the room. Red notices this as well). Where do you suppose they're going?
Cartman (shrugging): I don't know. And I don't think I want to know either.
(A little further down the room, Quincy and Karen are still dancing together.)
Quincy: Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about your brother?
Karen (apprehensive): No, go right ahead. What would you like to know?
Quincy: What's he like?
Karen: Well, he's something of an alcoholic, he gets in fights with my Dad, he finds mocking people to be really funny, and he can be really irresponsible at times.
Quincy (looking over at Juliana and Kenny in alarm): Are you certain? He doesn't seem like that type at all. If he is that type, I should not have introduced him to my sister.
Karen: Oh, you wanted to know about Kenny? Sorry, I was talking about Kevin.
Quincy: Oh. My mistake. In that case, what is Kenny like?
Karen: I love Kenny. He always looks out for me when my parents and Kevin are too busy. He likes to keep a lot of his personal life private, though.
Quincy: Is there anything about him you'd classify as irregular? (She stares at him blankly, so he quickly rephrases his choice of words.) Is there anything odd about him I should know?
Karen: Well, nothing really. Except… every now and then, he has a tendency to disappear for short periods of time.
Quincy: Disappear? In what manner?
Karen: Sometimes he can be absent from school or home for a while. However, he always turns up back in bed every morning. Sometimes people joke by saying that the reason for his disappearances is that he 'died' or something.
Quincy: I see. He mentioned that he has had two girlfriends in the past. What do you know about them?
Karen: Not much, only that he met one on a choir tour and he claimed to have contracted syphilis from an encounter with the other.
Quincy (looking over at Kenny): He seems to be getting along with my sister just fine. I certainly hope no complications will arise between them.
Karen: Me neither.
(Cut to: Julia Roberts' Suite. Stan and Wendy have finished tying up Julia Roberts with some belts. Her ankles are bound with one belt, as are her upper legs. Her wrists are firmly bound together by another belt. There is a large black piece of cloth over her mouth which is tied by the ends at the back of her neck, forming a quite effective gag.)
Stan: Not bad.
Wendy: No bad at all. Now let's hide her (The two of them push the unconscious Roberts into the closet and close the door. Then they turn to each other).
Stan (casually): Now, where were we?
Wendy (picking up the wine bottle): I believe you were getting the glasses?
Stan: That's right (He moves off to the side and picks up the two wine glasses. Then he and Wendy jump back onto the bed. He gives her one of the glasses and keeps the other one for himself). You want me to do the honors?
Wendy: Sure, why not? (She hands him the bottle. He applies some pressure onto the cork and easily pulls it out. Wendy holds out her glass as Stan studies the label.)
Stan: 1972. Great year (He fills Wendy's glass, and then his own. He seals the bottle back up and sets it off to the side. Then he turns to Wendy and raises his glass). To good health and good relations; they control everything in modern days.
Wendy (raising her glass): To health and relations (They clink their glasses and down their drinks in one gulp. As they lower their glasses, their eyes met in an electric moment. It is visibly obvious that both of them are getting some very provocative ideas). Is it me, or is it a little hot in here?
Stan (humoring her): A little? It's boiling! (He begins taking off his suit jacket. Wendy smirks, pleased with this action on his part. They begin their romantic evening at first base.)
(Cut to: the Ball Room. Ike, Kyle, Lola, and Bebe have all stopped dancing and they are standing off to the side, talking with each other.)
Lola: I had no idea you were such a talented dancer, Ike.
Ike: Thanks. It's a hobby of mine.
Lola: I bet it is.
Bebe (curiously): What was it like dancing with him?
Lola: It was a bit like I had a dwarf as my dancing partner, but he was guiding me flawlessly the entire time (She and Bebe giggle).
Kyle (patting Ike on the back): Good job, Ike. Looks like Mom was right; you will be quite the charmer when you get older.
Lola: I'd say he's old enough, Kyle (He flashes her a glare. It is not hostile, but it seems to contain a subtle warning). On the other hand, perhaps you are right.
(Kenny and Juliana step off the dance floor and join the group.)
Juliana: That was rather… exhilarating.
Kenny: No joking! I'm going to get a drink.
Kyle: I second that! (He and Ike follow Kenny to the bar, leaving Juliana alone with Lola and Bebe.)
Juliana: Do you two have a moment?
Lola: Of course, Juliana.
Bebe: Is there something you want to talk about?
Juliana: Well, yes. I want to talk about Kenny.
Lola: Really? Why?
Bebe: More importantly; what do you want to know?
Juliana: I've heard tell from him and others that he has had two girlfriends before he met me. I was wondering, what were they like?
Lola: Why do you want to know that?
Juliana: I'm just curious to know more about Kenny's preference in girls.
Lola: Oh, Kenny's primary discerning feature is that he is attracted to any type of girl. But if you want to know about the lucky two that were his girlfriends for a while, there is not that much you need to know.
Bebe: You see, Kenny's first girlfriend was this girl named Kelly. He met her on a choir tour for a "Save the Rainforest" campaign which eventually became a "Screw the Rainforest" campaign.
Lola: From what I recall, his relationship with her didn't last more than a couple weeks. She lived really far away. But I always thought it was sweet how he went on a very long bus ride almost every other day to see her.
Juliana (raising an eyebrow): Really? He went well out of his way just to be with her?
Bebe: Oh my, yes. He somehow found a way to pay for all his bus fares, despite the fact that he and his family are dangerously poor.
Juliana: They are?
Bebe: Unfortunately, yes.
Juliana (looking at Quincy across the room): My brother mentioned earlier to me that Kenny's family is extremely poor, and that it could be possible that the only reason he is attracted to me is because my family is rich.
Lola (scoffs): I doubt that. His other girlfriend – Tammy Warner – was even poorer than he was. Her family was the only one in town with a lower income than Kenny's. But the factor of money didn't matter to him in the slightest.
Juliana: Are you serious? (She seems speechless) Kenny goes out of his way to be with someone he cares about, and money played no factor in determining his relationships?
Bebe: That's the honest truth. Kenny may be poor, but he is undeniably sweet and considerate.
Juliana: Then why hasn't either of you gone out with him?
Lola: For one thing, we barely even know what he looks like. He rarely takes off his hood. In fact, I'd say that tonight was the first time in like six months that we've even seen his face.
Bebe: And aside from that, he's a really private person. He likes to keep to himself. Kudos to you if you manage to find out how he is able to "disappear" from town for days on end without anyone noticing.
(Cut to: Julia Roberts' Suite. Stan and Wendy are spread out on the bed. Wendy is lying down on the pillows while Stan is sitting up in front of her with her feet in his lap. He has removed his tie and suit jacket, and some of his shirt buttons are undone. He rubs Wendy's feet with his hands gently. Both of them seem to be elated.)
Wendy: That wine might be holographic, but it certainly has an intoxicating effect.
Stan: No kidding. It's quite stimulating (The two of them look across at each other, and slowly a smile crawls onto both their faces). Hey, Wendy, remember when you and I first started going out, and how I would always throw up whenever you so much as talked to me?
Wendy (snickering): Boy, do I. I never knew if I should have felt happy, disgusted, or touched. So I was all three at once.
Stan: I'm just glad I learned how to stop feeling so queasy when I'm around you. I'd hate to think of throwing up in your mouth (The two of them laugh).
Wendy: It'd be a small price to pay for being able to kiss you, though (Stan lets go of her feet and crawls over to her. He lies down on his side next to her and circles her upper chest with one finger).
Stan: I can see your breasts are coming along nicely.
Wendy: Thank you. I just got my first training bra last week. You wanna see it?
Stan (laughing): Sure. Why not? (Wendy pulls down the top of her dress to let Stan get a good look at her developing breasts. They are not especially large, but they are big enough to make Stan want to drool.)
Wendy: Hey, wait a moment. You remember that time when Bebe's breasts destroyed society?
Stan (smirking and rolling his eyes): Who could forget that? It's amazing what testosterone can do to guys like me when they're caught off guard.
Wendy: I still can't believe I actually got those implants. I guess it's just my luck that they could be removed.
Stan: I'm glad you got them removed. Your authentic breasts are much more pleasant to look at.
Wendy (suggestively): How about you come in for a closer look?
Stan (growling): Don't mind if I do. (He positions himself closer to Wendy and kisses her solemnly. Now they are at second base.)
(Cut to: the Ball Room. Several of the children's parents have stopped dancing and are currently sitting at some of the tables. Randy, Gerald, Sharon, and Sheila are sitting with Aaron and Sylvia.)
Aaron: So, what do you all think of this?
Gerald: This is all quite overwhelming; I never thought for one moment that something like this would exist outside the world of Star Trek.
Sylvia: And as you can see, it does indeed exist.
Randy: There is still one thing that doesn't make sense.
Aaron: What might that be?
Randy: If your children created this, then why haven't they been publicly acknowledged for their work yet? I mean, a pair of 10-year-olds creating something as revolutionary as this would almost certainly gain the media's attention.
Sylvia: The reasoning is quite simple: we don't want the recognition.
Sheila (stunned): You don't? Why not?
Aaron: When we were working with the CIA, we already had enough recognition. A couple years after our children were born, we decided that we wanted to lead a quieter lifestyle, so we resigned from our offices and took up new fields of study. That's the main reason why we moved to South Park anyway. We wanted to move to a small, secluded town where we could raise our children in peace without crowds of people swarming over us.
Sylvia: We even asked our children if they wanted some publicity, but explicitly told us that they did not want to be covered by the media, as they believe that the press is all about exploitation for profit.
Sharon: That actually makes perfect sense to me. I mean, in the past century, most technological entrepreneurs have been almost relentlessly stalked by the media and questioned incessantly about their work. I understand that such pressure could be quite inconvenient.
Aaron: I literally could not have said that better myself, Sharon.
(Cut to: Julia Roberts' room. Stan is lying on top of Wendy and holding her close to him. They appear to be on the verge of third base.)
Stan (through deep breaths): Wendy, do you believe all this superstition about the world coming to an end in December?
Wendy: Truthfully, I'm not sure. Why do you ask?
Stan: 'Cause I don't believe in it, but I don't want to die a virgin if it is true.
Wendy (smirking): Me either. Better safe than sorry.
Stan: And you know what the beauty of it is? If we are right and the world doesn't end, we can get a good laugh at everyone who thought it would. And if it does end… well, there'll be no one left to laugh at us.
Wendy (giggling): That's a unique way of looking at it. But how about we stop talking for a little while?
Stan: Sounds fine to me. (A lot of time passes. Stan and Wendy are reaching third base. Neither of them notice that the closet on the other side of the room is opening. Julia Roberts has regained consciousness. She seems to be struggling to break free of her restraints, as well as shout at Stan and Wendy, but her gag muffles her words quite well. With great difficulty, she slowly rises to her feet and begins hopping out of the closet and towards the suite door. She turns her back to the door and looks over her shoulder, trying to coordinate her bound hands with the position of the doorknob. Eventually, she manages to turn it and swing the door open a bit. She begins hopping towards the elevator as the door closes. Once it does close, Wendy and Stan stop what they are doing for a moment.)
Wendy: What was that? (They briefly look around)
Stan: Guess it was just the person in the next suite turning in for the night. (Wendy shrugs and they resume making out. Both of them have one hand positioned on each other's crotch and are rubbing smoothly. They are well on the path to ecstasy.)
(Another hour passes. Cut to: the Ball Room. Most of the holographic patrons and celebrities have left. The Morales family's guests are beginning to do the same thing. Bebe's family, Lola's family, and Kyle's family are all bidding the Morales family a good evening and leaving the Holo-Room. Red and Cartman are standing near a table.)
Red: That was quite an amazing night, Eric. You really surprised me.
Cartman (slyly): You can find that I'm full of surprises, my dear.
Red: I guess you are. See you tomorrow at school (She goes to meet up with her parents and they leave the Holo-Room. Cartman stands around waiting for Liane).
Cartman (muttering): Where the hell is she? (After a few moments of waiting, Liane enters the room again with the holographic recreation of Chris Kirkpatrick. She sighs blissfully. Cartman has a good feeling as to why she is.) Mom, are you kidding me? Tell me you didn't!
Liane: Didn't what, baby?
Cartman: Mom, don't play innocent with me; your dress is inside out (Liane looks down at notices that her dress's hemlines are on the outside. She blushes slightly)
Kirkpatrick: Pleasure meeting you, Ms. Cartman. We should do this again sometime. Here, call me. (He hands Liane a piece of paper with a phone number on it.)
Liane (smiling): Alright, Chris. I will. (Kirkpatrick walks away, leaving Cartman alone with Liane.)
Cartman: Mom, you do realize that as soon as we step out of this room, that piece of paper is going to vanish?
Liane: No it won't, sweetie. I gave him both the paper and the pen he used to write on it with.
Cartman: Well, still, you know that wasn't the real Chris Kirkpatrick, right?
Liane: Does that really matter? (Short pause; Cartman cannot seem to counter this, given his Mom's stubbornness.)
Cartman: I suppose not. C'mon, let's go home (He and Liane leave).
(Kenny is saying goodnight to Juliana.)
Kenny: So, it's settled? We'll meet tomorrow at Stark's Pond after school, alright?
Juliana: Sure, I'll be there at five o'clock sharp.
Kenny: Great, I'll see you then (He kisses her on the cheek and leaves with his family. Juliana just stands there, rubbing the spot his lips touched dreamily. Quincy comes up behind her).
Quincy: Got a date tomorrow?
Juliana: You could say that.
(As of right now, the only guests who are still present are the Marshes and the Testaburgers. They are looking all around for Stan and Wendy, but they are nowhere in sight. Aaron and Sylvia notice that they are concerned.)
Aaron: Looking for something?
Randy: Yes, we can't find Stan. I could've sworn he was right here with us.
Mr. Testaburger: Wendy's gone, too. Where could she have gone?
Sylvia: When was the last time you saw them? (Everyone thinks)
Sharon: About two hours ago, actually. They were dancing together. But they were dancing quite… intimately.
(Aaron walks over to the panel on the wall and examines one of its screens.)
Aaron: According to the record, the doors weren't opened anytime in the last three hours, except for when the other families left. So they must still be somewhere in here.
Mrs. Testaburger: Can you shut the program off?
Sylvia: Unfortunately, no. This is a special kind of program. We use it on special occasions, such as when we have company. It has to run all the way until it is finished; it cannot be terminated prematurely.
Mr. Testaburger: Then how long before it is over?
Sylvia (after a moment): Another three hours.
Mrs. Testaburger: Three more hours? We can't wait that long to find them!
Randy: Then I guess we'll just have to look for them… in a recreation of the largest Marriott in the United States.
Aaron: Actually, it's the largest Marriott on the planet.
Sharon: That just makes a search even more complicated.
(Just then, Julia Roberts hops into the room. She is still bound, gagged, and in her lingerie. Everyone who seems her – both the sentient, organic people and the artificial, holographic people – seem surprised to see this.)
Randy: What's this? An after-hours show?
Aaron: No, this isn't part of the program. Not unless it's been modified.
Sylvia (suspiciously): Quincy, you haven't been tempering with the program again, have you?
Quincy: No, Mom, of course not! Besides, even if I was, why would I make this happen to Julia Roberts?
Sylvia: I suppose that's a good point. Let's find out just what is going on (They all walk closer to Roberts. Sylvia pulls off her gag). Julia, what happened to you?
Roberts (annoyed): Do you really want to know, Sylvia? I could describe it in detail for you.
Randy (to Aaron and Sylvia): How is it she knows you?
Aaron: That's another part of the program we utilized as the creators; every hologram in here knows us by name and by sight.
Roberts: I just spend the last hour trying to get down here. Having my ankles bound together did not help in the slightest. I had to hop the entire way towards the elevator from my suite.
Aaron: How did you get like this?
Roberts: I just remember blacking out in my suite. I woke up like this, and there were a boy and girl resting together on my bed.
Sylvia (scoffing): Julia, we've been over this many times. That boy and girl are your twin children!
Roberts (aggravated): No, this time they're not Phinnaeus and Hazel! They're spending the night with Danny. And besides, Phinnaeus has orange hair and Hazel has blond hair. The two children in that room both have black hair!
(This closely catches the attention of Randy, Sharon, and the Testaburgers.)
Randy: They both had black hair?
Roberts: Yes, and they appeared to be in fourth grade. But based on how they were going at it, you'd assume they were much older.
Sharon: Wait, "going at it?"
Roberts: They looked as if they were trying to recreate that sex scene from Mulholland Dr. The only difference is that one of them was a dark-haired male instead of a blond female. And – I might add – he smelled like Chikara pheromone cologne.
Sylvia (turning to the others): I think we can fairly assume where we can find Stan and Wendy now.
Randy: Hell, why are we still here? Let's go! (The six adults leave the room and begin making their way to the elevators, leaving a still-bound Julia Roberts alone.)
Roberts: Hey! What about me?
Shelly: Shut up (She trips Julia Roberts, causing her to fall flat on her face).
(Juliana and Quincy stand together, seeming somewhat unmoved by the strange conversation between the adults and the holographic Julia Roberts.)
Quincy: I think I better give Dr. Mephisto another call (he leaves the Holo-Room).