Disclaimer- I don't own HP!

Madness isn't for the faint-hearted… Neither are red and blue socks

"Inconceivable!" Sirius Black shouted loudly, panting, as he burst through the door into the dormitory, pointing at James Potter accusingly.

Remus Lupin sighed, closing his book. He'd have to finish it later. There would be no chance of any peace and quiet with Sirius in the room. "Do you even know what that word means Padfoot?" He asked curiously.

Sirius puffed up instantly. "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more, nor less."

James and Remus exchanged looks that were saying the same thing: Sirius had finally lost it. But then again, he couldn't really lose it if he never had it…

"What?" Peter Pettigrew frowned. "That doesn't make sense…"

"Get used to it." James muttered. "I think he might be drunk."

"Is it true?" Sirius demanded, still pointing at James.

"Is what true?" James replied, bewildered.

"Is it true that you snogged Lily Evans, and you couldn't be bothered to tell me? Your best mate?" Sirius said dramatically, holding his heart with the hand that wasn't pointed at James.

"How did you even find out about that?" James gasped. "That only happened, like, 5 minutes ago!"

Sirius waved him off. "I'm always watching Prongs. Always." He gave a manic laugh.

Remus snickered. "So that's why you came in here looking all flushed?"

James sent a rude gesture his way. "Who'd you get to spy for you this time Padfoot?"

"I still want to know why I wasn't informed of this immediately!" Sirius exclaimed, ignoring James' question.

"Sirius I don't need to tell you everything that happens to me! Some things are private."

"Not to me Prongsie darling." Sirius said with a smirk.

"Don't call me 'Prongsie darling'!" James threw his hands up in irritation.

"I bet it's my socks!" Sirius said triumphantly. "You're racist against red and blue socks!"


"It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change." Remus sighed.

"Not a chance in this dorm." Peter murmured.

"I think that you need a sobering draught Sirius. Come back when you're ready to stop talking gibberish." James commanded, but Sirius wasn't finished.

"And I bet that you just won't tell me because I'm wearing red and blue socks!" Sirius accused.

"Excuse me?" James said incredulously.

"Ha, I've got you now you sock racist miscreant!" Sirius tackled James to the floor, and straddled his stomach.

"That looks vaguely dirty." Remus observed.

"What the hell Padfoot! Red and blue do not go together! And I'm not… sock racist! You're just an idiot!" James elbowed Sirius in the stomach and flipped over, now straddling Sirius.

Lily Evans then chose that moment to walk into the room, and paused at the sight of James and Sirius. "Is this a bad time, boys?" She asked with a smirk.

"Ahh! It's the devil herself!" Sirius pushed James off of him, and stood up, pointing at Lily. "Why is it that none of you informed me that you kissed him?" Sirius jerked his thumb in the direction of James.

"I don't understand why you needed to be informed." Lily said with her eyebrows raised. "Anyway, James you left your socks in my dorm. Here you go," Lily tossed a pair of red and blue socks over to James.

"Ooh, what were you guys doing in the girls dorm?" Sirius raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Nothing!" Lily and James both cried, turning tomato red.

Sirius gasped, suddenly noticing the red and blue socks that were thrown at James. "You lying scoundrel! You fibbed about being red and blue sock racist! Or maybe you are red and blue sock racist and those are my socks that you just stole!" Sirius bent down and checked his socks, which were still on his feet.


"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn." Sirius said, before he collapsed onto the floor.

"Is he alright?" Lily asked, peering down at the boy.


"You sure? I could kick him for you." Lily offered, nudging him with her shoe.

"We're good thanks Lily."

So, this is a crazy one-shot that was written for MadHatter524's Alice in Wonderland Quote Competition. I don't think that it makes any sense at all, so please excuse that ;-D

Lots of love,