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A/N: Aha! Update! Enjoy and thank you for the lovely reviews as always =)
Fifty Shades Abandoned – Chapter One Hundred and Eleven
Groaning, Ana heard her son crying and knew that Gail was out shopping and Sawyer was away on holiday. She was left with Bennett and Carlson – the new guys – and she didn't trust them. She hadn't and she knew she wouldn't. They were the fourth and fifth guard Christian had paroled to her in the last five weeks and she had to admit, no one made her feel safe.
Obviously the new guys didn't understand their new job descriptions. They weren't just there to make sure Ana was safe, they were also there to keep Teddy safe and until Ana was physically capable they had to help out with baby duties.
That had been the brief that Sawyer and Taylor had given.
Getting up herself, Ana made good work of making it towards the stairs from the living room, her cast leg held up from the floor. She made it far, almost out of the living room itself when she fell out the rest of the room. She hit the floor with a massive thud and felt all viable air sucked from her lungs on impact. Laying still she tried to calm her body, but between hearing her son cry and trying in vain to somehow get up, Ana was finding it a losing feat.
To make it worse, Ana heard the door opening and she was still face flat on the floor. How embarrassing could you get?
"Ana!" Christian's voice yelled out from behind her as she attempted another go at getting up. He had seen her on the floor and his heart had bottom with fear that she was hurt or worse.
"I'm okay," She managed as her husband pulled her up and she was sitting up on the floor, Christian beside her. "I just need to get to Teddy."
"I'll go," Taylor jumped in ready to go, "Where the hell are Bennett and Carlson?"
"Office," Ana said as Christian slowly helped her up and Taylor excused himself to go upstairs to get Teddy before he went into the office to blast the two newbies a new one. They wouldn't know what hit them after he was done.
Helping his wife to the couch, Christian surveyed her for any other traumas but the only problem he saw on her was her leg and knew they both couldn't wait for the cast to be completely off. "Why didn't you let them get Teddy? Why didn't you try calling them to get him instead of trying yourself?"
"I don't like them, Christian! Why would I trust them with my child when I don't even trust them to look after me?!" She asked him in a shrill cry. "The only person I trust with Teddy's life has practically left and I can't accept that. Not when I feel so unsafe and unprotect when he isn't around. When you were gone it was always him and now who do I have? Two people who I don't trust!"
"I am leaving Taylor with you from now on," Christian told her and tried to make her see that no argument was to be had over it. However, Ana was still defying him. "I want you to feel safe in your own fucking house, Ana. I know you do with Taylor or I around and I would rather have one of us here with you than neither.
"No, I trust him to keep you safe," Ana responded, "I know you're safe when you're with him."
"Ana, Baby, I need you to be safe until you're fully able to get around and decide who you want with you again," Christian noted and he saw that his wife understood that claim. "I just want you safe."
"I'd be safe with Luke," Ana spoke miserably. She had tried to allow the new guards to protect her, but the moment Christian left the house, her nerves with him.
Christian rubbed his hand along his jaw. It had been an amazing holiday season with the family getting snowed in and Ana having everyone here. It was made better by her healing quickly and becoming mischievous and regardless of her nightmares, Ana was in good spirits – or was until Sawyer left to jet off with Clarke.
However much she said she was okay, Ana regretted not to confide that she felt like Sawyer going away was a move to make the separation better when his contract completely left.
"Ana, Baby, why can't you just get on with these men?" He asked her, the only reason he liked them was because they treated Ana like a mission – their sole purpose was to look after her and make sure no harm – not even a broken nail – came her way. They were perfect for Christian, but for Ana, who was more nurturing, she needed a friend, a companion, not a shadow.
Ana began to whimper, "Because I can't trust new people!"
Christian was at loss to those words. He could get rid of the two new guys and bring in two newer guys, but his wife would still be left feeling the same. Jack might have made her stronger in a lot of aspects, but he had destroyed her confident to embrace new people into her life.
Who was he blame her?
Thankfully, Taylor came into the room before he could answer and he used it as an excuse to escape to his office to make a phone call. "I want a chat with Carlson and Bennett," He lied to his wife, "Will you and Teddy be okay?"
"Perfectly," She whispered as she tended to her son. Like her husband, her son was a calm in any storm, "I might need some meds, that fall wasn't friendly."
"I'll grab them on my way back," Christian vowed and kissed the top of her head, running a finger to his son's chin before motioning for Taylor to follow. As they walked away, he slowed a little, "Sawyer comes home today and I might be spoiling it, but I need to call him."
"I've been waiting for the last three weeks for you to cave, Sir," Taylor responded as they made it to the study. "I'm going to check on the other two."
Christian allowed Taylor to go and he picked her phone up, slipping into his seat, he rang for Sawyer who answered quickly enough. "Luke, I am not a man to beg, but for Ana I will," Christian spoke down the phone as only a desperate man could. "She doesn't feel safe with anyone but me, Taylor or you. She doesn't want Taylor and I can't be with her all the time and when she's left with Bennett and Carlson, anyone, she freaks out."
"Okay, I'll back as soon as to sort this out," Sawyer finalised and closed the call off, leaving Christian to wait for him.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Shades Abandoned -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It had been hours since he made the call to Sawyer and Christian could see that although his wife acted fine, smiled on cue, loved him and Teddy, a part of her was missing and that was down to Sawyer. Kicking himself as he left her to get the door, Christian felt he was to blame. He shouldn't have allowed Ana to get this close to one of the staff. It turned nasty and it turned into this.
He could see through the glass panelling before anything and he thanked a higher deity before opening it, "Thank God you're here."
"Where is she?" Sawyer asked as he stepped in, Clarke behind him. "We need to sort this before it gets worse."
"She's in the bedroom with Teddy," Christian pointed out. "We're just waiting on my mom because she's having issues with her leg."
Sawyer flashed a concerned look but knew that, for now, that was under control and he had to fix the other elephant in the room. He marched off, feeling the other men behind him.
Going into the bedroom, they found Ana trying to manage the pain but she was failing and looking more and more agitated. The fall earlier that day had done damage, she knew that, but she hoped a couple of vicodin later would solve that issue.
The moment he walked in she looked up at him and there was dead silence between them.
Luke knew he had to come back. After everything, he really needed to go back now; he had to go back to Ana for more than just his job. He had to go back to keep a piece of him, to hold onto his own sanity.
"You're back?" Ana asked, her fingers twirling Teddy's hair in her hand, his sleeping body slumped against her leg as he lay tucked up into her.
"I am," Sawyer gave her a grin. "I see my little man is out for the count," He pointed to Teddy and smiled at the sight of him. "He's gotten big."
"It's been three weeks," Ana pointed out to him, stating the obvious to him. It hadn't been long, but there were some major differences.
Sawyer chewed on the inner bit of his cheeks and tried to not react to how awkward they seemed to be with one another. He had never felt like this with her, had never felt that metaphorical elephant laughing at them. It didn't even matter, hell it died a horrible death, when he admitted he was gay. However, now it was horrible and degrading to feel this way.
"Three weeks and I wanted to let you know I want to come back," He stated and took on his guard like demeanour.
Ana laughed, shook her head and became quiet again. "You don't want to come back," Ana commented meekly, her eyes refusing to look up at Sawyer's. "You chose to leave because you couldn't look after me. I know full well that fact wouldn't change."
"That wasn't it," Sawyer countered and tried to make her see, but he knew it was going to take more fight than that.
Luke looked to the woman he had come to call family and he never expected his absence could weight quite heavily on her. He had found that he spent most nights of his vacation away wondering how Ana was doing, what Ana was doing, was she protected? He just couldn't switch off his inner bodyguard.
Ana took a guess where this was going and shook her head, "Don't come back because you feel you have to. I'll have to survive if you don't." She looked at him finally and even though it hurt she had to step up to this mark. "I'm just having a problem adjusting." She took a deep breath, "I don't want you back because you feel a need because I'm like this. I will get over it; I will find a way to trust other people to look after me."
"He wants to come back though," Clarke let out a sigh and his shoulders slumped, "We went away to gather perspective and the whole time he was worried about, about the new guards and about your health."
"I don't need lies. I respect your wish to go, Luke, I really do. I love you enough to respect that you can't look after me. I know I'm handful so I'm pleased you lasted this way. It's time we looked at a worthy replacement for you," Ana tried to push the feelings aside and absolve herself from the feeling that she would be left with once Sawyer moved on – Abandonment.
"Shut up, Ana! Just shut up!" Sawyer shouted at her, making her jump into silence and he was amazed that Teddy didn't even so much as stir. "I went away with Clarke so we could decide a life plan away from the stresses of our jobs and my commitment to you coming in the way. Sure we had some fun, but we spent the time together to evaluate and he knew how much you meant to me and he managed to get to realise that the reason I quit my job looking after you wasn't because I felt I let you down," He took a deep breath, ashamed of his true reason, "But because I felt greedy having him and you. I felt I had to decide between you two. He saw how miserable I was when I chose and he saw how I couldn't function without my job being with you. Clarke also understood that my hours might be long but we can work it to fit us. We love each other and that's what matters. I love you too, and that matters as well."
He watched Ana tried to withhold her hope and he looked to Christian before looking back and continuing.
"After everything I thought it would be better to leave you to another guard and cut myself from this life in order to have a life. That way your safety was guaranteed as well. No emotions to get in the way. But without you, Ana, I don't have a life. You and Christian gave me everything more than just a job and I can't just walk away from that. I know I can protect you, after Elizabeth I know I can without a second thought and I will. I just felt a bit of a letdown that I wasn't there when Jack attacked you, but I understand that the emotions are what make me a good security detail for you."
Ana bit her lip, she wanted to jump right up and hug him but with her leg still causing her bother and immobilising her she realised that her inability actually spurred him on to say more than she thought possible.
"I don't want anyone else being your guard when I don't even trust them," Sawyer finalised and Ana looked as if the same ten tonne weight that had left her had left him too. "I only trust two other men to look after you," He said looking to Taylor and Christian, "And when they aren't around I know I do a good enough job at keeping your safe. I know I can do the best job at keeping you out of harm's way. I won't dare let another man do that."