Ghosts n Goblins: The Hands of DOOMED

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I WANTED TO WRITE A STORY BASED OFF THE GAME GHOSTS N GOBLINS BUT THERE ARE NO GHOSTS N GOBLINS BECAUSE THEY AREN'T REAL TOPIC SO I HAD TO WRITE BASED MOSTLY OFF OF THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL! BECAUSE I WANT TO ANSWER INTERESTING QUESTION THAT INTRIGUES! WHY DO PEOPLE USE THEIR HANDS? THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS TO READ WITH YOUR MIND!

The knight Arthur who calls himself Arthur was having a picnic with the Princess Prin-Prin in a cemetary. But there was nothing to eat (what's there to eat in a cemetary?) and there was no food because Arthur forgot the food, and he had eaten a lot of food beforehand anyways, so he just pretended he was full and laid down. Prin-Prin prinned at the sight of the almost-naked knight with his shining armor being happy with his hand in his red underwear (no, he wasn't doing that, he was just making sure the gun in his pants that shoots weapons was safe). Everything was a fine picnic...UNTIL SATAN CAME. He knocked Arthur over, kidnapped the Princess, and made fun of Arthur by licking some chicken bones that he stole from a boneless zombie (I think you can figure out now why he was boneless).

"NO! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME SPERM OF HELL SPAWN!" Arthur shouted angrily that his lover was stoled, and he couldn't eat because he had no food.

"PLUCK UP YOUR EARS EVERYONE!" Satan advised as he created a horrible pun about chicken. "YOU MUST SAVE THE WORLD FROM GHOSTS N GOBLINS N THE HANDS OF DOOMED, FOR I HAVE SWAPPED THE ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE. AND ARTHUR YOU MUST ESCAPE HADES AND VENTURE INTO HADES TO SAVE THE LOVER!"

After Satan flew away reading an instruction manual, Arthur got on his amore as the Ghosts n Goblins theme song began playing. Thankfully, he could go straight to Satan and the final boss, thanks to you. In the song, zombies and ghosts were popping their coffin tops and they were distracted from Arthur because they were glad to eat you, in other words, you saved the world by doing nothing. Good work hero, don't let them beat you!

"NO I LOVED YOU HERO!" Arthur sang romantically as he got out his gun and destroyed Satan. "SATAN, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"

"YOU FOOL!" Satan said becoming dead. "YOU DO NOT KNOW THE TRUTH! DO YOU KNOW WHY THERE ARE SEVEN GATES BEFORE THE FINAL BOSS? BECAUSE THE ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE IS SWITCHED, AND IN SEVEN YEARS, THIS WILL BE A RIP-OFF OF DOOM BECAUSE YOU SHOOT THINGS AND SECOND NOW COMES FIRST! THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN REVERSE THINGS IS TO DEFEAT THE FINAL BOSS WITH YOUR HANDS!"

Arthur thanked Satan for his advice, as he got out his shield and went to fight the real mastermind behind all this evil...THE DEVIL.

"Devil, your hopeless ends here!" he shouted as he prepared to face the devil in hand-to-hand combat. The devil threw an explosive fireball at Arthur, who spongied it back with his shield, and it bounced back onto the devil like a reflecting mirror, smithereening him to blasts. Arthur then punched the devil in the eight bit (he was in bits now from being blasted) face, and the devil was defeated, and he was the victor! The prince who was a Princess Prin-Prin was saved!

CONGRATURATION. THIS STORY IS HAPPY END. THANK YOU.

"Wait a second," Arthur read the message. "The end...but that happens at the second ending! That means it was swapped! So that means to truly save Prin-Prin, I must be trapped and fall into a trap! Challenge again, this is only happily begin!"

HOW DID THIS STORY BEGIN? YOU CHOOSE!