I'm sorry, Johnny. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. You would have been better off without me.
It would have been better if I had never come to Tulsa. Of all the places I went after New York, I shouldn't have come here to stay.
I ruined your life, I took your life. You could have made something out of your life, if your damn parents would have just cared a little for you.
If I hadn't told you to run,
If I hadn't told you to stay in that damn church.
If I hadn't let you run back I into that burning church to save those kids.
If I had pulled you out faster… maybe, just maybe… you'd still be alive.
Even if you were still lying in that hospital, if only you were alive.
But I'm dreaming, I'm wishing. I built up a wall to keep everyone out. I only opened up for you; I took care of you the best I could. But I failed. That wall came tumbling down when your eyes closed, as I watched you take your last breath, I watched that wall fall.
Now, I can't go on.
Not without you, Johnny. It just ain't right.
So here I stand, under a streetlamp, the gang shouting at me to stop as I pull the black object from the waistband of my old worn down jeans. The metal feels cold in my hand, but the bullets burn as they tear through my skin.
I fall to the ground, but I still feel life inside me, so I struggle to stand back up. Only to be blasted around by another round of bullets.
I hit the ground, no life in me left to get to my feet. I smile with grim triumph. Being Dallas Winston has its advantages; I always get what I want.
I know my life was a waste.
I know I did you wrong.
I know it's all my fault that this has happened.
I'm so sorry, Johnnycakes.