This little piece came from a gif on tumblr. The one from "The Usual Suspects" and the detective says to Sam, "We can't pick our family." The way Sam's eyes slide over to glare at her say a lot in that scene. And i had a few paragraphs under my reblog. But I felt like expanding it. So here it is.
By the way, no, I have not given up on Explaining is An Admission of Failure. I'm just taking a little break. When I try to force my writing, I ruin it. So I'm taking it easy with that one right now. In the meantime, enjoy this little oneshot.
Chosen for Always
"We can't pick our family."
Sam Winchester's eyes shift over to the detective without his control, giving her half of a sneer that makes its way through his forced politeness. He doesn't answer. Because she would never understand anyway.
You see… the thing is… Sam would choose Dean. Yeah, maybe he does drive too fast and listen to the same albums over and over, singing along at the top of his lungs. Sometimes he's in key, most times he's not. Maybe he did ditch him for girls when he was younger. Leaving him at Plucky's and going off without him. Maybe he will always take huge bites of his food and chew too loud or look at every girl that walks by, obsess over his car and treat Sam like he's his snot-nosed little brother. Maybe that's how it will always be.
But you see… the thing is… when Dean does slow down, he takes detours to next hunts just to give Sam the time he wants to relax. Sometimes he just pulls into a field, pulls a six-pack out of the back, and sits on the hood to wait for Sam to join him. And they watch the stars without even saying a word. Those nights are the best. It's the only time Sam is as comfortable with the silence as Dean is.
They've went to concerts before. Baseball games. Had nights where they just went theater hopping. Went to some of the drive-ins that are left to see a movie on the hood of Dean's car. Like they used to. When things were easy. When Dean had just been given the impala and he and Sam would take a night to just… be brothers. When their dad wasn't home and it was just them against the world. Sometimes, even now, it feels like it did then.
When Sam is tired, Dean turns off his music and changes to a soft rock station that he knows will knock Sam right out. Sometimes he hums under his breath when he thinks Sam is asleep. Most of the time, Sam is listening, and it's Dean's humming that makes him fall asleep, not the music. Though he'll never tell Dean that. That's a secret he will take to his grave, however many times, without guilt. As long as he gets to keep hearing Dean hum.
Dean always came back for him at Plucky's. Sometimes feeling guilty. Sometimes that's why he took him to the movies. Just so they could hang out the next night. It always made Sam feel more special than the girl. Technically, he and Dean have had more 'dates' than the girls Dean never even remembers. That's what keeps him from totally hating his brother whenever he's left behind. He knows Dean will always come back to him.
The way Dean eats his burgers may never change. He will most likely always take bites that are way too big to even be healthy. And he will always talk with his mouth full or intentionally chew with his mouth open just to annoy Sam. That's just how it's always been. And maybe, though Sam will never admit it, that's something that doesn't need to change. Because that's just… Dean. He likes to think that it's Dean's secret way of being Sam's constant. Something always expected.
Sam also knows that the girls walking by are only second to Sam when he needs Dean. Dean has given up many dates to take care of Sam when he's sick. Not complaining once. He's abandoned girls on the sidewalk in front of the school whenever he's suspected someone to be messing with Sam. It's always given Sam a sense of importance. Dean cares more about him than anyone. That's a feeling he's never gotten used to.
Even obsessing over his car is only second to Dean obsessing over Sam when he's hurt. Even though Dean won't ever admit it without threat of death (his OR Sam's), the car will always be second to Sam. He's seen that from time to time. Dean making sure he's okay before threatening him about hurting the car. Driving the car over or through terrain he would never even consider going through unless Sam was in trouble. Throwing the keys of his most prized possession to a complete stranger and stays behind with what they thought was his dying brother to die with him. Yeah. The car always comes second.
And maybe Dean will always see Sam as his little brother. He'll always be overprotective. He'll always take charge in dangerous situations. He'll always put himself in front of anything that threatens Sam. Even though Sam will always make his disapproval of all of the above, evident.
But that's okay. Because Dean will always be his big brother. Sam will always be exasperated. He'll always be right there for whenever Dean decides to actually let go and need him. He'll always thank his brother for everything, even though said brother hates 'chick-flick moments'. He'll always look up to Dean, even though in reality he's had to look down since the last growth spurt he got at eighteen.
You see? Sam would choose him every time. He might be the reason they get in jail. More than once. He may be the reason Sam didn't get his 'normal life'. He may be the reason Sam will never know what it means to not be so dependent on someone. Because that's how it is now. Sam can't imagine being without his brother. Though even at Stanford, something was always missing.
So you see… Dean may be the reason for a lot of things. But Sam's life will always be on the top of the list. Multiple times. And honestly? Even if it wasn't… Sam would love him anyway. Just… just cause.