A/N: Reading this 'book', I came to a part and I just had to write the way a normal (if a bit aggressive) person would've reacted to this. The first lines are from Fifty shades of Grey, page 67, the rest is my own.
'You're lucky I'm just scolding you.'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, if you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday. You - '
He obviously meant to continue, but I interrupted him, holding up one hand to silence him. 'I beg your pardon?' I said, ignoring my sore throat. 'If I were "yours", I wouldn't be able to sit down for a week? Meaning to say you would've hit me if I'd been your girlfriend, because I'd done something you didn't like?'
'Ana, it's not like that,' he said.
'Anastasia.' I glared at him. 'My friends call me Ana.'
'I am – never mind.' He closed his eyes and shuddered. 'Ana, that doesn't matter right now. What matters is what you did yesterday. You didn't eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk - '
'At the risk of being kidnapped!' I got up. I felt very uncomfortable standing in front of him in hardly more than underwear. 'It seems to me that the most dangerous thing I did yesterday was call you!'
'Don't be ridiculous – it's the only smart thing you've done all night.'
I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms in front of my chest. 'Oh, really? So you're not saying that after I called you, you didn't call me back with some scary "I'll come and get you", only to somehow stalk me and then take me home while I was unconscious? No, it was smart to call you, hmm?'
He rolled his eyes. 'You're blowing this wildly out of proportion. If I hadn't shown up, that guy, José or whatever he's called - '
'I could've handled that.'
'I doubt that, Ana.'
'It's Anastasia or Miss Steele, Mr Grey. You'll do well to remember that. Now, where are my clothes?'
'The drycleaner's,' he said, a smug smile on his face. 'You'd vomited all over them. They should be ready in an hour or two, maybe three. Listen, you're overreacting; why don't you just take a shower and then we'll have breakfast and discuss this?'
'Let me think about that." I tapped my lip while I pretended to consider his offer. "Er… no. Why don't you just go and get me something to wear right now, while I call Kate and tell her to come and get me. Who knows, I might not file a complaint for sexual harassment or – I don't know – stalking. Kidnapping. Taking advantage of me while I was drunk – you're disgusting, did you know that?'
His jaw tightened and he clenched his hand so tightly into a fist that his knuckles became white. 'Miss Steele,' he said through his teeth, 'I suggest you stop behaving like this right now. I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour.'
'You don't? Well, you know what? I. Don't. Care. You are a sick bastard, Christian Grey.' I looked around the room, trying to locate my cell phone. 'I don't care how rich and important you think you are – you have some serious issues.'
'Yes!' His eyes lit up. 'Exactly! But you can cure me. You're different, Ana.'
I froze and then turned around very slowly. 'Don't fuck with me,' I said. 'I don't want things to get to a lawsuit, but believe me, if you don't stop this, you won't hear the end of this little "adventure."' I saw my phone and grabbed it.
'Ana -' he started, but at that moment something inside me snapped.
Fuck this shit. I'm better off in my underwear at the front desk than I am here waiting for that creep to show some sign that he isn't a psychopath, I thought. My Inner Goddess and Subconscious were cheering for me, waving their bras in a sign of sexual liberation.
'I know you have stalked me enough to know my address,' I said. 'I want you to send my clothes back to me; I will pay for the drycleaner's bill. I will also send back those books you gave me, as it is very inappropriate that you ever did that and I. Don't. Want. Them.'
He looked genuinely confused. 'Ana, they were a gift. Even if you're angry with me, you can always keep them.'
I laughed at him, but without any mirth. 'Do you really think I want to be indebted to you like that? Have you no fucking idea how fucking inappropriate it is for you to give me something that expensive? I don't care if you can afford it – it's not right and it makes me uncomfortable. Now, apart from my clothes, I don't want you to contact me, ever again. If you know what's good for you, you stay very far away from me and Kate and José. Am I clear?'
I didn't wait for his reply but skidded past him and dashed for the door of the suite. I could hear him calling my name, but I ran downstairs, until I came to the entrance hall, where I stopped in front of an information desk. 'Hello,' I said, trying not to blush as the surprised assistant took in my state of undressing. 'I need to make a phone call for someone to pick me up – is it okay if I wait here?'
'S-sure,' she said.
'Good. And would you please tell me when Mr Grey is coming down? I want to stay as far away from him as I can - and I suggest you do, too. That man is seriously crazy.' From her expression I judged she knew that already. As I wondered how many other girls Christian had treated like this, I searched for Kate's name in my contacts list.
'Kate? Ana here. That fucking fuckhead of a Christian Grey took me to his hotel yesterday and… could you please come and pick me up? And think if you maybe know a nice lawyer?'
'I'm on my way. Oh, and Ana?'
'If you see him, hit him for me.'