By popular demand, here is chapter two!
STILL NOT SLASH though it's probably easy to imagine it as if you want XD
I apologize for how long it ended up lol... so, this is me, fighting writer's block.
Warning : Contains some more fluff, the rest of the BAU (yay), a short scene with oversized clothes (ehehehe), descriptions of the PhotoShopped pictures (ohoho), chamomile tea, a squealing Rossi (yes, squealing) and a hell of a lot of words! Which, by now, should all lead to the same conclusion; this is something of a crackfic. I'm so sorry.
But I regret nothing.
Well! All mistakes are my own, as I unfortunately do not own Criminal Minds ;_; Please review! I hope I did well aaaah...
Spencer Reid woke up to a warm wall of golden fur that smelled suspicious.
He let out a small startled yelp when he saw the wall was moving, as if it were breathing. He heard loud breathing... but it didn't sound human.
Reid stayed still, frozen with fear, as the animal shook itself and hopped off his form, landing a little heavily on the wooden floor. He stared at the big golden retriever, who simply stared back with large eyes, wondering what was going on. He didn't have wooden floors; they were carpeted at his apartment... Where was he? He remembered the case ending... and his brain had been smothered in honey because he was so tired. Coffee could only last so long. And then he'd got in the car with Hotch and Morgan... and then...?
Spencer subconsciously backed up further into the couch as the dog took a couple steps forwards. It was panting, tongue lolling uselessly out to the world. Why wasn't the Reid Effect working? The young doctor had no idea how to treat animals; they always stayed away from him. Well, except for this one. Was there something wrong with its mind or something?
The staring contest went on for a while longer, and then the dog turned away, walking out of Spencer's line of sight. He took advantage of the distraction to look around. He was sitting on a three-seat red leather couch with a soft blanket across his knees and a light pillow on the seat where his head had been. There was a big window taking up most of the wall in front of him, and through the opening between the brown curtains he could see the bright morning sunlight making ribbons in the ever-present fine dust in the air. To the right of the window was a wooden brown front door with a window in the top half that let in more light. As he turned around, he saw a staircase going up and out of view, and further back was a kitchen. The latter was where the dog currently resided; acting like it owned the place. Reid got up with the intention of finding out more about his surroundings, namely in whose house he was, but was stopped when a large, dark figure tromped down the stairs, yawning.
He stretched his mouth open widely, utterly ignoring the other presence in the room, and made his voice known through a loud groan. The dog came pattering over to sit contentedly on his obvious master's feet. Derek grinned and crouched down, rubbing the animal's head.
"Hey, Clooney, what are you doing here? I thought you were guarding the kid," he cooed, slightly jokingly. Spencer chose that moment to let out a small cough. Morgan looked up at him. He waved.
"Oh hey," Morgan said, standing up to face his friend. "Pretty Boy, I see you've met Clooney."
Spencer cut right to it. "Morgan, where am I?"
The other agent frowned for a moment before remembering. "Oh right, you wouldn't remember... you're at my house." Spencer seemed rather surprised by that.
"Really? I mean... why?"
Spencer wrung his hands nervously. "Why am I at your house?"
Morgan chuckled. "Because you wouldn't stay awake long enough to get off at your own place." Spencer blushed and looked away awkwardly.
"Um, sorry," he muttered, embarrassed.
"It's nothing," Derek laughed. By then, he was standing beside his friend, watching amusedly as he squirmed under his gaze.
"Um. Well, you know, um... thank you, for... Morgan what's wrong with your dog?" he blurted as Clooney strode over and sat pointedly on his foot.
Morgan chuckled. "Wow, I think this defies the Reid Effect!"
Spencer appeared alarmed by that statement. "But... Morgan is there something wrong with your dog?"
"Why would there be?" he asked, shrugging.
"Well, most dogs, and some children for that matter, have this ability to 'sense your fear' as people say, which is actually most likely due to hypersensitivity to posture change and-"
"Not now, Reid," the older agent groaned, robbing his bald head and setting off towards the kitchen. "It's only morning!"
Reid was taken aback. "All I said was-"
"Do you want some breakfast, Pretty Boy?" Morgan interrupted hastily, not wanting to be subjected to another bout of rambling.
Spencer stopped short. "What?"
"You're kinda slow without your coffee, aren't you? Come on, I'll make you an omelette or something."
"Oh," Spencer said incredulously. Derek would make breakfast for him? How... kind. "Um. Thank you."
"You're welcome, Reid." Derek was getting a pan to cook on and had his back turned, so Reid couldn't see his amused grin.
An hour later, Spencer was wearing a pair of Morgan's T-shirts and a pair of pants, the former of which was clearly a number of sizes too big, and he clutched it to his small form to keep warm.
Derek shook his head. "Kid, you look ridiculous."
Spencer pouted, a little offended. "Well, I can't very well go out in clothes that I've slept in!"
Derek shrugged. "Doesn't stop you looking ridiculous."
The young doctor glared at his friend, picking up his possessions and heading for the door. "Let's just go." He took two steps before his pants-well, Morgan's pants-dropped from his hips and hit the floor. He emitted a yelp and pulled the T-shirt down so it covered more of him, not that he'd had to. The shirt was big enough to be a dress on him.
Morgan snickered. "You sure, Pretty Boy?"
Reid blushed furiously as he snatched his pants back up and held them so they wouldn't fall again. "That would be unsanitary!" he exclaimed defensively. He marched through the door without looking back. Morgan grinned as he picked up the discarded clothes that he'd dropped during his antics.
Derek ushered Spencer into the car like a chauffeur, ignoring the glare he got, and they drove off to Spencer's apartment.
Spencer got dressed as quickly as possible, throwing on some pants and his dark blue and purple dress shirt. Morgan had yet to tell him why they were going back to the BAU, but he hurried nevertheless.
He blindly grabbed a tie and tied it as he half-ran around his apartment. Derek was watching amusedly all the while, leaning in a carefree manner on the wall by the door. He nearly got barreled into as Reid ran up to the door to grab his converse. He was hopping about on one foot, trying to force a shoe on, when he asked the question.
"Hey, Morgan, why are we going to the BAU? We have the day off, don't we?"
The other agent shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner. "I have to pick up some files." Spencer stopped hopping.
"Then why am I coming?"
Morgan tried not to take too long gathering his answer. "We have to pick up some files."
Spencer put his yet-to-be-shoe-clad foot down. "You're lying to me," he stated.
Morgan tried a different tactic. He tilted his head and grinned in that way which made women love him. "Come on, Pretty Boy, put your shoe on."
"Please stop staring at me... it's creepy," said Spencer, shuddering a little as he took a step back. "Now why are we going?"
Derek sighed. He didn't want to tell him, but he had one more tactic. He stepped forwards and picked up his friend's shoe. He held it in his hand a moment longer, observing it, and then he opened the door and chucked it towards the car.
"Morgan!" Reid stepped forwards in a reflexive attempt at saving his shoe, just as Derek had predicted. Without hesitating, he grabbed him around the knees and hoisted the skinny young man onto his shoulder. "Morgan!"
Derek said nothing as he stepped out the door, locking it behind him with the key he'd pried from Spencer's fingers. He walked down the three steps to his front yard.
"Oh my God," Spencer mumbled as he realized they were on a staircase, albeit a short one. "Please don't drop me..." As soon as Morgan stepped down, he went back to fighting. "Okay now put me down." Derek did nothing. "Morgan! Put me down!" He didn't physically try to get away, because that would probably result in Morgan falling and him landing on his face on the unforgiving ground.
Around the fifth 'put me down', Morgan complied, shoving Reid into the shotgun seat of his car. He bent down to pick up the discarded shoe that had landed there, and tossed it to Reid, who awkwardly caught it and untied it to slip on his foot. Morgan shut the door, walking around to the driver's side.
"Morgan, what's going on? What happened last night?"
Derek sighed as he started the car. "Hotch... did some... things."
"What kind of 'things'? It he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine... and we're probably not going to be," he added under his breath.
Spencer heard him. "What did you do?"
"Me?" he exclaimed defensively. "It was Hotch and Garcia!"
"I had nothing to do with this."
"Yes, well, Morgan, what is 'this'?"
The older agent sighed resignedly. "Hotch took some... pictures."
"Pictures of what?" Morgan stared at him. How could he be so smart, yet so oblivious at the same time?
"What do you think? He sent them to Garcia."
Reid paled in realization. "Wha... he... what?"
"That's right Reid," Morgan huffed. "He took pictures of us while we were asleep, and sent them to Garcia."
"'Us'?" Spencer repeated. "You fell asleep?"
"Yes, well, we need to go to the BAU to make sure Baby Girl didn't destroy our lives with those pictures."
"Oh." Reid turned back to his shoe, and finished tying it.
Derek frowned in bemusement. "You don't seem very disturbed, Pretty Boy. Your social life is about to die."
Spencer looked up calmly. "I don't have a social life," he said simply, if not a little proudly. Morgan shook his head and turned back to the road. No point in arguing with him.
The bullpen was oddly quiet, as most of its occupants had gone home.
Yet Spencer and Derek had bumped into Emily on the way in, followed by JJ, and then Rossi. Garcia and Hotch were presumably already inside, plotting their downfall. No one had stayed home, then.
"So, Prentiss, what brings you here? We have the day off," asked Morgan.
"Could say the same about you."
"I have some files to pick up," he answered curtly. She didn't buy it.
"Really? Because, Garcia called me, and said she had some pictures she wanted me to see."
"Yeah," piped up JJ, "she called me too... What about you, Rossi?"
"I shouldn't have to tell you young people why I would do anything," he replied, looking ahead.
"Aw, come on, Rossi," pleaded Emily.
"Fine," he snickered, "Kitten called."
"Okay," said Morgan, clapping his hands and stepping in front of everyone and turning to face them, blocking their path. "You do not want to see those pictures."
"Ooh," said Prentiss, smiling impishly, "now I really want to see them."
"No you don't," Reid said hastily.
JJ raised an eyebrow. "What's in the pictures, Spence?" she demanded slowly.
Spencer gulped and said nothing.
"I can honestly say I don't know," he admitted. Everyone turned simultaneously to face Morgan once more.
"Anything to say, Derek?" Rossi asked innocently.
The man in question shook his head emphatically.
"Right," continued Dave, "So if we go in there, we won't find Penelope squealing over-and probably PhotoShopping-some pictures of you and Reid asleep in Hotch's car?"
Rossi smirked as Reid paled and Morgan stared at him. The girls cooed, beginning to gossip.
"Rossi how did you...?"
"I'm a profiler, Morgan. Reid looked dead on his feet-"
"-and you looked a little tired too. I guessed that Aaron would probably feel bad for you and not think it safe to leave you on the road or train or whatever, so he drove you home. And I've seen the pictures on his phone of his son asleep in the car, so I figured he'd do the same to you. And since Garcia called us all, it's only obvious that Hotch sent her the pictures."
Morgan frowned. "You're making it easy to hate you, Rossi."
Rossi shrugged indifferently. "I get that a lot."
JJ and Prentiss, followed hesitantly by Reid, had sneaked past the two bickering men into the bullpen and had just gotten to Hotch's office when Morgan noticed and spun around.
"Whoa there. You get back here!"
"In your dreams, Morgan. I am seeing those pictures," stated Emily, edging closer and closer to Hotch's door.
"Reid, grab them!"
"What?" The moment of confusion was all Prentiss needed to grab the door handle and bolt through the opening.
"Hotch!" As she peered inside, she saw that no one was inside. "Hoch?" She stuck her head out the door, facing the others. "Guys, he's not in here."
"Good! Let's all go home," Derek suggested hopefully.
"No way," said JJ, walking over to side with Emily. "I really want to see what's in those pictures too."
"Kitten called," Rossi stated simply, striding over under Morgan's barricading arm, ignoring his protest.
Just then, Garcia skipped in through the hallway leading to her lair. She let out an exclamation of content surprise as she saw the occupants of the bullpen. She said nothing, but motioned for them all to follow her, beaming. She ruffled Reid's hair as he passed. She stood like a doorman-or doorwoman-until Morgan, utterly defeated, passed by her. She gripped his arm possessively and guided him into the room, letting out excited giggles every now and then.
"Garcia, what's in the photos?" Prentiss asked animatedly as they walked.
Penelope spoke loudly, even as Derek tried to drown out her words with a groan. "You'll have to wait and see, my darlings!"
"Garcia..." Reid began uncertainly.
"Speak, Oh Wise Sleeping Beauty."
Spencer looked a little disgruntled as he continued. "Did you... do anything... to the pictures?"
She let out a knowing chuckle. "Whatever could you mean, Reid?"
"Baby Girl, did you PhotoShop me?" Morgan cut in abruptly. Prentiss mock gasped.
"Oh I must see those pictures now," she said as she opened the door to Garcia's nest of technology. Rossi, JJ and Penelope waltzed in happily.
Derek put a hand on Spencer's shoulder, stilling him when he tried to follow. "Whoa there, Kid. It's not safe in there."
"You're not going inside?"
Morgan shook his head. "I don't think you or I want to see what she's done to us."
Spencer frowned innocently. "Why not?" Morgan stared at him and shook his head.
There was squealing from inside. The two standing awkwardly by the door jerked in surprise.
For the squeal came from none other than SSA David Rossi, the seasoned profiler.
"Rossi?" Reid called nervously, swallowing. "Are you... um... okay?"
"Aww, Reid, get in here!"
Spencer visibly paled and looked to Morgan for help. The older man shook his head, his eyes speaking for him; it's a trap.
"Spence, we're not going to hurt you! But you have to see these," JJ called, not taking her eyes off the screen. Reid retreated behind the wall, out of their line of sight.
"Guys, you're scaring Reid!" Morgan called from where he too had hidden.
"Ooh ooh ooh guys look at the next one!" Garcia said excitedly. There was a click, and then their collective cooing made its way into the hallway, into the ears of Hotch, who had been walking by. Said person stopped in his tracks, raising an eyebrow at the two by the door.
Hotch nodded back, seeming very satisfied. "You can thank me later."
Before either could utter a protest, their unit chief strode into the chamber to join the other crazies. They could hear his voice seconds later. "Aww, Morgan, I told you you looked protective!" Spencer frowned, obviously confused.
Garcia suddenly trotted out, flapping her hands and squealing. She grabbed the young doctor by the hand and dragged him inside. He was too confused to fight back. She tugged him to the monitor where everyone was crowded around.
"Guys! Guys move over," she ordered, pushing Spencer in between Hotch and JJ.
Then Reid saw the picture.
His face turned so red; you would have thought that every ounce of blood in his body had been stored there. He covered his face with his hands and turned away, groaning.
"Something wrong, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, still not seeing but hearing from the doorway. Moments later, he was dragged in by a snickering Rossi.
The sight he was introduced to was strange. Hotch was grinning manically at him; Spencer next to him had his face covered, but what you could see of it was bright red; JJ was gaping at the screen; Prentiss bore a similar expression to her friend; and Penelope was watching the whole scene proudly.
Then Rossi pushed him forwards, and he caught a glimpse of the screen.
He did not like what he saw.
It was the picture where he was carrying Reid in his arms, and he indeed looked protective, but Garcia had PhotoShopped his mouth so it was open, as if he were yelling. There was a pink speech bubble next to his head that read 'GET YO HANDS OFFA MAH BABY'. Spencer, unfortunately or fortunately it was not known, had not been changed, so he was still asleep. In Derek's arms. Thankfully, this time Garcia had left Morgan's clothes on, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
That didn't mean it wasn't bad.
"Oh, Penelope... You PhotoShopped me!" he accused angrily.
"Oh, like I haven't done that before," she snickered.
"Ooh! Can I see?" Prentiss asked eagerly.
"Sorry, they're locked up and away. All mine." She walked over and took possession of her computer, clicking and typing rhythmically. She stopped after a second or so, completing the final click with a flourish. "Let's watch it from the beginning for our boys, shall we?" There were murmurs of assent, but everyone was paying attention to the screen.
The first photo made Derek blush a tiny bit, but Reid had already attained his redness limit. Everyone else was cooing, letting out a few 'aww's. It was of when Spencer had first fallen asleep; his head was nestled in Derek's neck, and Derek was seemingly taking advantage of the situation, for he was petting Spencer. He was staring indifferently out the window, completely oblivious to the camera that had been pointed at him. It didn't seem to have been altered.
"It was too perfect to change," Garcia cooed to the other women.
"Hotch!" Morgan cried. "How could you?" Spencer whimpered, shaking his head in his hands. Hotch chuckled gleefully, ignoring them.
The second photo made Derek pale and Reid squeak in embarrassment, burying his face further in his hands. It was a picture of Spencer and Derek sitting-or lying, in Spencer's case-in the backseat, both fast asleep. Reid's head was on Derek's lap as he lay curled up on the seat. Derek had a hand resting lazily on his friend's head, fingers entwined in his hair; his own head was lolling back with his mouth agape.
"I PhotoShopped out the drool," Penelope explained. Morgan let out and indignant noise. He did not drool.
Spencer had let his hands drop to his sides. He just looked utterly horrified.
"Aww, Spence, that's so cute!" said JJ, staring at the image.
"It is," Prentiss laughed, agreeing. "Aww, look at that right there..." She pointed to the top of Spencer's head, where Derek's fingers were laced through his hair.
One by one, everyone, save Derek, reached out a hand to ruffle the resident genius' head. He remained unmoving, not even acknowledging their presences; Spencer was staring straight ahead with wide eyes, looking shocked. He wasn't even moving, except for his breathing. He wasn't even blushing anymore, and was instead paling to a dangerous seeming level.
JJ got a little worried when he remained unresponsive. "Spence? You in there?"
Emily poked him in the cheek. "Reid?"
Garcia gasped and clutched his face between her hands, peering into his empty eyes. "Guys, you broke him!"
Morgan, getting over his embarrassment rather quickly and replacing it with anger, glanced over. "Oh yeah, that happened once before. You guys remember when he went to try and stop a victim's father from killing the UnSub in front of his own daughter? That case back in California, when those kids abducted two girls and killed one? And the whole witness protection fiasco thing? When we found Reid in the bathroom with the kid whose brains had been blasted out, he was just like this."
"Oh yeah," said Hotch, remembering. "But he was okay after that, right?" he continued, waving a hand in front of his subordinate's face. Spencer didn't as much as blink.
Morgan frowned. "It didn't last this long last time..."
JJ snapped her fingers. "Spence?"
That seemed to do something, at least. Reid blinked, jarred out of his trance. He glanced up, focusing on each person separately.
"You okay there Spencer?" Prentiss asked. "You had a little panic attack moment there."
"What... yeah, yeah, I'm fi-oh God, it's engraved in my memory forever!" he groaned, clutching his head in his hands.
"Well, then, just... don't think about it," Morgan suggested.
Reid looked up and glared at him. "I have an eidetic memory, Morgan. It's like staring at something really unusual, like a... giant purple elephant with blue polka-dots," he said, waving his arms around for emphasis, "and trying not to think about it! It's worse, actually! I will never un-see that, Morgan. Never."
"Is that a bad thing?" Garcia giggled.
"I'm going to need sever hypnosis to get over this... Hotch, you must know that I respect you, very much in fact, but I can never forgive you for doing this to me."
Hotch smiled, as if he was expecting that answer. He leaned forward and patted the younger man's head.
Spencer groaned and rubbed his face tiredly. "You have scarred me. And I won't forget, no matter how much I want to."
"Hey, Reid," Prentiss said, holding out a cup to him. "Drink this coffee."
Reid frowned. "Why, did you put something in it?"
Emily snickered. "No, but it should calm you down."
"How on Earth does coffee calm someone down? It's supposed to do quite the opposite, actually. The caffeine inside causes your heart to pump faster and your breathing to quicken, so no, it does not help people calm down." As he was speaking, he had blindly grabbed the cup and taken a sip of it. "... Emily, this isn't coffee."
Emily frowned innocently. "Isn't it?"
JJ tugged her friend's arm and muttered in her ear. "What did you put in there?"
Prentiss beamed. "It's chamomile tea."
Penelope, who had been eavesdropping, gasped in realization. "Someone guard the coffee machine before he realizes!"
Unfortunately, she wasn't very quiet about it, and Morgan, who did not want a repeat of last night, ran out of the room. "Nooo, no no no, hang on Kid, I'll get you some coffee!"
"Well," said Rossi, clapping his hands, "if there's nothing more, I would like very much to get back to my couch."
Morgan's voice was carried down the hall as he yelled. "Don't let the girls get you, Reid!"
Spencer wasn't listening. He was frowning down at his cup, trying to figure out what was inside. "Prentiss, is this chamomile?"
"Why? How do you feel?" she asked, trying not to look guilty.
Reid swayed slightly. "Pretty good, actually..."
"Oh, is that so? Well, I've got to go make sure Morgan didn't run into a wall... so, bye." And with that, she ran out the door to get Morgan, or dismantle the coffee machine. Whichever came first.
"Hm. Come on, Spence, I'll drive you home," said JJ, laying a hand on his shoulder and steering him away.
That left Hotch and Garcia alone in the room, surrounded by computers and stuffed animals. Garcia frowned as Hotch stepped towards her, not seeming to have any intention to leave quite yet.
He pointed up at an area above her head. "Is that a security camera?"
Penelope whirled around to face the lens of the device. Her face broke into a smile as she faced her boss once more. "I'll get the tapes immediately."
Aaron laughed as she pattered off, muttering about how much fun she was going to have.
It was probably very inappropriate behaviour, and would no doubt be frowned on by anyone of a higher authority.
But they were a family, so it was okay.
WHOO I'M DONE! Can you believe it? I can't! I thought I would procrastinate my face off, and then today my brain just went GO FOR IT.
So I did.
I regret nothing, save the length of this bloody darn thing...
Don't be scared to leave a review! They inspire meee!
Thank you to all the people who asked me to do this! I hope I met your standards!