~*~Okay, I know, I lied… What can I say, I've got this thing where I just can't keep a short story… well, short. This chapter's probably no good… I wrote it at 3am, and I swear to you, I fell asleep for a few minutes in the middle of every paragraph… Got kinda annoying 'cause I kept forgetting what I was gonna write, and I know it was better than whatever's there. It was one of those things where you can't remember what it was for the life of you, but in the back of your mind you just know it was better… Anyway, hope ya enjoy it… Review if ya get the chance…~*~
Here she was, standing outside his crypt… again. That seemed to be happening a lot, lately. She didn't actually know how she got there. One minute, she would be out patrolling the cemetery… and the next, she had found her way to his doorstep. This was the third time this week… And it was only Tuesday! He knew she was there, she knew it… After what had happened with the whole Glory ordeal, she hadn't been able to call up the courage to actually go inside, but he knew she was there… It was a little freaky, but he knew… He always knew. And still, he never came out to confront her. She admired that… Though, chances were, he was just avoiding her. The fact that she would be forced to claim that their kiss had been meaningless in the romantic sense, broke even her heart. What would it be like for him? Now that she had given him that crumb, what would it be like for him? He had begged her for that… For that one, tiny shred of hope. Literally begged her. Okay, sure, he had let Dru knock her out and then he had chained her up in his crypt, but honestly, how could she blame him? The guy was in love, and when he had tried to tell her… To confess his feelings… She hadn't even let him finish the sentence. Really, it hadn't been fair. Wasn't like the words could've done anything… Wasn't like it was threatening to her…
But then, that was a lie. It was a threat… She knew how she felt now… She had admitted it to herself. Though, she wasn't about to let him in on it. Not yet anyway. But at the time, it had been a threat. In the back of her mind, she had known… She had known what she was feeling for him. If he had said it, she wasn't sure she could've kept herself from doing something incredibly stupid. Relationships weren't good… Love wasn't good. Love meant he could leave… Meant he would leave. Distance was better than nothing… She was willing to deal with just that much. Had to… Otherwise, she'd go insane. Losing him would kill her. Especially after what he had done for them. She couldn't lose him. Not now… Not ever…
And then, suddenly, she realized she was knocking. Knocking… Knocking?! Since when did she knock? On Spike's door? When did that happen? Oh, right, when she fell in love with him… But, still, not really the point. Knocking wasn't good… Knocking lead to contact. And contact could lead to some very, very bad things… As in, things that she couldn't take back… Things that would cause him to leave. To run… No, she couldn't go in. She had to run… Had to go. Now. But her legs wouldn't work… She couldn't get herself to move. She was frozen there, waiting for him.
After a moment or so, she almost had her bearings and she thought she might actually be able to move. And, of course, just as she was about to turn and walk away, the door opened, and a very confused… not to mention shirtless… Spike stood before her in all his glory. Okay, so showing up here tonight really hadn't been a good idea. Her eyes were moving of their own volition, and she had no control over her suddenly racing heart… Which she knew full well he could hear. Though, if he had noticed, he said nothing.
He was just standing there… Staring at her as though she'd gone mad. And apparently she had. In that moment, she wished more than anything that she hadn't knocked… If she hadn't knocked, she could've passed it off as a business call. Asked him if he felt like patrolling. But she hadn't…
'Damn!" She screamed to herself… Though she wasn't entirely sure whether it was a reaction to her previous thoughts, or the pale, muscular chest that was displayed before her.
"Why're you here, Slayer?"
The words were cold… Unfeeling. They would've cut her to the bone, had she not been capable of seeing right through him. Though his voice was typical Spike, his eyes were large, frightened pools of blue. As if terrified she would do nothing more than tear out his heart and stomp on it. There was so much love in those eyes… Love, devotion, hope… And that was William. That was the man. The man no one else could see, because he was so incredibly good at covering it up… When it came to anything and everything other than her.
And then, she was doing the unthinkable. Her eyes swept over his body appreciatively, and she could do nothing to stop it. Really, the admiring glance had in no way been sexual. It was innocent. She was curious. That he knew. It wasn't suggestive… Just innocent curiosity. Thank God he understood that… Otherwise it may have turned into more.
He sighed quite harshly. What more could he do? "Buffy, I think we need to talk."
And with that, the cool façade had melted away. Then and there, he was William again… Completely… Shy, scared, timid William. The man that was so much a part of the monster. In a way, he did have a soul. It had taken her a very long time to admit it, but it was true. The soul he had once had… It had carried over. He remembered it… And it made him what he was today… Who he was. No matter what everyone else tried to convince her of, she knew it was true. And it made him irresistible.
"Spike, there's nothing to talk about." She had to get out of there… She had to get out of there fast. Otherwise, it would all get out of hand…
So she turned to walk away, but his strong hand caught her wrist, and she couldn't bring herself to pull away from his touch. It was in no way forceful. It was gentle, reassuring… And pleading with her to stay. To set things right. And of course, he won. Sighing lightly, she looked to the ground for a moment before turning to meet his eyes. Then she nodded, and she knew she was lost.
"Why did you kiss me?"
They now sat in the lower level of his crypt… On his bed. Buffy's mind, screamed at her that this was in no way a good idea. Sitting on his bed, in his home… With him right beside her? This could turn out bad… Very, very bad. 'Though, very very bad could easily turn into very very good…' Her eyes widened in horror at the thought… And, as an escape root from her own thoughts, her attention was turned back to Spike.
"Spike, you helped me. You helped me and you protected Dawn. Even after you were tortured for hours, you still wouldn't tell her. It was a thank-you?" She nearly laughed out loud… That had sounded like a question to even her.
"Is that really all it was?" Those eyes were filled with hope… Those eyes… His eyes.
"What more would it be?" And again with the questions… Where the hell had her self-confidence gone?
He laughed a bit… But it was pained. Swallowing hard, as he drew a long, unnecessary breath, he raised his eyes to meet hers once again. His voice was filled with pain and his eyes were moist with tears, though she knew he would never let them flow while she was still here… Then he forced another rough laugh. "Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part, then. It's just… I felt something, and I thought… I thought you had, too."
"It's alright, pet… My mistake. Not your fault… Don't blame ya, to be honest. After all I've done to you, it's no wonder you hate me… I mean…"
She cut him off, raising a gentle finger to his lip, shaking her head. "Spike, no… It's not like that. It's just…" she couldn't lie to him, and she damn well knew it. "I did feel something. I just… I need time to think about it…"
And with that she was up and out the door, leaving a stunned Spike behind her…
~*~Okay, I've got a question… I was watching 'Entropy' the other day and I heard the song at the end of it. I know I know who it is… And I've heard the song before, I just can't place it… Can anybody tell me what it is? It's driving me crazy. My first thought was Alison Krauss, but I can't find it if it is… Oh, and to those of you who read my other fic, 'Fall Apart', I will be continuing that soon, and I believe the title is gonna be change to Pure. I'll update that as soon as I can… At the moment, my VCR isn't working and I need it to continue, but I'll get there… Anyway, thanks for reading' this one… ~*~