Disclaimer: OK, so for the very last time I don't own the play or the game!


Octavius-Swanky (relation changed-in this "Caesar" is "Octavius's" older brother)








Claudio-Black Kremling (referred to in name as Midnight)

Dardanius-Blue Kremling (referred to in name as Ocean)

Clitus-Brown Kremling (referred to in name as Dirt)

Voluminus-White Kremling (referred to in name as Cloud)


Young Cato-Stripped Kremling (referred to in name as Zippy)

Labio-Orange Kremling (referred to in name as Leaf)

Flavio-Yellow Kremling (referred to in name as Amarillo)


Act V, Scene V


Diddy, Blue Kremling, Brown Kremling, Timber, and White Kremling enter.

Diddy: Come, poor remains of friends, rest on this rock.

Brown Kremling: Statilius showed the torchlight but, my lord,

He came not back. He is or ta'en or slain.

Diddy: Sit thee down, Dirt. Slaying is the word.

It is a deed in fashion. Hark thee, Dirt.

(whispers to Brown Kremling)

BrK: What, I, my lord? No, not for all the world.

Diddy: Peace then! No words.

BrK: I'll rather kill myself.

Diddy: Hark thee, Ocean.

(whispers to Blue Kremling)

BlK: Shall I do such a deed?

BrK: O Ocean!

BlK: O Dirt!

BrK: (aside to Blue Kremling)

What ill request did Diddy make to thee?

BlK: (aside to Brown Kremling)

To kill him, Dirt. Look, he meditates.

BrK: (aside to Blue Kremling)Now is that noble vessel full of grief,

That it runs over even at his eyes.

Diddy: Come hither, good Cloud. List a word.

White Kremling: What says my lord?

Diddy: Why this, Cloud:

The ghost of DK hath appeared to me

Two several times by night. At Sardis once,

And this last night here in Philippi fields.

I know my hour is come.

WK: Not so, my lord.

Diddy: Nay, I am sure it is, Cloud.

Thou seest the world, Cloud, how it goes.

Our enemies have beat us to the pit.

Faint sounds of battle.

Diddy: It is more worthy to leap in ourselves

Than tarry till they push us. Good Cloud,

Thou know'st that we two went to school together.

Even for that our love of old, I prithee,

Hold thou my sword hilts, whilst I run on it.

WK: That's not an office for a friend, my lord.

Continued sounds of battle.

BrK: Fly, fly, my lord. There is no tarrying here.

Diddy: Farewell to you.—And you.—And you, Cloud.

—Timber, thou hast been all this while asleep.

Farewell to thee too, Timber.—Countrymen,

My heart doth joy that yet in all my life

I found no man but he was true to me.

I shall have glory by this losing day

More than Swanky and Funky

By this vile conquest shall attain unto.

So fare you well at once, for Diddy's tongue

Hath almost ended his life's history.

Night hangs upon mine eyes. My bones would rest,

That have but labored to attain this hour.

Sounds of battle. Offstage, someone cries, "Run, run, run!"

BrK: Fly, my lord, fly.

Diddy: Hence. I will follow.

Brown Kremling, Blue Kremling, and White Kremling exit.

Diddy: I prithee, Timber, stay thou by thy lord.

Thou art a fellow of a good respect.

Thy life hath had some smatch of honor in it.

Hold then my sword and turn away thy face

While I do run upon it. Wilt thou, Timber?

Timber: Give me your hand first.

(holds Diddy's sword) Fare you well, my lord.

Diddy: Farewell, good Timber.

(runs on his sword) DK, now be still.

I killed not thee with half so good a will.


Sounds of battle. Trumpets sound a retreat. Swanky, Funky, Tiny, and Kritter enter with the army.

Swanky: What man is that?

Tiny: My master's man.—Timber, where is thy master?

Timber: Free from the bondage you are in, Tiny.

The conquerors can but make a fire of him.

For Diddy only overcame himself,

And no man else hath honor by his death.

Kritter: So Diddy should be found.—I thank thee, Diddy,

That thou hast proved Kritter's saying true.

Swanky: All that served Diddy, I will entertain them.

—Fellow, wilt thou bestow thy time with me?

Timber: Ay, if Tiny will prefer me to you.

Swanky: Do so, good Tiny.

Tiny: How died my master, Timber?

Timber: I held the sword and he did run on it.

Tiny: Swanky, then take him to follow thee,

That did the latest service to my master.

Funky: This was the noblest Roman of them all.

All the conspirators save only he

Did that they did in envy of great DK.

He only in a general honest thought

And common good to all, made one of them.

His life was gentle, and the elements

So mixed in him that Nature might stand up

And say to all the world, "This was a man."

Swanky: According to his virtue let us use him,

With all respect and rites of burial.

Within my tent his bones tonight shall lie

Most like a soldier, ordered honorably.

So call the field to rest, and let's away

To part the glories of this happy day.

Everyone exits.