I didn't say this before, but this is a type of writing where Katniss sounds like she's writing in a diary. It's mostly like that show "Awkward" on MTV. Just to let you guys know because I think there's been some confusion. Last part of the date!
Best Night Ever: Part II
JOY LIKE CHEESE
I don't really know what I'm going to do to Madge for sitting her ass right next to me, but I know it's going to involve some kind of hair replacement because I'm going to rip her hair right off. Cato and Gale moved Peeta to them by pulling him off his seat and throwing him over one row. Like, what the fuck? Rue seems to be completely against this and I don't know who or what motivated her to come along unwittingly. I mean, maybe she does like watching me in misery.
Looks like another person to add to my Soon-To-Kill List.
Isn't this called disturbance of the peace or some shit? A public nuisance, is it that? I don't know. But I seriously want some guy with a flashlight to walk in and kick us out for being assholes and a disturbance to the rest of the god damn world. When Cato and Gale start laughing at a now red as fuck Peeta, I sink in my seat hoping that whatever they said doesn't have anything to do with me.
But of course, it would.
"Hey, Katniss, what does it take for you to have an orgasm? Peeta wants to know," Cato says, as everyone laughs their hardest I sink deeper into my chair, sending my right shoe at Cato's face like a magical unicorn. It's completely embarrassing and rude. How could he? The anger boiling in me can shoot bullets at Cato. What kind of shithole asks that? Not only does it make me turn a shade of red I've never been in, but it sends the worst kind of feeling I could be feeling right now in between my legs.
Oh how I HATE your guts, Cato. I'm going to murder you and then send you down Gale's throat guts and all.
Ready to remove my other shoe and stick it up Cato's ass, Gale starts laughing at him and warning him about my archery skills. But Cato just blows it off like a paper in wind.
"Yeah right, I'm stronger and faster, she can't get me," he brags, putting his arm around Margaret. She sends my right shoe that was on the floor to his face, hopefully hard enough to cause a concussion.
Peeta and I look at each other, and he doesn't look too happy. Yeah, I don't either but he looks a lot more dangerous and angry than before…like he would have the guts to kill someone right now. I don't know, but something about it is really…sexy. I hope he does punch one of them in the face. It'd be one of the meanest things I could see Peeta do, but seriously, I wouldn't give two shits on a shingle right now.
"You'll go down like the cunt you are," I retort, earning some whooping from the cast of Soon-to-Kill List, which I just made up right now but I'll make a mental note to use that joke again! I think I even see Peeta smirk a little.
Thanks, conscious. You finally gave me something reasonable to work with.
I'm actually starting to like this date, even if it is with the cast of…Soon-to-Kill List. I just love that. Now I sound like Effie. Ah, who cares? I'm pretty sure no one's going to hear my thoughts…unless…there's this really powerful person stalking me and reading my thoughts in order to steal my mental power of amazing joke-telling.
I'm sorry if you don't even understand what I'm saying, I feel as if I'm just too stupid for some things.
Phtt, that'd never happen. I'm not good at telling jokes. Maybe my life seems pretty funny, but to me this is hell. And now that the movie's over and I didn't even see any of it really pisses me off. I kind of think Peeta's going to do one of those I apologize awkward moments. Not that I don't think it's nice and sweet of him, but I'm just not the kind of girl who'd say, "Oh, that's okay," in that sweet, sympathetic voice. Maybe I'd act all awkward and silent, staring at his beautiful eyes like some freak. Or maybe, I'd say something a little too stupid. But love crap isn't the shit for me. And if I was meaner than I usually am, I'd say something like, "I don't give a fuck."
That would send me in a traumatic phase…
We're walking out and that's when I realize what Madge's wearing. I move closer to her as we walk out of the small cinema, the evening air hitting my skin magically.
What now? I sound like some romantic story teller. Oh, no, I'm turning into EFFIE!
The logical explanation might be that she just might get to everyone like she does to me. And then there's the other possibility…Effie is just fucking plain annoying and a pain in the ass. Probably it's because I let people manipulate me easily, which isn't good in my case. So fuck it. Who cares if I'm turning into Effie? If people don't like it…they can just kiss my ass. This is like the evolution of my pet turtle's, Joe, shell. Once, Rory bedazzled it and made it look like what Effie's brain must look like. Pink, sparkly, and like a rainbow raped it.
Oh, Joe, I'm very sorry for your shell. But would you mind leaving my FUCKING THOUGHTS NOW BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING TIME TO THINK ABOUT SHIT…PURE SHIT!
Wow, I think I just went on full rage mode on myself…
What a good way to get mind fucked…(Sarcasm by the way)
"Madge, what are you wearing?" I whisper to her, my eyes travelling down her body that is not as nearly covered in clothing than skin. She's wearing what a tramp would. I mean a tight shirt that goes just above the belly button and shorts that are more like underwear? Wait, that's American Eagle shorts! How did she get those? She HATES that store. We prefer Hollister.
Wait, why am I making such a big deal about this? Doesn't that mean she's regaining self-confidence?
Or, or, or…
Stop sounding like a fucking retarded seal!
Or she might be trying to impress Gale again, and you wouldn't want that.
She shrugs and points to Margaret, "She thought I'd look cool in it, plus she said I'd feel much more 'confident' in it. I don't know where that bowl of shit came from, but I'm telling you from now Katniss, I'm not insecure."
I raise an eyebrow and shoot a look at Margaret. Not a mean look, so don't get all mad that I'm becoming rude to Margaret. Damn, saying Margaret, Margaret is getting annoying. I need a shorter nickname for her.
"Hey, do you have a nickname I can call you by, saying Margaret all the time gets a bit annoying since you have to have that…I don't know, Latin tongue in order to pronounce it the right way…stretching out the R," I explain, and she just looks at me with a 'I'M CAUGHT IN FUCKING HEADLIGHTS LIKE A DEAR' look.
Finally, she says, "Maggie. My dad calls me that. I guess everyone thinks saying my name a lot is a bit hard…and annoying."
She's now walking beside us as the guys walk with Rue near the front. Rue is in the process of beating the shit out of Marvel thanks to his impulsiveness to grab a woman's ass every now and then.
"Hey, Katniss, you like my brother?" Maggie asks, giving me a look like if I lied, she'd find out and then kill me. I'm not afraid of her, but I've seen what she can do to a punching bag because she boxes. Fuck yes, I'm scared of her.
I slightly nod. "Yeah, why?"
Madge gasps. "This is the first time you openly admitted that to anybody else but me! Holy Jesus of the holy mother of God! This is better than that time I bought a mega poster of One Direction shirtless!"
I roll my eyes as Maggie says, "Fine by me. As long as you guys don't screw each other at my house. Yeah, sure, why not?"
Why the fuck does everyone imply having a relationship with someone else more than just friends as a ready-to-screw-you alert?
I glare at her with embarrassment and she and Madge chuckle. The boys start laughing and Gale glances at Madge, who backs up a bit. I roll my eyes. "See Madge, you are insecure."
"Why would you think that?" She yells, acting like a five year-old as we make it to a car where all the guys are around.
"Because you listen to What Makes You Beautiful and the first line is 'You're insecure'," I say, obviously shutting her up. She rolls her eyes and pinches me in the arm, which I completely ignore.
"Shut up, Mrs. Logic, there's always a logical explanation why that's the first line. It doesn't prove I'm insecure," she snaps.
"Then why do you listen to Who Says by Selena Gomez?" I ask, trying to hold in the laughter because I know I'm pissing her off.
She slaps my arm hard and I flinch, my hand impulsively going to my sore arm. "SHUT UP."
Maggie high fives me as we regroup with the boys and Rue. Peeta is talking to Gale in a whisper that doesn't seem very happy. Then, suddenly, Rue announces, "Why don't go for a midnight swim at Lake Andrews?"
Everyone shrugs and I just go along with them. There's no point in arguing because I know that Madge and everyone else is going to force me into going. We hop into the largest car, which is Cato's. We agreed to come back to the theater's parking lot to retrieve our cars. The dumb ass of Gale says we should go on his car only. We squish in the back while Cato, Peeta, and Gale sit around the front. We girls have to squish ourselves in the back. Hell better be far, but I'm pretty sure I'm already in it.
The drive's pretty quick. Wind blows my hair backwards, making it smack me in the face. Thanks, wind. Eventually the hair goes in my mouth, and I have that small spasm attack where you try to get the hair out of your mouth before anyone sees. But, Peeta takes THIS MOMENT to turn around and smile at me. Just when I think it can't get any worse... life throws another shitty event in my story. I start choking on my own spit, and Peeta has to literally ask me if I'm okay. I nod and curse under my breath. LIFE, WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME!?
To my hell, A Thousand Miles starts playing. Like…isn't this song as old as my grandmother? My life is hell…What do I find so enjoyable? This night is shit all thanks to Madge. It's no surprise to me. She had to be the one person to embarrass me at everyone moment she can. I mean, that's what she does all the time. And what makes this even shittier is the fact that she does it gladly. But that is what best friends are for, right? When I fail a test, it isn't a problem when Madge fails, too. When the radio keeps playing the same old fucking song that tends to ruin everything, then yeah…yeah it is a fucking problem!
There are more songs than just the same fucking old three songs you keep replaying. I hope you know you're making my life a living hell.
Sincerely, annoyed listener
To my inner demon, Gale and Cato start singing like the inner girl inside of them just escaped out like a goose or a stripper ready to 'let loose'. I groan and flick them off. Rue shouts, "SHUT UP, LADIES!"
Okay, I'm definitely deft now. This whole situation leaves me thinking about the mere possibility of our generation being on crack due to the fact that people still sell Red Bull. I mean, the crap does give you "wings". So, how does our older generation expect us to do well if there's stuff like that pulling us teenagers in…?
Like I said before, stupidity runs in the family. Therefore, I have the tendency to repeat things and say things a dim-wit would say. For example, I could be talking about chicken wings one minute, and the next I'd be telling you the difference between total alien invasion and a zombie apocalypse.
Well then…I'll be forever alone…like a troll. Who the fuck wants to die alone? Apparently I do.
Parking the car, Gale literally jumps out. I think he became Cat Woman at the time. Such. An. Ass. On the other hand, Peeta and Cato fly out the car. Am I the only one seeing things in slow motion? The air they get when they hop off the car is like…so surreal and…M-Y-S-T-I-C-A-L MYSTICAL! Unbelievable things aren't compared to the fact that Rue screams, "BITCHES CAN'T HANDLE ME," in my ear and scrambles out of the car with great trouble, eventually falling on her ass on the grass. I take the moment to realize where we are. The grass is pretty green and lush. The moon's light streams right in through the tress and sparkles the water. Breathing in the smell of nature, which is dog shit and skunk fart, I get out of the car. The lake is wide and dark. No one takes the moment to point it out, so I'm glad because I'm sure as hell won't be known for the girl who pointed that out.
"It smells like shit!" Madge screams, waving her hand in front of her nose to indicate the stench.
But of course Madge wouldn't give a shit if she was…
Everyone laughs and I mentally kick myself. Why couldn't I say that? Yeah, and I'm the one who calls Madge insecure. I guess I'm wrong. Peeta walks towards me and says, "I'm"-
HOLY SHIT. "No, no!" He looks at me like I'm overreacting, which I am. I shake my head and say, "Listen, I don't want you to say sorry for our friends' stupidity. I'm not very good at explaining myself and it's not even your fault…I mean I don't understand why the guy apologizes. I guess it's what we see in the movies…and really I think it IS bullshit because you know…it's…it's not even YOUR fault! This is completely stupid. I'm having a great time, I mean, yeah I had an AWESOME time with you, but this is great, too. I don't mind the assholes our friends are." I sigh in relief and look at him in the eyes.
He laughs and replies, "You just gave a speech on how you don't care about the fact that our 'stupid' friends have showed up unexpectedly. Yeah, I think you can explain yourself very well…not in a few words, though."
I shrug and start mentally insulting myself because what he said sounded to freaking intelligent and it took me twenty years to say what he paraphrased. "I guess can put it that way."
He smirks, his blue eyes sparkling. "Fine, I won't say I'm sorry," he says, laughing.
I roll my eyes, laughing a bit myself. I punch him in the arm, purposely hard. He doesn't even flinch. "Okay, I know for a fact that hurt you," I say, not being able to believe that my hardest punch didn't do shit to him.
He shakes his head and leans against the car. I follow him and lean against the car next to him as our friends jump into the water in their undergarments. I roll my eyes and Peeta grins, "No, it didn't. I'm captain of the wrestling team, if you know what that is," he teases.
I playfully glare at him. "Are you saying that I don't know what that is?! I know exactly what it is. And for your information, I was a hunter. I know my way around the big woods by heart. As for you, you couldn't hunt for your life," I retort.
He raises an eyebrow. "You were a hunter?" I nod and he smiles. "Nice, let me guess, you used a bow and a couple of arrows?"
I smile, "Yeah. I always thought it was weird they'd leave a cluster of arrows on the gym floor. And suspiciously they'd be right next to me when I need them."
He laughs, "Yeah! I've thought about that, too. I mean, is it Survival 101 or something?"
Gasping like a fish out of water, I exclaim, "Oh my god! I thought the exact same thing! Coach Haymitch leaves everything everywhere. I always thought he only leaves them there so I'd get curious and practice with them. I never do though…"
He shrugs, "A little practice wouldn't hurt. My parents want me to try out for all these sports and become some famous athlete like my older brother, Ryan. But, sports weren't always my favorite," he explains, getting me even more curious.
"You seem to like sports to me. Don't tell me you have like this major secret and you want to become like…this porn star and your parents don't know about it because you're afraid to tell them because you think they'll disagree and yell at you!" I tease him, he starts laughing so hard, and it makes me blush. I've just realized, that when I don't try to impress him and be myself, he actually laughs. FUCK YA'LL BITCHES! Ha! I got this…
"Really, Katniss, a porn star?" He asks, laughing, and crossing his strong arms over his buff chest.
"I could have said something worst," I say, shrugging. He just laughs and I smile to myself. Score one for Katniss Everdeen!
Maggie, from the lake in her undergarments, screams, "COME AND GET ME BITCHES. OR ARE YOU TOO SCARED?"
Peeta scowls and shouts, "If you don't leave us alone, I'll tell everyone what happened on Thanksgiving day dinner!"
Maggie yells, "Oh shit! I'm out," and dives into the water.
"What did she do?" I ask, seriously curious about what she did.
He shrugs, "You don't want to know…"
I give up on it. Whatever she did, I bet it was inappropriate. I smile as Peeta gets picked up by Gale and thrown into the water. In the shallow water, the start wrestling as Rue yells at them. "YEAH BITCHES! IMMA FUCK ALL YA'LL!" She joins their wrestling match by throwing herself sideways with her elbow out ready to elbow them in the stomach.
I laugh and shake my head. Later in the night, I end up in the water with half my clothes off. I'm more focused in killing Madge than what I'm wearing. She laughs and points to Peeta, who is just staring at me. I growl at Madge and ignore the fact that Peeta's staring. Madge screams and swims to the deeper end of the water as I follow her.
This was an interesting night…