A/N: I am bored and I can't think of anything for my other stories so I'm starting this. Characters may be very OOC. Oh who am I kidding, they are seriously OOC. I hope it's funny, but it may just be stupid.
Warning: Crack. Seriously, you may get high from reading this.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.
In a galaxy far far away… A bored teenager sat at her laptop, ripping off starwars. And the she got bored and this crap happened:
About ten years ago, Watari formed 'Wammy's House' to hoard a bunch of children in one place where he can do some perverted things to them. But after getting counseling and leaving his pedophilic ways behind him, he decided to use Wammy's house for better reasons. That being keeping annoying/mentally unstable kids away from the public. And as a way to torture Roger, who would be taking care of said messed up kids. Why? `Cause he hated him for being an all-around douche bag, that's why.
Sadly, no matter how many flyers he sent out, no jacked up kids came to be locked away there. Most people would've given up after this. But not Watari, because he wasn't like most people. He had nineteen toes after all.
So he did the most reasonable thing for deformed old men to do. He grabbed a butterfly net and a camouflage tuxedo and went on a kid-hunt!
He set various traps throughout the city. He put large and pointy bear traps on the sidewalk and banana peels on the other sidewalks. He sat in a trash can by one of his bear traps, waiting for his first victim. Sadly, the only person he caught was Light Yagami and his diary that said 'death note' on it. Watari didn't care for the book, so he threw it at a hobo selling pens.
In a totally unrelated story, everyone on the TVs on display at a nearby TV store died of heart attacks.
Watari simply threw Light's bloody carcass away and waited for his next victim. Hopefully it would be a child with mental issues and unbreakable bones. Like Wolverine.
While Watari fantasized about capturing Wolverine and destroying the X-Men, he did catch a child. He was a boy with snow white hair wearing bloodstained pajamas and writhing back and forth.
"Hey! Old man! Get me out of this bear trap! I'm getting blood all over my puzzle pieces!"
Watari gasped. "A child with white hair? You must have mental issues!"
"Uh, no. I dyed it white because I lost a bet. Now let me down while I can still feel my legs."
"You can't kill hair." Watari scoffed.
"Not died like that, I mean dyed. As in changed the color."
"No, it's normal. Sheesh, where have you been for the past fifty years?"
Watari wasn't listening because he was dragging the bear trap and Near back to the institute. And to answer his question, Watari had been under a rock. He was looking for grubs.
After the white haired boy was safely secure in his shackles in Watari's basement, he went out to catch even more disturbed minors.
This time, Watari sat in wait by one of his banana peel traps. Shortly after he arrived, another young boy with his eyes glued to a video game slipped on the banana and fell to the ground.
Watari jumped to an amazing height for someone so old and screeched like a young school girl.
"Yay, I caught one!"
"Ow, someone help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!" The red haired victim tried to look around, but with no avail, because as previously stated, his eyes were glued to his video game. Well not so much his eyes but his goggles. If he put glue on his eyes, it would hurt.
"Hush now, little deformed boy. I'm taking you to a special place where you will be fed three whole times a week! And you'll get some super comfy shackles too!"
"What the fuck? I'm not deformed! I actually have a lot of fangirls, you know."
"Sshh messed up little boy. No need to talk with your jacked up little face." Watari cooed as he dragged Matt's limp body to Wammy's house and he was chained up next to Near and they proceeded to discuss Pokémon and Legos and why there aren't any Pokémon Legos.
Watari then returned to the city looking for a third weird child. He saw a blonde kid robbing a candy store, so he just picked him up while he was running away and took him to Wammy's.
"What the hell, man? Get your wrinkled paws off my chocolate!"
"Shut up, little girl. I'm taking you to be locked up in a basement for being a retard. Isn't that great?"
"Ok, one, I am not a girl. Two, I'm not a frickin retard!"
"Sure you are. You stole candy and not money. That's just stupid. So stupid, that it's something only a blonde girl would do. Hey, how many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"I'M NOT A GIRL! And those jokes died years ago!"
"Shut up fatty."
Soon, Matt, Mello, and Near were all tied up in the basement of Wammy's and having pointless conversations about Pikachu's chocolate eating and puzzle building habits.
A/N: And there you have it. Review me please or they stay chained up forever and this story goes nowhere!