A/N: Yes, you read the chapter title right. This is an ad. For BB's special jam. And it's got a BB pun in it. Oh yeah, I just went there. Anyway, please enjoy, and it works better if you visualize what's going on.
I do not own Death Note, but I do own Beyond Birthday's Beyond Recognition Jam. I don't care if it has his name in it, it's mine.
BB: Well I inherit it when you die.
Me: But I'm younger than you
BB: Your numbers are running out…
BB: … #$&?!%
And let the advertisement begin. Oh, and P.S this works best if you visualize what's happening while you read.
How many times has this happened to you?
Near calmly walked up to Mello, who was sitting at a kitchen table, sulking that he wasn't in the last chapter. "Here, Mello, have some chocolate in a jar." The sheepy boy offered whilst handing the blond a jar.
Mello took one glance at the container before he hurled it at Matt's head. "WTF, NEAR? I CAN TOTALLY TELL THIS IS GRAPE JAM!" he shrieked.
This scene of Mello breathing fire (and I mean literally) at a horrified Near then paused as BB walked on screen.
"Hello, my name is Beyond Birthday." He began. "You may recognize me from the first (and final) episode of 'Cooking with M`N`M' where I brutally murdered the camera man on live television. First of all, I need to inform you that his numbers ran out; so stop sending all these cops to my house. It's annoying. Secondly, I am here to tell you all about a new product developed by yours truly! I call it: Beyond Birthday's Beyond Recognition Jam! Unlike other jams where it's easy to tell what fruit it's made of, there's no way to figure out what the Heck this stuff is!"
The scene then switched to a laboratory. BB was strutting over to one of the sterile counters and continued. "Just like how I mutilate my victims until they're deformed and completely grotesque, I brutally slash at your fruit until it's nothing more than a pile of plant guts!" BB exclaimed while putting on a pair of goggles. He then grabbed a chainsaw and it roared to life as he began to destroy a pile of various fruits.
When he was done, there was a huge mound of who-knows-what in front of him. "Now I just put it in a jar and it's done!" BB said while he scooped his 'product' into a jar. "Just look at these satisfied customers!"
The scene shifted to a suburban park-like area in which Sayu Imagay was holding a jar of BBBRJ and looking thoroughly confused.
"I was just walking along, and this guy shoves a jar in my face!" she complained. "I don't even know what's in here; It looks kind of like a hamster that went through a blender…" She let out a gasp. "Bunbun, is that you?" She asked frantically while shaking the jar.
Beyond Birthday came back into view and smiled at the camera. "And if that wasn't enough for you, check out the celebrity endorsement!" He gestured to the right and the camera turned to face Misa.
"Hey everyone, it's Misa-Misa! That man with the creepy red eyes told Misa to tell you good things about this jar! Well… It's shiny and Misa can see another Misa in it. Misa says buy your Misa jar today!"
The camera turned again to face BB. "You heard it here first, folks! Buy some of Beyond Birthday's Beyond Recognition Jam now!"
Words in a tiny font started flying across the bottom of the screen. They read: Beyond Birthday's Beyond Recognition Jam may cause loss of sight, hearing, taste, smell, and any and all emotions. Consuming this product may cause internal bleeding, external bleeding, and reddening of the eyes, nose, and buttocks. May contain fruit. Do not eat if pregnant, obese, skinny, alive, conscious, unconscious, nursing, or one hour after heavy thinking. No refunds.
Beyond Birthday's Beyond Recognition Jam is just one easy payment of your life! Buy now!
A/N: It was short, but most ads are like 30 seconds long anyway, right? Oh and I may not be updating anything for a while because where I am, POKÉMON BLACK 2 AND WHITE 2 COME OUT TOMARROW! So yeah, I'll be busy rotting my brain and strengthening my thumbs with that.
But review anyway. I will love you forever in a totally non-creepy way!
BB: Until you die…
Me: STOP SCARING THE READERS! No jam for you!
BB: T-T life is so cruel… Just review or she'll keep taking my jam from me…