Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. At all. Forget it.
Warning: There is MAJOR character death. Mentions of SLASH. This is not a happy fic. Mentions of depression. Overall if you do not like this fic you DO NOT have to read it. If you do you were warned, so you have no room to complain; because it was YOU who decided to read it despite the warnings. F.Y.I. that means I really don't care for flames.
Summary: Snape has to keep going after his husband is gone. He has to live for his son and his daughter. He doesn't blame them. They are him. And they keep him going. No matter how much he wishes to leave.
A/N Yes, yes, yes. This is only a one shot. And I'm sorry, don't hate me for this. It is not a happy fic. I was cooking dinner and started singing 'Don't Take the Girl' by Tim McGraw when this fic popped into my head. As a one shot I figured get it out of the way then FOCUS. So I'm going to do this. According to the rules we cannot write song fics. So this is NOT a song fic. It was inspired by one… And named after another. The title World So cold is based on the song by Three Days Grace. The reason for this is because this explains Snapes feelings throughout the entire fic. Don't take the Girl comes into play later into the fic. But don't hate me for this…. I had to… I was in an interesting… *cough* mood when I came up with it. So here it is. And of course let me know what you think. This will have some lyrics in it. I will mark them appropriately.
Here we go.
7/19/2012 So I'm going through and editing things here and there. Also I have posted a poll on my bio. It asking if you think I should write the back story to this one. So if you can visit and vote. Also if you have any ideas about it I would love to hear them. Thank you!
9/14/2012 Editing again. Every time I read this it almost makes me cry. Almost. But I also find little mistakes here and there so bear with me as I once again… edit this piece. I may add little things here and there. But *shrugs* I won't be changing it too much. Also reminder. Vote if you want the full story. Still haven't decided if I should or not…
2.24.2013 Well I have been very naughty this last year. No updates. Hopefully that will change, I find myself with a lot of extra time, so I'm going to start by editing everything. Starting with this World So Cold. Also as a side note *I am sooooooo sorry for not updating in forever and for starting with the one fic I actually have finished. But please understand that for a while I have not had a computer to type with because some stepped on it and broke and my computer and on top of that I havn't been able to access the internet*
Severus Snape stood in front of the stove in his small kitchen at Hogwarts. In one hand he held a cup of freshly brewed coffee in the other the spatula he used to meticulously flip a pancake. Through the enchanted window next to his head, the sun peeked over the trees and reflected on the lake. The giant squid came up to bask in its warmth; lightly rippling the surface of the water. He set the items aside and closed his eyes. He could almost imagine the two of them walking along the lake in the early morning. Could almost imagine those bright eyes smiling up at him. His knuckles gripped the counter edge until they turned white.
It's why they had chosen that setting. After it had happened he had never had the heart to change it.
And again all was silent. And that was when it would encroach on him. Suffocate him. He tried to ignore the silence. He also tried to forget. But they never let him forget. He tried to ignore the looks of pity; of worry. He tried to live. Tried to ignore the cold that spread through his body. He tried not to let the silence suffocate him. He tried to do what he had before 'him'.
But it seemed the pain that was a manifestation of the mind and guilt was nothing compared to the physical and emotional pain of one's heart being crushed every single day.
The soft patter of feet hitting stone intruded on the silence. His aching heart calmed for the moment and he picked back up the cup breathing in the husky earthy aroma.
He didn't lower the paper as he brought the cup to his lips and took a deep swallow. "Yes?"
"What is this crap?"
His mouth stretched into a watery smile as buried emotions lodged a lump into his throat. Two pairs of hands gripped the seam of his pant leg and He opened his eyes to look down at the two worried faces.
"What's wrong papa?"
He swallowed past the lump and flipped the pancakes again.
"I am well little ones."
The two round faces smiled up at him, their green eyes sparkling. He would keep living if just for these two.
The small boy stretched to see into the pan. "What are you making papa?"
"Pancakes Damien. Is that not what you wanted?" He raised an eyebrow and put the now steaming pile on a plate.
"Papa I wanted pancakes too." The little girl put her hands on her hips and tried to pout. A pout that was working more and more each day.
"Why, yes you did Ren." He carried the plate over to the set table and served a couple of pancakes on each. The two scrambled to get into their chairs, smiling brightly down at their breakfast.
"What would you like on them?"
"Chocolate chips! Peaches!" He just raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching into a smile. Grabbing the requested ingredients and started to prepare them.
"How many would you like?"
"Five!" Severus made a note to talk to the twins' uncles about teaching his children how to speak with one mind.
"And why only five?" He walked back over to the small table and placed the proper ingredients on the pancakes. They both looked at him and gave a trademark Snape scowl.
"Papa! We're five today!" He took his seat and opened the paper. Properly hiding his smirk behind it.
"Papa, you didn't forget did you?" He dropped the paper to ruffle his sons' hair and kiss his daughter on the brow before returning to read.
"No, I believe I did not. I do not believe it possible to forget such a day with you too blathering on about it." The two giggled before digging in. And they sat like that. And it was quiet once again. But this time the silence didn't suffocate him, not with the twins.
Severus brought his cup up to his lips and took a sip.
"Are we going to visit dad today Papa?" A wave of pain settled in his heart as he clenched his eyes shut. He took a few moments before answering in a soft voice.
"Yes we are visiting your dad today." He kept the paper up. He could handle the looks of pity and worry that other people shot them. But he could not look at the looks of pain that passed through his children's eyes. Even if it was for him.
"Why do I have to do this?"
"It is for your protection my boy."
"I just killed him. What do I need protection from?"
"There are still people that wish you harm. As well as him."
"As if he needs someone to protect him. That man could single handedly take on half the death eaters then still come to class to deal with 'the insufferable dunderheads.'" Albus chuckled.
"Be that as it may. I am doing this for both of you."
"Both of us? You didn't even give us a say. Professor if you haven't noticed we don't exactly see eye to eye." A snort came from the other chair. The man sent a glare before continuing. "My height not included. We'll end up killing each other and then this whole protection thing will have been a fail. An epic fail."
"Albus as much as this pains me, he is correct."
"It is only for a short while. That is all I ask."
They both sighed deeply; the young man glanced over to the chair.
"Well then I guess the only thing is if I'm turned into potions ingredients." He pointed at Dumbledore. "You have to be the first to try the potion." He turned to the chair. "And you have to make sure he does. Because knowing you, you'll give it to him just because 'any potion made from a Potter would no doubt be a huge waste of ingredients and fatal to those who ingest it.'" Albus chuckled then leveled his blue eyes on the chair.
"He would say something like that wouldn't he?" A deep rumbling laugh fell from Severus Snapes lips and he stood from the chair.
"Oh I would not only speak those words, I would in actuality do what he says."
They both walked to the door and left the office. As they walked down the winding stairs in silence Severus Snape turned to the young man.
"Well Potter, it seems you are stuck with me, as they say." Harry Potter looked up at him with a cheeky grin, his green eyes sparkling mischievously.
"Actually it seems more likely, that it is you who are stuck with me."
"It's time to wake up Papa!"
Severus Snape groaned as he rolled over in his bed. His two children crawling over it to follow him. His daughter started to bounce next to his head chattering excitedly about the trip to their grandmothers. He was just glad they were not actually Weasley ginger spawn. Through his dark hair he could see her hands on the bed next to her knees as she kneeled and continued to bounce. And chatter. The dream fading into a pounding that would likely lessen when the twins were long graduated.
"Ren Emory Snape you will desist immediately." The bouncing stopped and he felt the pounding let up. His son started to shake his shoulder. His small hands nudging him carefully.
"Come on Papa, Molly Gran said to be there at 10. But it's already eight." The bouncing started again, only slightly. Peeking out of his curtain of hair, he glared at the bright green eyes of his daughter. She leaned down and squinted at him; her nose almost touching his.
"Papa do you need glasses?" He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose; for some reason he just knew his glares would not work on his children.
"No Ren I do not need glasses." His son crawled further onto the bed, the shaking increased. He sighed deeply. At least the bouncing had stopped.
"But papa, then why were you squinting?" He turned and grabbed both of his children and hugged them close. They squealed and giggled as his fingers tickled them. As they fell silent he just held them. A peace settled in his chest and he just breathed; loving the feeling of his children that he held in his arms.
"I was not squinting; I was trying to memorize your faces so that I never would forget you."
A small hand started to brush his face. "Papa we aren't going anywhere were only 7 you know." The fingers lightly traced his nose.
"You know Severus, I kind of like your nose." Soft fingers traced along the bridge before coming to the tip. And he smirked. "It's kind of Roman."
Severus snorted before smacking the hand away and sitting up and away from the man. They rested their chin on his shoulder.
He grabbed his sons' hand and kissed his forehead. The darkness started to creep into his heart and he grew cold. Or numb. He was unable to tell the difference of late. He closed his eyes and just imagined that smiling face, trying to hold back the emotions that threatened to spill. "I know Damien, but I want to remember this moment."
He nudged his son off the bed and ruffled his hair. "Now we can't leave until you're all ready. So get to it. I will be out in a moment." He watched as his son ran from the room a grin spreading on his young face.
"Hurry Renny! We get to see Molly Gran today! What if Uncle Gred and Forge are there! " The sound of running feet hitting the stone faded after a moment, but his daughter did not move. She snuggled into his chest before giving him a knowing look.
"Yes my Water Lily?" He ran his fingers through her long Ebony hair. While his son had his dads' hair his daughter had his; while she had her dads' nose, Damien got a mix between them both. He was only glad that they both had the dark hair, if he had a ginger child there would be even more jokes about 'being part of the family.' He looked down at her evergreen eyes and smiled. He was also glad they had his eyes. His darker color made them a darker shade but they were still that brilliant green that he loved.
"Did Dad love us?"
He closed his eyes again before sticking his nose into the dark hair. He took a deep breath as he tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat. It was a wonder his daughter could read him like a book. "Yes, I'm sure he loved you both very deeply."
"Did dad love you?"
"You can't do this!" His heart start to beat wildly as he held back the tears, he held her tighter.
"He said he did." A hand cupped his cheek and he opened his eyes to look at his daughter. Ren, his water lily.
"You can't leave!"
"I know he loved you papa. He gave you us. How could he not." He swallowed thickly again and looked away. He could not look at those eyes.
"I know my little Ren, I know." He whispered. He closed his eyes and kissed her head before lightly pushing her towards the door. "Go to your brother. You need to get ready." She crawled off the bed and he dropped his head into his hands as he waited for the sound of footfall. Small arms wrapped around his shoulders the best they could before she placed a kiss on his cheek.
"He did. And so do we Papa. We love you." she then left the room and closed the door. A choked sob escaped his lips and he felt the muscles in his arms tense as he tried to hold back the emotion.
A single tear fell down his cheek and dropped onto his black sleeping pants.
"Okay Snape, it has been a week and I can't take this anymore." Potter stood with his fists clenched at his sides, a triumphant smirk spread across Severus' face.
"Don't smirk you narcissistic bastard."
"Do not speak that way to me you impudent child." He growled.
"Child he calls me! Snape open your bloody eyes I am 20 years old. I am no longer a child."
Severus slammed the book closed and crossed the area; standing nose to nose with the young man. "Then you need to stop acting as such."
Harry glared at him before sighing and running his hand through the messy hair. "See this is what I mean! We have had this same argument over and over again Snape."
Severus Sneered. "Well maybe if you used..."
"I swear on Merlin's grave Snape, if you so much as utter one more degrading comment about my intellectual capabilities I will hex you." Severus opened his mouth to continue but Potter kept on going. "Just grow up okay. You are 40 years old. How long are you going to gripe on about my father and the marauders? Get over it. I am not my father, not Sirius, hell I can't even compare to Remus. And if anyone so much as mentions Peter I'll kill them. I don't want to be them. I barely even know them. Yes my father was a bully and an ass. And I hate that about him. Sirius is a prejudiced dumb ass and I hate that about him too. But I am not them. And I don't care to be them. Can you at least see that? I am just me. Just bloody Harry. Can't you just looked past everything else and see that?"
Potter stood breathing deeply, he stared defiantly back at him for a moment before blushing and looking at his shoes. "I'm sorry Snape; I didn't mean to go off like that."
Severus took a deep breath and looked at the young man in front him before sighing. "Severus." And he stuck his hand out.
Harry looked up at him questioningly before smiling brilliantly and grabbing the hand. "Harry."
They shook hands before letting go. Harry beamed at him before looking again down at his shoes. Severus raised a brow and smirked.
"Well Harry, now that we have fashioned an amity of sorts…"By the blank look he sighed. "Friendship you dunderhead." Harry nodded and he sighed. "Let's have the truth. Who took the Boomslang Skin in Second year?"
Severus ran his hands through his long black hair as children ran around him screeching. The pounding in his head fighting against the pounding in his heart. It was epic battle in his mind. The squealing only got louder. But the more he thought about why he was there the heavier his heart became. If it weren't for the two children with his green eyes he would not come to these things. He would seclude himself in his lab and drink a bottle of fire whisky on these days. Anything to keep away the emotions that would come to him on them. A hand landed on his shoulder before the chair next to him was pulled out and someone sat.
"How are you doing Severus?" He clenched his hands tightly before glaring at the meddling old man.
"As well as can be Albus considering I have a crowd of children running and screaming around me, causing me the rethink the prospect of poisoning the one who orchestrated this get together."
The old man waved his hand and chuckled. "There is no need for that my boy, just enjoy the day."
He chuckled darkly before glaring at the man. Oblivious to the people surrounding him that started to watch, or of the two children that started up to their upset father. "Enjoy the day? How can I enjoy this day when it is a farce? This man is not even here today. He left us all!" He slammed his fist onto the table as he stood; causing the chair to be pushed back several inches. "And you want me to sit here and smile and pretend everything is alright. Pretend it's just another party; another get together of 'friends'. How can you sit there and ask me to commemorate the birthday of the man I loved when he is gone! And he is not coming back." He glared darkly at the old man whose blue eyes lost their twinkle and whose smile had faded. "You can all sit here and pretends it is at all tolerable to still be here when he is not. But I will not sit here and smile when I most undeniably am not!" Two hands slipped into both of his and his children looked up at his face before smiling.
"Come on father…"
"Let us go visit dad and then we can go home." He stared at their faces for a moment before sighing and nodding his head. It was at this moment he noticed every one looking at him, and sneered. He could feel their pity. But he kept looking at his two children. If it weren't for them.
"Come on Father."
"You promised us brownies remember?" He smiled softly down at his two little ones.
"Yes I remember."
The crowd watched as the small family made their way out of the Borrow and disappeared. Molly Weasley ushered the rest of the kids into the yard to play before turning to Albus.
"I'm worried about him Albus it's been almost 10 years." Arthur held gave her a hug from the side.
"I know Molly. We are all worried about him." His sad eyes looked at the place the family had been only moments before. Remus coughed quietly.
"He took it the hardest but he has those two. They keep him going." Everyone nodded, a couple remembering the day the twins were born.
Pomfrey walked up to Severus with two bundles in her arms. She tried to get his attention but he sat motionless. Continuous tears falling down his face; He held a bottle of scotch in hand and took another drink, the last of the ember liquid falling down the neck. . Everyone else sat in the background; some had tears in their eyes while others had already left the room.
"Severus, look." His Black eyes did not even move. Frozen on a fixed point just above the bed. The two babies started to fuss.
"Severus…" The bottle slammed into to floor startling everyone. The little boy cried out.
"Leave me…" His voice was hoarse.
"Severus, look at them." The black head turned barely to look at the two bundles in her arms. "They need you. Now more than ever." His head bowed, the hair swinging around his face, hiding his pain. He still did not move though.
He stood swiftly and looked down at the two bundles his face closed and cold. The little boy stopped crying and blinked up at him as his sister did the same. Poppy gasped as everyone watched as his face softened. A small smile played on his lips as fresh tears slipped down his cheeks. They all thought he was crying for different reasons. Speculations went around if he would take them. If he could love them. But poppy know why he cried. As she had watched them open their eyes to look at their father she had seen the twin emerald pools examine him as best as a baby could.
Emerald, just like their father.
He reached for them, taking them from her and held them close. He started to walk away.
"Ren Emory Snape and Damien Cadence Snape." They watched as he left. Eventually they didn't worry if he loved them. Or if he would care for them properly. They could see that they were the only thing keeping him grounded. They only worried for him.
"Albus what will happen when they are older?" The matriarch touched his shoulder gently.
"I am not sure Poppy. We can only hope."
The two sat on the couch both held reading material. It was quiet morning, which would have surprised most people. Because to most, they expected them to be fighting at each other's throats. But that was a month ago. Now they could sit comfortably together. Granted there were still problems.
"Get your feet away from me you brat." He didn't even lift his eyes from the page. He wasn't even reading. It was something he caught himself doing more and more these days. Watching Harry, when he didn't think the young man would notice. He could not stop thinking of him. But after five minutes of watching the young man stretch his feet closer and closer he was starting to grow irritated.
"If it's bugging you that much just push it off you bat." He too said this without looking up from his reading material. He swung his hand at the offending objects but the brat lifted them at the last minute so they were safe from getting knocked off before placing them back onto the padded material. He lifted his eyes and scowled at the young man next to him.
But the brats smile just widened, his eyes still fixed on the page. Severus placed his book to the side reaching for the feet once more but again, Harry lifted or moved them to safety before he could get them. With a dark glare he smirked before reaching for the leg, pulling the young man towards him, making him yelp in surprise. The book fell to the floor as he started to tickle Potters sides. Harry began to kick his legs and grab his hands as he started to laugh, but to no avail.
He felt a burning sensation run through his blood as he looked into those bright eyes and it travelled south, but he ignored it then.
Harry managed to flip them off the couch but still landed underneath Severus as they connected with the hardwood floor. They both tried to catch their breath for a moment, trying to look anywhere but at each other. Harry chuckled softly. Severus looked into those green eyes and even though his blood was pounding and his mind was protesting he felt a hand skim his neck lightly and pull him closer to the man below him. This was the point he should have gotten up. That they should have stopped but the touch; the feeling of those fingers on the nape of his neck sent shocks down his spine as their faces got closer. And when they touched.
"You were supposed to add the Valerian Root before the Scales Damien!" The three of them stood in front of a now empty cauldron. A few moments ago it had been filled with a softly simmering potion. But now that cauldron was empty and that potion was the blue glue that was covering almost every surface.
Severus groaned as he tried to move the stiff blue hair away from his face.
"I'm sorry Renny, I just can't do this. It makes no sense to me." Ren had her hands on her hips; her face was the color blue except where the goggles had been.
"It is not hard you dunderhead!" she snapped.
"Hey don't call me that! You sound exactly like father."
"And your brewing is like your dads. Nonexistent. I had at least hoped you both would have gotten it from me." He sighed playfully and pinched the bridge of his nose in an over exaggerated manner. "But alas, it was not meant to be. I might as well get you as broom so that you may get ahead of your dad."
The completely blue boy, who had gotten the full brunt of the explosion smiled brightly up at him then at his sister. "Really? I'm like dad?" He chuckled and stuck his hand on the boys head.
"Yes Damien you are like your dad." The three smiled before they heard a chuckle from the door; when it changed to three scowls directed at the headmaster.
"Well you three seem to be having fun." The old man twinkled at them, securely beyond the blast radius.
"Are you preparing them for the school year this year?" Severus rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to answer but Ren beat him to it.
"Grandfather it is only February. School is in session now. We are prepping for NEXT school year." He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze before looking back at Albus.
"Ah yes, please excuse an old man and his follies." They all rolled their eyes.
"Do you know what house you are going to be in? Gryffindor perhaps?"
Again he opened his mouth and again one of his children beat him to it.
"Dad was a Gryffindor and Father was a Slytherin. Father says it doesn't matter what house we get put in as long as he doesn't have to give extra points to Hufflepuff he is good." Albus chuckled while Damien smiled.
"We really don't care either way anyway." They both answered.
"Well it is safe for the both of you to get back to your lives now." Albus smiled at them from the arm chair. They occupied the couch, exchanging a look as the headmaster twinkled at them. It had been half a year since they had been in confinement, and at this point they had come to a decision. Nodding they looked at Albus.
"Thank you Albus but we are fine here. I assume you want me to resume teaching at the new Year?"
"Ah so Harry will be staying down in the dungeons?" He looked at them from above his half-moon glasses. Harry shrugged.
"Ya I am. I am comfortable down here and now it's my home. Why leave?" Severus smirked at the frustrated look that the Headmaster covered up.
"I'm sorry but only couples and families can stay at the castle during the year my boys."
Harry smirked. "I said this was my home did I not? I did not say that this is not where my family is. In fact it is."
The older man sighed. "You are correct my boy." He smiled brightly. "I guess then I shall see you at the meal tomorrow?" They both nodded. "Good good. There is nothing you both wish to tell me?"
"No Albus, there is not." Severus said plainly. The older man looked disappointed before leaving. As the door closed Harry moved over and nipped at his ear before chuckling.
"At least we won't be telling you yet."
Severus wrapped his arms around the man's waist and pulled him closer. "When do you wish to tell them?" he breathed as his mouth lightly brushed Harry's neck.
Harry hummed. "I was thinking in a couple months. Like Christmas. " He moved to straddle Severus's hips as his hands grabbed onto his neck lightly caressing the skin below his ears. As Severus gazed into those green eyes his breath caught in his throat. He gave a chaste kiss to the lips above his.
"That is acceptable." And Harry dove back in, caressing his soul.
Severus entered his quarters' at the end of one of those days. A Longbottom day. He dropped his teaching robes onto the back of the desk chair in the corner. A deep sigh made its way past his clenched teeth. His son was truly horrible at potions. There was no helping it.
He made his way towards the liqueur cabinet and grabbed a glass. He filled it to the rim with the amber liquid that had become his best friends quickly after the twins were born; though through the early years he had ceased to drink in front of them. He did not want to instill the memory of their father getting drunk onto them.
A soft beat started to play from down the hall that made him stand. He made his way past his sons' room to stop in front of the door with a sign on it that said 'Water Lilys only'. Ren had made it when she was younger and even now she kept it up. He opened the door and peeked in to see his daughter sitting on her bed writing in her journal. The soft guitar playing in the background.
"Ren do you not have class?" She looked up at him from her journal. Her green eyes were rimmed with red. He set his glass on the end table and sat on the bed.
She immediately crawled over to him and he let her hug him close.
"Papa…" He let his hand fall to her hair, running softly though it, trying to soothe her distress.
"Yes my little Ren?" Her hands fisted his waistcoat and she buried he face into his side.
"Did you always love dad?" He sighed as he took a knot out of her hair.
"No I did not always love him. When we first met we did not necessarily see eye to eye. It took a long time for him to convince me to become friends and then eventually for us to come to love each other."
"Why?" He stopped his hand and turned her face up to his. Her green eyes swimming with tears.
"Why do you ask little one?" Ren pulled her face away but snuggled further into his arms.
"Another student was saying some stuff today. That it was mine and Damien's fault that he is not here. That we were mistakes and there was no way that 'Such a great man could love someone like the dungeon bat'." She finished quietly.
Severus seethed inside. His heart screamed injustice but his mind silently agreed. Not that his Children were at fault but that it was him. That he was the reason that man was no longer here. That that man did not really love him.
"Severus, look at me…" He closed his eyes and tried to will away the memory. His heart knew the truth. His mind just couldn't accept it.
"I love you. I love them…" A growl escaped his throat and he pushed the memory to the back of his mind as he grabbed Rens face again.
"Ren listen to me. Your dad did not go away because of you and your brother. Don't listen to anybody else if they start to tell you otherwise. Do you remember what you told me when you were smaller?"
She shook her head. "You told me you were adamant that he loved me. Why?"
A small smile played on her lips. "Because he gave you us." A voice came from the doorway.
Damien walked in and sat next his sister.
"Isn't that right Father?"
The two smiled at him and pulled him into the hug. Severus now sat with his back to the head board with his two children on either side of him. "That's right; he gave me two little devils."
"Father/Papa!" They both poked him in the ribs as he chuckled. He kissed the top of his sons head.
"He gave me two gifts. They are a mix of the both of us. Our good, our bad and everything in-between. A Quiddich star. A potions master. He gave me the best gifts I could ask for. I loved him with everything I had. Just like I Love you. Do not let anyone tell you different." They sat silently for a moment. The song ended and his daughter wiggled nervously as the next started.
"I like this song." She whispered. He hummed for a minute listening to the guitar before. They both held him closer.
"Johnny's daddy was taking him fishin'
When he was eight years old
A little girl came through the front gate holdin' a fishing pole
His dad looked down, smiled and said, "We can't leave her behind.
Son I know you don't want her to go, But someday you'll change your mind."
And Johnny said,
"Take Jimmy Johnson, take Tommy Thompson, take my best friend Bo
Take anybody that you want as long as she don't go.
Take any boy in the world
Daddy please don't take the girl."
Same old boy,
same sweet girl,
Ten years down the road
He held her tight and kissed her lips
In front of the picture show
Stranger came and pulled a gun
Grabbed her by the arm
Said "If you do what I tell you to, there won't be any harm."
And Johnny said, "Take my money, take my wallet, take my credit cards
Here's the watch that my grandpa gave me
Here's the key to my car
Mister give it a whirl
But please don't take the girl."
Severus pulled Harry closer as they walked under the branches. A light snow was falling and his green eyes filled with mirth. He bent down a kissed his lips lightly.
"Well, well Severus you do work hard." The snide voice whispered from behind the nearest tree. They both turned and pulled out their wands before the figure walked out calmly with hands empty. "Imagine my surprise when I first saw you holding hands but this? Do you 'love' him?" he sneered.
Severus held Harry tight as the man walked closer. His heart was pounding not due to the situation. But the words. It was in this moment in front of Rudolphus Lestrange that he realized it. There was the sound of more people apparating; he ducked his head next to Harry's so that he could whisper into his ear.
"Yes I do love you."
"Same old boy,
Same sweet girl,
Five years down the road
There's going to be a little one and she says it's time to go
Doctor says the baby's fine, but you'll have to leave
cause his momma's fading fast and Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don't take the girl."
"Harry you have this…" Severus shook his head. The lump in his throat prevented him from swallowing. He could feel the tears that prickled at the corner of his eyes.
"Severus look at me…" His arms clenched around his children. And the song stopped.
A hand wiped at his face and then held him tightly. He opened his eyes not really noticing when he had closed them and looked down at the two pairs of worried green eyes.
"I'm sorry Papa."
The Weasley matriarch bustled around the kitchen as everyone else chattered away. He just tried not to seem to imposing. Harry had an expectation of the holidays and he did not want to be the one that ruined it. It had been a couple weeks since he had told Harry that he loved him and he wanted this to be special.
"Severus would you like to help me with the turkey please?" He stood and walked into the room where the woman was standing next to the open stove. He looked back at Harry who gave him an apologetic smile as the door to the room closed. Leaving him completely alone with the woman. He grabbed the hot pads from her hands as he took a deep breath. He was waiting for the explosion. It came, miniscule compared to his thoughts, as he was picking up the pan.
"What are your plans with him?" He almost dropped the pan and at this point regretted even agreeing to help let alone not use a levitating charm. He straightened up and scowled at her.
"Harry. What are your plans?" He pointedly ignored the woman as he moved to the table. After placing the turkey down he tried not to make eye contact. He wondered how she even knew and if she could sense his nervousness.
Like some sort of rabid animal. The image made him smirk.
"That boy adores you. I would go so far as to say he loves you. I want to know that you will not hurt him." She was waving a wooden spoon in his direction.
After thinking for a minute he looked at her studying her trying to guess her reaction. "I want to ask him to bond with me." Her eyes brightened and she opened her mouth to respond but the door opened and in walked Arthur.
He looked at the two then motioned for the table. As they sat he thought about the words he wanted to say. "Molly, Arthur you are like Harry's parents. I had wanted to do this traditionally so I'm going to ask you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. The door opened and I walked two eldest Weasley boys. He covered the box with his hand. They folded their arms as they leaned up against the counter. "Mr. Weasleys."
"Charlie/Bill." They replied.
"My apologies Charlie, Bill." Just as he was about to speak again the rest of the Weasley children walked into the room. Ms. Ginevra cast a locking and silencing charm before barricading the door. "Professor you have two minutes before Harry tears those down. I would speak." Looking around the room at stony faced gingers was a scary sight. Even for him. He felt his palm sweat at the thought of asking all of them.
Lifting his hand he let them all see the box before looking pointedly at Arthur and Molly. "I want to ask you if I may bond with Harry." There was silence around the room. The two exchanged a glance. Before Arthur spoke.
"You have mine and Molly's blessing." The rest of the clan opened their mouths and He let out the breath he was holding. "However I do not speak for all his brothers and sister." His eyes met each and every one of theirs. They all nodded.
"We will let you know." And they left. He sat numbly for a moment before Arthur spoke again.
"Do not take that as them not accepting you. Give them until the end of tonight. If they are still holding it against you ask anyway. They can always get over it." He nodded before walking out. He stood looking at Harry for a moment, who just turned his head and gave him a soft smile; his eyes sparkling against the soft light of the fire. That smile alone could brighten his world. Severus took a deep breath smiling inwardly because if he didn't hold it in it felt as he would smile like a loon. He walked over to the chair and pulled Harry too him as he sat.
"Are you alright Severus?" He looked down at the green eyes he had grown to love more than anything in the world and smiled. He pulled Harry closer and kissed his scar.
"Everything is fine." Harrys' surprised look vanished into a smile as he looked around the room and blushed. In the corner the twins and Ms. Weasley nodded at him. He gave a slight nod back before he focused on the blowup currently happening around him. The mutt and Wolf were watching him. More of the wolf watching and the mutt complaining. He remembered the words Harry had told him when they had decided to start over and let out a chuckle.
"Is something funny Snivellus? I find nothing funny about you touching my godson."
"Sirius, don't be an ass." Severus looked shocked as Harry yelled from his side. "And do not call him that."
"No Sirius. I love you but if you can't handle being mature for a couple of moments you can leave." Severus shook his head before getting Harry's attention.
"Harry you don't want him to leave. If anything I will. This is your family and this is Christmas I will not ruin it for you."
Sirius sneered but was stopped by a glare from Harry who then glared at Severus. "I do not think so Severus Tobias Snape. You are my family too, and I want all of you here. You will all just have to learn to get along." The rest of the children smiled at him, he knew that was as good a sign as he was going to get. He smiled widely down at the green eyed man and chuckled. "Did something I say amuse you Severus?" Harry said through clenched teeth.
Severus pulled the box out of his pocket again and held it out to Harry. "Harry I already asked the Weasleys for permission to do this but I have one more person to ask." He rested the small box in the man's open palms before going on.
"Harry will you bond with me?"
Harry opened the box and looked at the two silver bands resting there and smiled up at him. There was a moment of silence before anything happened.
"YES/NO" They both turned to Sirius who looked furious. They both opened their mouths to say something but the wolf, who had watched the entire thing, smacked him across the back of the head.
"The question was not asked to you so you can't answer it."
There was a knock at the door to his quarters. He grumbled as he stood from the chair by the fire laying the book against the rest as he moved to open it. A young man stood there looking decidedly nervous. He raised an eyebrow.
"G-good evening, P-Professor." He leaned on the door frame, he would go with the intimidation factor. They looked at each other for a moment or two before his daughter walked up behind hitting him on the arm.
"Father don't scare him." He scowled at her. His son snickered behind her.
"Damien do you not have someone to go to the ball with?" Damien rolled his eyes at him.
"Father unlike my sister here I asked my date so I need to go and pick her up." Straightening his tie and suit he walked from the room. Severus thought of the jibe towards Ren, who was scowling at Damien's back. Interesting. She looked at him.
"You know the rules Water Lily."
She rolled her eyes. Grabbing the boys hand she started to walk down the hall. "Yes father, I will be home by 11." He listened as they walked away.
"Why does your father call you Water Lily? That's not your name." she laughed. He loved that laugh.
"It's because Ren means Water Lily." He closed the door and stared at the picture above the mantle. Now alone the room seemed colder. Silent. Darker.
"What am I to do Harry. I do not know how to deal with teenagers." He walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass, filling it. Sitting back in his chair, he waited.
The door opened then closed. He kept his eyes closed but listened as the faint click of heels moved across the room and then stop. "Dad when did you know you loved father?"
He opened his eyes and watched as his daughter looked at the photograph of Harry. "I don't know the answer to that one Water Lily." She turned.
"But you know when you loved him?" He thought for a moment.
"I know when I wanted to know him better then friends."
She was silent for a moment. Before coming over and sitting on the arm of the chair. He scowled up at her and moved his glass to the table.
"Do you want to tell me what it was that your brother was talking about?" she looked at the fire.
"I like someone but I was afraid to ask them."
"Because I was not sure she would appreciate the gesture." He closed his eyes. And took her hand.
"Ren you never know until you try." He ran his thumb across her knuckles. She made a face.
"That's what you told me when I asked about coffee." He nodded.
"Yes I did."
"I hated it." He chuckled before bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it.
"Ren you are 16. You can decide what to do. I can only help you decide what you feel."
The door to his lab opened and then closed. He sprinkled the ground unicorn horn into the potion while it boiled. Arms wrapped around him. Harry's forehead rested on his shoulder. He raised a hand to lay it on top of his. The silver bands clicking as they touched. The hand under his was tense.
"Is everything okay Harry?" There was a nod against his back. He waved his hand at the cauldron and put it in stasis as he turned and grabbed Harry's chin. His eyes were red. What had that mutt done this time? "Harry?"
"I'm fine." He brought his hand and placed on top of Severus's, who stoked his cheek with his thumb.
"Obviously not, you have been crying." Harry tried to turn away, but he held tight. After a sigh he opened his mouth.
"I collapsed at Grimwauld today." He tensed.
"Why did I not hear about this?"
"Sirius didn't want me to get you. Said he would 'prove he could be a good godfather and take care of me by himself'. It took both him and Remus to get me to St. Mungos." What had happened?
"And?" Harry smiled brightly up at him tears falling down his face.
"I'm pregnant." Severus froze for a moment his heart jumped into his throat and a slow smile spread across his face.
"Really?" Harry laughed as he nodded.
"Ya, 2 months." He smiled. More tears fell down Harry's cheeks. He wiped them all away.
"Then what is wrong?" Something changed in Harry's eyes but he smiled and kissed him deeply.
"I'm just happy is all."
Severus Snape sat in his arm chair. A glass of wine sat in his hand. He was waiting as was customary around this time. Ren and Lorraine usually visited around this time. He cursed the day his daughter came into her ability to read him like a book. She knew he wanted to fade. She knew that her and her brother were what kept him going over the years. What prevented him from fading into the glass he drank each night or the cauldron. And she hated it.
It had been two years since they had graduated. One year since he had been left relatively alone. Damien was a happy spirit. He knew that his father was hoping that they would forget him so that he could disappear. He had married soon after he had graduated to a pureblood witch, named Janette. Thankfully not a Weasley. He was expecting his first grandchild here sometime in the next month. Damien had glared at him the day they found out. Had stood nose to nose with him and told him in a no nonsense voice that he would have learned from Harry, if that were possible, that under no circumstances was he to leave without first meeting his grandchild and seeing him through the first year. He bluntly told him that he needed his Papa and there was no way he was leaving just yet. Ren was another story.
She did not leave until a year after her graduation, despite her girlfriend. And Severus convinced her to leave on the note that he was not going to listen to his daughter and her girlfriend, who had started living with them, for one more night; because they got their dads I'll timed forgetfulness and forgot the silencing spells.
But they had left, under the warning that they would be back. Every day. At the same time. And that was why he was sitting in the chair in front of the fire. A glass of wine in one hand and a photo in the next. They were worried. And they were hopeful. Hopeful that he would find the will to live. They all were. He could not ignore the looks those close to him gave him. Even the mutts he would admit grudgingly seemed to worry for him. But now that they were gone and he was left alone with this picture, his thoughts, the shadows, and the silence. As the days drew on, he grew numb.
The floo flared for a moment before Lorraine's head appeared. "Severus we need you to come to St. Mungos."
Placing the picture and the glass on the side table he stood and made his way to the fireplace. "What has happened?"
"Nothing it's just Janette went into labor as we were coming to visit you. Damien and Ren would like you here."
"Move then, so that I may come through." She moved with a chuckle. When he stepped through there were people scattered everywhere. Some people gave him a passing look as the rushed past him, but none approached. The public knew better, and still avoided him like the plague, Despite that he married Harry Potter. He saw Larraine standing a few feet from him smiling. She led him to a small room that was closed off. Ren and Damien stood there. As he approached he heard pieces of the conversation.
"It's fine Damien… she didn't mean it."
"Didn't mean it! She said she was going to obliterate my bits! Then sent a hex for me.."
He chuckled and they turned around to look at him. "Your dad did something like that. Though I believe his exact words were along the lines of 'if you think you are getting that thing near me ever again you bloody wanker, I'm going to tear it off and use it in the pain potion I'll be giving you after words.'." They all chuckled but his heart stuttered for a moment, and his smile fell. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. Things went quiet as everyone understood just what it took for him to say that.
A hand settled on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked at Damien. "Hey father come back to us."
The door opened and the medi-witch looked out. On seeing the crowd she motioned them in, gesturing to the bed. Damien moved over to Janettes' side, grabbing her hand. "Hey Hun how are you?" He sucked in a breath as she squeezed.
"Damien next time you can try and then I'll ask you how you are huh?"
"Sure babe. Just let my hand go…"
The medi- witch tapped him on the shoulder, as he turned around she place a small bundle in his arms. It was a small pink thing. There was a tuft of smooth blond hair. But who knows what color it would turn out. He ran a finger down the nose. At least again it was not his. That he was grateful for. The baby raised its fist and stretched a bit before clenching it slightly and falling back into a restful sleep.
"Hey father. Look She doesn't have your nose."
"Thank Merlin…" He leveled a glare at his daughter in law.
"I'll have you know my nose is Roman." Ren smirked.
"Sure papa." He smiled before looking down at his granddaughter.
" Llewellyn Anne Snape." Damien whispered next to him as he rocked her softly.
They were on the couch again. But this time there were no books, and Severus was willingly letting Harry's feet rest on his lap as he dug into the bowl on his. Severus scrunched his nose and looked at the fire.
"How in the bloody hell can you eat something that looks like a Polyjuice potion?"
Harry smiled around the spoon in his mouth. "Come on Sev' it's not that bad."
He gave him a disbelieving look. "Harry how can you say that chocolate ice cream mixed with brown gravy and gummy worms is 'not that bad'?" A green and red worm was sucked into his mouth.
"Ah come on, here try a bit of this." Harry waved the spoon at him a bit, while Severus was trying to push the offending bowl away.
"Harry please stop, you're going to get that slime everywhere. And I'm not sure it will be easy to get off the furniture." As he said this a small drop flew at him and landed on his neck. Everyone froze. And as Harry had deemed it a #10 glare was sent his way as he placed the bowl on the table.
Harry crawled over the couch and ran his hands along Severus' ribs. "Severus I just found my new favorite snack." He settled on Snapes lap, running his nose along his jaw.
"And what is that Harry?" Harry licked at the drop, nipping the skin lightly. Severus moaned and grabbed his hips. As Harry purred into his ear.
"Come on Papa, it's not that bad." Ren sat in front of him at the table. She had a bowl in front of her, and the only thing he could think was that at least she wasn't have cravings like Harry did.
"No, it actually is not." The spoon froze on its way to her mouth. A piece of pineapple falling into the bowl.
"No Renny he's kidding. Right Father?" Damien grimaced at the bowl and set about pushing his sandwich away.
Severus chuckled. "No, mashed potatoes with pineapple, bacon bits and chocolate syrup is really not that bad." His son stuck his tongue out and scrunched up his nose, while Ren just smirked at him and waved her now empty spoon.
"Ugh, at least Janette only craved normal things. Like pickles and peanut butter."
"Hey Father said this was normal. Right?"
He nodded, trying desperately not to visualize the slop Harry had ingested while pregnant with the twins. "It is normal enough."
Severus stared over the shoulder of a 1st year Gryffindor. It still amused him to no end that just looking over their shoulders made them shiver in fright.
"Mr. Cao, you need to add a little bit more moonstone for that to be the correct color." He smirked as he walked to the next cauldron. Not missing the disbelieving look the boy gave him. The door to the class opened and lightly hit the counter next to it.
"Why are you interrupting me class… Harry?" Harry stood there holding the door frame for dear life with one hand while the other was tucked underneath his protruding belly. He looked slightly pained, a sweat breaking out on his brow.
"Severus, my water broke." The entire class froze. The only sound heard was the hissing of a couple of cauldrons, badly brewed potions his mind supplied. Only when a squeak was heard that the chaos ensued.
"What are we going to do?"
"Should we go get Madame Pomfrey?"
"Why isn't Snape doing anything?"
"Wait is the kids Snapes?"
"Snape fathered a child?!"
The vein in his right temple started to pound and he noticed a twitch in his eye as the little brats started to freak out.
"QUIET!" everyone fell silent. "you are all going to pack up and leave. Mr. Cao I would like you to go to the headmaster and tell him to meet me …"
"Severus I swear if you don't get me to Poppy right now, I am going to hex you across the pond and back." Severus looked around the room as he walked towards his husband of a year.
"Well? MOVE!" Grabbing Harry around the waist he pulled him against him. Leading him out the door. "Mr. Cao.." the mentioned student was already down the hall.
"yes yes get the Headmaster. Going professor."
"Ten points from Gryffindor." Harry chuckled as they walked up the stairs.
"YOU BASTARD! BE LUCKY I LOVE YOU OR YOU WOULD BE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH FROM HERE ON OUT YOU BLOODY GIT! IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GETTING THAT THING NEAR ME EVER AGAIN YOU BLOODY WANKER, I AM GOING TO TEAR IT OFF AND USE IT IN THE PAIN POTION I WILL BE GIVING YOU AFTERWARDS!" Harry clenched his fingers as he was told to push for the second time. Severus pressed his nose it Harry's hair and smiled.
"I know love. I love you to. You are giving me a great gift, you're doing great."
"You better appreciate it." Harry growled.
"Shhh… it's okay. I really do, you'll only have to let me show you once you're better." With his face pressed into Harry's hair, he missed the guilty look that passed over Harry's features and the worried look Poppy gave him.
"Severus.." Harry squeezed his hand tighter but Snape just ran his other through the damp hair.
"I… AURGH!... I need to tell you something." He slammed his head back into the pillows.
"Tell me when you can think clearly okay?" Harry looked into his eyes.
"No, I need to tell you now." Severus opened his mouth to tell him it was okay. Whatever it was it was okay. But Poppy interrupted.
"Harry I need you to push once more. I Can see one of their heads." Severus looked around him at the other people in the ward. The Weasleys all stood together in the corner with Albus and Minerva. They were all talking in hushed tones. Sirius and Remus stood off to the side. Sirius gave him a sad look but the sound of a cry in the ward made Severus turn back around. In the back of his head he noted that normally he would hate to have everyone in the room with them.
Poppy handed him a small baby boy who had his eyes clenched shut, wailing for all the world. He smiled down at him before wiping of his small face. He walked over to Harry and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly in comfort as he bounced his son.
"Come on Harry, you have this. She's all that's left. You can do this." He kissed the scar on his forehead. Missing the tears that fell down Molly's cheeks.
Finally another cry went through the ward and still everyone stayed back. Harry lay exhausted on the bed when Severus and Poppy handed him their children. Harry smiled tiredly before kissing each on the head, silent tears falling down his face. With a whispered 'I love you' He handed them back to them to get cleaned up. As they walked away Poppy then turned to him.
"Did Harry speak to you?" His daughter held onto his pinky as he waved it lightly.
Poppy took her from his arms before looking pointedly at him. "You need to go to Harry." A look passed through her eyes and Severus recognized it. It was the same look Harry had when he told him they were pregnant.
"Poppy, every things okay?" she looked back out into the ward.
"Severus, I don't know why he didn't tell you but when we found out about the twins we knew that something would go wrong." Severus looked at Harry. "Some things that happened when he was younger were going to cause problems…" Severus didn't wait for her to finish as he rushed back to the side of the bed.
Harry lay there blinking up at the ceiling. As he saw Severus approach he held out his hand. Severus swallowed as he took it and Poppy came to his shoulder. "He was told that if he carried the children to term that he would not survive…." A tear fell against his cheek as he fell into the chair.
"Severus look at me…" Severus brought Harrys hand to his mouth shakily and placed a kiss against the knuckles. "I love you…"
"NO! Don't say that Harry." He closed his eyes and gave the hand a squeeze. "You can't do this…"
Harry just looked at him with the bright green eyes he had come to love. A tear fell down his face. "Severus I love you, I love them."
"I will always love you."
"Please don't. Don't do this."
"Always." A sob escaped his throat. "I didn't tell you because I knew that you would want me to live more, and I wanted to give you something."
"Harry please. You can't leave me!"
Harry placed both his hands against his cheeks, wiping away the tears. And smiled.
"I'm not leaving you Severus." A cry was heard from the next room. "They are a part of me. Just like they are a part of you."
"Harry don't…" He closed his eyes.
"Look at me Severus." Again he opened his eyes. Harry pulled him closer and kissed him lightly. "I love you."
"I love you to, please don't leave…" He buried his head into Harry's chest. "I can't do this without you…" And Severus Snape cried. He did not notice when the firm grip on his hair went slack or when the hand fell from his head. He did not notice as it fell, or the cries of newborns that would never know a parent. He did not notice the people watching him, trying to pour their hearts to him. Surrounding him. Comforting him.
Severus Snape did not notice any of this. Because this was when his world went cold.
Severus blinked open his eyes. He stared at the familiar ceiling before he recognized the voices.
"…it's his heart…."
"…Probably not long…"
".. He wants to go."
He looked to the bedside and looked at the picture that had rested on his mantle for the last thirty years. Harry smiled at him and waved. The curtain was flung to the side and a small face appeared above the bed. He turned his face and raised his shaking hand to wipe away the tears.
"Llyn what has you so distressed?" His children walked in behind his granddaughter, tears running down their faces.
"Grandpa you have to get better." He smiled at her as Damien placed his hand on her head. Severus chuckled. "No you do! You promised me you would teach me how to brew… and…" he pushed a finger against her lips before pulling her close and kissing her forehead.
"I love you." Damien handed him his other grandson who sat on his belly and waved his hands around. Not a care in the world. Severus repeated the same with this child as he did the last. His daughter-in- law gave his hand a squeeze before she took her children and left. They had never been close but he could swear that the iridescent streaks on her cheeks may have been tears. Damien sat in the chair next to the bed. Two hands appeared above the edge of the bed and Ren picked up her son who gave him a hug.
"I love you too Jax." The two year old boy smiled before running off to his cousins. Lorraine gave a swift hug and left before he could see her tears. With everyone out of the way you looked out at the ward and saw a herd of gingers. The thought scared him, honestly. The greying wolf and mutt waved at him. Honestly, Harry had once told him that they would be great friends if they gave it the chance, he had not believed him. But now, it seemed they had. Albus, Minerva, and Poppy stood by them smiling sadly.
Ren grabbed his hand and kissed his forehead.
"That's my job young lady." She smiled down at him.
"I know Papa."
The three sat in silence for a few minutes. Damien had grabbed his other hand as he breathed carefully. Staring at the ceiling.
"Yes water Lily?" She sobbed.
"Are you going to see dad?" He looked at his two children, the two that kept the shadows at bay, and filled his silence with smiles and laughs. The two that kept him grounded and that made him live.
"Yes little one. I believe I am." The both moved to sit on the edge of the bed and he pulled them to him. Hugging them both. "You both are too big for this you know."
They all chuckled but no one moved. He kissed them on the head one last time and whispered his 'I love you'. And for a moment he closed his eyes and just breathed. It seemed like an eternity before he opened his eyes again.
When he opened them he watched from the other side as everyone crowded the bed. His son and daughter letting the tears fall that they didn't a moment before. Albus stood at the end and held Minerva's hand while Poppy stood to the side. A look of deep sadness passing over her face.
The Weasleys followed Sirius and Remus as they all sat for one last minute with him. Saying their last thing, just as they had all done for Harry.
"You left me. I said I couldn't live without you, But Harry it seems I did." A hand slipped into his as an arm circled him. The head resting on his shoulders and burying their nose into his neck.
"I never left you Severus."
A/N so I edited it. I probably will again in a couple years. And it still makes me cry. I just nitpick that much. Let me know what you think, also a reminder. I have a poll on my bio about whether you want me to write to story behind all this. Thank you!
9/14/2012 I love the reviews by the way. I don't feel like such a baby anymore. So more reviews! Bring them on. I want to know what you think. and the poll don't forget that… not that you can as it has been mentioned several times now… and on some of my other stories as well… ignore it if you want. I would still like to know. *shrugs* I'm a little crazy right this second ignore me if you will. TTFN
2.24.2013 Nope I'm still a baby. This thing makes me cry no matter how long it has been since I have read it. I have no internet right now but hopefully I will be able to post whenever I can. TTFN