Do not own twilight
I was too tired to be scared. I knew I should have been scared standing in a field of burning vampire body parts 20 feet away from the scariest vampires I had ever met, but I didn't have it in me. I vaguely heard Jane talk about the Volturi not giving second chances. I remember burying my head in Edward's chest when they destroyed the newborn who had surrendered. I heard her screams and the terrible metallic sound of her destruction. I saw the Volturi leave. My mind was skipping over the last hour's events. Kissing Jacob. Edward and Seth battling Victoria and Riley. Jacob being crushed. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what to do. I heard someone in the background say that I was going to pass out. Then came the darkness.
I woke up in Edward's room. He was not there. A large part of me felt relief over this little fact. I felt sick over everything that had happened. I remembered my life in Phoenix. It wasn't exciting. It didn't have supernatural creatures hunting me and holding me and wanting me to be with them for the rest of my lives. No one certainly wanted to marry me. Something was wrong. The certainty in my future did not feel certain any longer. I thought of the wolves who risked their lives to protect my life and the life of my family and friends. I was planning on spitting on their sacrifice by becoming that which they hate the most. I thought about the crazed newborns. Was this a future I wanted? Really? I sat up in bed and felt sick to my stomach. I had some hard truths I needed to come to grips with. How could I love Edward enough to marry him, end my life, devastate my family and friends if I couldn't even say I loved him with my whole heart? I used to love him like that. But then he left. Jacob got a piece of my heart and Edward will never get it back. If I don't love him with my whole heart why am I thinking of giving up everything to be with him? Am I that afraid of being alone? I knew Jacob was too good for me. He would imprint one day and that would be it for us. I was okay with that. Jacob is too special of a soul not to have his other half out there somewhere.
This left me with the realization that I could be with Edward or no one. But was this true? I used to be alone. I hurt when he left me and it nearly destroyed me but I survived. Besides Edward what reason would I have to live forever? I hate blood. I love cooking. I love sleeping. I love the sun.
"Love?" As usual I didn't hear him walk in.
"Edward, we need to talk."
"It's about Jacob isn't it?"
" Not really. It's more about me and my decision to become a vampire. Edward I don't think I can do it. Today showed me a lot about myself and vampires and I just don't think I can do it. I'm so sorry."
"Bella this is what I have wanted for you. I never wanted your soul damned."
"Dammit Edward! Your soul is not damned and I am sick of repeating myself…. I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell. I'm just a little stressed. Edward I can't become a vampire and I can't marry you."
"Love you don't have to be a vampire to marry me. I will love you your whole life and follow you after you die."
"You think this is what I want? You think I want to grow old with someone who is eternally 17? Who can't kiss me with passion for fear of losing control? I want to be able to have the chance to live a normal life. As normal a life as I can with the threat of the Volturi. "
"Bella don't worry about the Volturi. Love I don't want to lose you."
"I'm sorry Edward, I can't do this. I can't be with you if we are not equals. And I don't want to be your equal. I just want to be me."
"Does Jacob have something to do with this? Will you be with him?"
"This isn't a competition! You know I love Jacob and you know I love you more! To answer your question, no I won't be going into a relationship with Jacob. I have to leave Edward. I love you too much to stay and see you everyday and know we can't be together. I'm so sorry."
Edward stared at me. Not blinking. Not breathing.
"I never should have left you."
"That has nothing to do with this Edward. I'm hurting. I don't want to live without you but I have too. I have to do this for me. I don't know how long the Volturi will let me live but I want to live." And I have to leave Forks. I won't put any more people in danger because of the mistakes I made."
"The only reason you are in the Volturi's scope is because I left you. That was my fault and I swear to you I will not let them harm you. "
"You can't make that promise Edward. But I would appreciate a heads up form Alice when they decide to come see me. I don't want your family to get in trouble so tell them I ran."
" Don't worry love. I will protect you."
He can be so stubborn.
"I have to see Jacob."
"I know. Carlisle is with him now. Would you like me to drive you to the treaty line?"
"No I need to drive myself."
"I understand. I love you. Will you come back?" "Yes I will. I need to say goodbye to the family. I love you Edward. I'm sorry."
" I only want you happy Bella."