How Naruto Beat Neji

By: Sheltie

I don't own Naruto at all

A/N: this idea came to me one early morning and I had to write it down. Be warned this is quite disturbing.

Warning this story has disturbing scenes that may cause convulsing, seizures, uncontrollable laughter and possible blindness due to gouging out your own eyes. Viewer discretion is advised.

Naruto and Neji stood facing one another. The proctor looked at either of them.

"Fate has determined I will be the winner" Neji said.

Naruto said nothing.

"Are you two ready?" the proctor asked.

Naruto and Neji both nodded.

"Begin!" the proctor said.

Neji got into his family taijutsu style as Naruto stood there.

"Already accepting fate loser?" Neji asked.

Naruto just smiled at Neji, which irked the Hyuga. He charged in. Naruto then did a hand sign and a plume of smoke covered him. Neji stopped short not sure what was going on. He activated his Byakugan to see through the smoke. What he saw would haunt his dreams forever and be the reason for his nightmares.

As the smoke cleared there in the place of Naruto was a naked old woman. There were wrinkles upon wrinkles, everywhere. This was a sight no one no matter how old or young you are, male or female you would never want to see, ever. Nothing was in the right place. There were skins sags all over. For some reason she looked like one of the elder advisers of the Hokage.

"Dear Neji, is that pesky fate bothering you. Let your loving granny take care of that" the henged granny said as she moved closer.

Neji jumped back far as his back hit the wall.

"Neji dear, let granny fix that pesky fate" the old woman said.

Neji did the only thing his mind could tell him to do. Run! So he did and with that the chase began. It was amazing that the old woman could keep up, but you must remember that this was Naruto henged into an old woman, but it was just too real to be a henge.

"Neji dear, let granny fix you. Granny will make it alright."

This was heard everywhere and no one knew where the first laughter started, but it spread quickly as roars of laughter came from all over the stadium as they watched Neji Hyuga, the prodigy of the Hyuga clan run for his life from an elderly woman. A lot of people fell out of their seats from holding their sides. Even the shinobi in the stadium couldn't hold back their laughter and were on the floor also.

In the Kage box there was laughter too.

"Oh Naruto, only you could do this" Hiruzen said between gasps of breath.

Back on the field Neji had sweat dripping from his face as he kept evading the clutches of the old woman. He had nowhere to hide since when he tried she'd appeared and try to hug him to her wrinkly bosom. This would cause Neji to jump and race off trying to get the feeling of that wrinkled skin out of his system.

"Come back Neji, I just want to fix that pesky fate" the old woman said.

"Get away from me" Neji pleaded.

"Not til I deal with that pesky fate that's been bothering you" the old woman said.

"Please, just go away. I'll do anything" Neji begged as tears ran down his face. Will this horror ever end?

"No Neji dear, I must deal with this fate thing now. Now be a good little boy and let your dear sweet granny help you" the old woman said as she closed in.

Neji was slowing down. He knew it. He was getting tired and he didn't know how long he could evade the old woman. He was doomed. He then felt The Hand grab him. He froze and closed his eyes and whimpered.

"There dearie, now granny is going to make things all better. You'll no longer get pestered by that bad old fate anymore" the old woman said cooing.

Neji whimpered again as he felt himself get drawn closer to the wrinkled bosom. He just knew it without even opened his eyes or having his bloodline active. That's when a spark struck in his mind.

"Proctor, I Neji Hyuga forfeit!" the Hyuga prodigy shouted.

"Neji ::laughter:: Hy ::laughter:: uga ::laughter:: forfeits ::laughter:: winner ::Laughter:: Naru ::laughter:: to Uzu ::laughter:: maki" the proctor said as he was laughing and holding his sides to keep them from splitting.

Naruto reverted back to himself grinning. He didn't think his plan would work since it was so off the wall, but it did and it was on to the next round. He couldn't wait to become a chunin. Now all he had to do was wait til everyone in the stadium to recover from their laughter.

That's how Naruto beat Neji and went down in history of having the funniest fight ever in the chunin exams.


A/N: I apologize for any trauma, mental and/or physical, I may have caused you all. I was somewhat disturbed myself when I wrote this. Thanks for reading and please review.