This is a song fic for CE based on Lana Del Rey's (my hero btw) song Born to Die

Hope you enjoy! R&R and please if you want another chapter tell me! I want to do Lana Del Rey's whole album, but I'm not going to do it if no one want's it. So tell me what you think!

Born to Die (song and album) : Lana Del Rey

Esme and Carlisle : Meyer

oOoOoOo

What?

Who me?

What?

My heart pounds in my chest as I watch him leave, his skin gleaming in the bright street lights. His hands are balled into fists at his side, and his hair is tousled angrily.

Feet don't fail me now

Take me to the finish line

He would come back, he always does. I glance at his fading form one last time and turn around to go back to my apartment. My feet feel like cinder blocks as I walk, trying hard to look strong.

Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take

But I'm hoping at the gates,

They'll tell me that you're mine

He left me. True he had done it before, but this time his words cut through, much deeper than before. But he would come back, wouldn't he? He loves me. He's told me a million times that I make his world go round. I lift my arm and wipe away the mascara bleeding from my eyes, leaving a nasty stain on my new Chanel blouse. If Carlisle didn't want me then who would? My breath caught in my lungs. Maybe death would be better than this. Maybe God would show me mercy and give me what I desire most for all of eternity. Carlisle.

Walking through the city streets

Is it by mistake or design

Of course there might be nothing after this. Just death. A sob escaped from my chest at the thought. There had to be something. My love for Carlisle didn't come from a 'big bang,' it came from something greater. Or did it? The heel of my stiletto caught on a crack in the sidewalk, snapping it right off. Tears of frustration ran down my face as I grabbed the heel and tore off the shoe, shoving them both in my purse.

I feel so alone on the Friday nights

Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine

As I awkwardly walked down the street I thought back to a few years ago, when I first moved to New York from Ohio. I had met Carlisle on my first day in the city, on my way to work. I was so nervous I ran right into him, literally. He had just smiled that charming smile and helped me up. It wasn't until later that day that I found the small slip of paper he had slid into my pocket. It had his name and his phone number on it. For some reason I decided to try the number, something very out of character for me. He had been so nice though, handsome too. He picked up on the first ring, and I guess the rest is history.

It's like I told you honey

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough

I don't know why

Carlisle seemed perfect when I began dating him, and we seemed like the perfect match. He took me out of many dates, all lavish and expensive. He was a doctor, and a good one at that. He lived a ways away from me (on the other side of the city), but he would visit me every day after work, a bright smile on his face. It was about three months into the relationship when Carlisle's demons began to show. We were at a party, I don't remember whose, and there was alcohol. I had never seen Carlisle drink, he always declined a glass of wine when I offered and he never ordered any when we went out. One of his friends got him drinking and he became a totally different person. I stayed away from him until it was time to go home, in which I had to walk home with him. My apartment was blocks away and I didn't have any money on me to call a cab. I was stuck with a very drunk Carlisle Cullen.

"I lurv you, Essie," Carlisle slurred as we walked the dark streets.

"I know, but we need to hurry up. Where are your keys?" I asked, helping my boyfriend walk.

"I don't know," he said stupidly as I reached into his coat pocket, immediately feeling the cool metal of a key.

"I found it," I murmured, unlocking the door quickly and pulling Carlisle inside. The apartment was dark and I had to slide my hands over the wall before I found the light switch.

"That's better," Carlisle whispered as he grabbed me forcefully, slamming me against the wall.

"What are you doing?" I asked, before he kissed me powerfully. The glint in his eyes was frightening and I suddenly wished I had put a few dollars in my purse before I left my apartment earlier. He growled in my ear and I pushed him away from me. "Carlisle what's wrong with you? Snap out of it!" I cried as he grabbed my arm, kissing me again.

"I just want to love you, Essie," he cooed, his grip tightening. His breath smelled like vodka, stinging my eyes and burning my throat.

"Stop, please," for the first time I was terrified of Carlisle. I tried desperately to pull away but he was much stronger than me.

"Stop trying to leave!" he wailed, slapping me on the cheek. Hard. I gasped and Carlisle's hand fell.

Tears fell down my face and Carlisle backed away, his eyes wide. My cheek stung as my hand touched the red skin. The slap had hurt, but more than anything my heart hurt. With that one slap all the trust and devotion I had spilled out to him was yanked back, locked into my heart forever. For the first time his love for me had faltered. For the first time love was not enough.

Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on

Try to have fun in the meantime

I could never look at Carlisle the same way after that. We didn't break up though. Carlisle promised me he would never drink again, which of course was utter bull shit since he went out drinking with his 'hospital buddies' not even a month later. His lies were well sculpted, planned out so I would never know. But I had my ways, and I saw through every one of them. I could have been mad, thrown a fit every time he came home drunk, but I didn't. I loved Carlisle more than anyone in the world; I would never leave him or hurt him. Every breath he took was a gift to me. I would do whatever, be whoever he wanted, if that made him happy. He meant the world to me, and though life was hard we made it through.

Come on take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

When I started dating Carlisle, I promised I wouldn't change for him, but I didn't realize how hard I would fall for him. Carlisle was right out of med school, only twenty-three years old, three years younger than me. Most of his past girlfriends had been older than him, so it was no surprise he picked me up. What surprised me was none of his past girlfriends were anything like me. They were the fun girls at the parties, the stuff guys show off to their buds. I was the type of girl who sat in the corner, chugging pabst blue ribbon so I wouldn't be so self-conscious. I wasn't a beauty-queen. I wasn't worthy of Carlisle by any means, and I think he saw that.

He'd make remarks about the way I was dressed or he would tell me to buy certain things. When we went to parties he would drag me into the center of them, forcing me to be in the spotlight. He changed me.

I still loved him, but I could see what he was doing to me. I wasn't the innocent, ballet flats Esme anymore. I was insane.

Choose your last words, this is the last time

Cause you and I, we were born to die

We fought almost constantly, back and forth bickering about medial things. We loved each other so much, so deeply, that we couldn't stand to be around each other. We were complete opposites in every sense of the word. He would promise me that everything would turn out ok, but I never believed him.

No one thought we would stay together, we were too different. Our relationship was doomed from the second it started.

The break-ups were heated. Plates would be smashed, hair pulled, we never could leave each other in peace. He would scream so loud when I started crying. We'd call each other names; say we would never be happy together.

Lost but now I am found

I can see but once I was blind

But the truth is we would never be happy alone either. After every breakup Carlisle would call back and apologize. We would go to his place and make up. I wish I knew then what I know now. Every time we fought we just made a bigger hole for ourselves. We were glued to each other, and no matter how much we wanted out we couldn't leave.

I thought that the relationship would work, that every couple sees obstacles. Carlisle and I were supposed to meet at that very moment on that very day. We were always meant to be together, but never happily.

I was so confused as a little child

Trying to take what I could get

At the time when I met Carlisle I just wanted something…anything really. I had been alone for a while and I was looking for something new, Carlisle offered that. I was naïve and I didn't understand how dangerous things could get. I had no idea what I wanted and I guess I still don't.

Scared that I couldn't find

All the answers honey

Answers. I wish I had them. Why did I get in this relationship with Carlisle? Were we cursed or something? Was happiness just around the corner and all I need to do is turn around? I know a lot more now though.

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough

I don't know why

The door to my apartment opens easily and I flick on the light, grateful for it after my long walk in the near darkness. I busy myself cleaning and putting away a few things, trying desperately to keep Carlisle off my mind.

Carlisle.

Tears erupted from my eyes and I sat down on the sofa, placing my face in my hands. I wanted him back, I did. I needed him. He was like a drug to me that I couldn't live without.

Keep making me laugh

Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on

Try to have fun in the meantime

Though my teary gaze I turn on my phone, flicking through the new messages. One's from Carlisle. I don't open it, not yet. I'm not ready yet. Maybe in an hour or two.

I smile sadly at the background I chose a few days ago. Thousands of pixels make up a smiling Carlisle and a laughing me. He had an arm draped around my shoulders and my lips were bruised from being kissed so often. I ran a finger over the picture, wishing things were as easy as it conveyed. It would never be easy.

A sob escaped my chest and I threw the phone. It shattered against the wall, splinters of plastic tumbling over the floor.

I'll never know what he had to say. I suppose that's for the better.

Come on take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

I sat numb, my body rocking as I tried to comprehend the pain I was feeling. He was everything to me. Oh God, I needed to talk to him. He might want me back. He has to. He's mine.

I raced over to the pile of metal and plastic, seeing if there was any way I could put it back together so I could read that message. So I could reply and tell him just how much I love him.

My phone might as well be scrap now. I had a thrower's arm, as Carlisle called it. The little device never had a chance.

My arms tensed, my muscles coiling. How could he leave me? Anger flushed my body and I banged on the floor, my hands balled into fists. My sobs were endless and so was my anger.

I stormed my apartment, trashing it completely. He couldn't leave me. He needs me.

Choose your last words,

This is the last time

Cause you and I

We were born to die

I was surprised no one came to my door, asking if I was ok. I guess the people in my complex were used to my anger-induced behaviors after every break-up with Carlisle.

I tore dishes from my shelves, savoring in the sound of them breaking on the floor. I pulled my long ruby red nails over my sheets, leaving long tears in the fabric. Furniture was over turned, paintings flung and torn. I was fuming by the end of it. I was lost, completely and utterly lost without my Carlisle.

We were born to die.

Then there was a knock. Almost silent it was, easily could have been a bird, or some other creature. My body stilled and my sobs ceased as I listened for another rap. It came, slightly louder than the last. I contemplated not answering; allowing whoever it was to wait until morning to talk to me. I should have time to mourn.

Then the thought crossed my mind that it could be Carlisle on the other side of that door. He could be right there, wanting me back.

Tentatively I stood up, careful to not step on any glass.

We were born to die.

There was another knock before I was able to get to the door. I slowly turned the knob, sticking my head outside, inspecting my visitor.

It was Carlisle. My heart swooned and I opened the door for him.

"I'm so sorry, Essie,' he said, kissing me passionately. He traced my lips with his tongue and I returned the favor by opening my mouth. I moaned softly and he pulled away, making me groan in disappointment.

"You didn't answer my text," he said seriously.

"No I-" I started to tell him what happened but he shushed me quietly.

Come on and take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane

"You don't have to say anything, Essie. I love you, you know that don't you?" he asked, running a hand through my caramel locks.

"Of course," I replied, smiling.

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough

I don't know why

"You'll never have to cry again, Es. I don't think I could handle it if you did. We'll be happy, forever," he sighed, setting me down on the torn couch.

"Yes, that's all I ever wanted Carlisle. You," I pulled him into another kiss.

Keep making me laugh

Let's go get high

The road is long, we carry on

Try to have fun in the meantime

"I love you so much Esme," his hands came up to cup my breast through my shirt, making me moan loudly.

"I love you too, so much! I don't ever want to leave you, Carlisle1" I screamed as he pulled me onto his lap forcefully.

Come on take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

You like your girls insane...

"Before I do this Esme, I just want to make sure this is what you want," Carlisle asked suddenly, breaking the magic.

"Of course I want this Carlisle," I murmured against his neck seductively.

This is what we did, make up.

Choose your last words,

This is the last time

Cause you and I

We were born to die

"I'll see you soon then Esme. I love you."

Then there was a gun, hard black steel against my temple. Before I could even blink he pulled the trigger.

Black engulfed me, pulling me down, coating my throat, spilling into my lungs. My hands trembled as someone caught them. Carlisle, his blonde hair like a halo in the abyss.

"My angel belongs in heaven," he whispered, pulling me out of the darkness.

oOoOoOo

Love it? Hate it? Next LDR song? Blue Jeans? Off to the Races? Carmen? You decide!

R&R

And I know it's a little (or a lot) OOC but I had to go with the song soo yea.