Alone: that was what I was good at being. It meant that there was less of a chance of being hurt. Less of a chance of losing people you love because you never let them in the first place. Less of a chance of being at fault for someone else's pain or turmoil. Alone meant that no one had to see your vulnerability and use that against you. When you are alone, you are left with no one but yourself - which is the only person you can actually trust.
This is exactly the way I liked it. It's what I'm used to. Even with the future additions to my pack, I never let them get too close. I just can't and after all that's happen, I cannot risk allowing anyone to get too close. But no matter how much I want to believe that I am better off alone and emotionally detached, fate had another plan for me. Fate pretty much said, "Sorry Derek, you're not going to have it that easy. So here I am, throwing you another curveball so I can screw with you some more."
I curse that fateful day -the day I glanced over my shoulder to see brown, doeful eyes looking back at me. It was like everything stopped: the seasons, time and all movements. It was like I forgot how to breathe. In a world that was filled with so much confusion, hate, violence and chaos, it felt like everything was finally at peace just because of those eyes. Eyes that belonged to now the most important thing in my life - my mate.
No matter the pain or obstacles that come my way, Stiles Stilinsky will forever be the love of my life. A love that I don't deserve and can't have.
"Dad, did you eat?"
"Uhm, does coffee and a few crackers count?"
"Dad, sit. You are not leaving until there's actual food in your stomach."
"Stiles, I have to go in. There's..."
"I don't care. It can wait. Now, sit."
The subtle squeak of the wooden chair legs dragging against the office was met with a defeated sigh as Officer Stilinski sat down at the table. Stiles officially won that round. This was the typical routine in the Stilinski household. Officer Stilinski overworked himself and Stiles had to bring him back to reality and take care of him. Yet another quality that makes him so attractive - his compassion. The more I take notice to his endearing qualities, the harder it is for me to stay away from him. It was hard enough to deny this want the moment I recognized Stiles as my mate.
"Wait! You said the cure comes from the one who bit you." I was kneeling in front of Peter's mutilated body, as he tried to hang on to the last remnants of his withering life.
Good. Suffer, Peter. I hope the pain is so unbearable that you are praying to God to just end it, because this is exactly what you deserve. It would be so easy right now to end his life, like he ended Laura's.
"Derek, if you do this, I'm dead. Her father, her family, what am I supposed to do?" I could hear the desperation in Scott's voice. He wanted a normal life. He wanted to be with Allison. He wanted to be human. So, killing the Alpha was his slim chance getting what he desired. Maybe I should let him do it? Just because I don't get a happy ending, why does that mean he shouldn't be allowed one? But this was the man who took away my sister – his sweet, Laura who protected me as child and helped raise me. This was the man who was supposed to never hurt me. This was the man who would never betray me. This man was my uncle, which only fueled my anger even more.
"You've…already…decided." Peter's words were slow and struggled. It was then that he fixated his blank stare onto me. "I can smell it on you." His voice turned into a deep growl as his eyes turned from an icy blue to a crimson red. My breathing went from calm to rapid as I felt my rage surge throughout my body. He was right. I did make a decision. Justice. Revenge.
My claws extended as I slashed his throat open. The last thing I heard before the change was Scott's cry for me to stop. In that moment, a surge of power coursed through my veins. Every sense was heightened even more so than before. Every sound became more acute. Every scent hit me like a slap in the face as it invaded my nostrils with such intensity. When I looked to the trees, rocks and leaves, I saw every crack, nook and vein. I saw its story and flaws, which made them all the more breathtaking. Every muscle and limb in body swelled with more strength than I could have ever imagined. In a nutshell, I felt power and it felt amazing, especially compared to how weak I have felt at the hands of Kate and Peter. I slowly stood up and looked to Scott. My wolf could also feel this new found power, announcing then "I'm the Alpha," as my eyes abandoned its usual green irises for the flaring, crimson red.
Scott just looked at me, at a loss for words as his breathing became labored. It wasn't until he caught his breath did he finally say, "What have you done?"
I didn't say anything. I just continued to stare at him until he lowered his head in defeat. It was then that I felt a pull. It was coming from behind me. It was magnetic and seductive. Before I could assess what it was, my body reacted to the pull. I turned my head to be met with wide, brown eyes.
Stiles was staring at me, frozen as statue a mere 50 feet away. That's when it hit me. It was like having tunnel vision; everything was blurred around the edges and only one thing was clear – Stiles. I felt my heart constrict and begin to race. Breathing became extremely hard to do, because at that moment I forgot how to. I completely forgot everything, my surroundings and the people around me. The world fell away and the only thing that mattered was Stiles. Everything disappeared except me and Stiles. That's when I fully realized that this over hyper, rambling kid was the person that I was supposed to spend the rest my life. The person I will always protect and care for. He will forever be my everything.
Claim. No, I can't.
No! I can't do this to him. This isn't the life he should live. This constant danger and death that surrounds him will not be his life. I won't allow it to be. Whether Stiles likes it or not, he will probably move on from this town and start a normal life. He will detach himself Scott, long enough to find a girl and live a somewhat peaceful life. He will get married, have children and die an old man, after living a full life - not at the hands of some deranged killer or creature. That is what he deserved; someone good and safe. Someone that wasn't me.
As I was having my internal battle between myself and the wolf, Stiles was still staring at me. He showed no signs of movement or breathing. A blink? There wasn't one. "Stiles, let's go." At the sound of Scott's voice, Stiles snapped out his trance. Unfortunately for me, I was still under his spell. My heart lurched at each step he made back to his jeep – each step that put more distance between us. I felt my feet shuffle forward a bit as the engine of the Jeep roared to life. Before I could jump into a full on sprint to Stiles, I stopped myself.
Stop. Let him go. You can't have him.
I repeated this mantra in my head as the Jeep drove off into the distance. It wasn't until the Jeep rounded the corner did I fall to my knees. I remained in that spot, inhaling Stiles' faint scent allowing it to consume me.
(End of Flashback)
I was abruptly ripped from my memory when I heard the door of the patrol car slam shut. I peered over to see that Officer Stilinski was finally leaving to go to work. I then listened for Stiles in the house. I heard his quick steps on the stairs as he made his way over to his room and then I heard the evitable swivel of his desk chair and pattering of the keyboard. Stiles capacity to remain on the computer for hours on end was beyond me.
As Stiles began his routine of Google searching, I rested my back against the house and slid down into a seated position. I sat there, listening to his movement and inhaling his sweet scent when the wind carried it out from his open window. This was the closest I could afford to be around Stiles and even though I wanted so much more, it had to be enough.