"What are you doing?"
I turned to the voice that came from my bedroom's doorway. I was just about done filling up my duffle bag and getting ready to take the first flight out to Spain but she decided now was a good time to show up.
"Packing, I'm leaving," I turned throwing in the last of my stuff and zipping up the bag.
"Why?" she asked like she really couldn't believe I was actually talking about leaving.
"Because Elena, Stefan and I made a pact that whoever you picked the other will leave town. And this is me, leaving town," I told her.
"Forget it Elena, whats done is done. Just drop it," I said throwing the bag over my shoulder and heading toward the door walking past her. "See you around."
"So your just gonna leave like that? Even though I'm a vampire now?" she asked accusing me.
I turned back around. "Yes Elena I am. You have Stefan and Caroline to help you and I'm sure Elijah will be around too so you don't need me."
"Yes I do, Damon."
"No you don't, my work is done. I found you, brought you here, I gave you a blood bag to complete the transition, I called Stefan, and I had Elijah compell you so you won't kill till you control the bloodlust. My work here is done," I told her and started heading for the door again. The ring thing I left to Stefan and Elijah because no one knew where Bonnie was.
She wasn't making this easy for me, all I wanted was quick and clean getaway but she was being stubborn as usual.
She sped in front of me and it took me a second to remember she could do that now. "Elena move," I told her.
"No," she said sternly.
I smirked. "Just cause your a vampire now doesn't mean your stronger then me, I'm older," I said and then pushed passed her again.
I turned around again pissed. "Why? Why do I need to stop Elena? Huh? You made your choice and this me respecting it. Respecting that this is my brother's happiness okay, just let me go."
Elena looked at me. "Why are you acting like this? Like everything is good now and nothing is wrong?"
"Nothings wrong? Everything is wrong Elena okay, everything, but right now I don't have the will to fight it anymore," I told her. It was true, I was tired of fighting. I was tired of putting my all into everything to show this girl how much I love her, I was tired of being in the middle madness. I was just tired.
"Why? You fight for everything," she said almost sad.
"Your right I do, but I can't fight this anymore. You made the choice and Stefan and I had a deal. Nothing can change it now," I said.
"You and Stefan made the deal without talking to me first. I told you both that if had to pick I was gonna end up losing one of you and you knew that but you made the stupid deal without thinking about how I was gonna feel. Thats unfair Damon," she told me.
"What do you want me to about it Elena? Tell Stefan to renegotiate the agreement? Tell him you had a change of heart? Well its too late, you made the choice. You can't take your words back," I said.
She was silent.
I sighed. "I'm not gonna fight with you anymore Elena," I said and readjusted the strap on my back. "I'll see you when I see you," I told her and the moved toward the stairs.
"I didn't tell him."
"I didn't tell Stefan I chose him."
Again I turned back around. This was really getting old. "And why is that?"
"Because when I woke up and saw you there, I thought about all the times you were there to save me. All the times you put alot on the line just to get me back."
I sighed and hung my head, running a hand through my hair. "Please don't do this Elena, not now."
"Why? Its okay for you to stop what I'm doing and spill your guts out to me but I can't?" she asked.
I looked up at her. "What are you talking about."
She had her mouth in a tight line and kept her eyes on me, they were glistening in the light and I could tell she was ready or wanted to cry.
She started taking steps toward me and the words that came out of her mouth put my stomach in knots.
"I just have to say it once, you just need to hear it," she started as she was face to face with me.
I widened my eyes and was unable to move. This cannot be happening.
"I love you Elena, and its because I love you that I can't be selfish with you. Why you can't know this? I don't deserve you but my brother does," she said letting a tear fall down her face after repeating the last bit of every word I said to her that night.
I stood motionless not even knowing what to feel. Should I be happy she remembered or just get prepared for another rejection?
"Before you said that to me you told me that what you were about to say was the most selfish thing you ever said in your life," Elena said.
I looked away from her. "Elena don't do this, its just going to complicate things more."
What was she trying to get at? What was the point of all this? She could just let me leave and have a happy eternity with Stefan. She could continue doing what shes been doing which is pretending she doesn't feel anything for me. What was this girl getting at?
"Everything is already complicated Damon but I'm not gonna let you walk out that door not knowing how I feel about you."
I snapped my head in her direction really starting to feel emotins begin to bubble. "What you feel for me? Are you serious? We've been down this road Elena and like I've been telling you you've already made the choice." I told her walking towards her.
"You can't change it now okay not after every hell ride we've gone through. After all this you made the choice whether he knows about it or not, and just like everyone in my life you picked Stefan. Because Stefan is the better choice, Stefan is the safest choice, Stefan is just a one man wonder team. Its always Stefan!" I yelled throwing my bag. It whizzed past Elena and landed in my room with a thud. Elena froze in her spot.
I was breathing heavily and I could feel the veins around my eyes come out and my fangs make their appearance. Elena and I exchanged a glance but then I turned away trying to control myself.
I was still breathing hard and I couldn't calm down, I could also begin to feel my eyes start to water. Why couldn't be this be easy for once? Why can't I have the easy road for once in my life?
"Leave me alone Elena," I said gruffly.
"Look at me," she said.
I closed my eyes. "I said go away."
"Damon don't do this."
I turned. "Leave me alone!"
She stood surprised and a little scared.
The last thing I wanted was her to be scared of me or to hate me but like always thats exactly what I was doing. I felt a few tears fall over and the same happened to her.
"I don't want us to be like this or to end like this," she said quietly, never moving her eyes from mine.
I didn't want her to see me break down but she was pushing, pushing the feelings I've been trying to cover up for so long. She was stubborn, a characteristic I both admire and hate about her.
I was just so tired of all of this, so tired of putting so much into things that were never going to go the way I wanted. Was it so bad I wanted good things for myself? People fight everyday for the things that make them happy but with me it makes me the bad guy.
I don't have a problem being the bad guy, never have, but what makes me mad is that people call me selfish. Maybe I was but I had the right to be. Growing up I had the most pressure because I was the eldest, I had to do whatever my father wanted but because I was so headstrong I was his problem child. Stefan had things easy didn't have to fight as much as I did.
Katherine then came along and she picked Stefan because she just loved him more, I wasn't good enough. I was sick of the fighting I had to do, it wasn't fair. Yea I'll admit I put myself in some pretty narly predicaments but thats because I've become impulsive over the years because I'm tired of losing things. I learned not to care what people think or say about me because that involves getting close. I've learned the language of sarcasm to keep people away, but when I met Elena everything changed.
She broke down every wall, made me bring out emotions I've tried so hard to hide, made me thinks about every single stupid thing I've done and how its affected people because she affected me. Everything I worked hard to hide she tore down because of the way she made me feel.
She stood facing me and I did too. Neither of us said anything in that silence. I was still trying to calm myself down and it was working but slowly. The fangs went away and the veins were leaving as if one by one but by the time she spoke my face was back to normal but I still tried to keep in the buried emotions.
"Damon please talk to me," she said.
I want to talk to her, I want to tell her everything I'm feeling but its hard when you know she chose your brother.
I swallowed. "I can't Elena."
"Why?" she asked. She wanted to help me, I could tell. She just didn't know how.
"Because your not mine," I admitted.
I had to leave this town, I had to start over, all of this was too much and I was just tired. All of this had been helluva ride and I've had some good times in there somewhere. I've never backed down from challenge but after all of this its just time I finally took care of myself and not what I wanted.
Tears fell over Elena eyes and her voice started to crack a bit. "Don't do this Damon, please don't leave."
I couldn't keep myself from asking, but this time I did it gentle. "Why Elena? You have what you want now. Stefan is here for you."
"Because I need you Damon. Your right that I have Stefan, Caroline, Elijah but I need you. I don't know why that is but is you I need," she told me.
I wasn't the one she needed, they all were. Mostly Elijah and Caroline because they dealt with being turned against their will, having no choice to die or complete the transition, same as Elena. Stefan had the choice and chose to complete it. Elena needed them, I wouldn't know how to help her.
Without me saying anything she continued. "I know how much each of them care about me, Elijah in his weird way, but its you I need by my side during this. This is one battle I need you to fight with me."
I stood there taking in everything Elena was saying. Why would she need me? Thats what I don't understand. Four other vampires in this town and she asks me.
"Why do you need me?" I asked. If we were here letting out pent up emotions then I'm not gonna sit here and debate everything.
She took in a deep breath. "Because I want you to help me. Not Stefan, not Caroline, not Elijah. You."
I didn't know what to do or say. I thought if she ever turned into a vampire she would want Stefan, since he didn't kill and ate the little forest creatures.
"Its Stefan's way you should learn to do, he doesn't kill. Carolines been doing a god job at it," I told her.
"Your right but I don't want Stefan to teach me, I want you because I know you won't do some half-assed attempt. You'll know how to help me," she said.
I chuckled. "After all the grief you've givin me about how I chose to drink, your asking for my help with it. This is just great!"
I knew she heard the sarcasm. A deaf person could hear it.
I looked at her. "Do you really expect me to believe that? I know you Elena, you'd find every possible way to stay away from human blood or to do it without making yourself feel guilty or hurting other people."
She stood silent. Elena couldn't fool me, maybe she has before but I've gotten better at her little tricks. Elijah would be the best person to help her since hes all noble and honorable and respects human life, blah blah blah. She would though ask for his help and she would use Stefan's path, Elena might ask me to help her control it but she woulnd't do what I do.
"I get it now, I get why your asking for my help," I said realization coming over me.
I walked towards her. "This is your way of asking me to stay without actually having to say it. "
Elena stood silent but looked away. She knew I knew her, I know her probably then most.
I shook my head. "I don't get it Elena, I just don't get it. Why can't you ever just say what you have to say to me? Why can't you ever tell me how you feel when it comes to me?"
"Because I don't know Damon!" she yelled.
She looked pissed, she looked hurt, and just like me, she looked tired.
"You and Stefan just need to stop with the me having to make a choice. I don't know how I feel about you okay? I'm not trying to hide away from my feelings for you, I'm not trying to just ignore everything. Yes I love Stefan and I will always love Stefan but whatever it is about you Damon just keeps bringing me back in like I need it. Your just addicting," Elena said exasperated.
"I don't know what I feel for you. I tried to hide at first, I really did, but I realized it wasn't fair to you so I tried to figure it out but I can't! I love you Damon but I can't tell if I'm falling in love with you or your just special to me like Matt and Bonnie and Caroline. You drive me crazy and annoy me but your just there and I have no idea what to do and I just don't know okay? I don't know," she said and started to cry.
I watched her as the tears began to fall and Elena broke apart. I saw then that it was my fault, her tears, her pain, was my fault and Stefans. We were so worried about who she would pick, who she loved the most that we never thought about the inner battle she was having. We were more worried about getting her attention then paying attention to her, we fought over her love and never thought about her and what we were doing to her.
I went over to her and pulled my arms around her. I held her tight and let her tears fall on my shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me and cried. This is the first time shes been the one on the other end of these hugs and unlike me she hugged back.
I rested my chin on her head. "I'm sorry Elena. I am so sorry."
I wish I had seen it before, I wish I knew what I was doing when Stefan and I had started this. I loved this girl but I always end up hurting her.
"Everything is just so complicated right now Damon and I just want you here. I care about you and don't want to see you go," she said into my jacket.
"You told me thats why you had to let me go," I told her.
Elena pulled from me then, her arms still around. "I said that because I didn't know about yours and Stefans stupid deal and the things you made me forget."
I looked at her, running my hand through her hair. "Elena but you can't take back what you said. Whats done is done."
She grabbed my hand. "And I said that if I had met you first.."
"Don't, just stop, right there. Stop," I said and pulled away. I stepped away from her.
"I'm not doing this Elena, I can't. You love Stefan, you said yourself you never stopped so I'm going to be the good guy here and just end it."
I can't do this anymore, this going back and forth. It has to stop for the sake of everybody it just has to stop.
"You said what you needed to say and so did I. You can't take back what you said so that ends everything right there. You love Stefan, its going to be Stefan and as his brother I have to respect that and give him his happiness," I said.
"I don't want to lose you Damon thats what I'm trying to tell you. Even if I picked Stefan I still thought I'd be able to see you but you guys made that deal. You guys didn't think about how I would feel. I thought I was going to see you when I got home and you were still gonna be around. I didn't plan on losing you and I don't want to," she said.
"You were never mine to lose, Elena."
It was silent. Nothing could be said after that.
She shook her head. "No its not."
I walked over and smiled. "Yea it is."
I bent down and kissed her forehead. "I love you Elena."
A/N: After all the things Damon has been through I could see him being tired of everything and just wanting to start fresh. I know hes not the guy to give up but I really wanted to dig deep into his emotions and just see how it would be if he had let everything out to Elena. The ending of this story isn't Damon giving up its him growing up, realizing that things that matter to him also matter to other people. I love Delena and I want them to be together but its just that if I had been told the person I loved loved someone else and chose them but then said "If we had met first..." I would have issue with that because they already said how much they love the other person and I wanted Damon and Elena to just realize how strong words can really be. I wanted to play out how the conversation would be and this is how I see it. Elena still being conflicted but also being aware of her choice and Damon just getting too tired of holding everything in. I'm not to happy with the ending but I can't figure out whats missing but this ending shows Damon just realizing he has to take care of himself for once and has to respect Elena's decision but still letting her know how he feels. Maybe it wasn't character on point but I just want to see Elena and Damon really open up to each other. Thank you for reading!