Title: Undisclosed Desires
Rating: T (M-rated chapters will be marked at the beginning)
A/N: Undisclosed Desires starts right after 2x06. I'm just writing this out of Lip Service withdrawals and a need for the Tess/Lexy storyline to continue... I can't promise it'll be good, but I hope it's entertaining! If you have 30 seconds, leave your thoughts - I'd love to hear them.
"I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart"
- "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse
With a cringe, Lexy snapped her phone shut and ambled back to the bedroom. She felt guilty about lying to Tess, but she tried to push the thought out of her mind. Climbing back into bed, she lay behind Sam and ran her thumb across the cop's bare shoulder.
She had fantasized about shagging Sam since they had met — Lexy found her tough attitude and police swagger quite attractive — but they had only emotionally connected after Sam had been broken. Sam needed someone, both after Cat's death and Cat's betrayal, and Lexy had been there. But the thought itched in the back of her mind: would they have connected if Sam wasn't broken?
Lexy liked playing the role of the doctor, both in the work place and in her personal life. She gravitated towards broken people. It sounded ridiculous, but it always felt safer to her. She could approach the broken and be their saviour — fix them — without ever having to worry about making it worse. Some people couldn't shatter any further. Lexy was good with those types.
But to involve herself with someone stable? Together? Sweet? Someone like Tess?
That deviated far too much from what she was comfortable with. Lexy needed to be the more emotionally stable one; the less broken one, the stronger one. That was the role she knew, and that was the role she needed to take. Dating Tess simply wasn't an option.
Yet as Lexy wrapped herself around Sam's body, once again taking the role of protector and saviour, she couldn't help the dull ache in the base of her stomach or the thought that maybe, deep down, she wanted something more.
When Lexy finally made it back to the flat, it was shortly after 7am. She tried to open the door as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake her sleeping flatmates, but once she stepped inside, she saw Tess's door was slightly ajar. Lexy was a little unnerved. She didn't want to talk to Tess, not right now. Lexy generally didn't have problems lying, but lying to Tess just felt... wrong. She knew she needed to tell her where she was last night, but she didn't have the heart.
As she stepped into the kitchen, she found Tess checking her email with a cup of tea, feet tucked beneath her, golden hair an uncombed mess.
"Hey you," Tess said when she noticed Lexy's presence, and Lexy was met with her warm, quirky grin. Despite the building tension in the base of her stomach, Lexy found herself smiling back.
"Hey yourself. I didn't know you knew morning hours existed," Lexy teased, sinking down into the chair beside Tess's.
"You're never too old to discover something new!" Tess shot back with a feigned hurt look. She tried to hold the offended facial expression, but she couldn't help but let a grin spread across her face again. "But I, uh...didn't feel like sleeping in today. Just had a hard time staying asleep, I guess. Last night was brilliant."
"I'm so sorry I missed the second half, Tess." Lexy touched Tess's hand, and the way her breath hitched didn't go unnoticed.
"Oh no, don't worry about it!" Tess replied earnestly. "Duty calls and all of that. My knight in shining blue scrubs..." She bit her tongue to stop her rambling early.
Lexy's lips cracked into a smile. "So I take it the rest of the performance went well?"
"Incredibly." Her eyes lit up even more brightly. "It just... I mean there were little hiccups here and there, but overall, it just went so well. My first really big performance, and I managed not to screw it all up!"
"Ahh, Tess, I never doubted you'd be perfect."
"Well that makes one of us," she said with a laugh. "Bloody hell, it's just so good to know that I can do this. That I can really do this! Oh, and then get this - I told off Nora afterwards. Just called out her bullshit to her face! Granted, I'm going to pay for this big time... oh god, who knows what pictures she'll put in next performance, or what she'll put in my drink..."
"Oh - sorry, theatre pranks." Seeing Lexy's confused expression, she dismissed the topic with a wave of her hand. "Anyway, I'll shut up about my evening. You must be exhausted from being at the hospital all night... can I make you a cup of tea or anything? Are you hungry?"
Why does she have to be so caring all of the time? Lexy thought to herself. I feel like shit, I can't lie to her. "Listen, Tess... I wasn't at the hospital last night."
"I was with Sam. She called, and I..." Lexy trailed off.
"Oh! Good. Is everything alright with Sam? We haven't spoken since...well, you know."
"Yeah, yeah. Well I mean - no, Sam's pretty fucked up right now, understandably. But she'll be okay." Lexy didn't go into detail about her night with Sam, and she was glad Tess didn't ask.
"It's good that you and Sam are close. She could really use a friend right now. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through." Tess idly traced the rim of her mug with a finger, and the Australian knew she was thinking about Cat.
Lexy reached out and touched Tess's hand once more. Their eyes met. "This hasn't been easy on any of you." Tess just nodded quietly.
Lexy changed topics, hating to see Tess unhappy. "So, I can still come to closing night, right?"
"Yeah, I'll pick up a ticket for you. And we're all hitting up the pub afterwards, of course - can't celebrate a Chekhov without a sufficient amount of booze!"
"Ha! Gotta love the Russians." Lexy glanced at the clock. "Ah, I should go shower so I get to my shift on time."
"Alright. I'll see you later." A moment passed, and then Tess perked up again. "Oh wait - just curious, but... why did you tell me the hospital called you in when you were at Sam's?"
Lexy's eyes fell to the ground before meeting Tess's gaze again. "I, uhm..." Ah well, I'll just be honest. "I know last night was really important, and I didn't want you to think I was putting someone else before you." She swallowed and shifted uncomfortably. She hated any sort of vulnerability.
Tess laughed and shook her head, golden locks falling into her face. She pushed them back with a finger casually; the movement entranced Lexy a little. "What, you really thought I'd be upset with you? Sam was in trouble - without a doubt, that comes first. There are always other performance nights."
Lexy shrugged. There was not a trace of disappointment or jealousy in Tess's voice or face... was a tiny, selfish part of her bothered by that? "Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was just sad to miss the rest of the show."
"Eh, with Chekhov, you'll probably be in a better mood if you leave halfway through," Tess insisted with a giggle.
"Hey! Are you trying to dissuade me from seeing closing night?"
After a few more minutes of banter and Chekhov jokes, Lexy finally managed to drag herself away, a dorky grin plastered across her face.
Let me know what you think so far! I don't have this completely mapped out, but I think I'll bring Lou back in. Any and all suggestions are welcome.
I'll be out of town few days, but when I'm back I'll work on regular updates.