Depressing stuff is depressing to write. Obvious, I know, but I literally had to walk out of the room I was writing this in a couple of times to get out of the gloomy atmosphere. Maybe I just don't like sad stuff as much, but whatever.
It had taken Nagi a surprisingly long time to realize the truth. Eight months, to be exact. Eight months of a lie in her life, leaving her blissfully ignorant of reality. She now also knew that Maria had done everything in her power and more to hide the truth, and Nagi couldn't blame her. But despite this, the truth always finds a way of sneaking out. And so it did.
The truth about Hayate was revealed. The fact that he didn't love her, that on that fateful Christmas night, it wasn't that brought them together, but instead necessity; the fact that instead of confessing love, it was a kidnapping, albeit a bad one.
At first she couldn't believe it when she overheard Maria asking Sakuya to keep it quiet. They were in one of the apartments, hidden from view, but sound not so much. As Nagi walked by, she could hear Sakuya whisper furiously, "What do you mean I can't tell Nagi?"
Instantly Nagi's ear was pressed to the door, as with words like that, she couldn't not pay attention. Instantly she regretted hearing Maria reply, "If Nagi found out Hayate doesn't love her, just think of the consequences! She has sacrificed the San'sezin fortune and her old life for this boy under the idea that he will protect her. While I have no doubt that he will protect her, I have similar amounts of doubt that Hayate will stay by her side forever. If she found out, she'd be shattered."
Sakuya's quiet rage replied, "But how do you expect me to keep that kind of thing a secret? I don't have that kind of self-control!"
"It's okay," Nagi muttered and entered the room, shocking the two girls. "You don't have to keep it a secret."
Maria reached out to Nagi, but the short girl slapped the hand away and ran out of the room.
The maid sighed, "So it has begun."
Sakuya asked, "Where do you think she's going?"
"Well, normally I'd say she's run off to who knows where to cry it out, but this is Lady Nagi we're talking about here. My guess is she's going to go confirm it before doing anything too rash. Nevertheless, we best start packing Hayate's bags. She'll never want to see him again after tonight."
Maria was right in her prediction, as Nagi ran straight to the butler's room and slid open the door. Hayate, caught ironing his spare butler uniform, turned around and asked, "What is it, milady?"
She gave her sternest face. "Do you love me?"
He smiled. "Why of course, milady. I love you like any butler loves their master. I would walk to the ends of the Earth by your side."
Although a bright blush was apparent on her face, she pressed. "No! I don't mean like a butler! I mean do you love me! Like a lover?"
He turned off the iron and sighed. "Ah… so you mean like that."
The hesitation wasn't helping poor Nagi, as she asked more fervently, tears starting to form, "Well?"
He looked down. "I'm sorry, milady, but I cannot honestly say that I love you as a lover. I mean, you are too youn-"
Nagi slapped him. "Don't you dare bring up age! Would you have even loved me if I was your age?"
He still cannot make eye contact. "I am sorry…"
The drops collecting in the corners of her eyes fell freely onto the floor, as she screamed, "Idiot!" His head refused to lift, only causing her to cry even more.
She couldn't bear his presence anymore. Nagi had to leave. So she ran. Ran down the street, taking as many turns as possible. There was no way they were going to find her tonight; not if Nagi could do anything about it.
A clear night began to form as the sun went down; a tranquil scene to those who weren't in emotional turmoil. For Nagi, however, it was the Earth mocking her, showing that the rest of the world was moving on as she ran off, asking her why she couldn't just move on as well.
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" She yelled at herself as she ran blindly into a park, glad that there were few people left on the streets to stare at the bawling teenager.
Through her blurred eyes, she found that she had no idea where she was. Perfect, she thought to herself as she found a nearby bench and sat down to contemplate what was going on.
She didn't bother trying to calm herself. What would she do to do that? Tell herself that the boy she's loved for almost a year had given up her life for never had returned the feeling and probably never would? And then tell herself that that was alright? No, it was impossible to be okay at this point in time, so why bother masking the feeling.
You know, she told herself. You only have yourself to blame for this. You should've seen the silent signs signaling to this. The fact that other girls practically draped themselves over him and he did nothing to stop them; that he always seemed interested in Maria so much; that he never responded to your advances. It's a miracle you hadn't figured it out yourself.
Nagi curled up in a ball, now starting to choke on her own tears, because she was right; she should've noticed sooner. "Why," she asked aloud. "Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't I have been blissfully ignorant of the whole thing? Or better yet, why couldn't Hayate have loved me?"
Now she was really glad that no one was around; if she was ever seen like this, she'd never be able to forgive herself. She tried to regain her composure, sit up, look less like a wreck, but then she shivered. And all at once, the memory of the fateful night came back. She could still remember every word they said that night, and each one came back to laugh in her face.
"Will you go out with me?..."
"I want you…"
"At a time like this, I wouldn't joke around..."
"I decided that I wanted to run away with you…"
And to think, Nagi thought, that he was trying to kidnap me with those words. What kind of idiot would do that?
"Will you go out with me? … for your ransom?"
"I want you… as a hostage."
"At a time like this, I wouldn't joke around… during a kidnapping."
"I decided that I wanted to run away with you… to steal your parents' money."
The words kept circling her head, as she yelled, "Shut up! Just shut up!" But they didn't. They just rubbed salt in her heart's wound. Digging up all the pain she was feeling and making it worse.
"But I loved you…," she whispered.
She imagined a Hayate in front of her, laughing. "And you think I would return the feeling? As if! The only thing I ever wanted from you was your money. The money I needed to survive. All you ever were was a means to an end."
He smirked. "Oh really? Then why don't you go back there and ask me again if I love you."
"But then why are you still here!"
"To repay my debt. Nothing more; nothing less. Don't think it was for any hidden feelings."
She lashed out at the figment, "Go away!," making it disappear in a mist, still leaving a malicious laugh.
Nagi looked down, repeating, "But I loved you…"
And there Nagi sat for the rest of the night, mourning over a love that never was.
Now wasn't just a big ol' bundle of joy!
Ya, I'm not the biggest fan of NagixHayate. It just seems... weird. I don't know why; it just does. Maybe it's the age difference I stated in the fic, or maybe I just like him more with other characters. I just don't like the pairing that much. :/
But that isn't important. I hope you enjoyed the fic, and have a great day! :D