China quite a bit of the time, would forget just how beautiful he was, and seemed oblivious to Japans feelings, or simply ignored them, Japan didn't know which, but China's beauty and adorable personality really made Japans early teen years troublesome. China had raised Japan to be a strong nation from the day Japan first appeared in the world. China had raised him since that fateful day, but Japan always noticed China's beauty, even as a small child, but this lead to confusion… China was Onii-san, how could he think like that not only for another man, but for his big brother, that was very disgraceful.
"Japan! Korea's asleep; want to watch the moon with me?" Japan turned to see China.
China's long soft dark hair was free from the usual relaxed ponytail, His light green shirts first few knots were unlooped, and his amber eyes were beaming at Japan happily, but it was China's happy smile that made Japan flush lightly; "O-of course, Y-Yao-san." Japan managed after a moment, pointedly calling him by his human name.
China grinned and pulled him outside. China sat smiling at the moon in a relaxed fashion, Japan sat stiffly next to him, a little closer than he would usually sit next to anyone, but China was special, he felt closer to him than anyone else. Japan stole several glances at China who looked even more beautiful in the moon light; Japan was a little surprised to see China looking intently at him frowning slightly when he stole another glance at China.
"Y-Yao-san?" Japan flushed lightly.
China frowned a little more, "Are you all right Kiku?" China sounded worried.
Japan hesitated, he could tell him right then and there, that he was attracted to China, that he was confused about it, it would relieve so much stress on Japans part, but Japan was also scared of losing the closeness he had to China, he decided to not give China a straight answer;"Nothing really, I've just been thinking."
"Huh? You seem more serious than usual, I'm a little worried."
Japans heart fluttered,"I'm fine, I'm just a little confused about something."
"Oh." China frowned slightly, Japan half expected him to say that he was thinking too seriously but was surprised, "Can I help? Being your elder, I might be able to help you!"
Japans Heart took residence in his stomach somewhere and he found it hard to speak for a few seconds;"I'd rather figure this out on my own, thank you."
China frowned, but didn't question this, and looked back at the moon, with small conversations about, well anything really. They didn't need to have a serious conversation, they talked about whatever crossed their minds, well, almost everything that crossed their minds, Japan never told or hinted about his real feelings for China.
Japan woke with a start, sitting straight up in bed, heart hammering, his hair clung to his face which was slick with cold sweat. He'd had a dream about China, it had been a horrible nightmare, China covered in blood, screaming at Japan, saying all Japan had ever done was hurt China. Japan raced as quietly as he could to Chinas room that thankfully was down the same hallway, Japan's people had growing feelings of unrest, and felt that it was time to become independent, Japan wanted that, but also wanted to stay as close as he could to China, He had to make sure China was all right.
Japan quietly peeked into China's room, and found China sleeping peacefully. Japan let out a relieved sigh closing the door quietly as he went back to his room; he sat on his bed his face buried in his hands, he had to tell China how he felt, soon, this was killing him.
It had taken Japan several days to finally work up enough courage to do this but he was now in front of China his face a dark shade of pink; "Y-Yao-san… I-I've been thinking about this for a while now… I hope you'll understand. Yao –san, I-I love you!" Japan said, thanking the heavens that Korea was outside somewhere and not witnessing just how red Japans face could get.
China looked surprised; "Wha-what? What do you mean?" China flushed lightly.
"I love you! I don't want to be your brother anymore! I want to be yours!" Japan said exasperatedly.
China's flush went darker; "Japan… This isn't the right time, I'm sorry; I can't accept your feelings."
Japan felt his heart break a little. Japan had been falling so hard and fast… It hurt to find out China wasn't there to catch him.
Japan had his face buried in his arms. Irritably, he made note to never go to the bar with America, or any of the European nations again. He'd drank too much and all he remembered was having a shouting match with Russia, who hit him, knocking Japan out, but that was it. Apparently America had taken him home. The shouting match had of course, been about China.
Japans throbbing head received a shock, Japans cell phone rang loudly alerting him to a text message; "Hey, Dude! You OK? You drank a LOT last night!"
Japan sighed, his rather annoying and troublesome friend America was texting him, he wished it would have been… China, if he was at all honest who was checking in on him instead; "Fine, considering." Japan replied trying to soothe his throbbing head.
"Dude! You should've seen how pissed China got after Russia took a swing at you! He even scared me! But only a little, I am the hero after all!"
Japan sighed and ignored the last statement;"What happened?"
"China; "How dare you hurt Japan like that, aru!" Russia;"I think he hurt me more than I hurt him DA?" China;"If you so much as think of raising your hand to Kiku again, I will take care of you, aru!" And then Russia got all quiet and left, he looked really pissed! You're so lucky to have him! I'm more than happy with Iggy, but seriously dude! If you ever let him go you'll regret it!"
Japan flushed his brow furrowing; "How do I have China-san? I can't let go of him… if I don't have him right?"
"What? You aren't? Huh I would've thought you were!"
"We aren't, what made you think we were?"
"Well, I've seen how you look at him, you look like you really need him in your life, and China always talks about how great of a nation you turned out to be! It was so obvious, I'm sure I was the last to see it, I can't read the atmosphere for shit."
Japan flushed darkly, he dialed a certain number.
"Nihao?" China answered cheerily as usual.
"Y-Yao-san?" Japan whispered.
"Ah! Kiku, aru! How are you, aru?" China said in his loud happy voice, "I scolded Russia for acting so childish, aru!"
Japan smiled slightly; "Thank you, Yao-san, I've been better."
"Well I can't let him get away for hurting you, aru! You're too cute, aru! You did drink a little too much last night, aru."
Japan sighed; "Yes, yes. Yao-san, why did you do that? I'm not your little brother anymore."
"Isn't it obvious, aru?" Japan could almost hear the frown; "I love you, aru!" China said cheerily.
Japan felt all the years of building the wall between himself and his feelings for China crumble in an instant, salty tears splashed down his pale cheeks silently, China loved him, yes, but not the way he'd wanted. Japan gave his thanks and said good bye.
Japan tried avoiding China as much as he could, it was difficult, but he managed to not say much to China, it was too much for him to handle. Italy frowned at him during one of his and Germany's visits to Japan;"Japan? You seem stressed." The Italian said frowning Germany looked over frowning.
"Ah, I'm… I'm fine, really."
"No you aren't." Germany said firmly, Italy nodding.
"Tell us what's wrong we're both worried about you." Italy pouted.
Japan hesitated. These two, they were his friends after all, "I'm having some problems, China's feelings, aren't what I want."
Germany sighed, and Italy frowned; "I know how you're feeling, but have you tried anything?" Germany asked his face a little softer than what Japan was accustomed.
Italy smiled; "Yeah! You'll never really know until you tell them how you feel!"
Japan flushed, thinking. They were right of course, but it stirred a far off memory, he couldn't really get a hold of.
"He did invite you to the festival on the seventh, right?" Italy said smiling encouragingly.
"Y-yes, he always does, every July seventh I go to the festival."
"Good! Come and tell him how you feel! I'm sure he'll surprise you!" Italy said smiling grabbing Germany's arm and cuddling it, making the tall German flush.
"F-Fine, I will, thank you, both of you."
"Not a problem." Germany smiled.
"We want to see you happy!"
Japan had arrived at the festival early, but his relatives that hadn't seen him for a while got in between him and China, he soon lost track of the beautiful nation that seemed a little sad and stressed. After a while, he finally separated himself from Taiwan who left to find Hong Kong Italy suddenly appeared; "Veh~! Japan have you told him yet?"
"Ah, no, I haven't gotten the chance to."
"Well, you better hurry, the night won't last that much longer!" Italy worried.
Japan nodded smiling slightly. He turned and started his search for China. He didn't find China, instead he found the one nation that was the closest to China currently; Hong Kong, Hong Kong's blank features peered up at Japan coldly as he said; "You've been avoiding Teacher, do you realize how sad that makes him?"
Japan was surprised, Hong Kong rarely ever said anything to the nations he didn't know, but to sound so matter-of-fact really caught Japan off guard, "Huh? Why would that be?"
Hong Kong frowned at Japan but then; "Aiyah! Xiao! Mei-Mei's throwing a fit, you need to go calm her down, she wants to watch the fireworks with you, and they're starting shortly!" China said in swift mandarin Japan just barely caught.
Hong Kong's eyes brightened and a smile tugged lightly at his lips as he ran off to join Taiwan who was pouting sitting next to Hungary who was with Austria. China smiled watching him go, then turned, looking a little surprised to see his eastern neighbor had come. Japan flushed lightly, "Ah, h-hello, Y-Yao-san."
China blinked, and then smiled, "It's nice to see you Japan!" China chimed happily, they both spoke in Mandarin since they both knew the language and they were in China after all.
Japan suddenly had a thousand doubts run through his mind, could he really tell China how he felt? Japan was so scared of hurting China again, was he really ready for this?
"Uh, you look really stressed." Japan said awkwardly.
China smiled; "Well if someone hadn't been avoiding me for a month I wouldn't be so stressed out."
Japan flushed;"I-I'm sorry, I can go if you-"
"What? So you can avoid me more? I don't think so!" China said grabbing Japans hand and began dragging the surprised nation… God knew where.
They passed by Taiwan and Hungary who were happily talking about the yaoi couples, but froze when they saw the two of them hand in hand Japan flushed darkly when Taiwan, one of the few Asian nations who knew Japans feelings for China, started whispering hurriedly to Hungary who giggled softly. The two yaoi crazed girls watched them go with gleaming eyes. What was going on?
"Yao-san? Where are you taking me?"
China replied like it was obvious,"To the hill top! You can see the fireworks better from up there!"
"Huh? So far away from everyone?" Japan flushed.
"Why not? Everyone here has someone to be with tonight, why can't we be together tonight?" China said slyly.
Japan flushed even darker, "L-Like as a couple?"
"We'll see how this goes!" China said simply, not giving him a straight answer.
When they finally reached the hill top, China let go of Japans delicate hand. He planted himself on the ground in a relaxed fashion and smiled up at Japan, "So… Are you going to stay and watch the fireworks with me? I'll answer all of your questions if you will."
Japan flushed, he couldn't say no to China, even if China didn't promise that, "Of Course Yao-san." He smiled sitting neatly next to him.
Once the fireworks (Japan had to admit, they were beautiful, but China would always be a better sight to Japan) were finished China stretched and turned to look Japan in the face; "So, Italy told me a few days ago you had something important to say?"
"Ah, yes. But I uh, Hong Kong, and myself are really worried about you, that's not what I want to talk about, but it's still important."
China waved it away, "I'll be fine, just don't start avoiding me after this, what was what you wanted to tell me?"
Japan's heart was hammering and he took a deep breath…"China, I-I love you, not in the brother way, I don't think I've ever been able to see you as my older brother, I've loved you for so long, and it hurts, I need to know how you feel."
China looked slightly surprised, but smiled, "Do you remember all those years ago, when you told me how you felt, but I couldn't accept your feelings back then? I'll tell you a secret, I really wanted to kiss you, to love you the way that not only you wanted, but I wanted, tell me why I couldn't accept your feelings."
Japan flushed at the flash back, it seemed so obvious why he couldn't; "We were both men, and we were brothers on top of that. It was very disgraceful, but-!"
"Ah ah ah! Think about it, if we had acted out on our desires, can you imagine how much pain we would have gone through? We loved each other, yes, but our People wouldn't approve, and we would feel that, it would hurt so much."
Japan blinked, China was right, of course, it would have hurt them, and they would end up driving a wedge between themselves and could possibly never have gotten back to the loving relationship in the future; "It's almost embarrassing how I didn't realize that." Japan whispered flushing a light pink.
China laughed and pecked Japans lips lightly; "Just so you know, my feelings haven't changed; I still love you dearly, not in the brotherly fashion either." China smiled.
Japan flushed, he felt embarrassed for not seeing it, and sudden need hit Japan he pulled China into a chaste kiss, wanting to see how China would react. China was surprised to say the least. His amber eyes full of surprise, but quickly melted to love and he closed them and kissed back. The kiss quickly turned passionate as China pushed Japan to the ground, they were desperate after years of hiding they finally had their chance. When they finally separated for air, China smiled down at his lover, his lover! How good it felt to be able to think of Japan that way! The Nation under him was blushing pretty hard and clutching China's crimson shirt, the blush was obvious even in the dark.
"Don't be so tense Kiku!" China smirked, placing a gentle kiss on Japans fore head before getting up and helping Japan up to his feet.
Japan clung to China's arm as they made their way back to the others at the festival; China laughed and whispered how beautiful Japan looked in the moonlight, causing Japan to blush. When they arrived back to the festival, everyone started cheering, Japan blushed hiding his face in China's arm. China blushed but smiled down at Japans hiding face, "Remember, you're the one I've always loved."
Japan, shocked looked up into China's honest, ancient amber eyes, smiled, "So long as you remember you are the one that I've loved my whole life." Japan said happily, it felt good to realize that China, all these years had been waiting, patiently, for Japan to land in his arms, Japan was glad he'd finally seen it.
China flushed, he'd been loved for that long? He kissed Japan again, the cheering got louder. This whole event had to of been strictly for them, for their moment of happiness.