Disclaimer: Don't own Castle. Kinda glad I don't because then this wouldn't happen.


Her alarm clock buzzed and she threw her hand over it to silence the sound that she's hated a week now.

She used to love that sound, the sound that would wake her up and start her day.

Start that routine that she'd perfected over the years of being a uniform and then later a detective.

A routine that led her to the 12th precinct and to see her friends and adopted family.

Her adopted brothers that in the later years stood by her as they brought in a new member of the team, a member she didn't even want in the beginning but by the middle she was used to the constant pulling of her pigtails and by the end she was so in love in with him she couldn't imagine him not being there.

The first few nights he'd stayed at her apartment had thrown her routine off, but waking up with him protectively snuggled into her had made it all worthwhile.

He stayed in bed while she got ready, often reading the paper to her as she put on her makeup. She yelled at him one morning for getting toast crumbs all throughout her bed and he nodded and apologised.

She was looking for a way out because she was getting in too deep and they both knew she'd run.

The next morning he'd sat on the floor and leaned against the bed eating his toast and reading the paper in the nude.

She'd raised an eyebrow at him but he'd just shrugged before pulling her down for a kiss.

He was meeting her halfway and even though nothing was said aloud, she appreciated it.

The first night time she stayed at his loft on a work night had her worked up. This wasn't part of her routine, and she could feel her control slipping away.

She'd stayed there before, woken up in tangled limbs and stayed that way for most of the day but it was different when she had to get up for work. When she had to get up if a body dropped and find her way into clothes and do her hair still half asleep.

But he'd asked her to stay the week at his because Alexis had just left for college and he needed the loft to not become a miserable, soul-sucking hole.

Those were his words and she had rolled her eyes but then she saw that he was genuinely sad about it and had sat quietly in his chair at the precinct all day while she finished her paperwork.

They left the precinct that night and he immediately walked towards her apartment but she shook her head and led him the way to the loft. He'd smiled the entire way.

But as he got ready for bed in the bathroom and she sat cross-legged on the bed her mind drifted. She thought about how her and Will used to wake up together and get ready for work, they both weren't morning people and would barely speak as they hurriedly dressed and ate. Josh had been up and gone before she even heard her alarm and was asleep by the time she got home.

Waking up with Castle was different and new every morning. Sometimes she'd be so grumpy that he'd slip out to the coffee shop and get the biggest coffee he possibly could and be waiting for her when she opened the bathroom door.

Other times he had been on writing binges and made it to bed just before she was due to wake up. He'd stay awake and watch her sleep, and right before her alarm was set to go off he'd kiss her awake. Cuddle into her and no doubt; she'd be late for work.

Her routine was so finely tuned and practised that letting someone else in on it seemed like she was breaking some kind of rule.

She'd woken to the exact same sound as her alarm at home. Rick had told her that he'd spent three hours in the electronics isle trying to find her alarm clock but it was old and he'd come up empty handed. So he brought a fancy alarm clock and recorded her alarm and set it as the tone.

It sounded absurd and silly but she knew why he did it. He knew her routine; he knew it because he picked up on everything about her. She was crazy to think that it would slip past him.

Kate Beckett was a rule breaker, always have been since her wild child days, and that morning she broke her routine and they created their own.

They shared a piece of toast in bed as he read emails from Black Pawn and she flicked through a cold case file. She brushed her teeth when he was shaving and they stood in line to get coffee together.

Her weekend routine consisted of getting up and going running. It hadn't changed since Castle had begun staying her apartment or if she stayed at his. She'd still run and then drag him out of bed when she got back. He never once complained as they broke from kissing to get her running clothes off before falling into the shower.

But then one night he'd gone home alone from the precinct. They argued about a case and neither would budge on it. She'd walked home alone and waited for him to call or arrive at her door.

But he didn't.

He removed himself from the case and went to the Hamptons to write overdue chapters of the fifth Nikki Heat book.

She had barely fallen asleep when her alarm clock went off that morning and suddenly she wondered why she even enjoyed her routine so much to begin with. Doing it alone now seemed odd and unfamiliar.

She missed having him there to do it with her.

He came back from the Hamptons and they carried on as usual, nothing being said about their week spent apart.

The second fight happened when she refused to go to a charity auction with him. She'd had a hell of a week and it was the last thing she wanted to do. She needed a bath and then bed. He'd silently nodded and went alone but never went back to her apartment after like he promised. She asked him why and he told her that she needed to learn to give and not take all the time.

She woke up alone the next four mornings alone until she got over herself and let herself into the loft and crawled into bed with him.

Alexis had been home for holidays and Kate had distanced herself from the loft. He turned up at her apartment in the middle of the night with a confused look on his face. She told him that she wanted him to spend time with Alexis alone before she went off to her internship in Chicago.

He told her that she didn't get it; he wanted her there with him, with him and Alexis because she was part of the family.

But he went home alone because she wouldn't go with him. She needed more time to make that kind of commitment and he'd told her that he'd waited so long already and he felt like he wasn't getting anywhere.

He flew out the morning after with Alexis and did a month of press for the new book. They spoke on the phone and she apologised and promised it would change but he was gone so long and when he got back they had trouble getting back into their grove.

She was trying so hard to be everything he needed and wanted and he was waiting for her to want everything she was trying to give him.

He asked her to come away with him for a week before going to meet Alexis in Chicago for her birthday.

Kate told him that she couldn't because of work but they both knew why she couldn't go. She couldn't control this and it scared the hell out of her.

But no matter how much she tried, how much she prayed and how much Kate Beckett wished for things to be different; they wouldn't be.

Her routine had been ruined, her life had been severely altered and for the second time in her short life, someone she loved so dearly had left her.

Richard Castle had left her crying on the stoop of her apartment as he drove to the airport without her.


A/N: I was feeling super angsty tonight and my other stories were happy and fluffy so instead of carrying on with them, I wrote this.

It was meant to be a one shot but if people are interested I might continue it and write a few more chapters.

Tell me what you think.

Hannah