TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU CAN HANDLE THESE TOPICS! Rest of the Author Note: I do not own the rights to Grey's Anatomy or the Calzona characters. However, I do want you to know that if at any time you need someone to talk to. Please, by all means find someone. Talk to someone that you trust and that can help you. Don't sit in a corner and talking yourself down more than you already are. If you can not think of anyone that could help you trough this. By all means contact me. I will be there for you. I don't care if I know you or not. Or what you have gone trough. I will have a listening ear (sort of speak) when you need one. My message box is open. Stay strong.
It was a dark place. Darker than usual. Not only had Callie broken up with Arizona, it was also Timothy's day of death. Usually she could hold on to Callie and let it all out. But its not possible now. They broke up, Arizona broke up with her. She cant go to her now for help. She's the one who couldn't satisfy Callie in her baby wish. So why would she have the right to be consoled? If she wasn't there for Callie, then why would Callie be there for Arizona?
Arizona was having a, more than usual, hard day at work. Two tiny humans had come into her ER, both didn't make it. The injuries were too severe, there was nothing she could have done. And now, the patient she thought would fight back her cancer, didn't. The seven year old took a turn for the worse and passed away while surrounded by her family and Arizona.
Days like these she wished she didn't exist. That she wish she was dead. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't see where she was walking and she walked straight into the taller brunette. Callie's charts fell to the ground and she stifled a grunt of annoyance when she saw the blonde's face.
'Arizona, what's wrong?' Callie asked. Instead of giving a answer she just shook her head and tried to walk away. Callie didn't let her and cupped Arizona's jaw so she was forced to look at her. 'Tell me what's wrong' concern seeping trough every syllable.
Great. Not only was she being a failure, she was hurting her girlfriend. No, wait. That was another failure. Ex-girlfriend. She was hurting the one person who could pull her trough. How does she even have the right to be alive now? She failed her brother. She failed her three patients and now she is failing Callie. Again.
'Arizona. Talk to me' Callie softly demanded but Arizona escaped Callie's grip and she ran off. She ran to the first place that came up in her mind. Their on-call room. Even though that room was filled with some very nice things to remember, she couldn't bare any of it. It just hurt too much. It was a time of being happy. Of feeling joy. Something she couldn't let herself feel.
She dug her hand into her pocket, taking out a small scalpel that she took with her after her third and last patient of the day had passed. She toyed with it for a few minutes. Whirling it back and forth. She stopped twirling it and looked at it. Looked at the sharp edge. The edge that could save and take a life. But she was only focussed on the 'taking a life' part.
What would happen if she died. Right here. Right now. Would anyone even know she was here? How long would it take to find her lifeless body? How long would it be until she could be with Tim. Maybe she'd even get to see her grandpa again. How he had died a hero's death. How he saved lives. How she destroyed them.
Her hand seemed to move on its own. Bringing the scalpel up to her wrist. She didn't feel anything anymore. She was numb. Lost all awareness around her. She made a cut. It was small and she still didn't feel anything. So instead of putting down the scalpel she made another one. Longer and deeper.
As she pulled the knife away the door to the on call room opened. Arizona looked up, must've forgotten to lock it in the haste. She locked her eyes with the gorgeous brunette standing in the opening. She saw her eyes travel from the blonde's face to the bloody scalpel in her hands. Callie gasped as she saw the blonde's wrist. She turned on her heels, closed the door and ran out. Arizona started to sob. Now she had really done it. Not only had she failed her girlfriend, now she has scarred her forever.
Just as Arizona was about to make the last and final cut Callie came bursting trough the door again. Holding gauze and bandages. Callie closed and locked the door behind her and walked over to the distraught blonde. 'Start talking' Callie demanded as she examined Arizona's wounds. She opened her mouth, trying to speak, but no words were coming out. The wounds weren't deep enough to cause actual harm, nor did they need any stitches, so Callie wrapped up the blonde's wrist.
Arizona was quiet the whole time. Opening her mouth from time to time, but no words coming out. Callie was done dressing the wounds and Arizona got ready to watch Callie walk away. But instead she watched as the brunette stood up, put her hands on Arizona and pushed her down on the bed. Arizona was now laying on her back and Callie joined her. Pulling the blonde close to her and Arizona grabbed a handful of Callie's shirt.
'If you don't want to talk. That is fine. But don't you ever do that again' she felt wetness begin to pool on her chest and felt the blonde shake. 'I love you Arizona. Don't do that to me again. Don't you dare think for one minute that I'm not there for you. We are broken up. Yes. But that doesn't mean I will never stop loving you. Do you understand?' Arizona nodded her head, her voice failing her completely. She held on as tight as she could to the brunette.
She may be failing everyone in her life. She may have failed her three patients today. But as the day went on, she realized she will always have one rock in her life. One that now saw her at her worst. At her most emotional breakdown. One that will never leave her side. She loves Callie and she always will. She promised to Callie, and to herself, that she will always come to her when she needed her. Whether they were together or apart.